It’s 2021 and we’re challenging preconceived notions of what a relationship should be. Whether you identify as masculine or feminine (or somewhere in between), anyone can be a top. While the term has been traditionally linked to being an alpha, being more dominant — or sometimes to SD (submissive/dominant) or BDSM (bondage, discipline, submission, dominance) — or generally to the queer culture — anyone can claim top status at different points in their lives, and their relationships.
After talking to Claire AH, sex and relationship expert and owner at Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, it became even more clear that roles in relationships can shift and power in romances can ebb and flow. Here are the most common signs you’re actually a top — and a little more about what that might mean.
You work a “normal” job
You have an air of confidence
You have a little edge to your style
Your idea of nurturing is rooted in strength
You tend to reach for the bill
You are attracted to softness and vulnerability
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You are soft and sensitive
You identify as a top
But let’s be honest, there’s a little top in all of us.