10 Signs You’re Dating a Sociopath

Thanks to a significant interest in sociopathy in popular culture through film and literature, there’s been a stark rise in online searches around the term. What does it mean? Am I a sociopath? How do I know if my partner is one? It’s easy to fall down a rabbit hole of conflicting research and misinformation. We break down the biggest personality traits and characteristics that make up a sociopath, or someone with antisocial personality disorder, as it’s technically classified in the medical world.

But we before we dive in, a quick breakdown of a sociopath vs. a psychopath (a common source of confusion for casual searchers), according to Toronto-based psychotherapist Liza Finlay. “A sociopath, like a psychopath, is somebody who lacks empathy,” she explains. “The only difference is that a psychopath can pass as somebody who has empathy. They are still going to do what they want, get what they want, be deceitful and manipulative, but they can put a smile on their face and pass as a ‘regular’ person. There is a level of cunning that the sociopath doesn’t have.”

As for why people, specifically women, might search for the signs that they’re dating a sociopath, Finlay believes it all has to do with their partner’s behaviour. “I suspect it’s because there is a lot of gaslighting going on,” she says. A lot of ‘it’s not me, it’s you.’ People are searching because they have been made to doubt themselves. [Sociopathic behaviour] is designed to make you feel unbalanced.”

Here’s how to read the warning signs.

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1 / 10

They charm everyone in the room

This one is a biggie. One of the classic traits of a sociopath is their abundance of charm. Chances are, it’s that specific trait that drew you to them in the first place. Over time, you might realize that there never seems to be a shortage of their gregarious nature on full display, especially when in a public setting. They always seem to know the right thing to say in any given situation, putting minds at ease wherever they go. While most human behaviours and interactions are designed to achieve a goal of some sort, the sociopath is all about the me-me-me. Their intention is to avert your gaze from their less savoury attributes, many of which are as follows.

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2 / 10

They disregard your feelings

Sociopaths can grasp the depth of human emotion – they just don’t care unless it serves some purpose for them. In fact, your partner’s disinterest in your feelings might even be evident right on their face. Unlike a psychopath who is better at masking their reactions, a sociopath can be a bit easier to read. If they’re holding your hand and cooing words of encouragement with one eye on the TV or while inching their way closer to their phone, that’s not a good sign.

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3 / 10

They lack empathy for others

We’ve all been there: a fight occurs followed by slamming doors or silent treatments – but does your partner always seem unable to fully grasp why you’re upset with them? If this is a regular occurrence, it could be a major red flag. “A sociopath, like a psychopath, is somebody who lacks empathy, has no concern for others and will get what they want no matter what,” explains Liza Finlay, a Toronto-based psychotherapist. “We all have the ability to be empathetic – we have everything we need in our wiring to have empathy. However, the sociopath is unwilling to be empathetic.”

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4 / 10

They don’t have close friends or family

At first, we might brush off our partner’s lack of steady relationships as an example of them being tragically misunderstood – but spoiler alert: it’s probably a warning sign. Think about it: how can the charming life of the party have no close ties – at all? “There is a track record of being unable to maintain stable long-term relationships,” says Finlay. “Like you’d see with anyone who has an antisocial personality disorder, there is a pattern of broken relationships.” Pay close attention to the stories they weave for you, too, Finlay adds. “It’s never their fault [that they don’t have friends] – it’s always the other person’s fault.”

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5 / 10

They can be verbally, emotionally and physically abusive

Going hand-in-hand with that lack of close familial or friend ties, is an underlying sense of anger and violence. Finlay mentions being mindful of sudden eruptions. “It may not be that you’re being hit,” she says, “but fists are being put through walls. There’s a mercurial nature to it.”

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6 / 10

They lie a lot – and they’re really good at it

Compulsive lying is a major trait among sociopaths. They tell fibs and twist words to get what they want and pump themselves up in the eyes of others. The lies have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them – they are doing it for their own gain. Always. “There is often the presence of deception and manipulation – an almost criminality in order to get what they want,” explains Finlay. “It’s not just that they don’t follow rules, but that the rules don’t apply to them. [It’s an attitude of] ‘I’m going to cheat the system to get what I want and laugh with disregard at the affect it has on other people.’”

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7 / 10

They bounce from job to job

It’s a common trait among sociopaths that they can’t hold down a regular job. Be on high alert for a resume that involves a lot of bouncing around from gig to gig after a short amount of time. Their rotten attitude and narcissism has likely landed them in hot water on more than one occasion. Those pink slips will add up before long.

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8 / 10

They thrive off the misfortune of others

If you notice your partner finds great amusement in the downfall of others – be it a difficult breakup, the loss of a job or something as dangerous as a near-fatal car accident – consider this a significant warning sign. Sociopaths tend to think they’re more clever than anyone else, so if someone else has fallen on hard times they’ll laugh and scoff at the person’s inability to avoid such catastrophes. Be wary of the mentality of "well, they got themselves in this mess, so they deserve it."

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9 / 10

They are impulsive

This trait can be charming if we’re talking about a spontaneous date in the park or a quick long weekend getaway – it’s an entirely different scenario when it involves spending your money, seeking revenge on others or undertaking a thrill-seeking stunt. That edgy dangerous streak you were attracted to at first may eventually reveal itself to be a major flag.

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10 / 10

They tend to be serial cheaters

Sociopaths tend to think they’re far more clever than the average person, so they likely won’t have an qualms about sneaking around behind your back. The mentality of “if they’re too stupid to figure it out, they deserve to be cheated on” is a common thought pattern among sociopaths. As Finlay points out, why would they be faithful when their line of thinking is, ‘If I can get some on the side, and get away with it, why wouldn’t I?’” Again, it’s all about the me-me-me.