Men are strange creatures (we all know this) so it’s surprising that so many women expect relationships with men to be easy or normal —whatever that means. Women in general also tend to be very results-oriented so they have trouble enjoying the roller coaster that is love…or like…or lust, for that matter. As Cynthia Rowley and Ilene Rosenzweig say in the “Love” chapter of their book Swell: Not every affair ends up at the Elvis Chapel, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worth the trip to Vegas.
Indulge in a little crazy — but only a little
So you’ve met a great guy and you’re excited. You should be. Allow yourself to get giddy and excited and nervous. Regale your friends with the story of how you met, detail his every move, and gush about how great he looks in a pair of jeans. If it’s making you smile, keep doing it.
When your eyes start gushing and you’re obsessing over when he’ll call, if he’ll call, and the thirty other ladies he could be dating. It’s time to step back and take inventory of the situation: It’s only been 24 hours since you last talked, he told you he’d be away all weekend, you promised you’d call him. Whatever it is, you are probably overreacting. If not, sure you thought he was great, but there are others where he came from and if he’s not fawning over you, you don’t want him.
Follow some rules
While going out and buying He’s Just Not That Into You or The Rules isn’t the best idea (those rules never apply to you or you follow them and screw everything up), playing it cool is sometimes a good idea. For instance, it’s been three hours since your first date ended and you have already sent him a text message thanking him for dinner but you’re still dying to talk to him again. Do not call him. Give the man space. Give him a little time to get excited about talking to you again.
Women have a sense of urgency that men don’t seem to have when it comes to dating. We want to plan our next date before the one we’re currently enjoying is over. We want to know what we’ll do on Valentine’s Day–and it’s August. Guys want to see us again but they’re probably not going to pull out their weekly planners and squeeze us in between yoga and Friday night drinks with the girls. Some guys may ask you out a week in advance, some may ask you the day before. But it’s usually not a reflection on you.
Don’t do anything rash
You emailed him at 9am. It is now 9pm and he hasn’t written back but you know he’s been online because he signed into Facebook at noon. You’re ready to call him and tell him to just forget the whole thing because you can’t take the stress. Put the phone down and step away from your computer.
First of all, computers can cause excess stress; secondly, put yourself in his shoes. Have you ever not responded to his call or email right away because you didn’t have time or hell, just wanted to make him wait? It doesn’t mean anything. Relax. You both have lives outside of each other. He will respond.
Make dates with your friends. If you’re so inclined, make dates with other men. It’s not cheating if you’ve only just started dating and it’s not dishonest to anyone. You might find that the guy you thought was Mr. Right pales in comparison to Mr. New. The point is that, when you’re busy you won’t sweat it when he doesn’t call right away, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when he does. And if he disappears into oblivion, you might just be having too much fun to notice.
Written by Vanessa Grant