How to Bang Your Coworker
Do it with class...or not
Baby, it’s getting cold outside. It’s hard to engage socially when it’s miserable outside and many singles default to watching prime time re-runs. But people still need their kicks. So what’s a feisty employee working a high-paced career supposed to do? It’s obvious – engage in sexual encounters with your co-worker(s).
This top ten list of places to have sex in your office comes to us courtesy of Reggie the Vampire from showcase.ca’s Sideshow. It proposes great suggestions for workplace locations to have sex in/on. I think number 10 (open-concept love) is probably the kinkiest, but if you’re thinking about having sex in the office, there are many variables to consider before you show fellow employees who’s boss. Here are some handy tips to keep your annual bonus (and hormone drive) in check:
Keep it clean
Cleanliness is next to porn star status. If you can’t make the time for a proper date with your workmate, the least you can do is wipe off last week’s impurities from your desk. That’s just for starters, for tips to clean everything else you might be using (filing cabinet, photocopier, floor lamp) check out How to Clean Anything.
Organize your work space
Unsightly papercuts? No thanks! Your lovemaking office space has to be neat and organized, or you may accidentally injure your colleague. For you cleaning pros, here’s how Martha suggests you organize office spaces.
Are you the mole?
You know this person well. The after-hours office watch that can easily spill your secret to a plethora of upper brass with a curious ear. There are ways to avoid being caught: keep an eye out for office spices, keep your business to yourself, and deflect probable cause wherever possible.
Watch your overtime
Like any good employee, you have to monitor your overtime hours and make sure you’re covering your bases (time to eat, sleep and work). Booking meetings with your office love-in so you can prepare for your work tomfoolery and manage your time somewhat.
Know when to call it quits
Office relationships are no exception to the love rules. When things start to sour and jobs are at stake, it’s best to call it quits before anyone gets hurt.
When not to engage
Even the kinkiest of players know when to draw the line between reality and fantasy, even in the office. Sneaking out during business meetings just to prove you can make the two-minue-in-the-closet club, or afternoon rendezvous while on the clock could mean big HR problems if you’re caught. If romance starts in the office but develops into frequent encounters, it’s probably time to develop the relationship outside of work.
You’re in Love
Things are going swimmingly and your heated affair has become a real life full-on relationship. What to do? Enjoy it! Keep your work and life balanced and make time for everyone in your new life (family, friends and your new love). If you decide that dealings between your co-worker are becoming too awkward at work, it’s probably time to sit down and discuss future career strategies within your existing departments.
Written by The Contortionist from showcase.ca