A satisfying sex life is a not-so-secret component of overall health and happiness outside of the bedroom. Although we’re always looking for ways to spice up our sex life, misinformation about orgasms often creates anxiety and doubt for even the most confident, sex-positive people. For this reason, we spoke with Shadeen Francis, a licensed marriage and family therapist that specializes in sex therapy, to help us debunk the most common myths about orgasms.
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Orgasm Myth: Edging leads to better orgasms
Edging is a move where you stimulate your partner to the point where they’re just about to climax – and then you stop, wait, and begin the process of building them up all over again. “This can either feel amazing or be incredibly frustrating,” Francis explains.
People who are fans of edging enjoy the feeling of that aroused sexual tension building in your body, which can sometimes be more pleasurable than a quick climax. On the other hand, this type of build-up can feel painful to others, Francis says. “Edging can be a really passionate act and help to slow things down and increase the duration of sex, which might lead to a more intense orgasm.”
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Orgasm Myth: Men have more intense orgasms
Have you ever wondered what a male orgasm feels like? No matter how it’s described by a partner or portrayed in the media, the way a person talks about what it’s like to achieve orgasm is extremely subjective, Francis explains. If you want to talk to your partner about the different types of orgasms you might be experiencing, you can use use words such as: relief, falling, waves or an avalanche.
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Orgasm Myth: Sex toys affect your abilities to climax without one
Good news: there’s nothing to fear from the pleasure you’re receiving from your trusty sex toys. “Vibrators don’t cause long-term desensitization. However, it can cause nerve fatigue if you’re using a super high setting, but it’s temporary,” Francis says.
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Orgasm Myth: Squirting is a sign of incredible orgasm
This orgasm myth isn’t true. Squirting, a form of ejaculation, is when people with vulvas involuntary expel fluid from the urethra during sexual activities. “Many bodies can squirt,” Francis says, explaining that it happens when the urethral sponge, also known as the G-spot, is stimulated. “It’s not necessarily an orgasm, but some people have this experience with or without an orgasm.”
Related: Why masturbating regularly can improve female health.
Orgasm Myth: Orgasms are a sign of “good” sex
Climaxing isn’t the only sign that your partner is enjoying being in bed with you. Although orgasming feels incredible, they’re not a mark of successful sexual experiences. There are countless other ways to get pleasure in bed that have nothing to do with the big O. It’s essential to keep in mind that sex should be about enjoying pleasure and bonding with your partner, not spent worrying about finishing.
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Orgasm Myth: All women have a hard time reaching orgasm in bed
A 2014 survey by the Kinsey Institute found that lesbians are over 20 per cent more likely to orgasm in bed than heterosexual women. No matter who you’re having sex with, women who orgasm more frequently report receiving more oral sex, trying different positions and praising their partner for what they did in bed.
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Orgasm Myth: People with vaginas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm
Although many people with clitorises love being touched during sex, there are many other ways to climax. The good news is that there are several different types of orgasms. This includes G-spot orgasms, nipple orgasms, blended orgasms and anal orgasms. Moral of the story? Don’t be afraid to try something new.
Related: Sex Sessions: How to find (and explore) common erogenous zones.
Orgasm Myth: Your partner is responsible for your orgasm
You know that phrase, “you don’t get what you don’t ask for?” The truth is, you’re likely not going to climax if you’re not openly communicating with your partner about what you like and what you want in bed. Not a fan of direct feedback? Moaning, back-arching, and lip biting are some non-verbal ways to let your partner know that you’re getting close.
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Orgasm Myth: It’s difficult to achieve orgasm
Every person is different, but achieving orgasm is not always easy as 1-2-3. Studies show 31 per cent of women reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. Meanwhile, almost 60 per cent of women said they’re more likely to reach orgasm with with the addition of increasing pleasure with a hand, tongue or toy.
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Orgasm Myth: Lube doesn’t effect your orgasm
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: personal lubricant makes almost every sex act better. From a trusty vibrator to extra-long sessions in bed, lube increases pleasure when masturbating, eliminating vaginal dryness and is an essential part of any anal play.
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