Ask An Expert: Justin: We Met And The Lust Is Gone! Please Help!
Q: I am in a long distance relationship and feel that after we met recently, I’m not the right person for him. He still is in constant contact with me everyday, but I feel that the lust is gone. We haven’t slept together but I don’t feel the chemistry on his part. How can I get him to fess up if he feels that I’m a good partner for him? How should I approach this?
A: So you met this guy online, he lives miles away, you finally met, and for whatever reason you didn’t hit it off. Whether you didn’t ring his bell or vice versa it doesn’t matter – chemistry is a two way street, it has to work for both of you. This happens all the time with online dating, it’s impossible to really find out if there’s any chemistry until you finally meet. Online dating is able to connect people from all over the world and there’s little incentive to search for people locally (usually the minimum search radius is 100kms!), so singles from geographically incompatible areas start communicating and because they’re often so far away from one another a physical meeting is delayed, and then, hey presto – it doesn’t work because the sparks don’t fly.
So my advice is to tell this guy that it was great to meet him, but that you don’t feel there wasn’t any chemistry. If he wants to keep on emailing then that’s fine, but if you don’t feel that he’s interested romantically at this stage of the relationship then what chance is there of things improving. Just be straight up and make your feelings known.
From now on, think about dating local. It’s more convenient (and it’s better for the environment!), and there are so many ways to meet singles that live near you that there is absolutely no need to go though this again. Get out there and have some fun, any social event is an opportunity to meet new people and expand your social circle, and of course you can try speed dating. Most importantly, meet people face to face, it really is the only way to see if there’s any chemistry.
If you do decide to persist with online dating then be sure to look for people that live close by, and try and meet the person as soon as you feel comfortable.
Justin Parfitt is the Founder and CEO of FastLife International, the world’s largest speed dating and singles events service. For more information visit www.fastlife.ca. He and his wife, Annabelle, will appear in a new series, Love Incorporated on Slice - premiering on January 11th.
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