Dating someone new can be tricky at first — do you have chemistry? Are they funny? Are they looking for a relationship? These are just a few things that you’ve likely wondered over dinner, as you assess whether they’re just as cute in person as they were on Hinge.
Once you’ve started seeing someone for a while, the inevitable convo comes up surrounding whether or not you should be exclusive. Enter: roaching, the new and terrible dating trend that we’d all much rather avoid.
Roaching — yep, like the icky insects — refers to when the person you’re seeing has many other partners who they’ve decided to hide from you, similarly to how those gross bugs multiply in hiding.
Related: 10 signs you’re falling out of love.
While you might know that your date is seeing a few other people, it escalates into roaching when you realize there are actually many, many more people, according to Exclusive Matchmaking CEO Susan Trombetti. “It’s inspired by the ickiness of seeing one of these nasty little bugs — but knowing when you turn the lights on, there are lots of them,” she told The New York Post.
You might be wondering… does this mean that person is cheating on you? No, not necessarily. While they might have said they intend to see other people, they’re purposefully being vague about how many other people they’re seeing and sleeping with. While you might be assuming it’s only a few, there are likely wayyyyy more than you’re imagining.
Related: The pros and cons of joining a threesome.
How to tell if you’re being roached
There are a few ways to tell if this trend is infesting your love life:
- The person is very secretive and unavailable — “You can tell if you’re being roached if you feel like the person is not really available or present for you, and very private about certain details,” OkCupid dating coach and host of “The Dates & Mates Podcast” Damona Hoffman told The New York Post.
- They are glued to their phone — Hoffman says they’ll be protective over their phone and have their notifications off so that you won’t see anything you’re not supposed to.
The next time you meet up for a date, keep an eye out for any sketchy behaviour. Armed with these tips, you might just be able to prevent yourself from getting roached.
You may also like: 15 things cheaters always say, relationship therapist shares.