20 Ways NOT to be that annoying mom on Facebook

Social media is kind of built for braggarts — but that doesn't mean we have to like it. Bragging is one thing; humblebragging takes it to a whole new annoying level. "If only my kid wasn't in the gifted program. Then she'd have more time to work on getting her third straight gymnastics gold medal and we wouldn't feel totally guilty heading to Miami for her dance competition. #yolo." Blech.

When your timeline looks like a minute-by-minute account of your daughter's day, that's too much.

That 50-photo album — with captions, of course — after your son's first birthday (which he won't remember, by the way)? Forget scrapbooking. Facebook is the ultimate baby book.

Those who say kids are impatient obviously don't have moms that don't believe in the candid shot. The lighting, filter and pose have to be just so.

There's #nothinglike a mom who #lovesherkid because they make her #soproud. #thebest (a.k.a. #theworst)

Anything your kid can do, the one-upper and his/her offspring can do better. Because parenting on Facebook means never feeling like you're doing a good enough job, and everyone else is doing it better.

Well, this is just wrong on so many levels, which is why it's so irritating.

Saying one daughter is the best daughter in the whole world isn't super-great for your other two girls. Just terrible.

Paranoid, panicky posts about a coyote spotted two towns over or linking to scientific articles and conspiracy theories that are dubious at best only solicit eye rolls.

Sometimes you just want to vent about parenting. But the know-it-all won't let you. She'll try to fix everything with her pearls of wisdom.

There's nothing more frustrating than having people offering advice you didn't ask for, want and probably already knew in the first place. What works for some kids doesn't work for all. So zip it!

Instead of typing a query into the search engine, they'd rather take their questions to Facebook, whether it's "When's Father's Day?" or "What should I do for my baby's 100-day party?"

Parenting doesn't come with a manual so half the time we're just making it up as we go along. And that's cool. But it's also cool to bitch and moan about its frustrations every now and again. But when that's ALL you do, everyone wonders why you ever procreated.

If peanut allergies weren't a thing, my kid would be getting PB & J five days a week. If she's lucky, a string of cheese, an apple, maybe some Goldfish crackers. But Facebook is here to show you how you're only doing the bare minimum, what with the organized Bento boxes of all five days already ready to go.

Providing too much information is gross

Everyone's got one perfect friend. They live in a nice house, drive nice cars, love their jobs, Mom only gained weight in her tummy while pregnant, then looked like a supermodel an hour after giving birth (naturally, with no epidural, and the baby just flew out, of course), Dad manages to get home in time to make dinner, all while training for his latest marathon, their children all speak a different language, play instruments, excel in sports and are on the honour roll and, the most annoying part? They aren't picky about food. Flawless Facebook families only make you seethe, and have you wondering how you've made it this far.

Showing off that you're the fun mom who still gets loads of "me time" only angers the bitter moms who are folding laundry and already in bed when your status update shows up.

It's wine o'clock somewhere. We get it.

Cryptically posting about "starting a new chapter in the book of life ..." will undoubtedly garner comments of questions, concerns, maybe congratulations. You might be patting yourself on the shoulder but we just want you to 'fess up already.

All you're doing is encouraging their outrageous behaviour. Enough with the enabling.