10 Signs You're Probably Asexual

Let’s be honest — sex sells. It’s everywhere, and everyone seems to want it. But some people just aren’t in the market for it, myself included. If you find yourself in the same boat, you could very well be under the asexual umbrella. Asexuality is defined as lacking any sexual attraction for another person, and around one per cent of the world’s population identifies as such (though the actual number is thought to be higher). Asexuality is not a choice, which sets it apart from abstinence or celibacy, and thus it can be hard to identify; how can you know you lack sexual attraction when it was never there in the first place? Read on for common signs that you might be ace.

(Asexuality is a spectrum, so not all of these signs may apply to you, which is OK!)

Pexels

1 / 10

You have no interest in intimacy

This is the biggest giveaway. Not having sexual attraction means you aren’t interested in having sex of any kind. While there are definitely some aces who enjoy sex, they’re almost never the ones to initiate it. It can be hard for an ace to get into the right headspace for it too, and can be a point of discomfort.

Lots of people who are asexual also identify as aromantic — called aroace — which means they don’t have romantic feelings, either. Some people are also sex-repulsed or sex-averse, meaning they find sex and sexual acts unappealing. Not every relationship has to be built around that kind of physical intimacy — and not everyone needs a relationship to be happy.

smiling young woman wearing a hat and sunglasses in field of flowers

Pexels

2 / 10

You haven’t NOT found the right person

“You probably just haven’t found the right person yet!” comes up pretty frequently if you’re flying solo or are non-intimate. While usually well-intentioned, it can be downright annoying and, if they know your self identity, quite inconsiderate. You may find the love of your life, but not have any sexual attraction to them, and that’s valid. No, the way we are won’t be changed if we fall in love with someone.

Woman at a pride parade with rainbow makeup

Unsplash

3 / 10

Other LGBTQ+ terms don’t fit you as well

Bisexual, pansexual, heterosexual, etc. What do these orientations have in common? They are all types of sexual attraction (called allosexual orientations). The prefix a- means “without,” (think “atypical, asymmetrical, asymptomatic). For me, I realized that I did not really fit into any orientation I was reading about until I came across asexuality, which fit me to a T. Some asexual people might identify themselves as gay or lesbian if they find themselves physically attracted the same gender, but most will keep their ace identity at the forefront. And that's A-OK (and we don't mean "not OK!").

Unsplash

4 / 10

You don’t find pleasure in self-pleasure

Masturbation is a healthy form of self-care and has even been found to improve female health. But some aces are just not into it. Since there is a lack of sexual attraction, this can also mean a lack of anything sexual at all, and self-pleasuring brings no pleasure. As a result, you may not have any need or desire to partake in a sensual solo session.

Woman and man smiling at a table with laptops and drinks

Unsplash

5 / 10

You’re not in a rush to be in a relationship

Everyone deserves to be loved and to have a partner through this journey we call life, but maybe you don’t mind being a lone wolf. I’m lucky to have a great group of close friends who support me and keep me company, which is enough to make me happy since I am not looking for any sexual encounters. While I, and I’m sure other aces, would like to be in committed relationships, I’m not in a hurry.

Man and woman looking at each other in a flower field

Unsplash

6 / 10

You feel that aesthetic attraction > sexual attraction

Think of it like this: someone who is straight is attracted to the opposite gender. Sure, they might think that someone of the same gender is aesthetically-pleasing or good-looking, but they don’t want to get intimate with them. For a long time, I never knew that crushes were anything more than thinking someone was physically attractive and wanting to know them better. Now I know that that’s aesthetic and romantic attraction. Some ace people might not have any attraction at all, but if you have any attraction other than sexual, you’re part of the club!

Unsplash

7 / 10

You get over crushes quickly

Of course, an ace person can have a crush; it’s usually aesthetic and/or romantic. The desire for love is there, but sexual intimacy is where it stops. Perhaps you’ve been interested in a physically attractive person and wanted to get to know them better, which could also be a squish — a platonic relationship with someone. But because you’re not looking to get into bed with anyone, it makes it easier to let go and move on. It’s important to think about what kind of relationship you want and decide what makes you happiest.

Unsplash

8 / 10

You don’t have any celeb crushes

Have you ever been asked who your celebrity crush is, and found that you couldn’t answer it? Been there! This is where the aesthetic attraction takes centre-stage. Orlando Bloom is fire, Emma Watson is gorgeous. But to me, they’re just pleasing to look at, nothing more. Does that count as a celebrity crush? There are a ton of thirsty celeb fans, but you’d be hard-pressed to find an ace in that boat. Read: You're more interested in discovering their beauty tips than fantasizing about them — with or without their perfectly styled clothing on.

Unsplash

9 / 10

You can go the rest of your life without sex

For allosexual people, this thought could be incomprehensible. But for aces, life wouldn’t change all that much. It’s kind of like if you took away skydiving; the thrill and excitement exists, but you might not care to ever experience that, so taking it away wouldn’t mean much to you. There are tons of other ways to enjoy life, with or without a partner, and sex doesn’t have to be one of them. I rarely think about it at all, and really wouldn’t mind if I went the rest of my life without it. If this applies to you, you’re not weird or broken. It’s just not your cup of tea.

Slice of rainbow cake with one pink candle on top

Unsplash

10 / 10

You’d rather eat cake!

Having sex? I’d rather eat cake! You’re likely to see a layered cake in online groups in the colours of the ace pride flag — a common symbol in the community. Plain and simple — a slice of cake sounds better to you than sex. Don’t be afraid to grab a slice. After all, who doesn’t like a good slice of cake, am I right?