Let’s cross-examination all the witnesses to get the bottom of VPR’s most salacious rumour.

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Witness one: Jax
Let’s start with Jax’s story: he came home at three in the morning, walked to his bedroom and found Brittany in bed with Kristen.

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Witness one: Jax
In his confessional, Jax added a layer of detail to his story: he went to his bedroom because he heard noises. When he got there, he saw Kristen “kissing Brittany down south.” Then he says he blew up and stormed out of the apartment.

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Witness one: Jax
Do we believe Jax? Let’s just say his track record’s not great. He’s a known pathological liar. He’s lied to every girl we’ve seen him date – and lied to plenty of his friends, too. Let’s see what the other witnesses have to say…

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Witness two: Lisa
Let’s call LVP to the stand as a character witness. Lisa’s reaction to being told about Brittany and Kristen: Jax is lying. Then she reconsidered: “If it was anyone else, I don’t think I’d believe it, but Kristen chowing down on Kentucky muffin…” Lisa’s undecided, so the jury’s still out.

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Witness three: Kristen
When Jax brought “the situation” up to Kristen, her reaction was: “What situation?” Even if SHE’s the one lying: well played.

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Witness three: Kristen
Kristen’s defense? Jax is running his mouth as usual. Well: believable.

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Witness three: Kristen
Then Kristen makes an admission of guilt – sort of. She said she and Brittany “shared a couple of wasted kisses.”

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Witness four: Brittany
Brittany’s first response to the news coming up in conversation: deflection. She makes it all about Jax’ gutter person behaviour: “Everyone has rumours spread about them, but the fact Jax is the one spreading the rumour is what’s super embarrassing.” NOT a denial. Suspicious, right?

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Witness five: Stassi
As Jax’s ex and a total relationship sleuth, Stassi makes an excellent character witness. When Jax spilled the news to her, she did a double take, like, “Sorry, I have to process what you just said and figure out whether you’re full of sh-t.” Jax’s character: in question yet again.

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Witness five: Stassi
Stassi’s recommendation: Jax, Kristen and Brittany should chop off their private parts because none of this is normal. Here, here!

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The cross-examination
Enter the he-said she-said. Jax doubled down, saying he saw what he saw, but Brittany clapped back with her first real denial: “You didn’t see sh-t”

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The denial
Brittany’s denial isn’t super convincing: “I’ve kissed girls drunk, but Kristen and I did not hook up. She did not ‘go down’ on me...I cannot make this any more clear: I am strictly dick-ly.” Umm 1) Why did she mention she HAS kissed girls? 2) Aren’t we getting a little lesbian shame-y?

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Witness six: Scheana
Scheana’s response to the Brittany and Kristen vs. the People was to make it about Jax being a jerk. And...obviously. But! But! She didn’t say she didn’t believe it. Interesting…

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Witness three: Kristen
Let’s bring Kristen back to the stand. Her story: “I literally don’t remember anything. I know that he...I don’t really know.” Then, as her final statement: “100%, I did not go down on Brittany.” Kristen: the least reliable witness, like, ever.

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Witness seven: Carter
Waaaaaay into all of this, we find out Carter was there. In the room! Like: ??? Carter backs up Kristen’s story, but Jax claims Carter was asleep on the couch. TWIST!

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Witness one: Jax
Jax’s final argument: “Let’s be clear: I caught my girlfriend messing around, and now I’m the asshole?”

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Witness four: Brittany
Brittany’s closing argument: “I swear to God that didn’t happen, dumbass.”

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The verdict
After Jax and Brittany’s final fight, Jax was left in bed swearing he’d told the truth, muttering “I must be crazy” to himself. Our verdict: Yes, Jax, you’re crazy. And a proven liar, too! But as for the alleged cunnilingus… If we were a voting jury member, we’d vote guilty. And besides, it’s a better story if it’s true.
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