Ask a Guy

My 30 year old boyfriend wants help growing up!

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 10 May 2010 13:13:00 GMT

Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for about nine months. He's almost 30 and still lives at home. He's completed college and had a good job (construction related so he was recently layed off and is looking for work). The problem I have is he still lives at home and has openly admited that he likes it there because it is easy. Probably because he can do things like buy a PS3, 42" TV and take a week trip to Jamaica right after losing his job! I have broken up with him, for this reason and others such as poor money management, video game addictions, just basic immaturity. He told me that he had never been with anyone as mature as me and that telling him he needed to grow up was a real kick in the teeth, no one had ever told him that before! Now he says he wants to grow up, get out on his own, settle into a stable job and eventually have kids. The problem is, he has never lived on his own and doesnt have the first clue about independent responsibility. He wants me to change him. I don't know if this is a good idea, I've been on my own for eight years (I'm 26 and moved out when I was 18) and have recently had to make some major life changes due to financial issues. He wants my help, but I wonder if this is just another easy way out? He's never treated me badly, I worry because he's said he's surprised he's never cheated on me, but that's one of the reasons he thinks I'm the one. I'm not sure what I should do, all I know is I am not living with someone who doesn't know how to take care of himself. Any ideas???

A: How does this guy want you to “help” him? If he just wants support, and some home decorating advice, I don’t see the harm in being by his side as he strikes out on his own for the first time. I wouldn’t recommend living together, or opening a joint bank account, but if this is a relationship you want to explore then why not try dating again—albeit casually—as he enters this new stage of his life? Who knows—moving out could help him mature in a hurry. Good luck. -- Chauncy

A: He wants to live with you so you can do what his mom does for him now. Tell him to move out and call you in six months. If he is the one, then he'll be around. Then go check out his fridge. -- Sir B

A: No offense here, but your boyfriend telling you he is SURPRISED he has never cheated on you is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard to have come out of a guy's mouth. This dude’s making us all look bad. So the immaturity thing I can see. If he is thinking he can appease you by moving out of his mom’s house and in with you so you can be his mom, he needs a serious reality check. As far as his independence goes, I would recommend he gets his own place and proves to you that he can take care of himself and live like a grown up. Oh, and if he ever runs that line about being surprised he hasn’t cheated on you? Skip the metaphor and actually kick him in the teeth. Please. For me. -- Josh

A: There’s nothing wrong with the guy for needing help learning to adjust to independent life. It’s a big step, made all the worse by the duration of his time spent living at home. You shouldn’t feel as though you’re being a crutch for him; everyone needs a crutch once in a while. Whether you notice a refusal on his part to mature and embrace his independence is then cause for concern. Now I’m not saying this guy is the guy for you (that he commends himself for not cheating on you is a bit of a red flag) but at least cite solid reasons why you think the two of you should go your separate ways. Practically speaking, I wouldn’t move in with him just yet. Tell him to get his own place but assure him that you’ll be there to help him make the adjustment. If, after some time has passed, you find him to be far too dependent on you for your liking, then tell him so and leave it at that. -- Sergio

I love him but he never wants to have sex!

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 13:21:00 GMT

Q: I find myself in a situation I've never been in before and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy and we've been together for a little over a year. We get along very well, have great fun together, and have very similar backgrounds. I'm 54 and he's 44 and we're both very young for our ages. The problem is that his sex drive is very low and mine is what I consider "healthy". So ideally I would like to have sex two or three times per week; he would ideally have it once a month. I usually have to initiate sex. I love him very much and I know he loves me as well, but my sexual frustration is beginning to skyrocket and I'm becoming very depressed. Even the thought of cheating on him is unappealing because he's the only man I want to be with. I don't want to give up on him or our relationship because, outside of the sexual thing, everything else is working very well!

A: I've been in this exact same situation. I wanted more sex and she was happy with it once every few weeks. It slowly ate away at me: "Am I not sexy?", "Am I not good in bed?", "Does she not want me?" I started to think that I was an ass because I was thinking about ending a relationship with someone I loved just because of sex. Bottom line: sex is important to me. It's something that makes me happy. It's not essential for everyone, that's fine. But it is to me. We broke up. It was rough. But I made the right choice. You can't change people -- Sir B

A: I think you should start by being honest with him about your level of frustration, so that it doesn’t just feel like your problem. From there you can discuss possible solutions including discussing each others fantasies and turn-ons and seeing if there are some new approaches that you could take in the bedroom to spice things up. Or he could speak to a doctor. Or you could talk about being in an open relationship, so you are able to satisfy your desires elsewhere if it's not something he's interested in. Either way, you need to make him aware of the seriousness of the problem and that it's in both of your interest to try to find a solution. -- Josh

A: My first thought (and I’ll apologize beforehand) is that he’s just not physically attracted to you. My second thought is that, as an older man, his sex drive might have diminished since his “very active” days. Regardless of whether you agree with either/both/neither of these possibilities, the question remains: are you willing to be in a relationship where your sexual needs aren’t being met? I don’t think it makes you a shallow person to say no. -- Sergio

A: Try something new? -- Chauncy

I'm pregnant after a one-night stand. Do I tell him?

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:04:00 GMT

Q: So i made a huge mistake. I went to the club with my girls, met a pro baseball player that plays overseas and he told me he was going through a divorce. He has two kids and his wife was cheating on him and they wanted to end things. Well, he came to my house and I had unprotected sex with him. We were both drunk. He texted me three days later saying that I'm a sweetheart and he doesn't want to be rude but he is getting back with his wife. So i was like, ok, he told me to never talk to him and never text him again because he wants to work things out with his ex and focus on his kids. Well, I don't know what to do. I just found out I'm pregnant and don't know if I should tell him because of what he said and because he's trying to work things out with his wife. I'm so confused and I'm against abortions. What should I do?

A: There are some bad apples out there and you found one. He was probably lying to you about going through a divorce to begin with. But regardless of what you decide to do here, you have to be aware that telling him about the pregnancy will elicit a very strong reaction. He may deny it and he will definitely panic, but in the end it sounds like he will still be the type of guy who will continue to want nothing to do with you or his impending child, happy to live in denial for as long as his conscience will let him. I do think that telling him about this is the “right” thing to do, but I would not expect him to change his tune if you do. -- Chauncy

A: He's a punk. That's no way to treat a woman. Even if he claims he's getting back with his ex, the fact that he told you to never contact him again sounds suspect. If I'm with a girl and she tells me she's going back with an ex, it's understood that I won't be calling her again (especially if it was a one-night stand). If you're having this kid you have to tell him. I'm not saying he'll step up and support you, but he needs to know, for the kid's sake. -- Sir B

A: You should absolutely tell him. It’s kind of you to respect him trying to get back together with his wife, but he chose to sleep with you, which means he is responsible for the repercussions. I’m not saying you need to tell his wife and intentionally destroy his marriage, but by telling him you're giving him the chance to do the right thing and play a role in the child’s life if you do decide to keep it. -- Josh

A: How noble of him to want to work it out with his wife after he whet his wandering sexual appetite. Despite such nobility, however, it’s clear you should contact him. Pro athletes are constantly having their salaries garnished because of indiscretions from their latest road swing. Don’t feel guilty about potentially destroying his wedded bliss; he did that the second he scored with you. (Apologies for the sports pun.) -- Sergio

Did I Screw Up Because I Didn't Say "I Love You"?

Guest Blogger — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 16:21:00 GMT

Q: My Boyfriend told me he loved me on the fifth date Which was three weeks into dating...I ddidn't say it back because it seemed too soon and I would have been lying. He kept hinting around about his feelings after that but I did not reciprocate...I was going to tell him one night a few weeks later and he kept bugging me to say it...but I said I wouldn't...a couple days after I wouldn't say it he completely withdrew...he even stood me up. When I called and said I guess things are over he argued that they weren't and he missed me he just needed to "hang with his friends". But things did not improve...when he started to balk on hanging out on New Years...I said to hell with it...he told me he wasn't ready for a full blown relationship but wants to keep seeing each other. My question is, he is the one who said I love you...he is the one who was pushing for a relationship...and yet he was the one who turned into an ***. What the heck happened in this situation?

A: I actually don’t think the facts that you didn’t say you loved him and him now brushing you off are connected. I think he’s just very immature and insecure and would have been pushing away to hang with his boys, and possibly other girls, whether you professed your obsession with him or not. He was trying to lock you into feelings you may or may not have had in order to stroke his own ego and probably to keep you as a little side dish for when he has nothing better to do. I think his “I love you” was probably super fake and part of the game he and many young punks like to play. - Richard

A: Telling you that he loves you is a tactic to keep you around -- you were right to be suspicious that he said it so quickly! He wanted you to say it too so he could kick back, secure in the knowledge that you’ve fallen for him, thus giving him a psychological upper-hand. His later actions have proved the thinness of his words. It’s been said before, but it’s those actions – and not the words – that you need to be paying attention to. Cut him loose and let him reflect on his immature games. - Chauncy

A: Guys can be funny when it comes to dropping the L-bomb. The good news is, if a guy loves you he tells you, if he doesn’t tell you then he doesn’t love you. We’re pretty transparent in that sense, which is the basis for the whole “he’s just not that into you” thing. The bad news is that we can also be extremely sensitive when it comes to these things, and feel easily embarrassed if they’re sentiments are not reciprocated. My advice would be to be honest with him, explain that you care about him a lot, you’re just a little more cautious about throwing your whole heart into a relationship so early on. It doesn’t mean you’re not falling in love with him, it just means you’re not there yet. If he’s not mature enough to deal with that, and continues to act like an a$$hole, you might be better to move on. - Josh

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Should I Be The Woman On The Side?

Guest Blogger — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:57:00 GMT

Q: I'm 20 years old. I have a confusing problem and don't really know what to do.
I have a guy friend who I have known for quite a while. In the beginning of our friendship I told him that I liked him alot and that I wanted more. He told me he liked me back but he had a girlfriend who he'd been dating for a year. I didn't know this until then. I decided to keep his friendship anyway and supress my feelings. Things were going ok but whenever we hung out I could feel this chemistry between us that was getting harder and harder to ignore.

We send each other flirty messages alot. Nothing too serious. His girlfriend saw one I sent him and forbid him to talk to me or hang out with me anymore. He ignored her wishes and said he still wanted to talk to me so we carried on.

Recently on one of our flirty text exchanges he expressed that he wanted us to hook up. I thought he was joking but he keeps bringing it up now so I know he's serious. He's having problems with his girlfriend but I don't think he has any plans to break up with her.
I know that we would be great together but I dont think I'll have that chance. So now I'm left with the decision whether or not to be the "other woman". Everyone I ask has a different opinion on this. Some say "your young so go for it!" some say it's not worth it. What do you think?? Any help you can give will be appreciated.

A: I would say move on, and find a guy who is going to give you a fair shake. People complain about guys acting like scumbags, sleeping with multiple women at once, but for every cheating boyfriend there is someone willing to be the “other woman”. Demand better of him, and demand better for yourself. Don’t let him be that guy. - Josh

A: I think you’re totally crazy to go for it. I personally wasted sooooo much time playing this game when I was your age. It brought about sooooo much negativity in my life that spilled over to many other, more important aspects of my growing up. The fact that you’re young means that you have the full pick of the litter. Why would you waste time on a situation that is destined to only bring drama into your life? Plus, put yourself in the other girl’s shoes, because if you continue with this, and let’s say you do hook up, you’ll be in her shoes sooner or later anyway. - Richard

A: Some have no problem being the “other woman” to a guy in a committed relationship, but I’d argue that those women are borderline sociopaths. From your letter I can tell that you’re an emotional person who has very real feelings for someone that you can’t have. Believe me – if you start hooking up with this guy, you’ll want more, and if you can’t have it you’ll drive yourself crazy. It’s so fun to flirt with someone, even if – especially if? – they’re unattainable. But don’t torture yourself, and don’t help this guy cheat. - Chauncy

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We're already growing apart!

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:13:00 GMT

Q: Hi I am 27 years old and I live in Quebec (sorry for my English). I have a question for you, I think I know the answer, but I want to make sure I am not over reacting or over thinking this.

I am with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I got pregnant 2 months after we got together. We decided to keep the baby since we thought we had done everything by the book and because of our ages. I am very happy with our baby girl. The thing is in a matter of a short time we did a lot. Moving in together, knowing each other and the hardest thing ever dealing with money. Since I was on maternity leave I really did not make much. And that put a strain on our relationship. So since my boyfriend can’t sleep well he watches TV at night. But my problem is that he almost always sleeps on the couch. I really don’t like that. I now take it very personal. I say to myself I worry but I can still go to bed next to him. He says when the money problems are gone it will be ok. But I feel it is an excuse. And also I would like it if he would give me more affection. But he says he is not an affectionate person. What dose that mean???? Really!! Please give me answers and a way we could talk and get past this thing because I really am scared. I want this to work and I am willing to work at it.

A: It sounds like your boyfriend is overwhelmed with the recent flurry of activity in your relationship. He barely had a chance to get to know you before he learned he was going to be a father. So, you can either give him time and see if the situation improves once the finances aren’t so dire, or you can appreciate his sense of responsibility but accept that while he may be there for your child as a father, he may not be emotionally invested in your relationship to be there for you as a boyfriend. - Sergio

A: It sounds like money has become an excuse. Many couples go through difficult periods in their relationships after having their first child, it can be an incredible strain, but you need to be honest with each other and address the problems now rather than pushing them off with excuses. You also need to remember that as parents you have responsibilities not just to yourselves but to your daughter, and young kids are aware of far more than you would think. I would be honest about the problems you are having, and seek out solutions now. - Josh

A: There’s an imbalance in your relationship and you both need to address that if you’re going to make it work. That there’s a baby involved only makes it more crucial. See if he makes good on his promises to improve his behaviour, and if he doesn’t then it might be a good idea to see a couples counselor. - Chauncy

Did he just want to hook up?

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:28:00 GMT

Q: So, I meet this guy at a club and we seem to have hit it off. We had a lot of things in common and he seemed to be interested. He even wanted me to stay with him the whole night. But my friend was kicked out of the club and so we all left. I had to say bye to Paul, but not after a sweet kiss goodbye. He takes down my number and my last name so that he can add me on his Facebook. Later that night, he texts me wanting me to come over or if he could come over at our hotel room. I wanted to go but my friend was really drunk and we had to take care of her. Plus I don't think my friends would like the idea of me going out alone with a guy. I was a bit apprehensive about the idea either, but I kinda liked him. I told him that I couldn't go because of my friend and after that he never texted me or called. He didn't add me on his Facebook either and it has been two days since we last saw each other. Will he ever call me or text me again? Or because I didn't go and see him, he thinks that I wasn't interested? Should I text him or call him? What should I do?

A: Text him, asking him if he and his friends want to meet you and your associates at some club. If he shows, let nature take its course. If he doesn’t then he probably had beer goggles on the first night you met and is anxious about his next move. - Sergio

A: I would let it go. If you haven’t heard from him odds are he was only interested in a drunken hookup. If you’re looking for the same thing, by all means give him a call to let him know you’re still interested, but it doesn’t sound like the beginning of a meaningful relationship. - Josh

A: It sounds as though he was in the mood that night, but hasn’t been since. Guys will do that sometimes. If he hasn’t done something as simple as add you on Facebook, I’d say just let this one pass and don’t worry about it. - Chauncy

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I can't tell if a guy at the gym likes me

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:06:00 GMT

Q: There is this amazingly good looking guy at the gym I attend, we are both always there at the same time. Whenever I pass by him he smiles at me, and I smile back at him. We both do that 'I'm not looking but I'm really looking at you' glance, so I'm wondering if he's interested in me. why hasn't he asked me out? Or should I ask him out?

A: I wouldn’t jump to asking him out, but I would pull the old, “Excuse me, is this elliptical trainer in use?” Get a machine beside his and strike up a conversation. You should know pretty quickly if his come-hither glances were the real thing or just the testosterone talking. - Josh

A: Gym goers are slaves to routine so I wouldn’t read too much into your being there at the same time. And without seeing these “I’m not looking but I’m really looking at you” glances first-hand, it’s hard to say whether this person specifically is into you. And, not to completely burst your bubble, but a smile from other gym goers—the same faces you see every time you’re there—isn’t confirmation they want to date you. Your best bet is to see whether he’s at the gym to work out or to pick up. Does he wear earphones? Does he take them off when he’s working out near you? Does he keep his head down and concentrate on his routine or do his eyes wander for 10 minutes between sets? If he seems open to conversation then one day chat him up. Then chat him up the next day, which will be so much easier as you two now have this “history”. If he still seems more into chats than squats, ask him out for a coffee. - Sergio

A: I think some natural conversation at the weight stack or on the cardio machines is all that is required. I’m sure he doesn’t want to be labelled the guy trying to score chicks at the gym so he’s hesitant on making a move. You have the benefit of already being in a social atmosphere and you don’t have the pressure of a date interrupting good conversation, use it and then make your decision about a date after. - Richard

A: Well, if he likes looking at you so much, he probably wants to get to know you a bit better. He could be shy or maybe he thinks it’s sleazy to pick up a girl at the gym. Or maybe he’s married. You never know. If you really want to know what the situation is, go say hi! - Chauncy

How do we become more than friends?

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:24:00 GMT

Q: I am 14 years old. I liked this guy for a while and decided to take a chance and ask him out and so i did, he said maybe so i told him to take his time. He hasn't answered me yet but it was like two days ago. i don't want to seem desparate to him. Wut should i do or think. And how can we keep r convos longer? We are close i have already slept over at his house twice. so ya i need some advice!!!!

A: Tough call. Since you’re already close friends, it could be that he doesn’t know how to navigate this situation without affecting your friendship. Some guys will never bring these things up again if you don’t force the issue, so if you need an answer, you probably have to corner him on it and see what’s up. It could be that he likes the friendship the way it is. Good luck! - Chauncy

A: You’re already sounding desperate. If he was into you, he wouldn’t keep you waiting; he wouldn’t be able to think of anything but you. In my opinion, you’re probably a prospective booty call for him, knowing that he hasn’t needed to commit for you to stay at his place. Lots of fish in the sea, this one has disaster written all over it. - Richard

A: I’m a tad confused. First you (twice) spent the night at his place. Then you asked him out, with your invitations going unanswered. Do I have this right? Well, if you slept with the guy when you spent the night at his place, you might be waiting a really long time for him to get back to you. If you kept your clothes intact (which, incidentally, as a 14-year-old, you should’ve done) then you’re still in the running for the young man’s heart. So as not to seem desperate, think of an upcoming event you could ask him to. A house party, a dance… whatever. Don’t ask him, for instance, to go to the movies, as that can only be construed as a date. But simply accompanying each other to something you both would be attending anyway is a great way to get some alone time with him without beating him over the head with date invitations. - Sergio

A: I would be patient and let the situation develop naturally. Fourteen-year-old dudes can be much less mature than girls, so there is a chance that he’s feeling shy and nervous about getting involved with you romantically. If you have a good friendship with him, I would enjoy that and see what develops from there. - Josh

My BF doesn't want me to share deets with my girlfriends

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 17:44:00 GMT

Q: My boyfriend and I have been through some tough times lately. We have decided to work on things, however, last night he freaked out because he realized i talk to my girlfriends about a lot of things and he always assumed everything between us was just between us. I assumed he talks to his guy friends about everything, but he doesn't. He has told me before he's gone out and had a vent fest with his buddies, I was never naive in thinking it only happened once. But now I messed up royally. We've lived together for 3 years and now i don't know if he'll ever trust me again. Do guys always assume we don't talk to our girlfriends about personal things? I've grown up with my girlfriends being my support through everything, and i think it's natural to tell them things. I was surprised when he said he didn't know i talked to them, as he's been around me and my friends and heard the way we talk. How do I fix this? I promised from now on I would keep things to myself, but i don't think he believes me...

A: Frankly, I’ve come to assume that everything I say and do around a girlfriend will eventually make its way back to her friends to varying degrees of accuracy. Everybody talks. You don’t mention exactly what it was that you told your girlfriends―I could see your boyfriend being upset if any of the details were particularly humiliating―but he needs to know that you’re going to share some of your personal life with those closest to you. And you didn’t cheat on him, so I think this has less to do with trust and more to do with understanding. You’ve already told him you’d “keep things to yourself,” but I think you need to be much more specific. Find out what subject matter makes him most uncomfortable and then try to come to an agreement about what kinds of things should stay totally private. With luck, you’ll find a mutually acceptable halfway point. ―Chauncy

A: I have a feeling that all couples have this debate/discussion/fight at some time or another. I myself have gone through this at least twice, once I was telling my boys too much and the other I got miffed that my partner was revealing person details about our love life to her friends. I totally respect and agree that your friends are your support group and you need to share your relationship ups and downs with them as a way of finding clarity. However, I do feel that there is certain information that you just keep between you and your partner. This will be different from couple to couple but I think every relationship needs to have a certain trust that personal stuff stays personal. I guess the rule I use when chatting with my boys about a lady is thinking to myself "Would I like it if she told her friends the same personal details about me as I’m about to tell my friends?" ―Sir B

A: I wouldn’t beat yourself up. Your boyfriend is demonstrating a remarkable grasp of naivete in assuming you never discuss any of your relationship problems with your friends. And unless his impotence or teddy bear fetish is a regular topic du jour at social gatherings, I don’t believe you’re overstepping your bounds on this one. It would be different if, say, he had explicitly requested a blackout on any and all of your chats. But he didn’t. All you can do is apologize, remind him that you only consulted your friends because you care so much about your relationship, and promise it won’t happen again. ―Sergio

A: Maybe I’m seeing the woman’s point of view more now that I’m less than two months away from being married….But, honestly, what dude doesn’t think that his girl will talk about her relationship to her girlfriends?? Has he never watched a movie or television before? That’s what girls do! Okay, maybe it’s not something guys do all the time, but it’s not in our nature to do so. I really don’t see why he would care or should care that you ask your girlfriends for advice. It’s a blatant sign of his own insecurities, IMO. ―Richard

A: I don’t think he wants you to keep things to yourself, he wants you to keep things between you. Venting is healthy and can help you gain perspective on issues in your relationship, but you can’t actually solve anything until you discuss matters with your dude. In my experience, guys are a little more tight-lipped than girls when it comes to sharing their relationship issues. Part of it is that guys aren’t as open with each other as women are in general, but it’s also because we don’t want to paint a negative picture of our relationship by bitching about it. I imagine part of his concern is that he is looking bad to your friends. Explain to him that going over things with your friends is how you’ve always dealt with issues in all areas of your life and that it helps you to work through things by getting their input. Assure him that you are not doing it to make him look bad and that it really isn’t about him at all. You should also talk to him about how the two of you communicate about problems when they arise. His frustration with you going to your friends could stem from him feeling like you don’t come to him when you have problems. Either way you will need to reach a compromise, as cutting off your friends and support system and living 100% inside the bubble of your relationship is not the solution. ―Josh

What do I get for a guy who’s not into sports or the more stereotypical “guy stuff”?

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:44:00 GMT

Q: Okay, this has been puzzling me for a long time now. In movies and books you'll see the guy giving the girl flowers and jewellery and all of these wonderful and romantic things. It seems easy! A simple rose could mean the world for the girl in a relationship. But what would be okay for the girl to give her guy? The usual gift is a sports t-shirt or something else manly, but what if you have a guy that's not into that sort of thing? What could I get him that is not overboard? I need gift ideas that are simple and sweet! What would you like to get from a girlfriend?

A: This totally depends on the guy, of course, but I like gifts that say as much about the giver as they do the receiver. How about a book or CD that means a lot to you or one that reminds you of the guy? It’s also a great chance for you to show off your taste, and he’ll learn more about you in the process. - Chauncy

A: I don’t think there are any token “guy” gifts in the same vein as chocolates and flowers for a girl. What usually wins me over, then, is when the girl will pick up on something I happened to mention in casual conversation and use it as gift fodder. It doesn’t have to be anything major (a CD of a band I said I liked, perhaps). The important thing is it shows she is taking an interest in me enough to note my likes and dislikes. That will mean much more to the guy than the actual gift. - Sergio

A: You seem like a really cool girlfriend. I think most guys would appreciate something more thoughtful that the usual “guy stuff”. Your best bet is to pay attention to things he talks about. For instance, his favourite movies that you could buy him on bluray, his favourite band that you could buy concert tickets to go see, a video game that’s coming out that he’s really excited about. Just like for girls, the best gifts for guys are the ones that show you’re paying attention. - Josh

A: Music! Everyone loves music and to come home with a nicely packaged CD of your man’s favourite tunes is a surprise any guy would like. If you want to step it up a bit, get him some tickets to see his favourite band play live. Either gift will score you some serious brownie points no doubt. - Richard

We have a new baby but my BF keeps cheating

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 16:30:00 GMT

Q: My boyfriend and I recently had a beautiful baby boy but for some reason just after our son turned one month old he cheated on me, he didn't have full blown sex but he did get oral from another girl. This isn't the first time he has cheated either, when we first found out I was pregnant he made out with another girl. He has treated me like crap ever since. I broke up with him after the second cheat but he keeps calling me, telling me he can change and he won't do it again. I want to believe him for our son's sake (I don't want him to be from a broken family) but I don't know if he can actually change. What do I do?

A: As someone who comes from a single mother and a cheating abusive father, I can honestly say that your home is already “broken.” If your guy can’t be faithful at a time when you’re supposed to be the closest, when introducing a new person to this world, then how is he going to ever change? When push comes to shove, when life is getting really tough, this dude will stray for sure, if not before. Be strong, have confidence in yourself that you deserve better, and that you can do this on your own. Your ex can still be a part of your son’s life, but he ruined his shot with you twice (that you know of). If he is the upstanding guy he’s claiming he can be, he’ll understand and do right towards you and your son as something other than your boyfriend. - Richard

A: So I’m assuming your son was an accident? And I’m also assuming when you told your boyfriend you were pregnant, he wasn’t pulling out his hair out of delight. First off, forget about your son for a second. He can do without the resentment you'll inevitably feel towards him for using him as the reason you stayed with your boyfriend. And, ultimately, your son will be better off in a happy single-parent home than a miserable nuclear family. Also, forget about the degree to which your boyfriend was unfaithful. Until the blow job becomes Canada’s official greeting (oh, what a world that would be!), it’s cheating. With these distractions out of the way, the answer should be simple. - Sergio

A: As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you that there is nothing worse than being around parents that are sticking together for the kids. While it is very noble of you to want to keep the relationship together for the sake of your son, you could be acting as a poor role model for how healthy relationships should work in the process. Your son is young enough that a single parent family will be the norm for him. Staying with him because you think it will make your son happy may not make sense in the long run. Do what you need to be happy, because if you’re happy and your home is a happy environment then that is what’s best for your son. - Josh

A: Teri, whether or not your boyfriend is capable of meaningful change is something that nobody can predict, but he treated you “like crap” during your pregnancy and cheated on you before and after your son was born. That’s a testament to his character (or lack thereof) and I think it reveals a lot about what you can expect from him in the future. Quoth Dr. Phillip Calvin McGraw, Ph.D., “The best way to predict future behaviour is past behaviour.” Will your son be any better off growing up in a house where his father disrespects his mother than he would in a loving single-parent home? - Chauncy

My boyfriend prefers sex over talking!

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:28:00 GMT

Q: Okay, I need advice. My boyfriend, whom I love very much, can be a bit sexual. Whenever we hang out, it ALWAYS get sexual. Don't get me wrong, I like it but we barely have normal conversations anymore. We barely talk: we meet up, make out, and have sex. Sometimes the sex is "ha ha." I'd like to have a conversation with him. A proper, normal one. The kind you can have with any of your friends. But every single time we hang out, we barely talk and it gets all sexual. Please, please, tell me how I can fix this!

A: It’s hard to analyze the situation without knowing how long you’ve been together or if he has always been this way. But off-hand, I’d say he’s just looking for consistent sex. That you profess your love for your boyfriend implies there used to be more to your relationship than just what goes on in the bedroom (or wherever you happen to do it). If this is the case, then it sounds like your boyfriend has moved on emotionally but not physically. Perhaps you should start resisting his advances and note his reaction. If he continually gets angry with you, then I think you’ve got your answer. - Sergio

A: What you’re describing is an imbalance and that’s the sort of thing that can spell doom for any relationship. Sexual compatibility is a very important part of romantic chemistry, after all, and it sounds like your boyfriend is taking it for granted. You love each other, he figures, so why not get down and dirty as often as humanly possible? Well, because love can’t survive on lust alone and he needs to learn how to fulfill your other needs as well. You’re the only person who can tell him that, so get to it and you’ll be glad you did! - Chauncy

A: Is the problem that he’s too sexual or that you’re just not enjoying the sex? This guy doesn’t sound like the most romantic fellow in the world, which is resulting in your sex-life being more “ha ha” than “ooh ah”. Explain to him that it takes women a little longer than men to get in the mood and that your idea of romance involves intimate conversations as well as sexy-time between the sheets. - Josh

Who pays for the new couch??

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:24:00 GMT

Q: Hello I'm moving in with my boyfriend soon, he's lived at home all his life and its going to be my fifth apartment, I have all my furniture, he's bringing his clothes and a tv. We want to get new couches, he has the money for it but I don't. A lot of people are telling me he should pay since everything else we don't have to buy because I already have so I'm saving him all that money. My things aren't all new, some are and some things were given to me as gifts, so I don't know what to do: pay half with him or tell him to buy them since everything else is mine and I'm not asking him to pay half of everything. I don't want to fight with him over money stuff.

A: If he has the money, then I suggest he pay for it. If for any reason you two decide to split up at some point, he takes what he purchased and you take what you own. When you start splitting things down the middle, it can get messy in many ways, not just during a break-up. Just always be sure that you’re both secure with what you're each bringing into the relationship and you should be okay. – Richard

A: As roommates this won’t be the last time money becomes an issue, so you might as well face it head on. Sharing finances is part of sharing a life together and while no one likes talking about money, it’s best to get some ground rules down for situations like this. If you have furnished the whole rest of the apartment it seems totally reasonable to ask him to pay for a new couch, though if the two of you are going with the "what’s mine is yours" approach it should probably be a shared purchase. I would think about how much you want to share and how much you want to keep separate, and then get his feelings on the same, and make decisions together from there. – Josh

A: You have to remember that you and your boyfriend will be more than mere roommates sharing a roof. Moving in together should be a progression in your relationship, not an instance of convenience. With that in mind, your possessions should become his possessions, and vice versa. Of course, that’s easier said than done. So if you want to be pragmatic about the situation, explain to him that splitting the cost of something could create complications in the future if, heaven forbid, you broke up. Then assure him that if he bought the couches, he would not only keep them should you break up, he would earn “power of veto” – the ability to overrule your input and get a couch he truly loves. As long as you’re good with leopard-print, the problem is solved. – Sergio

A: Money is a key catalyst for so many interpersonal disagreements, so your anxiety is not unfounded. But this situation has less to do with you “saving him all that money,” as your friends say, and more to do with the fact that you don’t have any money right now. Once you start tackling abstract things like fairness and equality, you’re much more likely to start an argument than if you were to simply state that you can’t afford to shell out on a couch right now. The truth shall set you free! – Chauncy

I can't go to parties if there are guys there

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:07:00 GMT

Q: How can I get my boyfriend to listen to me when it's important? He always says I talk TOO much, but whenever I say anything it's like talking to a brick wall. My boyfriend hates talking about ANYTHING about our relationship, but sometimes things DO need to be talked about. When we fight, does it need to be discussed afterward? I don't want to have a repeat in the future if it's a fight he’s caused, but is it necessary to discuss and find a solution, or should I just let it go and hope he learns his lesson? Also, I think we have too many "rules" in our relationship. (I'm not allowed to go to a friend’s house if boys are going to be there, etc.). I wouldn't want him to hang out one-on-one with a girl, but just being in their presence doesn't bother me. What IS reasonable?

A: I too am a big talker when it comes to matters of the heart. I have also found that many of my partners have gotten frustrated with my need to discuss relationship issues. What I have learned is that both people need to meet somewhere in the middle, compromise. So you need to express to your mate that it is important to you that he engage in some discussion about the relationship. Further, and this is the tough part, you need to recognize that he doesn’t always want/need to talk and that you need to be more selective in the issues you bring up for discussion. Once you become more selective about the times you request a serious conversation, he will likely be more willing to deal with them.

To your second point about rules; relationships are about trust. If your man can’t trust you to be alone with another man, then there are some serious trust issues at play. If someone is going to cheat or leave you, there is nothing you can do to stop them. Making rules for the other person isn’t going to stop them, it may actually force them to be more deceptive. When you truly love someone, you must trust them enough to live their lives. -- Sir B

A: It doesn’t really sound like you’re in a relationship, at least, not a mutually respectful one. Has he always been like this? If so, then you should shoulder part of the blame for his attitude, as you set a precedent early in the relationship by letting him walk all over you. You need to be more aggressive with him. Lay down the law, so to speak. I can’t really state that men are like children (i.e., they like boundaries) but at least you’ll know where you stand. And if you break up, at least you’ll have the chance to meet some decent guys at these co-ed parties you want to frequent. -- Sergio

A: Not sure what other rules are in play, but the one you suggested is ridiculous. He sounds like he wants to do everything on his own terms and relationships don’t work that way. Things absolutely do need to be talked about and solutions need to be found when problems arise. If he’s not grown-up enough to handle that, you may want to start looking for someone who is. -- Josh

A: This sounds like a very controlling relationship if you ask me. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to talk things out and clarify each other’s position in order to avoid future conflict. Add in the “rules” you speak of and it seems like you’re dating a very insecure person who isn’t ready to face the music when he’s wrong, nor put trust in you to be around other men… guys who might just listen to and value your opinion. I think you need to think long and hard about what you’re getting out of this guy for you to accept such controlling behaviour. -- Richard

He Worships Other Women's Feet

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:13:00 GMT

Q: My boyfriend of seven months has a foot fetish. We met on a singles' site. I removed my profile, he has not. He uses it to meet woman to worship their feet, AND THAT'S IT, so he tells me. I want to trust him and, at the same time, I don't want to be an idiot for doing so.

He has a day off from work during the week that he uses to meet other women. It took me a while to accept this side of him and to trust and believe him that he is just indulging in his foot fetish. There is no nudity, no kissing, just him enjoying someone's feet. He has told me that someone wanted to do more, but he said no, he has a girlfriend and he left.

However, we have now said the "L" word to each other and his feelings are clear. But as time goes on, I don't know if I should still be okay with this. I don't want to make any ultimatums or threaten to break up, yet I don't want to sell myself short. Am I being too trustworthy?

A: This seems like an extremely high-maintenance relationship… strangely high maintenance. Honestly, the first sign of true love is when one is willing to sacrifice something for another and, in this case, I don’t think you need to sacrifice normality for his over-the-top obsession and his very proactive way of satisfying it. If he’s using the “L” word with absolute sincerity, he’ll shake his head and recognize that what he’s asking you to accept is a little much… way too much. – Richard

A: You should avoid thinking of it in terms of what you “should” be okay with. You both need to feel comfortable and secure in your relationship and need to be honest with one another about how you’re feeling. If you don’t like it, or feel that pictures and your feet should be enough for him, tell him. If he loves you, he will do something about it. It’s not an ultimatum, just be honest about your feelings, and tell him you’d be much happier if there was a change. Conversely, if you don’t mind it, don’t sweat what other people think about how you “should” feel. People sustain very happy relationships under far more alternative circumstances than yours, but in every case the basis is trust and consideration for each other's feelings. It sounds like you’ve been making a great effort to accommodate his needs for some time. Maybe it’s time he starts listening to yours. – Josh

A: It’s not a question of trust. Your boyfriend is deriving sexual pleasure from other women and, because of this, you should present him with an ultimatum: adore only my feet or I’ll take these feet and walk out on you. What makes a relationship so valued is the intimacy—both physical and emotional—you share. Regardless of what turns him on, he is going beyond his relationship with you to get his rocks off and that’s the crux of the matter. That said, if you really want to make it work with this guy, perhaps he would be into including you in his podiatric rendez-vous. That way, you can be a part of his world and partake in the great sex that would follow. – Sergio

A: Whether or not he’s sleeping around, the fact that you allow him to explore his sexual fetish with other women means that you’re in a one-sided open relationship, like it or not. But it sounds like you’re uncomfortable with his extra-curricular pursuits, which means that you need to be his one and only “outlet” if the two of you are serious about making a real go of it. – Chauncy

He's Only Nice When He Texts

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 13:34:00 GMT

Q: Why would a guy behave so differently on MSN from real life? For example, on MSN, when you tell him that you're struggling on something or tell him you are sad, he would somewhat comfort you. But in real life, he would say things like 'haha', 'you know you will fail', or many other negative things. On MSN, he occasionally says 'i love you' and 'i miss you' but in real life, nothing of these are shown. So, is this a guy thing? And which side of him should I take as his 'real him' - MSN or real life?

A: Good question, Wincy. The reason males differ in MSN form from flesh’n’bones form is that we never evolved adequately the ability to suppress our true emotions. It’s human nature – whether you be male or female – to laugh at others’ misfortunes. However, women can suppress that initial reaction to laugh when you tell them you are struggling with something. Not males. If someone is suffering, we will laugh at them and ask questions later. This is why MSN is the greatest advancement for men since the condom. The time it takes to type a response affords us a moment to pause and consider your feelings. Ultimately, we end up deleting the LOLs. As for the terms of endearment, well… it’s much easier to express your feelings staring at a monitor than it is staring into your eyes. I’m sure on some level this guy has genuine affection for you; the real question is, whether you want to be with a guy who is too much of a coward to express this affection in person. -- Sergio

A: It sounds like you met this guy online (“his words online caught my attention), and I think I see the problem. A lot of guys are comfortable being open with their feelings when they have the safe distance of the internet, but get uptight and uncomfortable when they see the girl in person. This is especially true of people who meet online and are looking for a romantic relationship. I would bring the problem up with him, and let him know that he’s hurting your feelings. I’m guessing he’s just doing it as a defense mechanism and doesn’t realize it’s upsetting you. Once you point it out he should drop it, and if not you should drop him. --Josh

A: This behaviour has little to do with the fact that he is a man. It is more likely the result of someone who feels awkward in social situations and specifically discussing feelings. See, online he feels comfortable expressing himself because of the anonymity of online chatting (he can be anything/anyone he wants). However, in real life, when confronted with emotions, he feels uneasy and insecure. By putting up his guard and being a jerk, he is essentially avoiding the situation (discussing your feelings) by turning it into a joke or a game.

Remember how in grade school the boys use to tease the girls they secretly liked? This is because 11-year-old boys don’t yet have the tools to express themselves, so they stick to what they know (punch her in the arm and get her attention). Sadly, it sounds like your friend never grew out of this phase -- Sir B

A: Wincy, are you familiar with Cyrano de Bergerac? (The play, not the French dramatist, LOL!) Granted, the play was based on Cyrano’s life, but for the purposes of this exercise, let’s stick strictly to the dramatization. Anyway, Cyrano was so ashamed of his large nose that he could only communicate his passionate feelings to his beloved Roxane by writing to her via Christian, her better looking lover who could barely compose an offensive epithet, let alone a stirring admission of affection! In time, of course, Roxane fell deeply in love with Christian, largely because of his supposed eloquence, never knowing that it was Cyrano who had composed those beautiful letters all along. The point is this: This guy likes you, but when he’s at his computer, he has some help from a gentler, more linguistically gifted friend, who probably also likes you, but you’ll never know who the other guy is because he’s too shy to talk to you to begin with. That’s my take, anyway. ‘Haha,’ indeed. -- Chauncy

A: "Ha, ha, you know you will fail." ?? What is he, a comic strip villain from the 1940s? I think the old adage, "Actions speak louder than words" works pretty well here. The way he treats you face to face, when it takes a little effort, is a better indicator of his true self than when he's shooting out an email. And I wouldn't cut him any slack by saying he's shy and maybe opening up more when he's on email. In that case, he's too immature for rehabilitation. If you like somebody, you should treat them well, on or offline. Send Lex Luthor packing.-- Jeff

A: Unless you’re a cyber-sex kinda gal, I think you should rely most on what is said face to face. Do you picture yourself MSN’ing him from across the living room when you live together? Probably not. People get crazy amounts of courage when typing in front of a computer, something about being in someone’s personal space that displays a person’s true character. This digital Jekyll needs to be by your side, not Hyde. -- Richard

My husband's brother is lazy

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 01 May 2009 16:46:00 GMT

Q: My husband and I just moved into our new home recently. My husband asked me if it was okay if his brother could move in for a while as he's just lost his job and had nowhere to live. I said it was okay, knowing this isn’t a permanent arrangement. His brother pays us what he can in rent and buys his own food/necessities. The problem is he isn’t cleaning up after himself and although it’s been mentioned to my husband, nothing’s changed. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? I don’t want to mention anything to my husband's brother as I don’t feel it’s my responsibility.

A: I think the answer here is clear. Your husband needs to speak to his brother and let him know he is welcome to stay, but that cleaning is also a part of the price for staying in your home. If he is unemployed, he should have ample time to clean the bathroom, tidy up and, yes, as warmer weather approaches, mow the lawn.

A: It is your house and there are many ways to respectfully, as a friend, ask him to kindly clean up after himself. It sounds like you’ve set a standard in your home and all he needs to do is follow your lead. If he’s as fair as he seems to be (i.e., paying some rent, looking after his necessities) he should understand. His untidiness is just a case of habit, but one that needs to be broken if he’s ever going to score a lady of his own. Your husband is probably just avoiding confrontation. Dudes tend to put these types of things off as unimportant.

A: I think you made the right play in bringing it to your husband first. If you bring it up once more, and he still doesn’t act, it’s yours to deal with—whether or not it’s technically your responsibility!

A: It seems pretty clear that your husband should be able to say something to his own brother. It shouldn't be up to you as that is very awkward and would paint you as the "persnickety wife". And when your husband does say something, he shouldn't weasel out by saying something like you asked him to either as that's another cop out. You're doing the brother a huge favour by helping him out and you're doing your husband a favour by very generously sharing your house with his family—so everybody should be more than eager to keep things pleasant. You shouldn't be expected to be the brother's housekeeper or his mother.

Why do all my exes want to get with me?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 15:05:00 GMT

Q: I have been in my fair amount of relationships. Most were doomed for the friendship box from the beginning and I have accepted I am the worlds greatest Ex-GF. Why is it though, at least once a week I get my exes calling me and being all nostalgic about the relationship. Are they holding their breath for a booty call, or one last try? Or are men as sappy (for lack of a better word) as women?

And, one last thing, since I have been pregnant (8 months now) men have been FLOCKING to try to be with me. Is it some weird fetish that everyone forgot to tell me about or is it just the glow??

A: Men are just as emotional as any lady; perhaps more so when they are alone and feeling needy. I think a classic song of the 1980's sums up this universal sentiment, Cinderella's "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)".

As for the pregnancy thing, that's not my cup of tea, but I know guys who definitely want to get with women "with child." - Mike

A: I think it’s a little bit of both; all dudes are a little sappy inside and many hold on to that sexual feeling all too long. It’s quite pathetic, really. Too many guys can’t bottle up their horny intuitions and end up looking like desperate fools by not letting go of what isn’t supposed to be there anymore. And your tolerance through friendship only fuels their fire. Sounds like your expanded cup size is too; I think that trumps your glow. - Richard

A: As for being the world's best ex-girlfriend, maybe it’s that you’re not the world’s best girlfriend. If there is a big disparity between the way you relate to guys as friends and as boyfriends, maybe they love being friends with you and are frustrated that it couldn’t have worked with you romantically? Just a theory. Or it could just be that you’re cool. A lot of women won’t give their exes the time of day so maybe they’re drawn to you because you don’t take that approach.

As for the pregnancy thing, can’t say I get it. What kind of clubs are you hanging out at? - Josh

A: You talk about relationships being doomed for the friendship box but you also say that you're "the world's greatest ex-girlfriend" so obviously you have managed to push relationships past the friendship stage. That, to me, says that you're someone who is able to develop friendship as well as romantic connections and that sounds pretty healthy. I think you should just feel good about those successes and about the fact that you're so likeable, platonically and otherwise. - Jeff

A: They’re calling you because they’re lonely, and yes, they’re probably also pursuing the possibility of another go. They still have feelings for you—and maybe part of you is letting them believe that there’s a chance. Or maybe not, of course, but given your assessment of the situation it certainly seems likely. Some men can be just as emotional as women are perceived to be, if not more so.

Regarding your pregnancy, I suppose the notion of a “forbidden fruit” applies here, but I’m still surprised to hear that you’ve seen a spike in attention since you started showing. - Chauncy

Am I Ugly??

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:53:00 GMT

Q: Hi i need your honest oppion on this.... do you think im ugly? and if not why have i only had 2 boufriends. im 16 years old im smart, funny, and really laied back, im not fat and im not too sensitive and i'm not mean im really sweet, i love reading and singing and im doing cheerleading but im not a prepi really need to know whats wrong with me. Don't be afried to tell em the truth i can take it lol :)

A: You are way too young for me, but you are definitely cute. And two boyfriends by 16 is not exactly nothing. I think you just need to be patient and just keep being yourself and you’ll find someone you like. Your spelling could use some work, although I am sure that has nothing to do with boys liking you or not!

A: You are totally cute. It sounds to me like maybe you’re a victim of the ol’ women-mature-faster-than-men scenario. Guys are going to frustrate you with their childish ways for the next few years (i.e., forever), but you have to keep being your cool, busy self and one of these days you’ll meet someone who you want to keep around and who is crazy about you in return. In other words, keep doing what you’re doing; you can’t rush chemistry. Oh, and for the record, two boyfriends by 16 is plenty!

A: No, you're not ugly!!! What you have to realize is that most 16-year-old guys are morons. There's no way they're going to be able to appreciate your great qualities beyond the obvious. And some of them will never be able to, just ask any 40-year-old single women you might know. Hang in there, wait for them to catch up (and, by the way, I don't really think two boyfriends by the time you're 16 is such a bad track record). And in the meantime, enjoy being 16 and beautiful!

A: You’re being waaaay too hard on yourself. The most attractive quality is confidence and you sound like you’ve got tons of reasons to be confident and feel great about yourself. High school guys are idiots (I would know, I was one) and I’m guessing you’re more mature than most of them. Just take it easy on yourself, do the things you enjoy, and work on feeling great about the smart, funny, cool person that you are. Everything will fall into place from there. I promise.

What's your Facebook status?

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:10:00 GMT

Q: There's this guy I've been seeing for about six months and we are both very committed to each other. I asked him to change his Myspace and Facebook status to "In a Relationship" and he refuses to do so, which greatly upsets me. I tell him it's not just about me, but I want other people to know that he's mine and off limits. We've gotten into many fights over this. Is it too much to ask that he change his status? Like seriously, what's the big deal?

A: It depends if he’s listed as "Single" or if his status is absent altogether. I’m a proponent of leaving these things off of social networking sites partly because, quite frankly, it causes undue stress when the relationship ends (as most do). Unless you’re married or, say, living together, I find it’s always best to just keep your love life unclassified online. Having said all that, if he actually bills himself as "Single", well, then I think you could rightly take that as an insult. Translated into real life, I know that if I were dating someone for six months and overheard her telling someone else that she was single, I’d tell her to take a hike. - Chauncy

A: Well, it would appear that he is not as serious as you. If he won’t change his status on Facebook or Myspace, then he is not ready to announce to the digital world that he is off the market. What is his rationale for not making the change? I can’t think of one that makes sense, besides the classic, “He’s just not that into you…” - Mike

A: I think the key point within this question is “he’s mine and off limits.” If you’re worried about someone stealing your hubby away, then you’re either not in the right relationship or you’re not ready for one at all. Save yourself the embarrassment of having to change that status when you break up and not put one up at all. If he’s going to stray, finding out about it on Facebook won’t be the only way. - Richard

A: If he doesn’t have any relationship info on his profile because he likes to keep such matters private, then you should lay off. If he is listed as “single” and likes to hit on chicks on Facebook, you have every right to call him on it. That said, take it easy with language like “he's mine and off limits,” unless you want to change your status to “a little stalkerish.” - Josh

Give me a ring, already!

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 21:37:00 GMT

Q: I've been with my boyfriend for nine years. I want to get married very badly and I don't know why he hasn't asked me the big question yet. When I talk about marriage he gets very snappy and doesn't say much. Everytime we go out, all our friends ask him when he's going to ask me. I want to know why he hasn't asked yet and what can I do to get him to ask?

A: What does he say when he gets “snappy?” Is it something like, I love you but I don’t want to get married? If so, you might be barking up the wrong tree. If he says something like, I am just not ready yet, well, that could be a cop out, because I don’t know how much better you two will know each other considering you have already been together for nine years. You mention he doesn’t say much on the matter, so perhaps he’s not forthcoming on the matter at all. Chances are he has some reason for his hesitance and if you expect to marry the man, you’re going to have to learn to communicate with him on a level that will allow him to reveal why he is gun shy. - Mike

A: As someone who waited almost seven years to propose, for me it wasn’t about whether I wanted to be married or not, it was the process of actually getting married that was scaring me off. If I could snap my fingers and have my girl and me in some exotic place with only the people we truly love by our side, I would have proposed years before. But it’s the daunting task of compromising for the sake of a ton of people that really shouldn’t have a say in the most important day of your life that scared me away from the ring. So maybe you need to get to the root of why he isn’t asking and not assume right away that it's you or being married in general; maybe it’s just the process that's frightening to him. - Richard

A: It sounds like you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. He might not be ready to make it official or he might be scared of marriage. However, if marriage is important to you then he should be able to explain to you why he behaves the way that he does and his feelings on the matter. Communication will provide you with the answers that you're seeking. - Steve

A: Nine years is a long time and if your guy continues to be petulant then it's time to ask him if he even wants to get married--ever. It won't be a fun conversation, but it's obvious that if you don't bring it up, he never will. And if it turns out that you do have to cut your losses, well, better late than never. - Chauncy

A: I would stop thinking of the situation as if he’s holding all the power. Why do you want to marry him? Does the fact that he’s dragging his feet about proposing make him less attractive to you? If he wants different things in life right now, is there a possibility you would be better off going your separate ways? Don’t threaten to dump him, but assert yourself and carry yourself as an empowered equal in the situation. Then tell him he’s being an ass and explain that you are a smart desirable woman who doesn’t need to wait around for him to decide he’s ready to get married. And then the ball’s in his court. - Josh

First date etiquette?

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 21:39:00 GMT

Q: What bits of chivalry do you pull out on a first date? How long does that last?

A: I stick to the old standards: open doors, buy dinner, listen attentively. I am probably more chatty than normal. It probably lasts a month or so.

A: I grew up surrounded by females so I was taught a lot at an early age. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, flowers, listening, hearing, and being respectful are all things I pull out on a first date. And since I was brought up right and these things were ingrained in me, I continue to do them for as long as I know the person. And, I’d have to say, doing these particular things gets me around “the bases” a whole lot quicker!

A: Hmm, I suppose the standards always work. Pick up the cheque, open doors, pull out chairs and, most importantly, never ever initiate physical contact. That's not to say if she initiates you should refuse, however.

A: I once had a girlfriend who would get mad at me for allowing her to walk closest to the curb on a sidewalk. She said her dad told her that any man of honour would insist on being on the outermost portion. She was nuts, of course, and we broke up, but I now go curbside on all first—and subsequent—dates.

A: It sounds cliché but you have to be yourself on the first date or you’re just going to screw yourself down the line. If you pull the chair out on day one, you better on day two or you’re just asking for trouble. I always try to be as polite as possible, allow the lady to initiate conversation, and do my best not to monopolize the date with things about me. And the dude ALWAYS pays for the first date, ALWAYS. Doing so opens it up for a second night out where it’s her turn to treat.

A: There's a fine line nowadays between chivalrous and dorky. Holding a door going into a building is expected. Pulling out her chair, on the other hand, signals that you're probably a vampire. Opening her car door first is also a nice touch, especially in bad weather. But standing there while she gets in and then closing the door behind her? That only works if you happen to drive a stagecoach. And I try to pay for small things like coffee or lunch but with something pricier, like dinner in a nice restaurant, women often want to go dutch.

Who's your celeb crush?

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Q: Who's your celebrity crush?

A: Angelina Jolie because she naturally oozes confidence and sex. Men can't resist this combination.

A: I have had this thing for Jennifer Aniston for years. I can't really remember what started it but it has persisted.

A: Is it weird if I say Helen Mirren? That babe has aged like a fine wine!

A: Olivia Wilde, from House. I also have retroactive crushes on Faye Dunaway, Julie Christie, and Cyd Charisse. Also Emily Mortimer, but that’s not retroactive at all. That’s alive and well.

A: Salma Hayek for sure. There’s something about Latin ladies and, at 42, she's still absolutely smoking hot! She alone made Desperado one of the best dude movies of all time.

Do you act like a jerk to get dates?

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:02:00 GMT

Q: Do you act like a prick on purpose to get dates? A guy told me this works like a charm for him.

A: I've heard that this works for some guys, but it's not for me. I don't understand why any person would want to be treated like crap. - Steve

A: I wouldn't say that being a prick is a babe-lure but I would say that women are often attracted to guys who appear to be disinterested. It's the old "playing hard to get" situation. That said, some women really do want to play the "I can change him" game and do pursue idiots. It's a shame, really. - Mike

A: A prick? No. A challenge? Maybe, to an extent. The key is being yourself while standing up for yourself. Nobody likes a pushover but everyone likes confidence—and if it’s not in your nature to be a jerk, putting on airs will only reflect poorly on you. That said, I think the more pertinent question at play here is whether or not women want what they can’t have. And I’d imagine the answer is most often "Yes," just as it is for men. So if you really want to reel ‘em in, get married! - Chauncy

A: There's a fine line. If you're too much of a nice guy, you'll end up with lots of female friends who "just don't see you that way." But acting like a prick? Even if it worked, you'd have to be an *** to do it. I just try to relax, be myself, and be friendly and interested without seeming too eager. If you get all mixed up in playing games it's too much work and might sabotage something you don't want sabotaged. - Jeff

A: If a girl likes me when I’m a prick, she’s not my kind of girl. My girl is supposed to help me NOT act like a prick. So the answer is, no, never. - Richard

Dropping the "L" Word

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:45:00 GMT

Q: I’ve been with my guy for nine months and overall things are great. The relationship is easy and comfortable, but still fun enough to avoid being boring. I’m crazy about him, but I’m not sure if he feels the same way. I dropped the L-Bomb around the six-month mark and he didn’t immediately say "I love you" back. He started to say it casually, but then it slowed to a trickle before eventually stopping. Is it normal for a guy to have to think about it before he decides if he loves you? Guys, do you just know or do you really have to decide?

A: There are two interpretations: 1. He does not love you but hasn't figured it out yet. 2. He is scared to say I love you because he doesn't know how you will interpret its meaning, i.e. will she think that this could lead to marriage? It could be viewed as over promising. - Carl

A: The only two reasons he wouldn't say it is he doesn't love you or he's afraid of saying something that will make the relationship more serious than he wants it to be. But, on the other hand, he wouldn't worry about that if he did love you--he'd want the relationship to deepen as much as you do. So I'd say it's most likely he's enjoying the relationship as it stands now and wants it to stay that way. - Jeff

A: This could be a completely new experience for him if all of his previous relationships were ones in which he was the fixer. He may just need some time to adjust to your relationship and he may need time to adjust to being in the non-fixer role. - Steve

A: This is a really tough question, one that shouldn’t be generalized across all men and I don’t think you can gauge a person's commitment by his readiness to say “I love you.” Maybe your man perceives the “L Bomb” as a very serious gesture and wants to be absolutely sure he means it before taking that step. Just throwing it out there, in my opinion, only causes confusion and potential heartache. I think you should be more worried about your day-to-day interaction and whether or not he treats you with respect and makes you happy. Love will follow if it’s meant to be. - Richard

My BF Doesn't Like That I'm a Stripper

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 17:23:00 GMT

Q: I'm a stripper. My boyfriend will not say that he wants me to change my occupation but he does (not that I would). He's doing everything he can to keep me from going to work. How do I get him to understand that I love him but I will not change my profession since I will NEVER depend on a boyfriend to pay my bills.

A: To start with, get him to talk about his feeling about it. If he won't even openly say that he disagrees with it, the lines of communication are pretty clogged. Open a discussion with him about it, and let him know that his feelings are important to you. You don't have to change your line of work for him, but also don't go into it with a defensive attitude. Take the time to really consider how he feels and to explain where you're coming from. It sounds like you're both making assumptions about each other's opinions on it, which can only make matters worse. - Josh

A: Guys are jealous. If your boyfriend is uncomfortable with your profession, he will always be uncomfortable. There is nothing you can say or do. So, your options are to change professions or to find a boyfriend who will respect your choice in careers. - Sam

A: Two options... he changes his mind or you change your job. You say you're not going to change your job. So if he can't get past it, you need to make an honest decision together about whether this is a deal breaker. - Jeff

A: It’s pretty natural for your boyfriend to feel threatened by the men who get lap dances from you. After all, there is often a lot of physical contact involved in these exchanges and, at the very least, a wide number of other men will be seeing you naked. The combined issues of trust, possessiveness, and, of course, manly honour are all threatened by you stripping. That said, he knows what you do for a living and if he can’t handle it, well, then, you and/or he should likely reconsider the relationship. - Mike

I'm pregnant but my BF ogles pretty women

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:29:00 GMT

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for just over two years. We currently have one child and another on the way. Lately my boyfriend has been talking about other women. When we are out he will point out the "hot" girl across the street and he will continue on with how hot she was for several minutes. I have let him know that I don't mind him looking but when he points it out over and over again it upsets me. How can I get through to him so that he really knows how much it bothers me so he will stop?

A: Try telling him about your co-worker with the huge package. Then ask how it makes him feel. He should get the hint. -Josh

A: What's wrong with you? What happened to the good old days when women would force, coerce, or trick their baby-daddies into marriage? Once you've got that diamond shackle on who gives a *** who he looks at? -Roger

A: My condolences for being with a dude with such little tact. I think you should randomly do the same and point out hot guys. I’m sure he’ll chill once the shoe is on the other foot. However, I stress randomly; never counter, it’ll lose effect and just cause a battle. -Richard

A: "Lately" he's started talking to you like this? As in now that you've had his first child and you're out to here with his second and presumably do not currently personify his idea of "hot"? Wow, what does he expect you to say when he points out these women? "Poor baby, you're stuck with me now that I'm big and pregnant. Why don't you go off and screw those hot women and come back to me when I've got it going again?" Maybe he's laying the groundwork for leaving you, letting you know without directly saying it that he's dissatisfied and looking around and he's going to take off sometime soon. The guy's a loser. You shouldn't have to tell a grown man this is hurtful. And I think it would be prudent to prepare for life after him. My guess is he's going to either leave you or he's going to keep committing worse and worse transgressions (i.e., coming home with panties dangling from his ear) until you're forced to make the move for him and toss the useless, wandering-eyed bastard out the freakin' door. -Jeff

Games Boys Play

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:22:00 GMT

Q: There's a guy that seems to be sending all the signals that he likes me but he never asks me out on a date. We have hung out together but he always makes sure it's casual. Should I ask him out? Do guys play games like this?

A: He's either too shy to ask you out or is playing games with you. Ask him out and if nothing else you'll figure out where things stand. Guys respect women who know what they want.

A: Guys have a lot of confidence issues when it comes to asking ladies out on dates; often this is due to past "strike outs." My feeling is, it's the 21st century, so why not just ask him out on an obvious romance-themed date (dinner, drinks, hot tub?). If he balks you will know. If he laughs like a fool and starts trying to touch you during casual conversation, you will know he is yours to toy with.

A: Guys most definitely play games like this. My gut says he’s really not interested and is just looking for an ego stroke. I wouldn’t ask him out, I would stop giving him the attention he seems to be looking for. He’ll either wither away or come begging like a puppy dog if he’s truly interested.

A: If you ask him out you'll find out if he's interested or not. At a certain point, you realize that they can only say no… and at least then you've got more information than you started with. And if he says no you can date his brother instead.

Missing Out on the "Big O"

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:33:00 GMT

Q: I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year (I lost "it" to him). However, since day one I've been faking because I never knew what an orgasm was. To this day, he thinks I have them but it's never happened for me. I don't want to tell him that I was lying the whole time. What do I do? I want to actually have one.

A: Honesty is the best policy here. If having a real orgasm is important to you, which I gather it is, you have to tell your boyfriend how you feel. He should appreciate your needs and wants. I imagine he won't be upset you were faking it for the past year or so. Your intentions were good. But it's certainly something you should deal with sooner rather than later if you want to quit the acting job and experience true sexual bliss.

A: Most men would hate to hear that their lady has been faking but would rather know about it. You should tell him the truth but also be ready for both of you to learn some new tricks.

A: I’m pretty certain the truth is not the way to go here, a man’s ego is way too fragile to deal with that. I think it's time to get kinky, electronically kinky. Introduce some toys that you know will get the job done. I’m sure the people at Come As You Are have the solution for this dilemma and I know your boyfriend will be up for this next step.

A: In a word, MASTURBATE. Learn what turns you on and how to have an orgasm by yourself and you'll be able to guide your partner in doing the things that will get you there. Don't be afraid to ask him to do things that will make you feel good. This will make him feel that you're more into the experience and that you're turned on by him. At the same time, you'll be able to get closer to the big O so it's a win-win for everyone.

A: I would be straight with him. Phrase it gently to minimize ego-bruising, but honesty is always the best policy.

Talk Dirty to Me

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Do you like it when your partner talks dirty? And how dirty is dirty?

A: I don't really want her to talk dirty to me. I'd rather she actually get dirty with me. For me, dirty talk is more the realm of a first encounter, with strangers whispering disgustingly tantalizing suggestions into one anothers ears as a part of the entry-level mating ritual. With my wife, the need for initial enticements of this nature is gone, so we can just proceed to our filthy fun without bothering to waste any breath on simulated suggestions.

A: Just writing this answer makes me uncomfortable. Truthfully, I’m not sure I know what dirty talk is anymore. Any dirty talk in my relationship would probably be followed by uncontrollable, gut-busting laughter. “Can you turn the dishwasher on?” or “Baby, we need to do the laundry” is the extent of our dirty talk nowadays.

A: I'm a bit shy about that type of thing. Some basic, "Oh, yeah. You like that?" is great, but I've never dabbled much beyond that. Not sure that I want to.

A: Talking dirty isn't sexy. I find it can spoil the moment since it often seems corny, unnatural, or can lead to unintended humour. The only dirty talk I enjoy is the sweet sound of Poison blaring on my boom box.

A: Talking dirty isn't sexy but sex isn't sexy some of the time. I think dirty talk works for a certain type of sex and, personally, I quite enjoy it. For those certain types of sex that dirty talk lends itself to, I say the dirtier the better. If it's more of a romantic anniversary type of sex, then leave the dirty talk at the door.

Do guys notice cellulite?

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 15:35:00 GMT

Q: Do guys care about cellulite as much as women worry they do?

A: I think if most guys were given a lie detector test they would have to admit that cellulite isn’t attractive. But then again, chances are he’s not Brad Pitt. However, if he says he doesn’t notice it, he’s lying and you should really smack him around. ―Joseph, single, 35

A: I wish I could say the answer was no. ―Rob, father of new baby, 32

A: I think it's all in how a girl accepts and embraces her body type. If a girl dresses well, maintains her beauty by being confident, then a little cellulite doesn’t matter much. ―Richard, in a relationship, 25

A: Not at all. I’m not even sure what it is. ―Josh, in a relationship, 29

A: I’d say not as much as women do, but if it’s that big of a deal for you, do something about it. Work out. Cellulite usually means you’re not working the muscles under the affected area. If you have it on the back of your legs, work those muscles. If you have it on your stomach, do sit ups. Exercise and diet are the only way to get rid of it. ―Mark, 26, married

A: It’s not the cellulite, it’s the figure in general. Men don’t want their ladies to lose their figures but, it’s likely that if you're developing cellulite, he's developing man-boobs or ear hair or some unsightly male affliction that is just as painful for him to deal with. Chances are, though, you think you're far more grotesque than he ever would. Women drive themselves crazy worrying about this sort of thing but, ultimately, most men are not quite as shallow as you may believe. ―Mike, married, 32

My BF Chats Online With Other Women

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 21:31:00 GMT

Q: I really need your help. I have been with my BF for nearly three years now. I know he loves love me but he won't stop chatting with women on the Internet. Does that mean he's cheating? He always tells me, "I'm a man" and says it's just for fun. How do I explain to him that I don't like that without him getting upset?

A: This could be harmless but then again maybe it isn’t. Chances are there is some amount of flirting happening if he’s primarily chatting with women. This is more about what you’re comfortable with. Your BF might think he’s completely within his rights to flirt or trade pictures with someone online but what matters is what this means to you. Of course, if he’s spending every Friday night naked on webcam and plotting to meet up with people he meets online, chances are you won’t be comfortable with that. I think this really has to do with what he’s actually doing online, and if you don’t know what he’s up to, you can’t really judge whether this is a problem or not. —Joseph, single, 35

A: What is he chatting about? Are they having cyber sex? If so, then this is a problem. If not, well, then it is annoying but ultimately quite harmless. Or, is this a symptom of a more involved tendency this fellow has to dabble with other women? If he respects you though and it really bothers you, perhaps you should try and suggest some alternate online outlet for his chatting, like video games? I know my wife LOVES me spending as much time as I do gaming. —Mike, married, 32

A: That’s shady. There’s one rule for a dude who wants to maintain a long-term relationship: avoid temptations. Flirting on the Internet breaks this rule most definitely. —Richard, in a relationship, 25

A: I don’t think this is even up for discussion. Tell him to grow up. If he’s in a committed relationship, then it’s not cool. Period. —Josh, in a relationship, 29

A: What does being a man have to do with it? You’re at home, why can’t he talk to you? I don’t buy it. It doesn’t mean he’s cheating but it could lead to other things down the road. You have to be completely honest with him even if it does get him upset because you’re upset, aren’t you? Seems to me like he has no respect for you so I’d kick him to the curb, but that’s just me. —Mark, married, 26

A: This type of online chatter is virtual flirting. How would your BF feel if you chatted up random guys at a bar or coffee shop? Exactly. You need to be straight up and tell him what he’s doing is wrong. If he’s level-headed and cares for your feelings, he should understand what he’s doing is wrong. And if he gets mad? Ditch him. He ain’t worth it. —Rob, father of new baby, 32

Small-Town Girl, Big-Time Dreams

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 15:28:00 GMT

Q: I live in a small town of 10,000 people. I grew up in the area as a chubby girl. I moved away and I'm back. Recently I lost 100 pounds, feel sexy and attractive but still nothing has changed. I'm a professional and most people would say I'm confident and too fussy. But it's been 20 years since I've had more than a few dates. Friends say I'm fun to be with, easy-going, passionate, honest—actually a lot of good things. But this is driving me crazy. Any ideas?

A: It could be that you are too fussy. Take a quick poll with your friends to see if they agree with this and if so then you might have to lower your standards a little to get some action. I know the talent pool won’t be that good in a town of 10,000 so you have to do what you have to do.―Mark, single, 26

A: Three words: Get outta Dodge! I also grew up in a small town and can relate. Whatever tag you carry in your youth―the jock, the geek, the snob, or the fat girl―can stick with you well into your adult life. You need to widen the playing field by getting out of town and meeting new people. Or, you could try some online dating sites. Finally, you need to truly be confident in yourself. You say you’re confident but I don’t get that sense. Trust in your sexiness and personality. You’re a catch. Get out there and meet some worthy dudes. ―Rob, father of a new baby, 32

A: People will treat you the way you expect to be treated. If you’re feeling good and looking good, you need to project that. A little self-confidence goes a long way. ―Josh, in a relationship, 29

A: Get out of that town of 10,000 now! Small towns carry long-term perceptions. For as much as you feel like you’ve started fresh, you can’t control the viewpoints of others, especially those who have settled into the small-town mentality. Go explore the larger metropolises that possess more open minds. Plus, there are a lot more fish in the big city. ―Richard, in a relationship, 25

A: I also grew up in a small town, was socially awkward, and never truly “found” myself until I moved away to the big city. There I found myself and, more importantly, I found women with whom I could truly relate. Perhaps moving back to the small town, where people get married younger and are often more insular in general is to blame? After all, there are always more fish in the sea, but when you’re fishing in the pond, that number is anything but infinite. ―Mike, married, 32

A: Dating in a town of 10,000 will be a challenge regardless of who you are. In many cases, you’ll find that people have paired up and are involved with family/couple activities that may not appeal to you. However, being from a small town myself, I know that there are always people there that you don’t know. With respect to dating, forget about the fact that you grew up there as a chubby girl. You’re the only one thinking about that now. Instead, concentrate on the current sexy you, look to find activities that will bring people out of the woodwork and seek people with common interests. Also, try the common dating sites like www.lavalife.com, www.plentyoffish.com and others to include search areas that might be outside of your town but still a short drive away. Above all, stay positive! Nothing turns away a potential suitor more than someone who seems bitter about “the whole dating thing”. Good luck! ―Joseph, single, 35

Rockstar Edition: CASBYs

Robotic Hottie — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 14:00:00 GMT

Raine Maida at the CASBYs, photo by Sonia Mansillo

Canadian rock dudes sound off on girl matters at the CASBYS

We attended the CASBYs, an awesome music awards show put on by legendary Toronto radio station 102.1 The Edge and met some of Canada’s most famed rockers. From critically acclaimed new kids Attack in Black (AIB) to guys you know, love and have been listening to for years – Raine Maida and Rick Jackett from Finger Eleven – we got their opinions on love matters.

Why would a guy say he was going to call and not call?

Spencer (AIB): I don’t do that, I just call.

Dan (AIB): If I say I’m going to call, then it’s cause I’m excited to call. If I don’t call, it’s because I’m bored and I don’t like the girl anymore.

Ian (AIB): I’m gonna say, I agree with Spenny. If I say I will, then I will. We’re honest men.

Spencer (AIB): Even if I don’t want to call, and I say I’ll call, I will call.

Raine Maida: Guys really try to put on a front, they have a hard time being honest with themselves and women. They just say it regardless to diffuse any kind of confrontation, because ultimately men are scared of women and don’t want confrontation and that’s the easiest thing to do.

What do you think about a girl asking a guy out?

Raine Maida: For me, it’s always the best thing. There’s so much pressure on guys, the stereotypes and the stigma about what a guy should be. I love confident women.

What’s the secret to a successful marriage?

Raine Maida: Friendship. Always. It has to start there. For me and Chantal, it’ll start there and it’ll end there, which is amazing.

Rick Jackett (Finger Eleven): With my wife, what I looked for was understanding, patience, because you’re away a lot. Trust – all the things that most guys look for. A partner that understands your situation and the fact that you’re going to be away for quite a while to follow your dreams. It’s hard for someone to sit at home alone once I’d gone. Someone that understood what this part of my life meant to me and it was a passion that I had to follow. We were signed in high school and it’s continued our whole lives. As far as girls went in our lives, they had to understand it was a key thing.

Why do guys think text messages are the same as phone calls? (They’re not)

Raine Maida: I don’t know if that’s just a guy thing. I think texting, unfortunately, is a part of our culture, it’s like email. You don’t actually have to touch a person. Communication is at an all-time low. I’m guilty of it, but I don’t want to fall into that trap. It’s like music. There’s nothing like seeing a band – you can listen to the record all you want, but when you see a band, there’s something so powerful about that. It’s the same when you have a conversation with someone – it’s much more human.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Celebrity Edition: Greg Behrendt

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:31:00 GMT

Greg Behrendt, 44, married with two kids

Greg, a former consultant to Sex and the City and co-author of He's Just Not That Into You, takes some of slice.ca's readers' questions to the Ask a Guy column.

Q: How do I know if the passion is gone?
A: You can sit down and try to see how you can fix it but if you have to ask, it’s gone. Some things just end.

Q: Where’s a good place to find Mr Right?
A: Wherever it is that you’re living the life that you feel best about. I know that sounds so unhelpful and that’s why I like being a comedian and not a self-help guy cause it’s hard to give this kind of advice. The best way I can explain it is how things turned around for me in relationships once I found my path.

Q: My boyfriend of two years says he wants a break. Should I prepare for the worst?
A: I don’t believe in breaks and what I would do is make a clean break and say, ‘Why don’t we make this simpler. Let’s just break it off and if you feel that this is something worth revisiting then you can get in touch with me and we can talk about it but I’m not going to wait around for you on autopilot because I have a life to pursue. Take a real break. We’re done.’

My boyfriend likes adult web sites

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:27:00 GMT

Q: If your boyfriend is watching a lot of online porn without you, what does that say about your relationship?

A: Watching porn and having sex are two different and independent channels. If your boyfriend is engaging in too much of the porn channel and not enough of the sex channel, obviously this is a problem for you. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t find you attractive, although maybe it’s time to get more adventurous. This is as much his responsibility as yours.

If you like or are undecided about the kind of porn he likes, suggest watching it with him. If you don’t like porn, there still might be some element of the fantasy you can explore (sexy clothes/a new pair of handcuffs/talking about your own fantasies).

However, if he’s watching “a lot” of porn and you’re still satisfied with your sex life, there’s no real problem here. Watching the porn is just about him, having sex is about the both of you. - Joseph, single, 35

A: Many (most?) men are pervs at heart and will resort to watching online porn to satisfy their kinky urges. Don’t take this to mean that he doesn’t love you or want you. Rather, it’s probable that he has some appetites he doesn’t feel you would be comfortable participating in. Either that or your sex life is not very interesting and he is taking it upon himself to keep satisfied without resorting to cheating. It’s a win win! - Mike, married, 32

A: If you are aware of it you might want to have a chat with him about learning to better clean up after himself (figuratively) but I wouldn’t worry much about it. Most guys know their way around the limitless universe of free Internet porn. He still loves you, he just also loves masturbating. - Josh, in a relationship, 29

A: Too many variables with this one. How much is “a lot?” What’s the content matter? Is it hardcore “Buttman” style, a few of Hef’s latest girlfriends, or just some voyeurs of Paris Hilton’s and Britney’s last club night? There are “a lot” of questions that need to be answered and maybe even a little investigation (hacking), before a relationship decision can be made. This could get real dirty, real fast, pun intended. - Richard, in a relationship, 25

Can I break up over the phone?

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:43:00 GMT

We checked out the male-centric Wakestock Festival in Toronto to see what guys were thinking. Here’s what they said.

Q: I’ve been with a guy for two months. Should I break up with him in person or call him on the phone so he doesn’t have to sob in front of me and we don’t have an awkward goodbye?

A: In person. A phone call is, like, a chore. At least have the decency to go over there.- Chad, 21, in a serious relationship

A: In person. If someone calls you to break up with you, they don’t have the cajones to do it in person. It’s so easy to do it on the phone, there’s no emotion. Yeah, bye, click.- Chris, 28, single

A: Do it to my face, straight up.—Tony, 23, single

A: It would be sh*tty. If a girl did that to me, I’d think it was really rude. I would treat girls with the same courtesy.-Richard, 28, in a long-term relationship

A: Just don’t do it with a text message, ‘cause that is the worst. My friend went through his cell phone at the bar in front of everyone and said, “Watch, I’m gonna X this girl. I’m calling to inform you you’re being Xed.” Then he erased her number. It’s become a bar game now.-Lamont, 29, in a “sort-of” relationship

A: I've never liked the phone breakup, but sometimes it's just the best way to avoid something messy. Unless you guys have had a lot of together time in that two months, or it's an out-of-the-blue decision, then yeah, phone it in.-Alex, 25, single

Should I get a Brazilian?

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 16 May 2007 20:29:00 GMT

Q: What's your preference: a full Brazilian wax, a landing strip, or completely natural?

A: Natural, with grooming to keep things nice and triangular in shape. - Mike, married, 32

A: This depends on the day of the week and shouldn’t be the same all the time anyway, although the 'fro went out in the 70s. Mix it up, meet him at the door with a new ‘do and only wearing a trenchcoat! - Joseph, single, 35

A: For sure you are going to have as many answers as guys you ask. My personal fave is a landing strip, but I don’t think there’s a rule here. - Josh, in a relationship, 29

A: I’m a Brazilian wax kind of guy. I appreciate the effort most definitely. - Richard, in a relationship, 25

A: I love it when a woman gets a Brazilian, especially if she’s from Brazil. Hair down there is a scare so use Nair. - Jose, divorced, 35

A: A Brazilian wax brings out fantasies that a lot of mature men would not want to talk about because they may be looked upon as sick perverts. So, yeah, get the full Brazilian wax. - Matt, in a relationship, 28

Ménage à Trois?

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 07 May 2007 13:00:00 GMT

What about a threesome with my best friend?

"Threesomes could work, but the best friend angle seems a little dangerous. Tons of weirdness potential coming out of a situation like that. I would imagine the best threesome partner would be someone that neither of you know very well."
-Josh, in a relationship, 29

"Never. Even if her best friend was Rose McGowan circa 1997. I can't separate sex from love and vice-versa. I believe in having one true love."
-Matt, in a relationship, 28

"If I wasn't serious about the relationship it would be all systems go! However, I've seen some good couples torn apart by jealousy when the rules of who can see whom and when get fuzzy because of a night of being adventurous. Since it's her best friend, you're going to see her all the time, which gives the g/f in question a lot more opportunity to develop bad feelings about it. Bottom line would be that if it didn't happen I could live with that and I wouldn't want to lose "The One" over something like a threesome."
-Joseph, single, 35

"No, this has bad written all over it. Not that it's not a great idea, but the aftermath I imagine would be quite difficult to deal with. What if I pay more attention to the best friend and not the girlfriend? What if my girlfriend and best friend enjoy being together more than with me? There will always be questions afterwards and possible feelings of jealousy so this, while a great fantasy, is something I would stay away from."
-Steve, in a long-term relationship, 34

"I think that a threesome involving an established couple should only involve an outsider to the couple. Bringing in a close friend is likely to result in hurt feelings or at least jealously. Is the threesome merely a façade set up to enable the two girls to indulge in some gay feelings they have for each other? Or, has the guy had the hots for the friend? Bring in an outsider or, at the very least, someone less close than a BFF!! Trust me, it would seriously change the dynamic of the relationship."
-Mike, married, 32

"My first reaction is… maybe. But after about 15 seconds of thought, Eric from Entourage comes to mind in the "Three’s Company" episode. I’m not sure I could deal with the intensity of the entire situation and after being with the same girl for sooooo long, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t perform with top marks. I’d probably embarrass myself. In the end, I only need one and I’m extremely happy with her. I hope she feels the same way."
-Richard, in a relationship, 25

Implants or Au Naturel?

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 13:00:00 GMT

What do you really think of breast implants? Would it affect your opinion of a great girl if you knew she had them?

"I vastly prefer natural. Why? I think it's a primal thing. Fake breasts don't move in the same way and for some reason that's a little weird to me. Like hair that's hair-sprayed so that it doesn't move at all. Also, fakes just don't feel the same. Would it affect my opinion of a great girl? Not a lot. It would affect my opinion of a girl who had little going for her besides great fake breasts though. Here's a tip, spend the money on tuition."
- Joseph, single, 35.

"In theory, I don't have a problem with breast implants provided they are to scale with the rest of the woman's physique and look and feel more or less natural. That said, I suppose I might question the mentality (or is that classiness) of someone who chose to so expensively alter themselves if and when I was told about the fakeness of said boobs."
- Mike, married, 32

"Yes, it would. A great girl doesn’t need breast implants as not having them hasn't prevented her from being great. It's a mental thing."
- Steve, in a long-term relationship, 34

"If I dated a girl with implants I probably wouldn't mind too much either way, so long as they weren't too pornstar. If they make her happy, then I'm happy."
- Josh, in a relationship, 29.

"I have absolutely no problem with breast implants, as long as they provide a natural look. Two mountains on a skinny frame is a big zero on the attraction scale for me. But if implants help with a girl’s confidence and look like they were born there, then all is good. If they look out of place, then automatically I’ll question the girl’s character, and style, and all will definitely not be good."
- Richard, in a relationship, 25

"I think breast implants are unnecessary and an unfortunate way to gain confidence in oneself. If the girl is in the sex industry, then it's okay because it would be like an investment. It wouldn't affect my opinion of a great girl. If I knew her before she got the implants, I would try to persuade her from not getting them, but even if she still did, it wouldn't affect my opinion of her, unless her personality changed dramatically because of it."
- Stephen, in a relationship, 28

Worst Lie

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 14:42:00 GMT

Question: What's the worst lie you've ever told a girl?

"Yes, I could see myself marrying you."
- Trevor, single, 25

"No - I swear I’m not drunk."
- John, single, 29

"I love you too."
- Rob, married and expecting a baby with wife, 32

"The biggest lie would have to be telling an ex-girlfriend that I loved her. Of course I cared about her but it wasn’t love. Because I was insecure in the relationship I felt I needed to say it back."
- Matt, in a relationship, 28

"Back in my single days, I told a girl that I loved her cooking despite the fact that it was horrible. She was going to culinary school at the time so I figured that allowing her to practice her cooking on me was a way for me to spend more time with her. I never really finished a meal that she prepared but would always take it home but always threw it out. I think she is a cook in a restaurant now."
- Steve, in a long-term relationship, 34

Celebrity Edition: Ben Folds

Robotic Hottie — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 20:54:00 GMT

Ben Folds, 40, married with two kids

Ben Folds, piano player extraordinaire, sat down with us and gave us the skinny on what guys are thinking. He did issue this warning, “Like Neil Young says, ‘Take my advice, don’t listen to me.’”

Q: Is it an urban legend that guys don’t want to call the next day?

A: There are some girls that fall into that category too. There’s an unspoken thing – it’s almost a currency. Two people establish subconsciously how much respect someone’s going to get. A lot of guys would like it to be out of balance. To make it simple, if a guy doesn’t care about the person, obviously he’s not going to call. A lot of guys would like a situation to be that way so they don’t have to think about it.

Q: How do you feel about a girl asking a guy out?

A: Definitely. Do it.

Q: If it’s not working out after a couple of dates, what’s the best way to tell a guy?

A: Depends on the guy. There are some needy bastards out there, so sometimes you have to watch it. I think just smoothly transition to almost no content in the communication. No deep talks anymore, avoid things. Just the facts, the weather, sh*t like that. After two dates, no one owes anyone a long explanation about why we feel one way or another – that’s kinda silly.

Q: Should I not offer to pay for dinner? Would I come off as too pushy?

A: In theory, I don’t have a problem with it, but I feel better if I get to pay. I’m old-fashioned. I don’t think a person looks bad if she wants to pay, it’s just one of the little things you can do to feel better about yourself.

Q: How important is perfume?

A: It’s like anything, I’m big into subtle. None is better than blunt. Subtle and unique would say something about the person, but if you walk in the room and you can detect it from five feet off, it’s a big no-no.

Q: Why do guys think text messages are the same as phone calls? They’re not!

A: Well, you answered the question there – I thought they were! No, I think guys don’t think they’re the same. I think emails and text messaging is easier. It’s less engaging, you can carefully consider what you’re going to say and you can avoid answering for long periods of time. It’s better for those with weaker stomachs.

Will you visit a strip club with me?

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 15:20:00 GMT

Q: Are guys comfortable going with their girlfriend or partner to strip bars? Would it make you uncomfortable if it was at her request?

A: First Reaction: “You’re kidding – I’ll get the keys!” Second Reaction: “Hope I have enough cash for the stage show.” Third Reaction: “Wait, what’s she getting out of this?” Ultimately, we need to know your motivation for wanting to go. If you’re really, really fine with watching me cheer on naked women other than yourself, and if that’s a turn on for you, then I’ll go get my coat. But if you have an ulterior motive, or you think somehow that this is the only way to get me going, then let’s just put on a porno and talk it out.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: Not really comfortable. It’s kind of hot, but then again, if the woman is really into it, does that mean she is secretly gay? It could tend to bring a level of jealousy into the picture.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: She must go.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: In my life I couldn’t ever see this happening so it would bring up a lot of questions if she asked to go to the rippers now - uncomfortable for sure.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: Not at all, I would kind of dig it. Unless I got aroused. That could get awkward.
Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: No. Most guys I know go to strip bars as an occasional male-bonding experience. I’d truthfully be weirded out if my partner wanted to go to a strip joint. I hope she doesn’t get turned on by watching 21-year-old female dancers shaking their booties to ‘80s hair metal.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

What are your expectations?

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:00:00 GMT

Q: Do you expect a woman to have an orgasm the first time you have sex? Are your feelings hurt if we don’t?

A: Every woman comes with an Ikea-like set of instructions to assemble an orgasm and every one is different. Where her spots are, how she likes the lights, what fantasies and words get her blood going – if I were deeply hurt by putting it together wrong the first time, I’d never bother reading the rest of the manual.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: Not at all. Bringing a woman to orgasm can be fairly easy, but is usually anything but. It is more a point of pride when you manage to achieve it at all, let alone the first time.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: I do like to pleasure my female companion, but if it doesn’t happen I don’t really care.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: Through experience that’s easier said than done, so the answers are no and no.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: I don’t mind at all, as long as you don’t get weird if I don’t.
- Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: No Orgasm Required. Wasn’t that the title of a Phil Collins album? Most guys know they aren’t always going to get a woman to climax first go ‘round. Our egos can take it. It also gives us something to strive for next time around.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

What if I get pregnant after our one-night stand?

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 20:36:00 GMT

Q: If we had a one night stand, with no protection, and I got pregnant, and didn’t tell you, how would you feel? Is that "baby theft"?

A: We probably didn’t do that one-night stand with the intent of making a baby, payable upon delivery. You don’t owe me a child, or even a relationship. But unless I was an utter bastard to you and it would only make things worse, you do owe me the truth.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: I think baby theft is a strong word. But it’s pretty irresponsible to the child isn’t it?
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: Never will that happen! Not only do I practice safe sex but I also believe in onanism.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: Baby theft is a little harsh, but I’d be hurt and would definitely like to know and be there for support from day one.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: I would be scared of you.
- Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: Damn right that’s baby thievery. It takes two to tango and concealing the existence of a child from a parent is dead wrong. Why should a father get punished for a mistake made by two adults?
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

What Kind of First Dates Do Most Guys Want?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:28:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: What kind of first dates do most guys want?

A: Perfect first romantic dates are bland and are terrible stories to tell and parties or any subsequent weddings. Give me goofy any day.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: Depends on the woman. I would say romantic is best – probably dinner and drinks as this allows conversation enough for both to see if they even like one another.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: Sexual intercourse or at least a bj.
- Andy, 29, IT Consultant, single

A: I’d go goofy. We’ll need to go romantic later in the relationship.
- Richard, 32, Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: Most guys aren’t ready for heavy romance on the first date, it should work as more of a fun ice-breaker.
Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: I’ll take the latter. Dates often go better when neither player has a location upper hand. Say you pick your favourite restaurant as a first date venue. Your familiarity with the surroundings gives you a greater comfort level in the situation. Not fair. If you both have that fish-out-of-water feeling, you can both get to know each other through experiencing something fresh. If he doesn’t call back after your ballsy karaoke rendition of “Love is a Battlefield” he ain’t worth it.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

Are One Night Stands Really Worth the Hype?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:22:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: Are one night stands really worth the hype?

A: Not sure what hype there is. I may have missed the advertising campaign. They’re basically like pints of ice cream – good and satisfying for the moment, but end quickly and haven’t done you much good in the long term.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: No. Good sex takes time and practise with the same partner to achieve, and more often than not, one night stands are disappointing for both partners (but especially the female)!
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: Absolutely! A little risky but that’s what rain coats are for.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: They were when I was 18, but that got me in a lot of trouble. Now a one night stand would get me in ten times more trouble – so my answer is NO!
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: What hype? The answer is no.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

Will You Still Want Me in the Morning?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:15:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: Is it an urban legend that you don’t want to call the next day?

A: Not for me – I like to take some time to sort out how I feel after the fact, and it’s no good telling you everything’s peachy if I’m not sure that’s the case.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: Depends on how well things go. It is a commonly held truth among men that you should wait a day or two to call so as to not appear too “needy.” As the old saying goes, a watched pot never boils.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: Whoever came up with this rule should be severely beaten.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: Yes, no regrets and face your fears.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: I may want to call, but you know how it goes. Can’t look too eager.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

I Know We Just Met But Wanna Meet My Friends?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:10:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: When Should He Meet Your Friends?

A: I usually wait until 2-3 successful dates have gone by before bringing a girl into my circle of friends. I’m fine meeting yours whenever you’re really comfortable having me in your life.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: At least a month of solid dating combined with sex. Wait until you have had sex and liked it and are sure you want to pursue this relationship in the long term.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: No formal intros. If you need a date then I’ll come along. (I charge by the hour.)
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: There should be no waiting period and it doesn’t have to be an “event” when you finally do meet them.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: Any time is fine, but try to keep the curious prodding to a minimum.
- Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: It completely depends on how into each other we are. This friend intro thing usually just works out organically. You can’t put a definite timestamp or timeframe for an appropriate intro.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

Sex on the First Date?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 19:51:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: Should I Sleep with Him on the First Date?

A: No, but it does set a precedent. The overture gives us an idea of what we can expect for the rest of the opera. We like that you like sex too, but you’ll also have to give us some indication that you’re interested in more than that.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: That is up to you. How do you respond after the sexy times? If the sex isn’t all that and then some on the first try do you write him off? Do you immediately start thinking up baby names? These would be the wrong actions to take.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: Duh!
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: Not if it’s good sex.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: It’s less that a guy doesn’t respect you for sleeping with him on the first night, more that if he wants to sleep with you on the first night he probably isn’t really looking for a relationship.
- Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: Not at all. Just because you’ve instantly connected physically doesn’t mean you can’t establish a more meaningfully long-term relationship once the sun comes up.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

Can a Girl Ask a Guy Out First?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 19:39:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: Can a girl ask a guy out first?

A: Do it more, do it often. Taking a chance is sexy.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: Sure. That’s fine. Bring it on.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: Kind of a turn-off. If I’m interested I’ll do the asking.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: Its great. Though I’ll still open the door and pull out the chair.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: I would say go for it, though if you are putting out the signals and he hasn’t asked you out, there may be something wrong. Something like: he doesn’t want to go out with you.
- Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: What are we living in the Dark Ages? Of course that’s OK. There’s something sexy about a confident woman who doesn’t wait around to be courted by the prince. Women have made strides in so many areas, why shouldn’t they go after what they want?
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

Are You Into Me?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 19:32:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: You're just not into me?

A: Do I look at you when I’m talking to you? Do I make time to see you? Have you met my friends? Do I ever call you first? If the answer to any or all of the above is ‘no,’ the there’s a darn good chance we don’t have a future together. And if you’re making excuses for me as to why any of the answers are ‘no,’ it’s past time to move on.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: Lack of chemistry, closeness, and let’s be honest, if after the third date you don’t get any play, it’s not happening.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: I only call when I’m horny.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: The one sign, the only one you need, is whether she can look you straight in the eyes or not.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: You should – under normal circumstances - not need to make excuses for a guy. If you ever finding yourself telling your friends, “yeah, he hasn’t called me in a week but I know he’s so busy at work”, then you should get to moving on. If he cared he’d make the time.
- Josh, 28, Model, with girlfriend

A: Breaking news – guys are an odd bunch. Some dudes will mack hard on a girl they’re really into while others will take a coy almost disinterested approach. Go figure? I know a guy who flirts like crazy with women he’s not into because it’s “safe” but he can’t string two words together to a girl he’d like to get with. Long story short, any key signs I could pass on would likely change from male unit to male unit.
There really are no hard and fast rules on this, but odds are he uses the dreaded f-word (friend)
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

What if a woman makes more money than the guy?

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 19:17:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: What if she makes more money than the guy?

A: The same way guys handle it when they make more than the girl. Let us pay for some things, but don’t stress this one - our egos aren’t that fragile.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: With a Platinum card.
- Mike, 31, Marketing Consultant, married

A: Who cares. Split it I suppose.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: Split it. When it comes to booze the guy should always carry his weight. Dinner is a different story.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: Most guys worth their salt understand that it’s the 21st century. It’s not uncommon for women to earn more scratch than men. It certainly would never be a shot at my ego if a woman offered to pick up the tab. Why would it? I just saved some cash.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

Early Gift-Giving

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 18:53:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: When is it too early to buy a gift?

A: As soon as you start thinking in terms of the small, thoughtful gifts that show you’re my friend as well as my girlfriend, then go to town.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: It’s never too early, just don’t overplay this hand. A fancy gift early on could frighten off commitment-phobes.
- Mike, 32, Marketing Consultant, married

A: If a girl buys me a gift just cause she’s thinking of me I’m running and not looking back!
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: I think you have to give it at least a month but it also depends on what the gift is. If it’s just something very small, then really it’s never too early.
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: It’s always a fine balance. You want to let a guy know you’re thinking about him but you don’t want to suffocate him. I think it’s another one of those intuition things. Most guys worth hanging onto would really appreciate such a sweet gesture. Feel it out.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way

Male Misconceptions

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 16:30:00 GMT

Ask a Guy: Are there any misconceptions about guys you want to set straight?

A: A man’s ego is equivalent to a woman’s pms. (www.menwithcramps.com)
- Richard, 32. Events Planner, lives with girlfriend

A: That is a big question. I would say that the worst misconception is that guys don’t want to commit to a relationship.
- Mike, 32, Marketing Consultant, married

A: We are all jerks. I can safely say that about myself and all my friends.
- Andy, 29. IT Consultant, single

A: 90% of the time, we really do say what we mean. If we say we aren’t angry, we’re not. If we say we’re tired, we probably are. If we say that purse looks ridiculous, it does.
- Trevor, 25, Marketing Coordinator, sketch comedy writer/performer, single

A: There are many dudes out there who don’t just care about sex. Many of our kind also know how to lower a toilet seat.
- Rod, 32, Fireman, married, baby on the way