17 Hidden Signs You’re Headed for an Affair

“You aren’t opening up to your partner anymore and you omit details about your day. Or you may feel annoyed and become evasive when they ask questions. When you stop sharing your thoughts and feelings, it’s a way of shutting your partner out.”

Cautions Susan, “Keep in mind that dishonesty can damage a relationship. And betrayal can happen even without an affair.” While we’re on the subject, check out our list of things you should never do in a healthy relationship.

“When something happens, you turn first to this other person. You may also complain to this person about your partner, which is a betrayal of loyalty to your relationship, and shows a lack of respect to your partner.”

“You negatively compare your partner to this person. When your partner does something, you imagine this other person would respond in a better way.”

“You become more secretive about your texts or phone calls, or not wanting your partner to check your phone.”

Notes Susan, “If you really have nothing to hide, it shouldn’t be a big deal if your partner picks up your phone when it pings.”

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“We all have daydreams sometimes, but you find yourself consistently thinking about this other person, or having very specific fantasies about being together.”

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“Telling yourself you’re spending more time with this person because you feel your partner doesn’t care, or you’re disconnected anyway. It can be a way to deal with guilt when you turn your partner into the problem, or blame them for your actions.”

“Not listening as much to your partner, even when they need you. Noticing you aren’t as engaged or interested, and that you don’t remember things they’ve told you.”

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“Becoming easily irritable with your partner and frequently snapping at them. Maybe finding fault or annoyance in even the small things they do.”

Boredom in the bedroom can also be an indicator. Says Susan, “Experiencing a loss of interest in sex with your partner, or making excuses not to be intimate. Or you may find it hard to stay present or aroused when having sex."

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“You’re drawn to new activities or different interests that are shared by this new person. If they’re interested in rock climbing, you may have an urge to try it. Or if they love jazz music, you find yourself changing your usual playlists.”

Speaking of new activities, try rediscovering new things to do together with your partner by establishing a weekly date night, just one of our top 15 ways to divorce-proof your marriage!

Asks Susan, “Are you tossing out your old jeans and buying new ones? Trying a new hairstyle or different makeup? You may notice a heightened interest in how you look.”

When the person you look forward to seeing or engaging with isn’t your partner. Says Susan: “You find it hard to focus on whatever you’re doing because you’re thinking about when you will see this other person again, or re-calling a recent interaction. You aren’t present and engaged with your partner because your mind is often elsewhere.”

Worried about your love life? Check if you can pick up on any of these 9 signs your relationship is failing.

Not surprisingly, a distance between you and your partner can result in a dangerous disconnection. Says Susan, “There may be a notable distance between you and your partner, particularly when it comes to physical affection. You aren’t as spontaneous about hugging or kissing your partner, and you may even avoid their affection.”

“You may be talking more about this other person to your friends, finding ways to bring up their name in conversations, even if you’re not divulging your feelings or attraction.”

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“Coming up with reasons to spend more time with this person, instead of time with your partner. You may even try convincing yourself these reasons are real, like needing to talk about a work situation over dinner, or spending more time at the gym because this person is there.”

“Becoming more critical of your partner, to them directly, or your friends, and even to the other person. Instead of promoting your commitment, you may be putting down your relationship or dismissing its importance.”

When you find you’re no longer feeling part of a team, it may be time to reevaluate where your mind – and heart – is truly at. It’s also easy to criticize when the demands you’re making of your partner are setting them up to fail. Think you might be guilty of this? Check out our breakdown of things you should never ask your significant other to do.

“You feel resentment towards your partner because you’d rather be spending time with this other person. Your partner or relationship starts to feel like a burden or a hindrance, rather than something you value and cherish.”

As a final thought, Susan notes, “Some of these behaviours on their own may not be alarming, or mean you’re headed for an affair. But if you recognize a few, or even more, you may want to check in with yourself about where you are heading.”