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10 Signs You’re Actually the Top

It’s 2020 and we are challenging preconceived notions of what a relationship should be. Whether you identify as masculine or feminine (or somewhere in between), anyone can be a top. While the term has been traditionally linked to being an alpha, being more dominant — or sometimes to SD (submissive/dominant) or BDSM (bondage, discipline, submission, dominance) — or generally to the queer culture — anyone can claim top status at different points in their lives, their relationships.

After talking to Claire AH, sex and relationship expert and owner and matchmaker at Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, it became even more clear that roles in relationships can shift and power in romances can ebb and flow. Here are 10 signs you’re actually the top — and a little more about what that might mean.

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