If you’re looking for love this Valentine’s Day, we’ve got some good news for you – these 36 questions are supposed to help you fall in love.
As Psychology Today reports, Stony Brook University psychology professor Arthur Aron developed a method to help people fall in love using 36 questions that have been “proven to generate closeness between two people in repeated experiments.”
Ultimately, the questions are broken down so that the conversation gets more personal over time. Studies have shown that spending just 45 minutes on these questions creates a closer bond between people than if they were to simply engage in small talk.
But how, exactly, do you use these questions to fall in love? According to the research, you’re supposed to sit in a comfortable spot with someone that you want to become closer to. Then, using the list of questions below, you and your prospective lover take turns talking through your answers.
- List 5 adjectives or traits that describe you.
- List 5 roles that you fulfill.
- List 5 of your skills and abilities.
- List 5 of your possessions that provide insight into who you are as a person.
- List 5 life experiences that have helped define who you are.
- List 5 attributes that your closest friends and family would say describe you.
- When you think about who you are, what aspects of your personality are most clear to you?
- In what ways does the ‘you’ that you present to the world match who you really are?
- Think of three examples of when you stayed true to yourself despite societal or peer pressure. How can you continue to do this?
- What are three of your most important personal values, and how can standing by these beliefs benefit you in the future?
- What aspects of your personality stay the same regardless of the situation?
- Look at the ‘your essentials’ lists that you’ve created in questions 1 to 6 in Part I. Do any of these traits conflict with who you think you are? If they do, how can you be more consistent?
- What are your three best qualities?
- If you compare yourself to others you know, what are you especially good at?
- In what ways is your life better than the lives of other people you know?
- List three things about yourself that make you proud.
- Describe three of your greatest accomplishments in life. What’s your next big goal?
- What things do you struggle with? Do you know anyone else who shares these struggles?
- List three things you enjoy but don’t get much opportunity to do. What steps can you take to do these things more often?
- What parts of who you are as a person have fallen by the wayside? What can you do to help bring them back?
- In what ways have you put others’ needs ahead of your own? How can you restore the balance and start focusing on your own needs more?
- How can you make time in your schedule this weekend for at least one hobby you haven’t had time for recently?
- Think back to the type of person you wanted to be when you graduated from high school. What positive attributes did you have that you don’t think you have now? How can you rediscover these today?
- Spend an afternoon looking through photo albums and reading old journals. In what ways could you benefit from becoming reacquainted with the person you were in the past?
- In what ways does your job help you improve as a person? How can you ensure that this will continue in the future?
- What types of new and interesting things do you learn at your job? How have these experiences benefited you?
- What new responsibilities that you’ve taken on at work do you enjoy? In what ways have these made you more effective at your job?
- How could you make the mundane and boring part of your work more interesting and fun?
- In the past five years, what new skills have you acquired at work? How have these been beneficial?
- Looking ahead to the next five years, what additional areas of expertise can you develop?
- What are three new and interesting activities you could try?
- What are three topics you would like to learn about? Create an action plan for deepening your understanding of at least one.
- Challenge yourself to improve in three ways this month. What steps can you take toward accomplishing each?
- Which three places would you like to visit in the future? What could you learn from visiting each place?
- In what ways have you improved as a person over the past five years? How has this helped shape who you are today?
- Think about ways in which you could grow as a person over the next five years. How will this help you reach your full potential?
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