What Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman

Just because her shape and size is changing visibly does not give you the right to make comments about her body. Pregnant women can often feel massive from the get-go and it can be difficult to adjust to a rapidly growing new figure. Hearing that she’s huge is insensitive and can make her feel self-conscious and unattractive.

People will hand over unsolicited advice willy-nilly, which can be unhelpful when an expecting mama finds it hard enough to get off the couch to pee, keep her food down or keep her eyes open past 7pm. It’s easy for a pregnant woman to feel bad that she’s not doing enough or doing the right things during her pregnancy, so don’t make her feel worse by suggesting she do things she very well might not want to or have the capacity to.

This question is so unnecessary. If a mother-to-be isn’t finding out the sex, she likely doesn’t care whether it’s a boy or girl. What she probably hopes is that she isn’t carrying around an old boot in her uterus! The greatest wish for most parents is a healthy baby. To wish for one sex over the other implies that she’ll be disappointed if she doesn’t get what she wants.

If you don’t know her due date, don’t say insensitive things like this. Don’t question whether a woman knows her own due date--trust me, she knows it better than anyone. By exclaiming that a woman looks ready to burst can make a pregnant woman feel abnormally large and possibly question whether everything is going OK with her baby. Carrying a child is cumbersome, exhausting and at times nerve-wracking; the last thing she needs to hear is that she looks further along than she is.

Let me tell you what pregnant women need: to do whatever they please! Pregnancy hunger is something a woman should never be made to feel guilty about. They may be eating because they have a constant empty pit in their stomach, because they are nauseated and need something in their system in order not to throw up, because they have an otherworldly craving for something or because they just want to. It is no easy business growing a human and if eating is what she needs to do, she should do it, without anyone shaming her for it.

OK, this doesn’t even need an explanation but here’s one anyway: Not only is it not true, but it’s not helpful. If she looks tired, it’s because she likely is. If she looks bloated, it’s because her blood volume has increased by roughly 50 per cent and she is retaining water like crazy. If she isn’t glowing it’s probably because her body is a whirlpool of hormones that can wreak havoc on the skin, hair, nails and mood. Old wives' tales are just fables.

Putting down a woman’s ability to birth her baby is deflating and discouraging. If a woman hopes to have a natural birth, you should encourage and support her, no matter what your experience or your sister’s best friend’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s experience was. Every woman is different and what pregnant women need is to feel supported, strong and confident. So keep your negative comments to yourself.

The concept of banking sleep doesn’t really work, plus everyone knows that sleep (or lack thereof) is one of the most challenging aspects of having a baby. She probably knew this quite well when she signed up for the whole "baby-making" thing and considering there’s no way to fully prepare for the lifestyle change, why not try to be supportive instead of making her feel like her life will soon be over?

No, she probably is not. She may have an aversion to every single thing she loved before becoming pregnant. She may be eating the bare minimum simply to survive. She may only be able to tolerate carbs and ice cream. Whatever the case, it’s not cool to judge or to make her feel like she’s already a terrible mother for not being able to follow Gwyneth Paltrow’s ridiculous raw food diet for pregnancy.

If you invite a pregnant woman over for dinner, know that she will be hungry, very hungry. Making her wait unnecessarily could very well feel like torture for her. If the meal is going to take longer than expected, be a gem and have some snacks available so she doesn’t start feeling sick/cranky/angry. Your hospitality and thoughtfulness will be more appreciated than you know.