How I Imagine Our Fave Slice Personalities Spend the Holidays
With Christmas just around the corner, I thought it would be fun to speculate how some of our favourite Slice personalities will be spending the holiday. Please note that this is entirely empty speculation and not based on actual research. Like all of my blog posts...
Tim Gunn, Project Runway
Gesturing to his aunts’ Christmas dickie and murmuring, "This worries me."
Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms
Berating the sugar plum fairies dancing in her head.
Cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Drinking, screaming, dropping new Christmas tracks.
Cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Drinking, screaming, putting a Rudolf nose on the grill of a Rolls Royce Phantom.
Cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Drinking, screaming, getting disrespected, eating massive meals, kicking one another.
Patti Stanger, Millionaire Matchmaker
Telling Santa that she does not care how many toys he has, he needs to grow up and be a man and get Mrs. Claus Patti’s 1-800-FLOWERS bouquet.
Gail Vaz-Oxlade, Princess, Til’ Debt Do Us Part
Following the opening of each gift, Gail glares at the giver and demands to know how much it costs.
Renee Graziano, Mob Wives
What’s with the questions? Don’t worry about it.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
P.S. Am I the only one dearly hoping that Gail just snaps one day and buys a tangerine-coloured Lamborghini?
Paul Beer is a Toronto writer, actor and comedian.You can follow him on twitter @pauldanielbeer.
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