This is How to Have a Successful Marriage After Infidelity in 17 Steps

First and foremost after infidelity, it's vital for the partner who cheated to feel and communicate deep regret or guilt in order to have any hope in repairing the relationship. Registered psychotherapist Susan Valentine explains that “the one who cheated must express sincere remorse for their behaviour. This remorse may need to be expressed over and over, especially if your spouse remains skeptical.”

If you're feeling suspicious, but your partner hasn’t owned up to anything yet, skim through our list of ways to tell if someone is cheating on you.

We may not know the real reason why some men cheat, but according to Susan, “the one who betrayed the relationship needs to offer a heartfelt apology.” Not only that: “The apology must express genuine regret and recognize the damaging impact of your actions," Susan says.

Not surprisingly, patience ranks high on the non-negotiable scale when it comes to healing one’s relationship after such a massive betrayal. “It takes time to heal from such a major wound. If you’re the one who cheated, don’t pressure your spouse to get over it. If you were betrayed, give yourself time to grieve and recover,” Susan urges.

Infidelity aside, exercising patience in your relationship is just good practice and an excellent way to nurture a divorce-proof marriage.

Communication is vital on both ends in order to repair a marriage after infidelity. As Susan explains: “You need to tell your spouse very clearly how this betrayal hurt you. Your partner needs to listen and understand what you’re feeling.”

The fallout of a betrayal like infidelity isn’t pretty, but your emotions and reactions, however painful, are justified. Don’t doubt yourself as you work to find closure with what has happened. Susan reveals that “infidelity can evoke strong reactions like anger, anxiety, insecurity, disturbed sleep, obsessive thinking, self-doubt, depression, and even flashbacks or nightmares. If you were betrayed, know that your feelings are valid.”

“You don’t have to go through the crisis alone,” says Susan. “Most couples dealing with infidelity will need the help of a couples therapist to help navigate the healing process.” There’s nothing wrong with looking to an objective (and professionally-equipped) third party to help you and your partner put the pieces back together again.

RELATED: Cheating aside, discover the little things that can ruin a relationship.

While no one should anticipate betrayal in their relationship, the truth is that for many, it happens. Allow yourself to make the best decision for yourself – without the bad relationship advice or judgment of others or your own insecurities getting in the way. As Susan stresses: “Recognize that affairs do happen and it’s possible to heal. For the one who was betrayed, it’s not foolish or weak to choose to stay in the marriage.”

Trying to make it work after infidelity? You’re not alone! Check out these celebrity couples who survived cheating and stayed together.

“The one who betrayed must be completely transparent in their actions and behaviours. Your spouse needs proof you are being faithful.” Adds Susan, “This means letting your spouse check your phone at any time!”

During this crucial time, it’s so important to exhibit trustworthy behaviours in order to regain the confidence of the person who was cheated on and work toward a healthy relationship.

Advises Susan, “You and your partner should be able to reach each other at any time, 24/7. This will help to bolster a sense of trust and dependability.”

Do some recent changes to your partner’s behaviour have you concerned? Check out our list of some hidden signs they might be having an affair.

Setting parameters according to the comfort zone of the person who was cheated on is paramount to ensuring they feel respected during this critical time. Take it from the expert: “Clear boundaries need to be established. The one who cheated will need to limit or stop any activities or interactions linked to the affair. This may mean not going out late, or visiting certain websites, until trust is restored.”

Feeling like work somehow played a role in all of this? You might be surprised to find yourself or your partner on the list of jobs with the most cheaters.

“You and your spouse have a chance to figure out what went wrong.” It’s time to sit down and ask those tough questions. Questions, notes Susan, such as: “How did this happen? What are the factors that led to this affair? What can you learn about your relationship?”

Beware: a lack of understanding is just one way to accidentally ruin your relationship.

You're in it together. As Susan explains: “Avoid the trap of seeing the betrayer as only the bad guy and the other spouse as the victim. If you choose to stay together, try and work together as a team, rather than against one another.”

“Explore why you are both choosing to stay and heal the marriage,” notes Susan. “It’s especially important for the injured spouse to understand why the betrayer wants to stay committed, as there may be a lot of doubt and insecurity.”

If the person who cheated cannot commit to working on the relationship, it might be time to walk away. Rest assured, you’re in good company – check out our list of celebs who were way better off after breakups.

Regaining the trust that was lost will be an uphill climb, but a worthwhile one if both people are determined to make it work. “The one who was betrayed must work toward forgiveness. This does not mean approving or condoning what happened, but being willing to accept the apology and be open to your spouse’s efforts to make amends,“ advises Susan.

Invest the time and really reconnect. One of Susan's suggestions is to, “share a common activity or goal. This can help you connect again and also shift your focus from the affair.”

Or, perhaps a couples getaway is just what the doctor ordered. For some inspiration, check out these adults-only resorts.

“This may take some time,” says Susan, “but it’s important to restore intimacy, including sexual intimacy, and closeness. Being intimate feeds the desire for more connection.”

A real level of comfort goes beyond the bedroom. Here are some signs you are comfortable in your relationship.

“At first, it may feel like all trust is lost.” So where do you start? Susan recommends you “focus on the ways you do trust one another, even if they’re small, and notice how the trust grows as you work on healing together.”

Full disclosure, open communication and team work is the name of the game when it comes to working your way back to where you once were. If you feel confident there are still secrets your cheating spouse is keeping from you, it may be time to reevaluate their commitment to the relationship.