The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Episode 5 Recap
“There are two boobs and a tiara staring at me in the face.”
And that, my friends, is a truly fantastic quote by Kyle and a fantastic way to start an episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Oh, there were so many wonderful gems, it’s impossible to fit them all in. So here are the hilarious highlights:
Taylor and Kyle have lunch at Dana’s house. Dana is trying on wedding dresses and tiaras and her bosom is so enormous I’m sort of afraid. During this lunch Dana says her 18-month-old son “speaks Thai” and is moving into “Encyclopedia training.” Dear Dana Bananas: Oh, how you entertain me. Thank you.
Lisa is asked to commentate on the Royal Wedding because she’s… British? I guess? Taylor totally agrees with me.
“I think Lisa’s qualified to be a commentator on the royal wedding because she’s married…. And British,” she says at one point.
The highlight of the episode is a lavish barbeque thrown by Adrienne, which includes a bartender, bouncy slide and lifeguards for the kids. Wacky hijinx, of course, ensues.
- Dana tells everybody her sunglasses were “$25,000!”
- Kim fails to show up and gives Kyle some long, rambling explanation as to why not over the phone
- Brandi’s four-year-old pees on Adrienne’s lawn
- Brandi accuses the ladies of thinking she’s a “super *** … But I’m not”
By the time the barbeque is over, it’s obvious that Dana’s sunglasses are super expensive and most of the ladies are not Brandi cheerleaders.
- “We only have a short window of hotness left.” – Brandi
- “You don’t whip out your penis at a party and pee on the grass.” – Kyle
Lisa’s son Max helps his mom attach hair extensions. It’s… weird.
Thanks for the craziest barbeque I’ve ever witnessed ladies, catch you next time! Remember to seize the day everyone, since we all only have a short window of hotness left.
Stephanie McGrath is a writer whose work has appeared on the Huffington Post, in the Toronto Sun, on CBC's Definitely Not the Opera and...
lots of other stuff. She loves TV and anything to do with pop culture,
even though she studied some philosophy and other important things in