Did Kristen really go down on Brittany?

Let’s start with Jax’s story: he came home at three in the morning, walked to his bedroom and found Brittany in bed with Kristen.

In his confessional, Jax added a layer of detail to his story: he went to his bedroom because he heard noises. When he got there, he saw Kristen “kissing Brittany down south.” Then he says he blew up and stormed out of the apartment.

Do we believe Jax? Let’s just say his track record’s not great. He’s a known pathological liar. He’s lied to every girl we’ve seen him date – and lied to plenty of his friends, too. Let’s see what the other witnesses have to say…

Let’s call LVP to the stand as a character witness. Lisa’s reaction to being told about Brittany and Kristen: Jax is lying. Then she reconsidered: “If it was anyone else, I don’t think I’d believe it, but Kristen chowing down on Kentucky muffin…” Lisa’s undecided, so the jury’s still out.

When Jax brought “the situation” up to Kristen, her reaction was: “What situation?” Even if SHE’s the one lying: well played.

Kristen’s defense? Jax is running his mouth as usual. Well: believable.

Then Kristen makes an admission of guilt – sort of. She said she and Brittany “shared a couple of wasted kisses.”

Brittany’s first response to the news coming up in conversation: deflection. She makes it all about Jax’ gutter person behaviour: “Everyone has rumours spread about them, but the fact Jax is the one spreading the rumour is what’s super embarrassing.” NOT a denial. Suspicious, right?

As Jax’s ex and a total relationship sleuth, Stassi makes an excellent character witness. When Jax spilled the news to her, she did a double take, like, “Sorry, I have to process what you just said and figure out whether you’re full of sh-t.” Jax’s character: in question yet again.

Stassi’s recommendation: Jax, Kristen and Brittany should chop off their private parts because none of this is normal. Here, here!

Enter the he-said she-said. Jax doubled down, saying he saw what he saw, but Brittany clapped back with her first real denial: “You didn’t see sh-t”

Brittany’s denial isn’t super convincing: “I’ve kissed girls drunk, but Kristen and I did not hook up. She did not ‘go down’ on me...I cannot make this any more clear: I am strictly dick-ly.” Umm 1) Why did she mention she HAS kissed girls? 2) Aren’t we getting a little lesbian shame-y?

Scheana’s response to the Brittany and Kristen vs. the People was to make it about Jax being a jerk. And...obviously. But! But! She didn’t say she didn’t believe it. Interesting…

Let’s bring Kristen back to the stand. Her story: “I literally don’t remember anything. I know that he...I don’t really know.” Then, as her final statement: “100%, I did not go down on Brittany.” Kristen: the least reliable witness, like, ever.

Waaaaaay into all of this, we find out Carter was there. In the room! Like: ??? Carter backs up Kristen’s story, but Jax claims Carter was asleep on the couch. TWIST!

Jax’s final argument: “Let’s be clear: I caught my girlfriend messing around, and now I’m the asshole?”

Brittany’s closing argument: “I swear to God that didn’t happen, dumbass.”

After Jax and Brittany’s final fight, Jax was left in bed swearing he’d told the truth, muttering “I must be crazy” to himself. Our verdict: Yes, Jax, you’re crazy. And a proven liar, too! But as for the alleged cunnilingus… If we were a voting jury member, we’d vote guilty. And besides, it’s a better story if it’s true.