17 Signs He’s Actually Unhappy in Your Marriage

This one might be the most obvious, so let's get it out of the way ASAP. April Masini describes sex as "a great barometer for the health of a relationship." And while it doesn't have to be a daily or even weekly thing, the relationship expert insists "it has to be regular in order for you to understand that things are on the right track."

Busy lives aside, if you determine he's just not interested in sex with you, Masini suggests seducing your partner. "It's a way to reconnect and nurture your bond. Set the mood, stow the kids with babysitters or grandparents for the night, clear the clutter from the bedroom (or wherever you want to stage your seduction), put on the music and chill the wine." At that point, the ball's in his court. If he's still not interested, then there are bigger things to worry about than sexy lingerie and candles.

You don't always have to agree on things, but if the sky's blue, the sky's blue. If he's going to battle you and say it's pink, or fight about what to make for dinner, or fire off with the lowest of blows, just because, that's premeditated. They want to hurt you, and it makes them feel good. This one's stemming from a problem or some sort of resentment and it takes a tough nut to find a way to discuss the situation before they crack completely.

If life hasn't been easy — from marriage and kids to work and money problems — it's easy to focus on the disappointing rather than the good. And it's easy for men to think the onus is on them and they're responsible for everyone's happiness.

Instead, reassure him and let him know you're in this together and if you both make the effort and recognize each other's efforts, things will get better.

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by just about everything and for some, they blame the person who's in it with them. Yes, you can shoulder that burden — to a point. But as long as he knows you're in this together, that you're the stress reliever, not the cause of it and you're ready to tackle anything that comes your way, that should be his wakeup call.

Sigh. This one's just sad. Because it's nice to know when someone, your person, appreciates how hilarious you are, or something awesome you did, or your new haircut. When that comes to an end, insecurities abound.

"Start complimenting him, and he'll mirror your behavior," Masini suggests. "If you want to jog his memory of his feelings for you, try telling him he looks great, or thank him for things he's doing — and see if has just forgotten his manners, or if there's a deeper reason that he's not interested in making you feel good." If it's the former, that's not ideal either — but better than the alternative.

While most women want to hash out an issue ASAP, men would rather distance themselves from it or, better yet, sweet that shizz under a rug. Instead of bringing up any issues during an argument about something unrelated, leave it until things have cooled down. Just don't wait too long.

What if you discover a cell phone you didn't know about? "The cellphone is usually the breadcrumbs that lead you to an affair or to cheating," Masini warns. "When your partner is flirting with other people, those relationships and that behaviour will show up in texts, calls and email messages." But don't snoop, Masini advises. "Anything you do that makes him feel backed into a corner is going to blow up in your face. Instead, realize that he's gone off the rails and you have a part in that."

He might be doing something unsavoury but there are two people in the marriage and you have to own up to any part you may have played as well.

Busy lives are one thing, Masini says, "but when there's a free Saturday night and he's just not interested in taking you out, it's because he's losing interest in the relationship."

She suggests creating romantic evenings yourself but don't go over-the-top so he goes running for the hills. "Start by surprising him with beautiful dinners at home, or suggesting dinners out together. It sounds simple, but it actually takes some energy and it's one of the first things to go. So get it back because it's an important way for couples to feel married."

There was a time when you used to care about what you looked like. You worked out, got haircuts regularly, wore more than just sweats. "When your partner stops doing that," Masini says, "he's showing you that he's not that interested in you and the relationship." Because he's already got you; he no longer feels that need to impress.

Masini believes a compliment goes a long way, whether you're telling how nice he looks, or when he wears his hair a particularly flattering way. Or treat him to some new clothes or get him a gift certificate for a salon or his barber shop. "Don't over do it, but do start dropping breadcrumbs that will lead him towards a makeover. Many times your partner has let himself go without realizing. It may remind him that he likes pleasing you. And if it doesn't, you’ll know there are bigger problems at hand."

Your partner could also go the other way and, if he's gone from cargo pants, torn tees and flip-flops and couch-potatoing the night away, to button-down that have been ironed, slim-fitting jeans and shoes cobbled by an actual designer and now goes to the gym and uses actual product on his hair, it might be that he's trying to impress someone other than you.

It's one thing to be angry, but to get defensive for no reason is a whole other crappy ballgame. Guilt is likely the main cause, and he's deflecting. It can be tough to take, and hard for any marriage to bounce back from, but as long as you're aware that it's him, not you, and you communicate that, that's about all you can do.

This sounds like a good thing — but in many cases, it means one or both of you have just given up. And once the unresolved conflict continues to grow and fester, that'll only leave you feeling closed off from the other.

"Try something different," Masini recommends. "For instance, try complimenting your partner. Disarming someone with sugar can get them talking."

If all you're trying to do is having a simple conversation and his responses are basically caveman grunts, that's only going to lead to frustration. The best way to deal with that, Masini suggests, is to "try talking to him at different times of day. If he's not talking when he comes home from work, he may be burned out. Let him be, then try in the mornings. Or on the weekends."

Also? Ask questions — but be cagey. "Don't ask questions that require one word answers. Ask him provocative questions that require a conversation."

Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. "When you're dating and a guy is interested in you, he stops acting single and starts hanging out with other people in committed relationships," Masini explains. "Conversely, when he's losing interest in the marriage, he starts hanging out with other guys who are similarly unhappy in their marriages, or hang out with other bachelors and start acting like one."

According to Masini, "he's looking for interest and support and ideas outside your safe circle, because he's unhappy inside it. This behavior he's exhibiting is a symptom, so don't treat the symptom — treat the underlying problem."

When you find your husband is focusing his time on single, presumably attractive people, it's because he's starting to have relationships. They might be platonic at this point but there are "emotional bonds forming between your husband and these other women who are looking for advice, which makes him feel valuable — and thereby, attractive," says Masini. "These can be phone calls, texting relationships and even getting together with these singles in front of you. He tricks himself, and you, into thinking that because you're aware of these relationships they're innocent and 'safe.'"

No way, Masini scoffs. "They're problems. He's looking outside the marriage while still in it." Her suggestion? If you don't want to start a fight, hang out with friends you both know and like and "refresh your 'friend system' with new people that you think are good influences and who will be good friends for your husband and for your marriage."

He makes it a point to be at the gym, hanging with friends, going for drinks after his shift or working late. Coming home should be a given, something he wants to do, but if he's avoiding you and spending the bulk of his time elsewhere, Masini thinks you need to give him something he can't resist, some "good-old-fashioned seduction." She adds: Enhance yourself. By doing so, you can enhance your marriage."

There are countless times in a marriage when you're not in agreement or the spark has dimmed, but "respect can carry you over those slumps and through those challenges," Masini says. When that courtesy is gone, it's only downhill from there. Because no one should have to stick around and put up with feeling anything less than what they are.