10 Signs Your Partner is a Narcissist

Me, me, me! When everything is all about them, it’s no wonder you’re feeling short-changed in the relationship. Relationship expert Alyson Jones explains, “Usually the narcissistic partner will initiate conversations and want to talk at length — about themselves.” Understandably, this can leave the other partner feeling neglected and brushed aside, as Jones adds, “They are not very interested in understanding your world, and they lack the empathy to understand what it is like from your perspective.”

A relationship with a narcissist leaves little room for conflicting opinions, as your partner will assume they are right at all times. Jones advises watching for this red flag in your partners’ behaviour not only at home, but in social situations. “They may come off as loud, obnoxious, rude, and arrogant with you or your friends,” says Jones.

Does it feel as though you are constantly walking on eggshells around your partner? If so, Jones advises to watch for this red flag: “An innocuous statement you make can send your partner into a tailspin of upset.” As a result of this hyper-sensitivity, she adds, “You will begin to feel like you cannot do or say anything right as a narcissistic partner may be offended by the slightest of things.”

For the narcissist in your life, everyday is another opportunity to celebrate them and their accomplishments. Jones says, “They are looking for you to be their cheerleader and expect nothing less. He or she always wants to be shown in the best light and applauded as the best person.” Wondering what the result might be if the non-narcissistic partner were to fall short in their “cheerleader” role? “If their partner fails to do so, there may be sulking, temper tantrums and cold shoulders.”

You might notice that your partner takes issue with everyday rules and behavioural expectations both in and out of the relationship. Jones notes, “Simple habits like following the traffic laws or respecting time commitments does not apply to them.” In fact, she adds, “Sometimes, they may even go out of their way to break a rule just to show that it does not apply to them.”

To the narcissist, their personal items are sacred, and you might notice how protective and possessive they are of these things. When it comes to their partner, however, these rules are off the table. Jones explains: “A narcissist will often take what they want from you and not take into consideration the fact that their actions could hurt you — things like borrowing your money or any prized possession and not bothering to return it.”

This goes beyond just material things, Jones adds, “This also applies to respecting your schedule, commitments and other relationships.”

Mutual desire is of little concern to the narcissistic partner, who will generally assume that whatever needs they wish fulfilled, should be done so happily by their partner. “The narcissist has little sense or respect for your personal boundaries. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, they may ignore your need for space and quiet, and they may expect you to be grateful for their attention even if you are not in the mood,” Jones says.

Some narcissists will even go outside of the relationship for attention, and may even feel justified in doing so, if their partner does not adhere to their selfish expectations. It seems some celebrities can relate, as they reveal what it was like to be cheated on.

While this need for perfection may, in the narcissist’s mind, apply to both themselves and their partner, the ultimate focus still lies with them. “They will want you to look good as well, as you are an accessory to them, but you will always remain the secondary one in the relationship,” Jones explains.

To the narcissist, the world ultimately revolves around them and their ideals, no matter how unrealistic. Alyson Jones explains, “The narcissistic partner has a preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, and even ideal romance. After a while, even their romantic actions will reveal themselves as a stage for their own fantasy, and you will begin to feel like a secondary character in the fairy tale.”

When dating a narcissist, the expectation will be that their partner should feel gratitude and elation for having the narcissistic partner in their lives. Jones says, “The narcissistic partner feels they have the status of a celebrity, and as a result, they are entitled to special treatment and adoration.” This kind of constant demand on your time and energy can be exhausting as Jones notes, “Their needs are insatiable, and it really is a full-time job trying to meet their needs only.”