Bye Bye, Bridesmaid
After a lot of stressful thought and consideration, you have come to the conclusion that you will have to let your bridesmaid go. Maybe she lost her job and you want to save her the worry over the costs associated with your wedding. Or, you may feel that she wants a way out, so you decide to be the one to give her the out that she wants. This happens often when someone is initially thrilled and excited to be in your wedding party, but then they don't seem so interested in being a part of your planning. I have witnessed bridesmaids who have made lives difficult for brides by refusing to be a part of wedding festivities and I also had a bride who demoted her Maid of Honor to bridesmaid status, when she realized she made a mistake and had someone else in mind. Ouch!
Whatever the reason you may have to 'fire' a bridesmaid or your Maid of Honor, be tactful and do it respectfully saving as much heartache and resentment as possible.
Here is some advice on this sticky situation:
First of all, make sure you give considerable thought to what you are about to do and anticipate the outcome. Very importantly, steer away from a dramatic scene with shouting and tears, and talk to her in person, and not by text message or email.
Prevention is very important, of course. So, before you make plans to go for lunch and ask her the big question of being your bridesmaid, ask yourself if she is a good friend to you and has been there through thick and thin. Do you feel that she is truly and sincerely happy for you, or do you feel envy and a hint of resentment? Will she be okay with all the duties and festivities leading up to the big day? After asking yourself these questions, you may get a very clear answer.
So, you have decided that you indeed need to fire a bridesmaid. Be private about it. Don't talk to the other bridesmaids about it and don't do it in front of them or anyone else. Embarrassing her is mean and unnecessary. If you are pretty sure there will be a temper tantrum, take her to lunch or somewhere public where she will have to keep it down, if she makes a scene.
Don't beat around the bush, or sugar coat it. Be straight and direct. Tell her that you will have to ask her to step down but be prepared with your reason why. Maybe she bad-mouths your future husband or she hasn't been around for much of the planning. Hopefully she will understand, and who knows, she may be relieved, but follow up with telling her that you hope you are still friends and still would be so happy if she can attend your wedding as a guest.
Sometimes, it does not go smoothly and there is a negative outcome. This may mean the end of a friendship. She may feel hurt and humiliated and this, not surprisingly, will put your friendship at risk. However, maybe, you can resolve the problems before resorting to firing her, but if you see that it will just not work out and this is more stressful for you both than a happy experience, let her go.
Remember, this is supposed to be one of the most memorable and joyous occasions of your life and you want happy memories and for everyone to be a part of your happiness. Do what feels right to you.
Written by Rita Wong, Rita Wong Events http://www.ritawongevents.com
Rita Wong is a wedding and events planner and owner of Rita Wong Events. Based in Montreal, Rita also plans many weddings every year for brides living in Toronto and abroad. She is a dedicated follower of new trends and her goal is to give each bride a wedding that is fresh, unique, and a personal reflection of who they are. She now shares her professional insights with slice.ca.
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