“This place is heinous”: The Funniest SUR Reviews on Yelp

While Jax, Katie, Ariana and Tom mix up drama (and Stassi and Kristen find any and every reason to visit) on screen, the rest of the SUR staff has real-life customers to serve.

We perused Yelp for some reviews from ordinary people and came across a few that were so unflattering and unexpected they border on hilarious – even if that wasn’t the intention.

Yelp

1 / 16

When zero stars isn’t an option

Michael from Philadelphia was looking for more of an Applebee’s experience.

Yelp

2 / 16

Lala, is that you?

Jasmine from Los Angeles would like you to know that she met Katie. Katie organized her party and did a terrible job. Did she mention that she met Katie? Yes, about 10 times.

Yelp

3 / 16

Shell with a side of lobster

We have to give Stephanie from Pittsburgh some credit: she bit into a lobster shell and still managed to finish her meal and try to say some nice things about SUR.

Yelp

4 / 16

Puns and disappointment

Elesheva from Boston likes a good SUR pun as much as the rest of us, but she took issues with many things, including Max’s service. I guess when your mom is the boss, you can get away with slow water refills. And she didn’t appreciate Peter flaunting his star status – and his texts from Stassi – to a table of women.

Yelp

5 / 16

Another VP Rules denier

Tanner from Dallas has no idea why people keep going on and on and on about VP Rules, he was just there for the appies. Sure Tanner, we believe you.

Yelp

6 / 16

What’s in the SUR alley? Trashbags

Never meet your hero, because if you do he might turn out to be a TRASHBAG.

Yelp

7 / 16

The DJ James mix: vomit and 90s music

Tracy from San Fran tries her best to balance the negative (smells like “recent” vomit) with the positive – good mix of music. She's definitely a "the Pumptini glass is half full" kind of person.

Yelp

8 / 16

Welcome to the dark side, Kelly

Kelly D form New York wants you to know that she’s too good for “trash TV”, but she was highly disappointed none of the cast members were there. Even though she doesn’t watch the show. Except for when she binge watched it.

Moderately handsome bartenders and overpriced drinks — sounds like fun.

Yelp

9 / 16

Moderately handsome bartenders and overpriced drinks — sounds like fun.

Ashley from Needville doesn’t mince word, calling SUR “super heinous” and the food “abhorrent,” despite being a fan of the show. It’s not the food that’s her only complaint – she doesn’t think the Jax-wannabe bartenders are proper heirs to the Pumptini.

“I’ll have the butt cheek surf and turf.”

Yelp

10 / 16

“I’ll have the butt cheek surf and turf.”

Does this person know that Tom Schwartz doesn't work at SUR, let alone cook there? What does Miss C. have against chopped arugula?

Yelp

11 / 16

Seriously Underwhelming Restaurant

Jonathan K. from LA has come up with a new acronym to describe the crown jewel of LVP's restaurant empire – and it's not very flattering.

Yelp

12 / 16

Sh-tty Understaffed Restaurant

Maura D. from LA was even less generous with her SUR acronym – Sh-tty Understaffed Restaurant. Ouch!

Yelp

13 / 16

Jax is a total dick

Sorry, Susan B. from Vegas, but you've seen Vanderpump Rules, were you really surprised when Jax was a dick? Impossible. Jax being a dick is the side served with every single Sexy Unique Cocktail.