10 Annoying Questions About Your Love Life and How to Answer Them
With Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and the holiday season just around the corner, you know you’re going to run into that nosy aunt or annoying second cousin who is going to ask you way too many questions about your love life. You know the type. Don’t worry: we got you covered. This is our how-to guide on how to field those maddening questions. Because geez aunt Linda, it’s none of your business!
“So, are you dating anyone?”Maybe you’re dating someone, but don’t want to share the details of who you’re sleeping with just yet (imagine the follow-up questions!) Maybe you’re single and don’t want to talk about it (your meddling family + the details of your bad breakup or 30 bad Tinder dates = not a good scene). Or maybe you like being single because you have no time for anyone else’s bullshit. Summary: it’s nobody’s business.
What to say:“Depends what you mean by ‘dating.’ Do you want to hear about the crazy one-night stand I had last weekend?” Or “Nope and I have no intention to. My life goal is to die alone surrounded by 50 cats.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“Yes, but I’m not ready to share details just yet.” or “No, I’m too focused on work/travelling/my hobbies right now.”
RELATED: Why millennials are having less sex than any other generation.
“Are they ‘the one’”?First of all, you have to believe in the whole concept of “the one” to even answer this question to begin with. That aside, there are likely four options here: 1) no, they’re not, but you’re too lazy to date anyone else; 2) you haven’t thought about it because you’re still in the new relationship, all-of-the-sex-all-of-the-time phase; 3) yes, they are; 4) or you don’t actually know and you’re grappling with that thought yourself.
What to say:“Why? Do you know someone else you want to hook me up with?” Or “No, they’re just really good in bed.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We’re still getting to know each other, I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
RELATED: Celebrity couples who called it quits recently.
“Is this just a phase? Are you ready to return to men/women/the opposite sex?”For those in non-hetero relationships, this maddening question gets asked way too often (hot tip: even once is way too often, check your heteronormative bullshit at the door).
What to say:“Why? Is your homophobia just a phase?” or “Nope, still love the D/the V.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:Actually, there is no less sassy/blunt version here. Just tell this person where to go.
“When are you going to settle down?”This is for the notoriously single. Perhaps you want to settle down, but you haven’t met the right person (see slide one re: those bad Tinder dates). Or perhaps — gasp! — you don’t want to settle down. People somehow feel uncomfortable with the fact that some folks just don’t want to get married and procreate.
What to say:“Because that worked out so well for you, right?” (this is particularly helpful if your nosy family member is in a relationship you would not aspire to have) or “Settle down? I prefer going down.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“No plans yet.”
“How is [your ex’s name]?”Thanks for reminding me, uncle Chris. As if these annoying questions weren’t bad enough, we have to bring up broken hearts too? Newsflash: if I was still friends with my ex, I’d bring them up on my own.
What to say:A truth bomb as to why you split is always good: “still boring and not for me.” Or this gem from Mashable: “They never existed, I just made them up so you’d stop asking me all these annoying questions.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We’re not in contact, you’ll have to ask [your ex’s name].”
“Who is the man/dominant/top in the relationship?”This annoying question assumes that all relationships have gendered roles, that one person is “the man” and one person is “the woman.” This mostly is asked of LGBTQ+ couples, but it’s not uncommon to be asked to straight couples, too. Do you really care about how we divide our chores and how we have sex?
What to say:Answer this clearly to make them feel uncomfortable: “What are you talking about? We’re both men/women.” Or make up something random to highlight the absurdity of their question: “we alternate days, today is my day!”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We’re in an equal partnership.”
RELATED: No gal pals here: 10 lady-loving celebrity couples.
“When are you moving in together?”Sharing a home together is a big decision. We all like our own space. Like, starfishing in the bed type of space. Also, have you seen the price of real estate these days? What happens if you give up your rent-controlled apartment and then it doesn’t work out? So many things to consider here, aunt Leanne.
What to say:“Oh, so glad you brought that up! Can we move into your spare room/basement?” Or “I’m not sure they’re ready to be regular witness to me not cleaning up after myself and not flushing the toilet.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“Not sure, I like my apartment/house the way it is now.”
“When are you getting married?”So much pressure, geez. What’s the difference between a common-law relationship and getting married, anyway? Our personal fav is when this gets asked of people not in a relationship. Who do you want us to marry? A rando? Is this where you say “surprise, we sent in your photo to The Bachelor!”?
What to say:“Why? Are you offering to pay for it?” Or “Soon, but FYI, you’re not invited.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“As soon as I find out, you’ll be the first to know.”
SEE ALSO: 15 signs your marriage is over.
“Have you set a date? What does your dress look like? How many bridesmaids do you have? What are the colours? What do the centerpieces look like? Can I invite my best friend’s second cousin?”Whoa, whoa, whoaaa. Didn’t realize you had switched careers and became a wedding planner. Our best guess is that most people don’t get married because they care about colour schemes or centrepieces.
What to say:“We’re eloping so we don’t have to deal with questions like this.” Or “The theme is goth/circus/orgy.”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“We haven’t worked out all the details yet.”
“When are you having kids?”Sigh. Some people don’t want kids. Some people want kids but can’t find the right partner. Some people are trying to have kids but can’t get pregnant or have had one or more miscarriages. This one is insensitive, folks. If you’re genuinely interested in your loved one’s plans to procreate, simply ask if they would like to have kids in the future (don’t assume that they’re actively planning on creating a human).
What to say:“Why? Are you finally sick of talking about yours?”
Slightly less sassy/blunt version:“I don’t plan on having kids.” Or “maybe one day.”
RELATED: 29 famous childfree women on why they didn't have kids.