How to Handle Mixed Signals
Someone saying one thing, then doing another can make a person crazy. Girls do it, guys do it...many of us are at fault. But the worst is when the guy you’ve been dealing with does it unintentionally, messing with your pretty, little head.
So what is one to do when one day he says he can't see you again and the next he's inviting you over? Here’s some insight on to what’s going on, why he might be doing this and where to go from here.
Look at the times his messages come in. If he’s saying it’s over during a weekday or in the afternoon, chances are he’s thought things through. Having said that, ending things is easier said than done. Especially after a few too many drinks and an ego (and then some) that might need a boost. If he’s saying one thing then doing another, this could just be the case of intoxication and him letting his you-know-what make the decisions instead of his brain.
Don’t take him on his word. Yes, it’s his bad when he’s dicking you around, but it becomes your bad when you start falling for his words. Hearing that the guy you're into doesn’t want to see you hurts. With that likely comes negative feelings of rejection, disappointment and abandonment. Why waste your energy on those emotions, only to let him back in whenever he feels like it? You (and only you) have control over your emotions. If you start catching on to a pattern, stop allowing yourself to believe his words and take a look at his behaviour. While he’s uttering his “we can’t do this again" speech, just shrug your shoulders, say OK, and leave it at that (minus the tears and the over-analyzing). Clearly this dude doesn’t know what he wants.
He’s oblivious. It's so easy to send a sober text to someone to end something that probably shouldn’t be happening in the first place (e.g., sleeping with an ex) with the hope of getting some control over the situation. Since he probably lacks the willpower to say no to you when you call him at the end of a night out, he might be putting this out there hoping that you won’t message him in the first place. The problem is that he’s likely oblivious to how much it can hurt you. The thing is, he shouldn’t be uttering words he doesn’t mean or won’t follow through on, but you can’t control what he says.
This doesn’t make him a bad person per se. In fact, I respect that the dude wants to be clear that things aren’t going anywhere, but speak up if you’re noticing a pattern. Tell him not to say things if he don’t mean ‘em. You can say something like “I appreciate hanging out with you sporadically, and this casual relationship is working for me. If it's not working for you, you can decide that on your own and choose not to respond next time I reach out, but I’d prefer you not to text me that it’s over if you know you don’t have the willpower to actually keep your word.” This will hopefully make him think before he speaks.