It’s cottage season on RHOT. All of these ladies have, like, multiple cottages. They don’t just have cottages, they have cottage compounds. They have their own islands.
And so it’s time to venture to Muskoka to see who will be crowned Queen Bee of the week.
Don’t worry, Gucci makes flip flops!
(Before we jump in, make sure you’re caught up on the last episode’s Queen Bee)
Here’s how the Housewives fared this week:
Kara
Kara’s cottage stats: three buildings, seven acres, sleeps 20 +4
Makes *multiple* boner jokes this ep +2
Makes amends with Jana and Joan +2
Invites the ladies to a party the night of Roxy’s birthday. Power move! +3
Kara made an apology tour this week, à la Justin Bieber. And it worked! She won pretty much everyone over. Then she made a power move by inviting everyone to a party the night of Roxy’s birthday. Savage!
We’ll find out next week if her power play played off, but for now, we’re scoring this one as a total rebound.
Total: +11
Roxy
For the third week *in a row* the ep opens on Roxy +5
Roxy’s uninvited from Kara’s cottage -4
Then Ann swoops in and offers her a cottage to stay in +3
Last week Roxy was the one making all the moves. Dare we say she didn’t expect Kara to return the favour with such panache?
We have a feeling Roxy’s birthday will be, well, Roxy Fabulous. She’s the type to stretch her celebrations into a full a week. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s get a quick replay of Roxy’s reaction to Kara’s dis-invitation:
Shook!
Total: +4
Grego
Grego packs three bathing suits a day for Muskoka +1
Grego’s reactions are still the best of any of the RHOT Housewives +2
Grego was the life of the dock party +1
We want to slurp down Muskoka Mai Tais and hit the dock party dance floor with Grego in a major way. As soon as the curtain hit on drama between Kara and Roxy, Grego led the charge towards the thump of the bass.
Grego is the party.
Total: +4
Jana
Wears workout clothes to her friends’ houses -2
Has the ladyballs to tell Kara she made a poor impression on her +1
Jana did something this week we hardly ever see in the Housewives universe: when asked about the gossip of the week, she told the truth – right to the object of the gossip’s face. It worked out, too: Kara was genuinely thankful Jana came right out and told her she’d made a poor impression.
Jana’s genuine! But she has to stop wearing yoga gear to social appointments. Pack something cute in your gym bag, dear.
Total: +4
Ann
Ann has her fishing vest and her wetsuit fitted by a seamstress +2
She has *everything* fitted. Except her underwear…because she doesn’t wear any +2
Ann has multiple cottages +4
Hires a private plane to fly to Muskoka +2
We could watch that scene of Ann getting her luxury outdoor gear fitted on loop for hours. She was rocking those fishing waders like they were Rihanna’s thigh high Manolo Blhaniks.
Ann gave Muskoka a glam rebrand, hopping off her private plane like she’d just landed in Saint-Tropez.
Total: +10
Joan
Joan doesn’t have a cottage, she has a “family compound” +5
She bought an island “just because it was available” +5
Joan’s 19+ dock party is branded “rated R” +2
The hype is legit: the dock party headcount is 700 and it lasts three full days +3
Joan’s the first RHOT Housewife to throw a landmark party. The Dock Party had a reputation that preceded it. It was the kind of party that garners conversations in the weeks leading up, and the ones following it.
Who knows? Maybe it could soon be to RHOT what Kyle’s White Party is to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Either way, Joan was the Queen Bee of the party – and easily RHOT’s Queen Bee this week.
Total: +15
