10 Secrets Your Cheating Spouse is Keeping From You

They can say that they're never going to do it again until they're blue in the face but any spouse who keeps things from you — whether it's a sexual relationship on the side or financial problems or trouble at work — is NOT to be trusted. They can regain your trust, eventually, but through action, not words.

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There's no way an affair can just happen, but they're going to do their darndest to justify it that way. It takes work to be in a devoted, faithful, loving relationship, but nothing good ever comes easily. It's the behaviour after a slip that will determine whether or not the marriage is worth fighting for.

Keep in mind, if you pick up on any one of these 9 signs your relationship is failing, they likely don't care to make things work.

If they say they don't know when you question their motives, their cheating pants are on fire. Because they know. And whether it's because she thought it would be fun and didn't think she would get caught, or something worse, like he thought he was in love with him, whatever the reason is, there was a reason for the unfaithfulness.

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Despite the excuses he/she might throw your way, they know what they did was a betrayal. And if they're more defensive than apologetic, that's just their way of trying to deflect blame. Don't let it work.

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Once an affair or indiscretion is first uncovered, don't believe you've heard the whole story. As time goes by, expect more details or revelations to come trickling out of their guilty mouths.

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There's something about having a secret over someone, and wielding that power of whether to end it, reveal it or continue keeping it from that person that can be fun for the cheater.

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If you are within a foot of their phone, watch the claws come out. You'll be accused of being "paranoid" when you ask to look at it — even if it's for completely innocent reasons (though, at this point, you're probably suspecting something's off). But by turning the tables and making you seem like the "crazy" one is all for their advantage. If he/she has nothing to hide, then it shouldn't be a big deal.

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They will attempt to shift the blame onto you, whether it's that you didn't want to have sex enough or you weren't paying enough attention to him. Even if there are pre-existing issues in the relationship that may have played a part, that's still no excuse. He/she made the choice to cheat, not you.

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Sadly, the whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" often applies and infidelity can become a pattern in a marriage. And if one does it multiple times, the other might say "Well, if she can do it, so can I?" But what kind of marriage is that?

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The damage is done, the trust is gone (maybe not completely, but there will always be a little doubt) and if you still have questions or want to hash it out some more, they're not having it. If you get the stock reply, "I already said I was sorry, what else do you want from me?", then that means he/she is unwilling to invest any time in regaining your trust. Which means there'll be this cloud hanging over your marriage until it's settled. Whether that'll be enough for you, or you're ready to GTFO of the marriage depends on you. Because he/she clearly isn't interested in fixing things.

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