While we may all go through periods in our lives when we just can’t deal or don’t have enough emotional bandwidth to incorporate others deeply into our lives (perhaps because we’re burned out ourselves or focused on getting our own lives in order), navigating this way as our default setting over the long haul may stunt our ability to grow as people and to grow in our relationships.
You might still care for the relationship and your partner, but you may have trouble reworking your life to truly incorporate your partner into it in a meaningful way. Essentially, your attention and emotional resources are still very much invested in a way that prioritizes your individual needs above the collective needs of your relationship.
While some of this is connected to attachment theory (itself rooted in developmental psychology) lack of emotional availability doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or that you’re doing this intentionally, it can nevertheless hold you back from deeper bonds, if these are your ultimate goal.

You haven’t been in a serious relationship for a while

You keep things super light and casual

When people try to get close, you feel boxed in

You move through relationships at break-neck speed

You avoid making plans for more than the immediate future

It’s your way or no way

You’re evasive

Emotions make you uncomfortable

You’re quick to cut people out
