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Family

50 of the Funniest Parenting Tweets Ever

by Denette Wilford

April 13, 2017

Nothing says love like a parent hilariously griping about their family life in 280 characters or less.

Always getting bossed around

Twitter.com/TheCatWhisprer

1 / 50

Who’s the boss?

Not this guy.

Mom doesn't know if she's capable of using a drill

Twitter.com/Elizasoul80

2 / 50

Drill ’em up

Power tools can be scary.

It takes a lot to keep a messy house

Twitter.com/Fiveoclockmommy

3 / 50

Clean is overrated

It takes work.

Mould on bath toys

Twitter.com/PetrickSara

4 / 50

Bathtime’s the wrong time

Dirty no matter how you look at it.

Overanalyzing kids' shows

Twitter.com/MartinBelam

5 / 50

Too much TV

Perhaps a little too invested?

Hell is a dance club

Twitter.com/thedad

6 / 50

Dance dance evolution

Paw Patrol has nothing on this.

Have fun with reading

Twitter.com/amydillon

7 / 50

Read aloud

Proud mommy moment.

Kid mistook a fish tank for a device

Twitter.com/simoncholland

8 / 50

New wave

Technology's a b*tch.

Picky kid only likes what's inside a pig-in-a-blanket

Twitter.com/copymama

9 / 50

Hot dog!

Taking food fights to a whole new, frustrating level.

Eating a grilled cheese sandwich can be time-consuming

Twitter.com/TheCatWhisprer

10 / 50

Cheesed

Patience has its virtues.

Kids outings are like hostage situations

Twitter

11 / 50

Talk ‘Em Down

Just don't be armed or dangerous.

Trying to be fancy, not working

Twitter

12 / 50

Fancy Feast

Just roll with it.

Toddlers rule all

Twitter

13 / 50

Hopeless Cause

At least he's not in denial?

Having dogs and kids

Twitter

14 / 50

Bad Ideas

What was I thinking?

Bucket lists are a little different post-kids

Twitter

15 / 50

Dare To Dream

How times have changed.

Twitter

16 / 50

Such Is Life

That's just cold.

Peace and quiet can be scary

Twitter

17 / 50

Panic Attack

Parents can't ever just celebrate the wins.

Toddler frustrations are hard to watch

Twitter

18 / 50

Anger Management

Not to mention the steam coming out of their ears and eyes turning red.

A messy house is a fact of life

Twitter

19 / 50

Cleaning House

At least it's not a real-life Jenga.

Never tell a woman to 'calm down'

Twitter

20 / 50

Fuhgeddaboudit

Why bother?

You'll never have to help anyone move again

Twitter

21 / 50

Movin’ On Up

It has its advantages.

They're the boss, baby

Twitter

22 / 50

Slacker Situation

A rare breed, always seeing the good.

Where have all their other drawings gone?

Twitter

23 / 50

Picture Imperfect

If we cross our fingers behind our back when we lie, that's OK, right?

Choose comfort above all else

Twitter

24 / 50

Comfort Is Key

Don't worry, be happy.

Kids have a way of tossing their shoes

Twitter

25 / 50

Shoe Business

It's what they do. Sigh.

Kids don't know how to whisper

Twitter

26 / 50

!!!

Damn you, teacher!

Judging other kids is a part of parenthood

Twitter

27 / 50

Judge Dread

We are a judgy bunch.

Parents live daylight savings every morning

Twitter

28 / 50

Sick and Tired

What's sleep?

Kids can never get snacks themselves

Twitter

29 / 50

Argh

There are not enough eyeroll emojis in the world.

Kid wants to marry the cat, Mom just wants homework done

Twitter

30 / 50

All The Feels

Almost all.

They always want what they don't have

Twitter

31 / 50

Typical Toddler

Murphy's Law and all that.

We always eat what they don't finish

Twitter

32 / 50

Food For Thought

It's a parent's meal plan.

All parents want to do is shower in peace

Twitter

33 / 50

Bathroom Blues

Just five minutes. That's all we ask.

Quesadillas and grilled cheese sandwiches are one in the same

Twitter

34 / 50

Cheese Whiz

You have to pick your battles.

Parents never leave on time

Twitter

35 / 50

Never Happens

Are we in an alternate universe?

Never share food with a child

Twitter

36 / 50

Bacon Me Crazy

All of this.

When someone helps you hide the chocolate

Twitter

37 / 50

Sigh of Relief

It's amazing when you find a person who just gets you.

An empty house is a clean house

Twitter

38 / 50

Riiiiiiight?!

Ah, the dream of an empty house.

Bathroom sink can be a nightmare

Twitter

39 / 50

Messy Mouths

At least they're brushing?

Yogurt dip made simple

Twitter

40 / 50

You Fancy, Huh?

You do what you gotta do.

Monsters are in the attic, not under the bed

Twitter

41 / 50

Get Real

Um, maybe too real.

Road trips can be rough

Twitter

42 / 50

Road Warriors

Yep, that's about right.

Kids can be bitey

Twitter

43 / 50

Ouchy Mama

When your kid's a crocodile.

Bathroom 'uh-ohs' are never good

Twitter

44 / 50

Famous Last Words

That's when you run in the other direction.

Some kids can't handle bedtime

Twitter

45 / 50

Prehistoric Preschooler

Yawn.

Kids hate activities, we hate driving them to them

Twitter

46 / 50

Extracurricular Inactivity

It's what we do.

Girl wants her family to know she looks good

Twitter

47 / 50

Oh, Boy

They're going to have their hands full with this one.

Always hide the good snacks

Twitter

48 / 50

Sorry, Not Sorry

Sometimes YOU have to come first.

'The Neverending Story' is long

Twitter

49 / 50

True Story

YAAAAAS.

Kids break everything

Twitter

50 / 50

Damn Them

And this is why you can no longer have nice things.

Family
May

Denette Wilford

Written ByDenette Wilford

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