20 Things No One Tells You About Becoming A Parent

Parenthood is an incredibly rewarding thing. But until you go through these things for yourself, you’ll soon find out that it can also be a pain in the butt. As time goes by, you’ll get your bearings and figure out what works best for you but here’s a heads-up so you know what to expect before it happens.

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1 / 20

Say bye to your bathroom time

There's no such thing as privacy — even if there's a lock on the door. It's amazing how they can jimmy a lock with those little fingers.

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The backseat of your car will never be the same

It's where Goldfish and Cheerios and Baby Mum-Mums go to die. It's also the place where kids can get up to shenanigans that you can't put a stop to right away.

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Stepping on a Lego block is more painful than childbirth

There aren't enough bleeps to stifle the curses that will fly out of your mouth after it happens.

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You’ll never lose those last five pounds

Because there isn't a kid's leftover that you won't eat.

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5 / 20

Very little will faze you

From explosive diapers filled with tar-like substances that go up the back to baby vomit, and it's basically a real-life horror movie you're living every day. In a good way, of course.

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6 / 20

You’ll be trading in your hatchback

A sensible minivan with a silencing DVD player and loads of room is your version of a candy red classic convertible.

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7 / 20

They only have to go to the bathroom when it’s super-inconvenient

Or 10 minutes after you've left the house.

Two boys playing with toys in living room

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Toys will take over your house like weeds

Essentially, it all resembles a giant toy store.

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Kids are brutally honest

You have to learn to not take things personally, even when they're pointing out your grey hair/wrinkles/arm fat/ jiggly tummy/love of caffeine/not-so-great cooking/etc.

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You’ll learn to lie like a politician

From the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus to the dog going to the farm or your child's fish napping upside down, you'll be surprised at how easy all those white lies come.

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There will always be one kid who crawled/walked/talked earlier than your kid

You can't help but compare your child to others. You'll hate yourself for it because you almost always won't like the result, but you'll eventually realize every kid is different. Eventually.

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You’ll become an obnoxious braggart

Whether it's through subtle humble-bragging or full-on boasting. Your kid IS pretty incredible, though.

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Grown-up movies are a thing of the past

It'll only be of the animated variety, at least for the first eight years or so.

Woman stirring pot while kids yell in front of her

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You’ll be able to juggle a dozen things

All while kids are screaming in your face.

Frustrated man staring at sleeping woman

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You’ll want sleep more than sex

Your relationship with your partner will change. A lot. But you can't exactly get it up if you can barely get upright.

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You’ll want your kids to sleep more than anything

Even more than your much-needed dozes.

Girl and boy yelling, making faces on plane

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You’ll turn around when someone screams “Mom!” or “Dad!”

It'll only be for a dozen or so years, NBD.

Woman with annoyed, judge-y look on her face

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18 / 20

People will judge you — hard

They'll ask if you're having any more, or if you have a lot of kids, they'll ask you if you're finally done. Moral of the story: people are annoying.

Mother lecturing daughter in grocery store

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19 / 20

You’ll turn into your parents

You'll find yourself doling out the same lessons/threats they did, all with the finger out and end conversations with things like "Mark my words" and "As long as you live under my roof."

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20 / 20

Kids are expensive

Basically, anything they want/need/like will make your eyes pop out of your head. Throw in daycare, before and after school care, and camp and your poor bank account. So worth it but so, so draining.