10 Signs You are the Monster in the Workplace

Listen, we’re not saying that you need to be BFFs with your boss or anything, but having a cold relationship with a boss that’s otherwise fun and friendly, the problem may be you and not your boss.

The best way to curb this is to take ownership of any behaviours or attitudes you may be displaying in the workplace (for better and worse) and have a conversation with your manager on how to align and improve your relationship. “Nobody wakes up one day and says “wow I’m the jerk,” says Andreanna Tardelli, a Human Resources professional in Toronto. “It’s really a combined effort.”

The key is to assure your boss you want to work on improving and ask for specific and achievable goals.

We get it, you might not trust the people you work with. They don’t seem to understand your instructions, they struggle with turning things in on time, and it seems like you have to constantly step in and resolve their issues. But maybe the problem is how you’re behaving and not how they do their jobs.

If you feel like you’re micromanaging, it’s important to take a step back and try and evaluate what’s really going on. Chances are, your micromanaging is the problem, not other people’s work.

“[They’ll] need a high degree of self awareness and be open to feedback from others,” Tardelli says. “It can be difficult if they aren’t open to feedback.”

Who doesn’t love a good goss sesh?! But when you’re constantly gossiping about nearly every single person around you, you could be creating a toxic work environment.

If you find yourself constantly prying into other people’s personal lives and trying to find out why Suresh had a meeting with the CEO, now’s the time to stop getting so actively involved in the world around you and give everyone a break. That kind of toxicity makes people wary of you and creates a feeling of untrustworthiness with our colleagues that won’t bode well for our long-term success in the office.

You notice that nearly every day, your colleagues are heading out for coffees or to grab a bite to eat but you’ve never been asked. Maybe you haven’t noticed at first, but being constantly overlooked or specifically not invited is a clear warning sign that your attitude in the office is off-putting to your colleagues.

If you’re feeling ready to change your interpersonal relationships at work, you can ask a colleague or manager to grab a coffee with you. Bridging the gap (and making connections) can make all the difference.

If you feel like everyone at work is out to get you, chances are, you are the reason for your toxic work environment. Everyone makes mistakes, but believing that you don’t and being unable to admit your mistakes will stop you from ever having a healthy work environment.

Instead of being defensive, this is the time that you need to be introspective. Spend your time figuring out how to resolve your issues and you’ll find that you feel less like people are coming for you.

Arguments usually don’t achieve anything, but you keep getting your back up and snapping at coworkers over the smallest things. But while you might think you work with a group of disgruntled people, the issue might in fact be you.

Your first step here is to be proactive. “Being proactive demonstrates a willingness to improve and [is] a good characteristic to have,” Tardelli says. And you can start with how you respond. Instead of arguing, take a step back from your “I’m right” attitude and start practicing active listening by adding responses such as “let me think about that,” “you might be right,” or “I understand,” into your communication style.

You absolutely do not need to have friends in the office, but it makes your workday easier when you are friendly with people day in and day out. After all, you spend 40 or more hours a week with these people!

With everything else, it is important for you to consider exactly how your behaviour is affecting others and correct it. Take advantage of social opportunities in the office, ask someone to grab a coffee, and be humble. No one gets anywhere by being a jerk.

“It’s not my job,” you think when someone in the office asks for your help with something outside your job description. Of course, doing too much at work can be draining and stressful, but outright refusing to help signals to your colleagues that you aren’t a team player and you aren’t interested in seeing everyone succeed.

And of course, you don’t want to be taken advantage of at work, but you can both set clear boundaries and help everyone around you succeed (including yourself). Like most everything on this list, self awareness is key, so don’t be afraid to dig deep to figure out exactly how you can help without depleting yourself.

Maybe you’re overly sarcastic, or you avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs. Perhaps you’re known as the queen of the backhanded compliment. Congratulations: you’re passive aggressive.

The good news is that you can stop being passive-aggressive but like every other learned behaviour, the change has to start with you. Forgive yourself for behaving negatively and give yourself time to heal. Reminder yourself that emotions (even negative ones) are okay and healthy, but work towards changing how you speak to others and your reactions. If you have access to therapy, talking to someone about your feelings can help you stop being passive aggressive in all situations – because chances are, if you’re being PA at work, you’re being PA everywhere.

If you feel singled out or as if everyone around you may be causing issues, ask your managers for feedback and be open to really hearing what they are saying.

“Are you the only one who seems to have issues [at the office]?” Tardelli insists that a gut check is important in any negative work situation. “Being open to communication and feedback are so important.”

And that's what makes the difference in any situation where toxicity lives. If we can't see that we might not be the problem, we'll never be fulfilled at work or in life.