Does it ever seem like every single person you know has a summer birthday? Turns out, it’s because they actually do! According to Statistics Canada, the most babies are born in the months of July, August and September. Naturally, we decided to dig deeper into these stats to figure out how we can use this knowledge to predict the horniness of each month. Behold, each month ranked by horniness (you’re welcome).
Related: Celebrity babies born in 2022: all you need to know.
The horniest month in Canada: October
At first it might seem surprising that October takes the crown for horniest month (AKA the month all those July babies are conceived), but with a little digging it actually makes complete sense (in our research, we also discovered the month has earned the nickname of “Cocktober.” Charming!) With temperatures cooling down and that October chill settling in, it’s only natural that Canadians are seeking warmth between the sheets. Plus, Thanksgiving long weekend provides ample chance to reconnect and Halloween hosts endless party opportunities. The onslaught of sexy Halloween costumes makes a lot more sense now, doesn’t it?
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The 2nd horniest month: November
Let’s be honest: there isn’t a whole lot going on in November, yet it still feels exciting. That lull between Thanksgiving and Christmas means you’re waiting in a quiet anticipation, steadily adding more layers to your wardrobe to keep warm. All the better to take them off, some might say! Turns out, the combination of cold weather settling in and the anticipation of Christmas makes Canadians hella horny. Who knew?
Related: Ranked: 10 countries that have the most sex.
The 3rd horniest month: December
This one comes as no surprise. By the time December rolls around, calendars are full with holiday party invitations, the spiked eggnog is flowing and mistletoe is hanging invitingly over doorways just waiting to be appreciated. Combined with the most stat holidays of the year and generally good spirits (it is the season of giving, after all), it’s a no-brainer that Canadians are getting busy over the holiday season.
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The 4th horniest month: August
To quote the wise words of Danny Zuko: “Summer lovin, had me a blast.” Long summer nights have a certain je ne sais quoi that makes them extra sultry, and August often feels like the last hurrah of summer, with colder temperatures and back-to-school season on the horizon.
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The 5th horniest month: September
Not too hot and not too cold, it turns out that Labour Day long weekend still has Canadians feeling frisky. As back-to-school season amps up and schedules become more hectic, Canadians are making sure to pencil some playtime into their calendar.
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The 6th horniest month: January
Post-Christmas and New Year’s, it’s unsurprising that libidos tend to wane in January. It falls firmly in the middle of the horniness scale, probably because it’s still too cold outside to do much else.
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The 7th horniest month: June
Adjusting to hot weather after a long Canadian winter isn’t for the faint of heart. And while a sweaty romp might be appealing come August, in June the reality of chafing, heat rash and hot weather-induced body odour are a big no for Canadians when it comes to getting intimate. Plus, no long weekends mean less opportunity to get busy.
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The 8th horniest month: July
Peak summer means Canadians are simply too busy having fun to get it on. Between festivals, cottages, outdoor concerts and all the other joys that Canadian summer brings (plus that pesky summer heat), there just isn’t time to get physical. At least, not in the way that results in babies.
Related: Pregnant celebrities: all the stars expecting in 2022.
The 9th horniest month: April
April showers? Not sexy. Tax season? Definitely not sexy! Need we say more?
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The 10th horniest month: February
To be fair, February does have the least days of any month, so it has an inherent disadvantage when it comes to horny days on the calendar. Still, it does come as a bit of surprise that February ranks so low on the horny scale, considering that it’s home to Valentine’s Day, the most “romantic” holiday of the year. Turns out it really is a manufactured corporate holiday after all!
Related: 25 toxic on-screen relationships we accidentally romanticize.
The 11 horniest month: March
Let’s be honest: March is bleak! It’s supposed to be spring yet it’s still somehow winter. Your winter coat starts to feel like a straight jacket. City streets are lined with dirty piles of snow, steadily revealing the winter trash that has accumulated as it melts away. Not even a little bit sexy!
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The least horny month: May
There’s no discernable reason why Canadians are having the least sex in May – it’s loaded with a long weekend, comfortable temperatures and the optimism of summer on the horizon. Still, you can’t argue with the cold, hard stats, so consider May a well-earned break that’ll help rev up your engine for future.
