How to Set Healthy Boundaries With Your Boss and Coworkers

Boundaries are not a new concept in the modern age. People require boundaries with family, friends, and intimate partnerships to build an overall healthy relationship. Identifying why you specifically require some boundaries will help you take the right steps towards setting them up in the workplace. 

As an example, Whish explains, “We always want to do our best and ensure we’re getting all our work done, especially with the new reality of working most of the time remotely. Many folks don’t have the perfect setup at home but are making things work with what they’ve got. Working from home can be great for a lot of reasons, but setting boundaries and having a work-life balance can be a lot more challenging when there isn’t a physical separation of your space. To make sure you’re giving yourself time away from work to relax, recharge and accomplish personal things, you need to be adamant about setting boundaries and sticking with them.”

It is possible to get ahead of the situation by establishing expectations while interviewing for a potential new gig. When we are caught up in the excitement of a new job, we can sometimes forget that we are interviewing the people and the company as much as they are interviewing us. Whish encourages candidates to ask the appropriate question throughout an interview to understand the work environment better should you accept the role.

“Don’t be afraid to ask more about the expectations when it comes to hours and work from home policies. You want to go in with a good idea of what things will look like for you, and without having these conversations, you may find yourself unpleasantly surprised with the culture once you join. Pay attention to who is interviewing you and if they talk about putting employees first, mental health, and also setting a good work-life balance.”

Setting boundaries in your personal relationships should be treated differently than setting boundaries with colleagues. The key difference is how well you already know your pals, in addition to your comfort level, addressing any concerns you have. Whish elaborates by stating, “With our friends, it feels so natural to be able to talk about things like this, or just have an understanding since you know each other so well. At work, we’re often spending a lot of time with people we don’t know as well or people we haven’t met in real life. This can mean that we often don’t know what works best for people if we don't ask. We aren’t always given the opportunity to discuss this in a way that feels natural for us. Just because it doesn’t come naturally doesn’t mean it’s not something we should be bringing up and discussing together.”

Let’s be honest — talking about boundaries with anyone can feel a bit awkward at first. It requires a certain level of finesse and understanding that may not always come naturally to us. That said, it’s important to give careful consideration as to how you will frame a conversation with a colleague when establishing some boundaries. Whish provides a great example of how to express what you need without feeling overwhelmed by it. “Find a way to address your coworker or boss without making the entire conversation about boundaries specifically. This helps relieve some stress or anxiety you may feel about what you need to discuss. For example, if you have a one on one with your manager and they reference an email or message that was sent after hours, you could say, ‘I’ve stopped checking my email in the evenings so that I can make sure I am taking time to rest and spend time with my family during off-hours’ and that you’ll always respond and work on the task whenever you’re available next.”

Thankfully, we live in an era where there is an app (or app setting) that can do the talking for us. Take advantage of the tools at your disposal to set reasonable boundaries that can provide a subtle hint to your boss or coworker that you are currently unavailable or offline for the evening.

“You can set your apps such as Google Calendar and Slack to deny meetings and messages during times outside regular office hours. You can choose to communicate this to your coworkers or if you don’t feel comfortable, let them figure it out by getting these notifications. If you can’t find a time to bring this up, you can use a team meeting to casually mention it and open up the conversation so that other folks may also want to share how they prefer to work and communicate. If something like this doesn’t feel natural, I suggest including something in an engagement survey or going to your People & Culture team to ask for advice or insights on how to approach this.” explains Whish.

Saying “no” in the workplace — or life, for that matter — isn’t easy, but it is important in terms of your mental health and well-being. In today’s workforce, we are so consumed by the idea of taking on everything, that we neglect how that truly impacts our overall happiness and productivity. Getting comfortable with speaking up when the workload feels like it’s piling on top of you is another way to establish the right boundaries for yourself.

“Oftentimes we have so much on our plates and feel overwhelmed, but we naturally take on new projects because we feel like we have to. It’s better to speak up early and be realistic about your workload and assure your colleague or manager that you want things done in a way that is up to the company’s standard and you don’t feel you have the capacity to take something else on at this time. Don’t be afraid to offer up suggestions or advice on how something can get done right and in a timely manner involving you.” suggests Whish.

Setting reasonable boundaries with your coworkers doesn’t mean you can’t also have a meaningful relationship with them. As mentioned, we spend so much of our lives at work that the idea of not building significant relationships can feel, well, meaningless. Whish recommends setting aside time to build the work relationships that matter to you so they can continue to flourish. “Remote work hasn’t come naturally for a lot of us, and making professional and personal relationships was a bit more seamless when we could have our water cooler conversations. My biggest advice here is to take the time to have meaningful conversations outside of your professional meetings. Set a goal to book one virtual coffee a month to get to know one of your colleagues and keep the conversation light but authentic. Learn one small thing about someone and show you care by following up and checking in at a later date. A little gesture like this goes a long way, especially during a global pandemic where a lot of us are feeling alone.”