With Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and the holiday season just around the corner, you know you’re going to run into that nosy aunt or annoying second cousin who is going to ask you way too many questions about your love life. You know the type. Don’t worry: we got you covered. This is our how-to guide on how to field those maddening questions. Because geez aunt Linda, it’s none of your business!
“So, are you dating anyone?”
What to say:“Depends what you mean by ‘dating.’ Do you want to hear about the crazy one-night stand I had last weekend?” Or “Nope and I have no intention to. My life goal is to die alone surrounded by 50 cats.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“Yes, but I’m not ready to share details just yet.” or “No, I’m too focused on work/travelling/my hobbies right now.”
RELATED: Why millennials are having less sex than any other generation.
“Are they ‘the one’”?
What to say:“Why? Do you know someone else you want to hook me up with?” Or “No, they’re just really good in bed.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We’re still getting to know each other, I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
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“Is this just a phase? Are you ready to return to men/women/the opposite sex?”
What to say:“Why? Is your homophobia just a phase?” or “Nope, still love the D/the V.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:Actually, there is no less sassy/blunt version here. Just tell this person where to go.
“When are you going to settle down?”
What to say:“Because that worked out so well for you, right?” (this is particularly helpful if your nosy family member is in a relationship you would not aspire to have) or “Settle down? I prefer going down.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“No plans yet.”
“How is [your ex’s name]?”
What to say:A truth bomb as to why you split is always good: “still boring and not for me.” Or this gem from Mashable: “They never existed, I just made them up so you’d stop asking me all these annoying questions.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We’re not in contact, you’ll have to ask [your ex’s name].”
“Who is the man/dominant/top in the relationship?”
What to say:Answer this clearly to make them feel uncomfortable: “What are you talking about? We’re both men/women.” Or make up something random to highlight the absurdity of their question: “we alternate days, today is my day!”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We’re in an equal partnership.”
RELATED: No gal pals here: 10 lady-loving celebrity couples.
“When are you moving in together?”
What to say:“Oh, so glad you brought that up! Can we move into your spare room/basement?” Or “I’m not sure they’re ready to be regular witness to me not cleaning up after myself and not flushing the toilet.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“Not sure, I like my apartment/house the way it is now.”
“When are you getting married?”
What to say:“Why? Are you offering to pay for it?” Or “Soon, but FYI, you’re not invited.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“As soon as I find out, you’ll be the first to know.”
SEE ALSO: 15 signs your marriage is over.
“Have you set a date? What does your dress look like? How many bridesmaids do you have? What are the colours? What do the centerpieces look like? Can I invite my best friend’s second cousin?”
What to say:“We’re eloping so we don’t have to deal with questions like this.” Or “The theme is goth/circus/orgy.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We haven’t worked out all the details yet.”
“When are you having kids?”
What to say:“Why? Are you finally sick of talking about yours?”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“I don’t plan on having kids.” Or “maybe one day.”
RELATED: 29 famous childfree women on why they didn't have kids.