20 Worst Excuses for Not Going to Work

Most employees have taken a day off work by pretending to be sick or making up some kind of excuse, but anyone tempted to to avoid these actual real-life excuses (compiled from sources ranging from Reader’s Digest to The Telegraph to USA Today), which are so ridiculously terrible it’s tough to imagine the people who tried to use them didn’t get fired on the spot.

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1 / 20

“I’ve been bitten by an insect.”

Here's the perfect excuse if you really want to bug your boss.

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2 / 20

“My dog ate my shoes.”

How big is the dog? What breed is the pup? What kind of shoes? Does this person not own any other footwear? So many questions...

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3 / 20

“I accidentally got on an airplane.”

Let's give this one an A for inventiveness and an F for plausibility.

RELATED: How to look fresh after a long flight (accidental or otherwise).

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4 / 20

“My dog swallowed my car keys and I’m waiting for them to come out.”

You have to admit this makes a bit more more sense than that other person waiting for a dog to poop out a pair of shoes.

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Annie Spratt/Unsplash

5 / 20

“I drank too much and fell asleep on someone’s floor — and now I don’t know where I am.”

Here's an excuse that pretty much torpedoes that whole notion of honesty being the best policy.

SEE ALSO: The most outrageous tax claims Canadians have made

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6 / 20

“I’ve been at the casino all weekend and I still have some money on Monday morning and I need to win back what I lost.”

If you've just spent an an entire weekend gambling at a casino, losing your job may not be your biggest problem.

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7 / 20

“I just put a casserole in the oven.”

As excuses go, this casserole one is pretty half-baked.

Greg Rakozy/Unsplash

8 / 20

“My wife discovered I was cheating and I have to retrieve my clothing from the dumpster she threw them in.”

Was it a nice dumpster? Because there's a solid possibility you may be living there in the near future.

RELATED: Your spouse is more likely to cheat if they have these jobs.

toine Garnier/Unsplash

9 / 20

“My 12-year-old daughter stole my car and I have no other way to get to work.”

The employee — for real — continued by saying that he was reluctant to report the theft to police because he didn't want his kid going to jail.

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10 / 20

“I’m very upset and emotional after watching ‘The Hunger Games’.”

Please don't ever let this person watch Schindler's List.

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Sebastian Herrmann/Unsplash

11 / 20

“I forgot I was hired for the job.”

Way to make a great first impression!

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12 / 20

“My hamster died.”

Hey, have YOU ever tried to make funeral arrangements for a hamster?

RELATED: Quiz: which pet is right for you?

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13 / 20

“I locked myself into my house and I can’t get out.”

Right up there with "I couldn't figure out how to get my arms into those sleeve things attached to my shirt."

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Elated woman reacts with intense enthusiasm to her winning lottery ticket.

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14 / 20

“I thought I won the lottery, but then realized I hadn’t.”

The moral of this story: be EXTRA sure you have the winning ticket before you decide to blow off work.

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15 / 20

“My fortune teller told me if I step out of the house today I’ll have a brain hemorrhage.”

Did your fortune teller also tell you where you'd be working next after you get fired from this job?

Looks like you'll be aiming for a job with a sweet starting salaries in very soon.

“I’m suffering from PTSD after seeing a huge spider.”

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16 / 20

“I’m suffering from PTSD after seeing a huge spider.”

This employee will soon be suffering from PUTD — post-unemployment stress disorder.

RELATED: 10 mental health terms you need to drop from your vocab.

Woman with hair curlers reading magazine

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17 / 20

“My roots were showing so I needed to make an emergency hair appointment.”

Priorities, amiright?

RELATED: Quiz: which shade of blonde is right for you?

Silhouette of person standing in front of starry sky

Greg Rakozy/Unsplash

18 / 20

“The universe is telling me I need a day off.”

Boss: "The universe is telling me you should start looking for another job."

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19 / 20

“My doctor told me I needed more vitamin D, so I went to the beach.”

Prediction: you're going to have PLENTY of time to hit the beach after attempting this excuse.

Wouldn't be asking for a raise too soon after trying this one.