The Winners and Losers of RHONY’s Season 9 Reunion

That opening statement! It felt like the opening of a crime doc, warning you that despite what you're about to see, none of this will end well.

Whoever helped Lu pick out her dress thought they were being real cute with that “bridal white.” Little did they know they’d made a hopelessly misguided mistake.

When Tinsley and Scott were introduced on a double date with Adam and Carole, who would have guessed that they would still be together now, while their double date is now facing rumours of a split?

Jill may have squeaked in a cameo this season, but all these years later, Bethenny is still the winner of their forever feud. After swiftly dismissing the notion she may some day rekindle her friendship with Jill, Bethenny launched into a tirade, all, “How many decades into this until I don’t have to answer this question?”

From ripping out Dorinda’s lights in the Berkshires to her poor treatment of the house staff in Mexico, Ramona had to answer for a season full of bad behaviour. When it came time to, she just kind of shrugged and gave up, like, “I don’t even know if I’d want to be friends with myself.”

We didn’t think Dorinda could top “I made it nice” but then she arrived to season nine with CLIP CLIP CLIP! All these weeks later, we’re still saying it.

Can we talk? There have been plenty of hints Lu’s last two relationships were open. Andy finally asked her point blank: is she into them? She denied it - which, fine. Maybe she’s *not* into them. But if she’s not going to be our open relationship champion, can we get a Housewife who’s woke to polyamory ASAP, pls?

We finally got the full story about Sonja's invite to Lu's wedding. She DID get a Save The Date. That's only the tiniest slice of redemption, since it made no sense for Lu to invite one of Tom's ex-lovers who was causing a fuss about their union, but still. Point Sonja.

Go ahead and add Ramona to the list of Housewives who've had work. We already knew Ramona had *some* work done, but during the reunion she fessed up to more, including the top of her eyelids to her breasts and laser treatments.

As Bethenny pointed out, every RHONY wife was in a relationship at the time of the filming. That should have been a point to win for love, but since then things have cooled with Bethenny and her then-boyfriend, Luann and Tom filed for divorce and Carole and Adam may be following them to splitsville. Guess love is dead?

Bet Mario thought he was out of the clear as far as RHONY ex-bashing went. Silly rabbit. Ramona used every opportunity she could to insert herself into the Tom and Jason narratives by bringing up just how badly Mario had done her wrong...even if that was all two years ago.

Something tells us Missy won't be invited to so many of Ramona's parties now that she's not a chip to dangle in front of Luann and Tom's faces.

Luanne spent the whole season talking about Tom's penthouse, but Bethenny seriously cut it down to size, calling it a one bedroom apartment that just happened to be on top of the building.

Or maybe Carole and Adam are winners. Honestly, is anyone else a little confused about what's going on there? They're on a break, but they go on European vacations together. This didn't end well for Rachel and Ross guys. Red flag!

Did we really need one more reminder Hillary lost the election? On the other hand, maybe now that she has some time on her hands, she can start back up the Real Housewives of D.C.

When you lay it out the way the reunion did, it really looks like they’re getting played. Guess both of these poor guys just made the mistake of falling for the straw that stirs the drink.

K, is Frenchie an actor? This is starting to sound a little too Kenya Moore for our taste. Sonja denied she "cast" him as her love interest, but something still seems fishy.

We'd read all the reports about Jason's stalking charges, but man, doesn't he just seem like the worst guy ever? Good luck dating in New York City now that everyone knows what kind of guy you are, buddy.

Apparently Topper Mortimer was in a fuss Tinsley said they had anal on TV. Sorry Topper, we’re Team Tins on this. You didn’t know a win when you had one.

As Andy noted, Ramona was the first Housewife ever to walk off a reunion set. She the OG set walker! Go back and watch that S1 reunion. It’s gold.

Bethenny is the Michael Jordan of the Housewives and she slam dunked this season’s feud with Ramona. Her Ramona impression was out of control.

Bethenny even brought out the branded Twitter clapback: It’s OK, Ramona. We don’t like you either.” xoxo, Skinnygirl.

Sonja ended up looking petty with her spilled pinot over Tinsley being a poor houseguest. The kissed and made up in the end, but bitter wasn’t a great look on Lady Morgan.

Can we get one last round of applause for Luanne’s glorious fall into the rose bushes?

Luann’s Rose ended up being her Thorn. Just for once, couldn’t it have *not* been about Tom?

Season nine was Ramona’s no good very bad year. In her own words: “I don’t know what I was thinking the whole godd-mn season.”

A reminder to Housewives past and present: the house always wins.