How to Have Safer Sex as Lockdown Lifts Across Canada

Finding love in the time of quarantine wasn’t impossible. I did it. Zoom, FaceTime, and old-fashioned texting made it feasible to maintain intimacy during lockdowns. But, as emergency protocols are loosening around the world and the threat of a second wave arises, the prospect of making love in the time of corona is a substantial obstacle to consider.

Here’s how to keep safe and stay sexy with these pro-tips.

DISCLAIMER: This advice is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a qualified healthcare practitioner. Always seek medical advice that is specific to you and your situation when considering the consumption of cannabis.

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Communication and consent

Ambiguity is never the way to go when establishing boundaries. Just as if you were to communicate when you were ready to take your relationship to the next level, you and your partner should communicate your comfort with the risk factors involved and with being physically intimate. Don't forget to consider what that could mean for the other people in your lives (an elderly parent? A roommate with a compromised immune system?). Let’s face the facts: COVID-19 spreads through direct contact with respiratory droplets (spit) of someone infected with the virus when they cough, sneeze or talk. This may mean even kissing might have to come to a full stop if one party is not comfortable. Communicate the types of sexual activities you would like to engage in with your partner, the precautions that you can each take to make sex safer, like wearing a mask (think of it like a new and improved ball gag), and discuss who you or your partner have been in contact with. As sex expert, Jess O’Reilly, PhD. and host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast says, “It can also be helpful to plan ahead for these conversations — especially if you’re feeling nervous or excited, as it’s easy to get caught up or distracted in the heat of the moment. You might ask:

Are you comfortable meeting in person or would you rather connect online (e.g. via video chat)?
How do you feel about meeting inside versus outside?
Do you want to physically distance and/or wear masks?
With whom have you been in contact? Consider friends, family, professionals (e.g. chiropractor, dentist), neighbours, etc.
How do you feel about physical affection? Are you comfortable with kissing, hugging, making out, having different types of sex, etc.?”

Talking about these things will help you and your partner make more informed decisions about each other’s health while also upping the sexual tension of both your desires (kinky).

Woman getting COVID tested with blue gloves holding cotton swab and test tube labelled

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Get tested

While uncomfortable, it doesn’t hurt in the long run. People can, will, and should have sex during the pandemic. However, to put both of your minds at ease, cover all your bases and get tested.

Not just STD and STI tested (though that should be on each other’s checklist) and as O’Reilly says, “Getting tested is an important component of safer sex, as many STIs are asymptomatic. If you get tested yourself, it can be easier to start this conversation.” But, COVID tested before engaging in sexual activity.

Just note that a negative test may still be a "false negative" if you test too early or if the swab didn't reach the right area.

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Solo play the night away (with your new flame)

Those dreaded six words — you are your own safest partner — that every outlet has been preaching is still quite valuable. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. If you and your partner are comfortable being around each other with boundaries, you can watch each other masturbate at a distance. Feel the friction and the heat rise while also creating closeness and new experiences in these “uncertain times.”

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Or try solo play online

If you’re not comfortable being together or just establishing a new rapport with a recent partner, that’s ok, too. Enjoy some solo play with each other virtually. It is risky with the whole webcam thing, but when it comes to spreading the virus, it carries zero risks. Catch sight of each other getting off, and take note of what your partner does to pleasure themselves so that you can replicate the moves on them soon enough. Practice dirty talking to reach climax and learn what turns your partner on with merely the thought of sex. It really is the trailer before the main attraction.

Sex toy, phone, and Apple Watch with the toy's app controls, digital art image

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Take advantage of modern technology and use interactive sex toys

Sexual technology is consistently advancing and with it are also app-controlled sex toys for couples. One that I invested in was Lush by Lovense that allows my partner to control my device from his phone, anywhere. There is also the We-Vibe Melt and We-Vibe Pivot that both connect to the We-Connect app. “The Melt,” says O’Reilly “is a standout, as it’s not a vibrator. It uses “pleasure air” technology (tiny changes in air pressure) to create a really unique sensation around the head of the clitoris and beyond — it’s a cross between sucking, kissing, licking and vibing.” While The Pivot, “is for the penises! Worn at the base of the penis, this ring offers vibes to the shaft (and orgasmic platform) and can be controlled locally or from afar” recommends O’Reilly. Taking advantage of interactive toys in times you cannot be together (can also be used for years to come apart) allows you or your partner to control the level of pleasure (intensity, vibrations, etc.) with a little help and added fun.

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Use a tried and true method: phone sex

Was phone sex ever off the table? Especially for those more shy birds, phone sex during COVID is just another way to be intimate, sexy, and reach ultimate pleasure for your partner while remaining safe. Spice up your phone sex, too, by playing a game of dirty truth or dare.

“You can talk about: what you’ve done in the past, what you’re doing right now, what you want to do in the future, your most exciting sexual memories, your hottest sexual fantasies, fantasies that you may not want to explore in real life, but turn you on nonetheless,” suggests O’Reilly. “Often times talking on the phone will encourage you to open up in new ways, as you won’t be distracted by trying to interpret your partner’s body language or facial expressions.”

And if you are a planner like me, Uber Eats some whipped cream to your significant other for them to have more to work with during your time together.

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Not bold enough for phone sex? Sexting is just as tempting

Explore the variety of NSFW GIFs (there are threads on Reddit for these), photos, and voice notes you can play with to craft your messages to your partner. “For those of us who are auditory learners,” says O’Reilly, “the sound of a lover’s voice (even if they are not talking dirty) can be overwhelmingly hot. Use a low, soft voice to tell them what you want to do. Ask them for what you want. Tell them what you have been thinking about. Let them know you want to please them. Convey your desire and desperation for their touch. Build anticipation by sending one sentence at a time over the course of a day or week and use some of the aforementioned dirty talk lines to guide you.” Think about what makes them feel sexy, excited, and curious as you type your naughty thoughts. Ask them about their sexual fantasies, the wildest places they have had sex and where they would like to have sex with you. Use all the information you gauge to up each message, and the benefits of passion you learn will far outlast the isolation of the pandemic.

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Lockdown together

Like our friends in the UK were told to either stay apart or move in, your relationship may be in the perfect spot to commit to being together 24/7 if a second wave is upon us. With job insecurities and rent being due, cohabiting could be the step to take to fix more than one issue at hand. Not to mention, having sex while living together is safe and a given.

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Get creative and use different sexual positions

Now is the perfect time to put on your thinking caps and get inventive. When engaging in sex, use positions that allow sexual contact but limit face-to-face interaction. Reverse cowgirl, doggy style, spooning and standing up all offer ultimate pleasure for both giving and receiving partners. Don’t forget to communicate and ask permission for what each of you is comfortable with. And remember, according to Toronto Public Health, the virus has been found in semen, so wear condoms.

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If either of you is feeling sick, skip sex

Despite our desires and urges, it is crucial to be vigilant and stop the spread of COVID-19 while emergency protocols are lifting (or being reinforced). The pandemic isn’t over. No matter if you are feeling ok, it is best to act as if you have come into contact with someone with the virus; therefore, if you are not feeling well, take a break from having sex.