10 Signs You Have an Avoidant Attachment Style

Do you have a hard time bonding with others, but you don’t totally know why? Do you ghost people before they can get too close, for reasons that you can’t quite pinpoint? An avoidant attachment style could be at the root of the issue.

Connecting (or wanting to connect) with others is an innate part of the human experience, but the way that we bond with people is unique to each of us. According to attachment theory, your attachment style — read: the way that you act in relationships, and how you attach to others — likely began to take shape when you were a child. If your emotional needs were neglected when you were little, you may have become an avoidant attachment child, and that attachment method carried forward into adulthood.

What does that mean for you today? If you do have an avoidant attachment style, this can impact all the relationships in your life, from romantic relationships to friendships to professional interactions. By taking the time to self-reflect on your own natural attachment tendencies, you can develop a deeper understanding of the ways that you bond with others, and ways that you may be inadvertently pushing people away. Here are 10 signs that you may have an avoidant attachment style.

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1 / 10

You DIY everything

Being independent is a wonderful personality trait, and there’s nothing wrong (and a lot right) with being able to take care of yourself. However, if you’re fiercely independent to an extreme and refuse to let anyone help you with anything, that could be a sign of dismissive avoidant attachment. Ask yourself why you’re so passionately refusing help when it’s offered — if there’s no real reason, that’s your hint. Feel free to DIY your herb garden if you want to, but let people help you when you need it (or when they offer).

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2 / 10

You think everyone is too clingy

While some people are genuinely too obsessive or overly attached, if you’re sorting everyone you meet into the clingy bucket in your mind, that could be a sign that you need to assess your definition. Are the people you encounter genuinely too invasive, or are you using the idea of “clingy” as a defense mechanism to push people away when they want to know you on a deeper level?

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3 / 10

You’ve never been in love

Love the idea of being in love, but never stick around long enough in a relationship to let love really grow? This is a classic sign of dismissive avoidant attachment. If you avoid relationships, or you break up with your partner when things get too close, it may be worth questioning what’s holding you back from going all in with someone.

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4 / 10

You have next-level celebrity crushes

In the same way, if you find yourself crushing hard on unattainable people (like celebs), that could be a hint that you lean towards a more avoidant attachment style. It’s one thing to thirst after Regé-Jean Page, but if you’re spending more time perusing his social media feeds than you are engaging with people you could realistically know irl, that might say something about your how your connection style.

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5 / 10

You back away from tough convos

Look, no one likes having hard conversations — but if you straight-up refuse to voice your feelings about things, avoidant attachment could be part of the reason why. It’s normal to try to keep conflict at bay, but people with an avoidant attachment style truly may not know how to express themselves (especially if they were taught to suppress feelings while growing up), or may find it so uncomfortable that they will not articulate their emotions.

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6 / 10

You sweep things under the rug

Avoiding attachment can also manifest in letting people get away with treating you poorly or pushing your boundaries in a not-cool way — because someone with an avoidant attachment style may prefer to just let things go rather than discuss them or unpack them.

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7 / 10

You’re super judgemental

Do you get uncomfortable, or even angry, when someone breaks down in front of you? If you find yourself judging others for being emotional or belittling (whether in your thoughts or out loud or on social media) people when they cry or make themselves vulnerable, that reaction could actually show you more about yourself than you realize. Looking down on others for showing emotions is sometimes more of a defense mechanism than we realize — and could be a sign of an avoidant attachment style.

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8 / 10

You don’t trust anyone

A foundation of trust is key to any successful relationship, with dismissive avoidant attachment can make trusting people really difficult. If you’re super insecure and can’t trust your partner — even though they’ve never given you reason not to — that could be a sign of an issue with your own attachment capabilities.

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9 / 10

You’re always busy

We’re all for being productive, but there’s also a fine line between keeping busy because you’re living your best life (or rocking a side hustle) — and filling your day with tasks as a way to avoid people and relationships. Look at your daily to-do list: are you adding in unnecessary or mundane tasks so you have an excuse to avoid conversations or relationships?

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10 / 10

You’re a small talk expert

Do people tell you that you’re really — no, like really — good at small talk? Mundane chit-chat is the bane of many people’s day, but you might actually prefer it if you have an avoidant attachment style. Small talk leads to shallow relationships that don’t force you to be vulnerable, after all. If you’d rather talk about the weather than your feelings, even with friends or family members, ask yourself why.