10 Reasons Why People Fall Out of Love

A recent article on the subject via eHarmony.com outlines 10 reasons why falling out of love has become so commonplace among couples today. One that stood out the most to us had to do with boredom, wherein one – or both people – in the relationship felt things had gotten too stale, or that the partnership had become too much work, with likely too little passion or interest in return.

If this is happening to you, don't miss 40 ways to breathe new life into a long-term relationship.

An article and quiz on PyshcologyToday.com, by Susan Heitler, PH.D. asks its readers to look for the warning signs indicative of a relationship headed south. Heitler believes that couples fall out of love with one another when a growing rift between two people causes them to re-invest their energies outside of the relationship, rather than re-focus their attention to renewing interest in their union. Despite the rift, Heitler believes that relationships can still be saved, and that "growing apart is not a death sentence for a relationship.”

Don't end up like these celebrity couples who split up recently.

Looking across the pond for some insight on the subject, we came across a study by consultancy firm Grant Thornton. They surveyed leading family lawyers to determine the causes of marital breakdowns and divorce. Infidelity, once the leading cause of divorce, has more recently replaced by couples simply falling out of love. How does this happen? One point mentioned in the article, was that failing relationships are often a cause of de-prioritization on one – or both ends – of the partnership. When couples become too complacent in a relationship, or deem it as less deserving of attention than other aspects of their life, the pairing takes bottom shelf and suffers neglect and ultimately, a complete disconnect between partners.

For more, don't miss the real reason your husband is cheating on you.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Tina B. Tessina (PH.D.) has a lot to say when it comes to couples falling out of love. She sees countless couples in her practice who feel they love their partner, but are no longer in love with them. Of her top three reasons why, Tessina discusses couples that don’t know what a partnership is, or how to conduct themselves in one. She goes on to say, “Couples who become competitive and fight about who’s right or wrong can destroy the love they originally had for each other. The partnership way is to focus on cooperatively fixing the problem.”

UK-based marital therapist Andrew G. Marshall, author of “I Love You But I’m Not in Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship” believes that falling out of love with your partner does not necessarily spell doom for your relationship, so long as both people are willing to do the work to re-ignite that spark. But what does Marshall believe leads so many couples to this breaking point in the first place? Marshall frequently comes back to the issue of a loss of intimacy, wherein partners become more adept at providing basic companionship to one another, otherwise losing the passion that brought them together in the first place.

Calgary-based marital counselor Nathan Cobb, PH.D., has found that couples often fall out of love with one another when they neglect to spend enough time alone together. This time should involve personal conversations, tender physical contact and loving affirmations of the other person and their worth in the relationship. When this is not a part of a relationship, couples begin that dreaded descent into a place where love may still exist, but that feeling of being in love begins to fade away. The silver lining? Cobb believes, “…couples do sometimes fall out of love, and that couples who fall out of love can also fall back in love with each other again.”

Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. is the author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage. With over 3 million copies sold worldwide, Dr. Harley has had the ear of couples in crisis since earning his PH.D. in psychology in 1967. He has broken down the biggest marital issues faced by couples today into 10 basic concepts, of which he also addresses the idea of falling out of love.

One of Dr. Harley’s basic concepts has to do with what he refers to as “radical honesty.” Of the critical role that honesty plays in a successful relationship, he says: “Honesty is the only way that you and your spouse will ever come to understand each other. Without honesty, the adjustments that are crucial to making each other happy and avoiding unhappiness cannot be made.”

Therapist Gerry McCanny explores the reason behind falling out of love with your partner. One of the primary reasons he has found is unrealistic expectations. He goes on to point out that at the start of any new relationship, partners feel a sense of bliss and euphoria. As the relationship progresses and settles into a more mature and realistic state, McCanny notes “things often start to change. We discover that our partner has qualities that we don't like and that they are different from what we thought they were. Disillusionment can gradually turn to anger. The power struggle has begun.”

Having a realistic idea of who your partner is and what it is you can expect from them in a long-term relationship will help you build a solid foundation, avoiding the shock and inevitable disappointment that comes from discovering your SO cannot live up to the unfair expectations you’ve set for them.

Marriage and relationship coach Jack Ito, PH.D., explains on his website that a lackluster sex life is a critical driving force behind the disconnect between partners that tends to result in a loss of love and intimacy. Dr. Ito commands: “Put the effort into your sex life that you would like your spouse to put into something that you care about. Don’t just expect the feelings to come naturally. Be intentional about what you are doing.”

Physical contact may not always come naturally, and often we tend to settle into our daily routines and come home to our significant others too exhausted from the day to stir up the energy to engage with them physically. A healthy sex life, and for that matter all loving physical contact in a long-term relationship, takes effort and intention. But by making the effort, you are pro-actively working to keep that flame burning and grow the passion and intimacy between you and you partner.

Licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Stone runs her Embark Therapy practice out of North Carolina, specializing in couples therapy. Stone identifies the issue of couples falling out of love as one rooted in a dissatisfaction that develops over time as partners fail to acknowledge and address emotional injuries incurred over time. Injuries that may be quite natural and common in even the healthiest of relationships can turn toxic when left untreated for a prolonged period of time, or avoided entirely. It’s not all bad news, says Stone, who believes that sometimes falling out of love can in fact signal the start of a new, refreshed relationship with your partner, as she explains: “It could also be the signal that your relationship needs to enter a new phase – one that could eventually prove to be even better than the last.”