How To Annoy Your Wedding Guests

We once heard of a bride who asked her guests to give her and her husband a wedding present of "no less than $150 per head" because she wanted to ensure they made money on their big day. Uh. Um. What!? This is never OK, will never be OK and should be completely avoided. (Frankly, we advise against overtly asking your guests for anything save for a hug.)

We Canadians get so few holidays and long weekends every year. So why on earth would you take an extended vacay away from those you love most by planning your party on a holiday weekend? We get the rationale that it'll give your guests more time to "recover" from the hangover, but trust us, they'd rather be hanging on a dock drinking at a cottage than hanging at a banquet hall for your big day (even though they love you). Holidays are sacred.

We don't really think this needs an explanation, but here goes: your friends and family are attending your big day for you; they've invested time and money in your bash; say thank you. End of discussion.

It's really sweet your friends and family want to "say a few words" on your big day. It's awesome to be loved. What's not awesome is making your other guests—who are not privy to inside jokes and really don't want to hear your diaper stories—sit through all of those speeches. That's especially true when speeches are done in one fell swoop after dinner... And drinks... And bathroom breaks are needed. Ensure your speakers are given a time limit and only select a couple people to "say a few words" après meal.

Your guests are likely thrilled you thought of including them at your fête and they're probably more than willing to tag along for a shower or a bachelor/bachelorette bash, but they'll probably get annoyed and overwhelmed if you start planning too many pre- or post-wedding events. Most people barely have time to do their own laundry let alone attend several events for you. Be conscientious of other people's time.

It's party time, yes, but it's not the time to get drunker than your guests. You want to remember your big day, right? And you want your guests to know that the time they've invested in you (which attending your big day is—an investment of their time in you) matters. Plus, it's not so classy for a bride to get out-of-control sloshed at her own party.

We know you want to capture your big day and save the memories forever, but your guests are at your wedding to see/hug/celebrate you and your new hubby. So it's probably smart to spend some time at your venue with your guests enjoying the party you spent months planning. Our advice? Skip super-long photo sessions in favour of short spurts throughout your wedding day. Take pics before the ceremony then after. Have engagement photos taken so you don't feel like you have to cram coupley shots into one day. It's possible to get all of the pics you want in a short period of time. Trust us. 

We know this is a time-honoured tradition that's also quite cultural, but receiving lines are the worst part of a wedding (they really, really are). Everyone crams into one line to shake the hands of people they don't know to say thank you for something those people may not have even paid for (AKA the wedding itself). If you want your guests to meet and greet your family, hold an open house before your big day so people can pop in and say hi. Or, better yet, bring your parents from table to table and introduce them to your guests after dinner and before dancing kicks off.

Yes, this will be the only time you get married. We know you want to make it special. But you need to know everything, including your big day, is not about you. (Deep breaths.) People will not be able to do everything you ask of them. Some will not be able to make it to your wedding. Pals will have to skip out of the event early. Suck it up and deal with it. You're a grown woman; no tantrums allowed. 

The most annoying thing a bride or groom can do on their W day is to spend all of their time pouting over something that "wasn't perfect" or "didn't go smoothly." Get over it! This is your big day—and people are there to party with you. Not having flowers at your reception is not the end of the world, neither is spilling bubbly on your dress. But missing your once-in-a-lifetime big day because of pouting? That's something to cry about.