Survival Guides

Foods to Avoid Eating Over the Holidays

Guest Blogger — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 20:29:00 GMT

The holiday season is just around the corner, and we all want to enjoy the many delicious dishes that will be available, however none of us want to be two sizes bigger in the New Year. So, what are there foods we should just avoid?

Here are six popular foods people eat and drink over the holidays. Before you indulge, ask yourself, "Do I love these foods and drinks so much that they are worth a larger waistline and tighter fitting jeans?"

1. Egg nog Egg nog is an annual favourite for many, but we all know it loaded with calories. This is one of those beverages I suggest having only if it is one of your favourites and keep your portion to a minimum. 1 cup of egg nog has 300 calories (which is also about the same as a bowl of ice cream), and drinking your calories won't reduce the amount of calories you eat.

Tasty alternative Apple Cider. It has just as much holiday cheer, with one-third of the calories.

2. Beer, wine and liquor... oh my! I wouldn't dare suggest skipping alcohol during the holidays! However, not all alcohol is created equal. One ounce of liquor has about 60-75 calories (not including what you mix it with, or if you have doubles), a bottle of beer or glass of wine has 120 to 150 calories. The best tip I can give is to choose quality instead of quantity. Choose what you love, so you are more likely to be satisfied with 1-2 servings. Health Canada suggests 1-2 drinks per day as the upper limit.

Tasty Alternative Best option is the red wine with its cardio-protective antioxidants. 1-2 glasses max.

3. Butter tarts These used to be one of my family favourites growing up. They were always around at Christmas, and little did I realize at that time, that butter tarts were literally butter and sugar, baked inside more butter and flour. A butter tart has approximately 330 calories, and to make it even worse, they`re not very big! So if you have two, that`s almost 700 calories.

Tasty Alternative A slice of apple pie can have only 280 calories.

4. Shortbread At 180 calories and 12 grams of fat per cookie, do you love shortbread that much or would 5-6 squares of chocolate be more appealing? First of all, no one eats just one cookie, so really its 360 calories that you would most likely consume with 2 shortbread cookies.

Tasty Alternative 30 grams of dark chocolate (slightly smaller than a regular chocolate bar), has about 140 calories. Milk chocolate has approximately 150 calories.

5. Candied Nuts Nuts are healthy, and that little bit of sugar on top of them isn't a big deal, right? Well, if you call an additional 140 calories on top of
the 164 calories for every quarter cup of the nuts you eat no big deal, then sure! I'm kidding. Yes it's a big deal. You'll have to go for a 40 minute walk just to burn off the sugar coating the nuts.

Tasty alternative Mixed nuts in the shell. Crack those shells and work for the calories. It looks good, it's much more fun and you'll eat less.

6. Pigs in a Blanket If you're not familiar with the term, 'pigs in a blanket' are basically sausage wrapped in pastry. The one positive thing is that they are bite-sized, so if you only have a couple it's not going to contribute an exorbitant amount of calories and fat. The challenge is when you are sitting beside the appetizer table and you keep nibbling on them. Eight tiny pigs in a blanket and 800 calories later, you can see how these innocent looking bite size snacks, can blow your diet.

Tasty Alternative Chicken Kabobs - savoury and satisfying... without adding to your waistline.

Written By: Maria Thomas, RD, Nutritionist

http://www.urbannutrition.com/

Follow her on twitter @MariaNutrition

Check out other health/diet related articles written by Maria Thomas!

Foods to Enjoy Over the Holidays

Guest Blogger — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:16:00 GMT

Christmas is one of my favourite times of year. It's about getting together with family and friends, reminiscing over past times and making new memories. It is also the time of year when there is an amazing variety of food and flavour, many of which are old favourites - macaroni and cheese, roast turkey, roast potatoes, pumpkin pie... the list goes on.

With all the tasty food that's available, it's difficult not to over-indulge. We know we should be conscious of our portions as we don't want our cholesterol levels to skyrocket or to be 10 pounds heavier at the end of the holiday season. I have never met a client who said they want high cholesterol or a "muffin top" for Christmas. However, it's more challenging to say "no thanks, I've had enough" when there seems to be an endless supply of delicious dishes.

So, do we just give up and accept the fact that our jeans are going to fit more snug after the holidays? Or, can we enjoy this time of year with all the food it brings, without worrying about gaining weight or negatively affecting our health?

Here are 5 delicious guilt-free holiday dishes and drinks that won't blow your diet:

1. Mashed Potato & Cauliflower Mashed potato, often covered with rich turkey gravy, is a holiday favourite for many. Adding cauliflower to the mashed potato is an excellent way of cutting the calories without really changing the flavour of the mashed potatoes. It's also a sneaky way to boost vegetable intake for those with particular taste buds.

2. Turkey Stuffing Stuffing is typically a blend of bread, sausage with a few vegetables and seasoning and ½ cup or more of butter. To keep the flavour but save you the calories and saturated fat, try using whole wheat bread, double the vegetables and cut the fat in half.

3. Gravy with a Kick Spice up your gravy. Adding a little chilli pepper to gravy will actually boost your metabolism, helping you burn extra calories. Remember, of course, to always skim the fat of the gravy.

4. Blueberry-Strawberry-Kiwi Trifle This beautiful dessert looks much more decadent that it actually is. Strawberries, kiwi and blueberries, low fat Greek vanilla yogurt (for a little added protein) blended with a small portion of whip cream layered with angel food cake. Yum.

5. Sparkling Water with a Splash Instead of sipping on about 100 calories and 6 tsp of sugar per cup of pop or juice, mix soda water with a few frozen berries or a splash of lemon, lime or cranberry juice. It's refreshing and virtually a calorie and sugar free drink.

Written By: Maria Thomas, RD, Nutritionist

http://www.urbannutrition.com/

Follow her on twitter @MariaNutrition

Check out other health/diet related articles written by Maria Thomas!

Survival Guide: Stress-Free Holiday Travel

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 17:21:00 GMT

When it comes to holiday travel, Santa’s got it in the bag. The magic sleigh, flying reindeer—he never has to worry about traffic jams, crowded buses, or flight delays. For us mortals, getting to our holiday destination is almost as stressful as the actual festivities themselves. Before you cancel your travel plans in frustration, here are slice.ca’s tips for stress-free holiday travel.

By car:
Travelling by car during the holidays has many advantages. You won’t have to deal with screaming babies or an armrest hog. But with all the pressure to arrive safely and on time squarely on your shoulders, your blood pressure can skyrocket. Fortunately, a little planning makes it easy to kick stress to the curb.

First, review your route. Do you have the best directions? Try an online Google map search to discover a faster way. Next, choose your departure time. Avoiding rush hour and leaving at off-peak times—at dawn or after 8pm—will result in less road congestion and fewer hours stuck in the car. Load your MP3 player full of sing-a-long tunes and pack car-friendly snacks for hungry moments mid-drive. If your journey is over two hours, schedule rest stops into your itinerary to stretch your legs and have a bathroom break. You’ll feel more comfortable and more relaxed when you return to the wheel. And don’t forget to keep your car happy, too. Fill the gas tank and top up the windshield wiper fluid. Winter driving can be unpredictable. Planning your route, itinerary, in-car entertainment, and vehicle maintenance will keep your nerves settled and your expedition on track. St. Nick had it right all along: Making a list, checking it twice results in a jolly holiday traveller.

By train or bus:
Jacked-up heating, talkative passengers, and limited wiggle room on a bus or train can turn the most angelic traveller into a Grinch. While public transit has its drawbacks, it’s actually a smart way to travel. It’s often cheaper, plus it’s less stressful having someone else doing the driving. But how can you take an irritating mode of travel and turn it into an enjoyable one?

To start, book your ticket early. It’s common for trains and buses to sell out around peak holidays. Purchasing your fare well in advance guarantees that you can secure your chosen date. On departure day, arrive at the bus depot or train station early for optimum seat selection. Latecomers risk getting stuck sitting backwards, near the bathroom or, worse, standing. Early travellers also stow their bags first. You won’t worry about your carefully wrapped presents getting jammed into an already over-stuffed luggage hold or overhead rack. With a prime seat and safely stowed gifts and belongings, you can relax and enjoy the view rushing by your window. Be sure to bring snacks and a cardigan or blanket in case of in-coach temperature fluctuations. Include your MP3 player, laptop, or e-book reader to keep you entertained. Best of all, these toys will cleverly inform your chatty seatmate that you’re not to be disturbed. Peace on earth, guaranteed.

By plane:
Despite the high cost, flying during the holidays is often the first choice for many travellers. Arriving quickly at your destination is the number-one perk. Frequent flyers know how to keep stress out of their flight path. Now you can, too.

Before leaving home, pack responsibly. There’s nothing more stressful than having your case cracked open by security. Visit the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority website to learn what’s allowed in your carry-on and checked luggage. For example, wrapped holiday gifts are a carry-on no-no. Play it safe. Wrap your presents at your destination and spare yourself the distress of watching security tear open your gifts. Allow plenty of time to navigate through check-in and security. Arriving two hours before takeoff for a domestic flight and three hours for an international trip is recommended. Better to have too much time at the airport than not enough. You’ll witness many people losing their holiday cheer as they stressfully rush to their gate. Take your time, be patient waiting in line and, remember, it’s the season of joy and goodwill to others.

By the time you’re on board, your festive joie de vivre should still be intact. Now make your seat your own personal travel haven. Fill up the seat pocket in front of you with magazines, a bottle of water, and treats. Not all airlines offer refreshments or entertainment. Taking your hunger and comfort into your own hands will make for a chilled-out flight. Tech gadgets serve as terrific time wasters on board, too. Indulge, relax, and your flight will fly by.

Written by: Jackie Middleton

For more, please check out Jackie’s blog at http://www.losethatgirl.com.

Tips for Ordering a Wedding Cake

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 18:36:00 GMT

I can’t even remember what my first wedding cake looked like. It was quite a few years ago, we might have discussed flavours but not much comes to mind. What I do remember is walking into the reception eager to see my wedding cake and feeling absolutely crushed: there was no cake topper! Where were the bride and groom smiling happily from their place of honour?

When I remarried 20 years ago, I knew that this time I would get it right. The caterer was not impressed when I mentioned the wedding cake and insisted I order a croquembouche (a pyramid of cream puffs) as the tasteful way to mark the celebration. I dug in my heels and would not budge; this time there would be no mistakes and I had my tiered white wedding cake, complete with bride and groom.

From its humble beginnings as a sweet treat, the “cake” has achieved a celebrity status all its own. Wedding and celebration cakes have experienced a renaissance, they are no longer a delightful afterthought to a special meal. They are now superstars in their own right, as are the designers who create them. Today’s consumers have higher expectations than I did 20 years ago; yet when it comes to choosing the right cake, the task can be overwhelming and the possibilities endless.

Gone are the days of tasteless, sugary white wedding cakes sitting in the middle of sweet tables. The expression “no one eats the wedding cake” no longer holds true. Specialty cake shops are opening everywhere and clients now want “custom-designed” cakes to mark their special day. Armed with the knowledge that the cake must taste as good as it looks, where does one look?

Wedding cake options can be mind-boggling as brides-to-be try to choose between gorgeous, multi-tiered towers covered in sugar blossoms, stunning cakes draped with rolled fondant to resemble couture gowns, gravity-defying sculpted cakes, and one-of-a-kind creations intricately hand-painted, piped, and jeweled to resemble works of art.

Set the Budget
The selection of designer and style of cake is now as personal a choice as the wedding gown itself and most wedding professionals agree that the first decision you should make when planning your special day is budget. Custom-designed wedding cakes can cost anywhere from $8 to $20 per serving and prices are generally based on the intricacy of the design and number of cake tiers. When searching for a wedding cake, never lose sight of the fact that the wedding cake is meant to be eaten and shared with your guests; the quality and taste must be memorable. Lower-priced cakes are usually prepared with shortening and cake mixes while high-end cakes are made using premium ingredients such as whole eggs, imported chocolate, and butter. Also note that custom-designed cakes are usually priced on a per-serving basis.

Decide on the Design
Once the budget has been established, the next step is deciding on cake design. For most clients, the final product will be an expression of their taste and style. Glancing through magazines and browsing the internet for wedding cake ideas, you quickly notice that in the hands of a talented cake designer, anything is possible and certain styles begin to catch your eye. You notice unusual colour palettes or non-traditional cake shapes such as petals, hexagons, and squares. You also begin to pick out details that catch your eye, such as the piping on one cake, soft ruffles or cascading sugar blossoms on another. Do you love the look of romantic floral-themed cakes, the intricacy of hand-crafted details or the smooth clean lines of architectural cakes? Once you’ve discovered the look you’re most attracted to and have decided on a colour palette, you’re ready to set up a meeting.

Choosing a Designer
Finding the right designer requires some shopping around. This can be done online as most have detailed websites showcasing their skill level and personal style. Though you may be initially wowed by design, take a few moments to look at the following details since proper finishing is the hallmark of an industry professional:

Are all the cakes on the site at the same level of expertise or do some look amateurish and at a lower skill level?
Look at how individual decorations have been applied. Is the piping or finishing sloppy. Do you see royal icing peeking out behind decorations? Are the sides and top of each cake tier perfectly straight? Are the cakes perfectly centered one on top of the other?
Other details to look for: Do the cake tiers sit firmly one on top of each other or do some tilt to one side? Is the fondant work smooth and clean or do you see cracks and indentations?

A professional cake designer places as much emphasis on clean, meticulous work as on the beauty of the design. No matter how lovely the theme, a sloppy cake will not hold up to scrutiny.

A final thought: though top cake designers charge top dollar for their creations, cake designers and decorators at all levels, from modest to high end, should always be proud of producing clean, neat, and perfectly constructed cakes, regardless of design and techniques used.

The Devil Is In the Details
Securing your chosen cake designer often depends upon availability so know the date of your function before calling. Wedding cake consultations should always include a cake-tasting component and some designers will limit the number of people attending. If appointments must be postponed or cancelled, don’t forget to advise your designer, as they’ve scheduled their days around client meetings. There is rarely a fee for wedding cake consultations, and less expensive, small celebration cakes are generally ordered over the phone and do not include a cake tasting or meeting. During your consultation, expect to taste at least three cake flavours with assorted filling options. If a special flavour not offered by the designer is requested, a fee is charged.

A number of questions must be answered in order to create a cake that meets the specific requirements of your celebration. These include the type of function and the number of guests. Cake slices differ in size depending on the occasion. Small two-by-one-inch slices might be perfect for a wedding but larger pieces are usually cut for less formal celebrations so order more cake than the cake servings chart dictates.

Be aware you will not require cake servings for each guest if there is a sweet table or other desserts are being served. The rule of thumb is often one-third less cake should be ordered than the number of guests attending as not everyone eats cake. The only time you should request an equal number of cake servings to guests is when the cake is served as a plated dessert following the meal. Other factors to keep in mind are what time the cake should be delivered to the venue as well as what time the cake will be cut and served. Cake delivery often takes place once the tables have been set and most of the vendors have left. Most wedding cakes are presented on a special table for the guests to remark over throughout the reception and are then cut during a special ceremony part-way through the event.

Other information you might bring to your consultation includes fabric swatches of gowns and table coverings, paper samples from invitations, photos of your wedding gown or images you have chosen from magazines or the internet. If you have a colour palette or pattern you want to incorporate into the design, bring samples to be left with the designer and arrange a viewing of the wedding gown if required. During the consultation, you’ll view the artists’ portfolio and decorated wedding cakes. Remember to always look for clean and careful finishing and application of decorative elements. A messy cake won’t look professional, regardless of design.

Designers generally ask for a 50% deposit to hold the date with the balance due two weeks prior to the event. As some designers do not accept credit cards or debit, it’s a good idea to bring a cheque to your meeting if you wish to book immediately.

Cake designers are generally booked for the wedding season well in advance so set up your first meeting at least six months before your wedding date.

Written by: Bonnie Gordon

The Bonnie Gordon College of Confectionary Arts offers professional-level classes year round and continuing education classes for hobbyists and experts alike! For more information, visit www.bonniegordoncollege.com or call 416-440-0333. Reprinting of this article is possible with the permission of Bonnie Gordon College of Confectionary Arts.

Related:

Don't miss the great cake decorating tips from the Cake Walk judges in the slice.ca video centre.
Download our list of all the tools you'll need to decorate a cake

Survive a Summer Wedding with Tips on What NOT to Wear

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:04:00 GMT

Renee Strauss, owner of Beverly Hills bridal boutique Renee Strauss for the Bride and host of Slice show Brides of Beverly H ills, shares her top 5 do's and don'ts for summer wedding fashion:

1. Brides always come first! After all, they are the main attraction. Stay away from heavy fabrics. Silk chiffon and organza draped and flowing are both lightweight and comfortable alternatives. If you're looking for a more formal look, crisp and fresh silk taffeta with a full ballroom skirt and a flowing train give a lush appearance without being heavy.

2. Grooms in Europe are wearing dashing brocades in ivory and even pastels. I often see linen jackets paired with beautifully tailored trousers.

3. The Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom are the First Ladies of the wedding! It's wonderful if they can discuss the colour scheme with the bride. In my part of the world, we even incorporate step-in-laws into the wedding parties, which, if not handled with care can quickly become the out-laws! No matter how stunning these women may be, they cannot possibly upstage the bride. So as long as it is tasteful and culturally/religiously appropriate, they will look beautiful.

4. Bridesmaids chiffon is in! Tea-length/cocktail length is in demand even for more formal weddings but you still cannot go wrong with long, full-length gowns. Designer Bill Levkoff makes flowy bridesmaids dresses with well-constructed bodices that flatter all shapes and sizes. Therefore, I always recommend their line when the bridal party faces these challenges. Eggplant and soft pink are the most popular colour choices!

5. Flowergirls steal the show! The little angels look adorable in just about anything. It is important, however, to be careful that the dresses not be too long. The active living dolls can get very excited and once they start twirling, there can be risk of injury if they stumble on their hemline. Neutrals like white and ivory, depending upon the bride's gown, are the most lovely. If the bride wears white, so should the flowergirls. The same goes for ivory.

Read the blog post where Renee answers our readers' most pressing Summer Wedding questions and watch full episodes of Brides of Beverly Hills in the slice.ca video centre!

Pre-Summer Checklist

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 27 May 2011 13:04:00 GMT

Remember hot sand sifting between your toes? An inviting aroma wafting from a backyard barbecue? The cool refreshment of a sticky popsicle? Oh, summer! How we have missed you! Thankfully, our long wait is almost over. To make the most of this cherished season, slice.ca wants you to be all prepped and ready to go. With our handy checklist of tips, you’ll be all set to dive straight into summer’s deep end. Cannonball, anyone?

Mani/Pedi Mania
Sandal season beckons! Time to show your hands and feet some love! After months spent hibernating in gloves and boots, our nails are feeling neglected. Make up for lost time with a pampering manicure and pedicure. Many summery nail polish shades are vying for your attention; sample one, sample all, and restore the shimmer to your fingers and toes. What better way to showcase that cocktail ring you’ve had your eye on or your new funky wedges?

Waxing
There are so many wonderful things to look forward to with summer’s arrival. Waxing isn’t one of them! But a girl’s got to take the good with the bad, right? Sure, it hurts, but once the pain is over, the results are worth the ouch factor. Every morning, you’ll be grateful that you don’t have to dedicate precious shower time to hair removal. Remember, every sacred second of summer counts. Do you really want to spend it shaving your legs?

Summer Makeup Trial
Ever had a summer makeup meltdown? You’re not alone! The sticky temperatures that come with sunny days in July and August can play havoc with your cosmetic routine. Gooey, runny make-up cascading down your cheeks is not pretty. Spare yourself the humiliation by doing a test run of your makeup before the humidex hits. Re-evaluate your moisturizer, foundation, and concealer. Do you need as much as you did during the winter? Can you use only sunscreen, a little powder, and lip gloss instead? If you’re not sure, book a visit with your favourite beauty counter and have a professional consultation. A little pre-planning now will help save face later!

Clothing Review
When the temperature starts to climb, the urge to purge our toasty sweaters, boots, and parkas goes into overdrive. This itch signals that it’s time to become reacquainted with your tanks, shorts, light-weight skirts, and sandals. It’s easy to forget the goodies lurking in the back of your closet. Pull out all your summer favourites for an afternoon of re-discovery. Clothes that are worn out or no longer fit should be placed into piles destined for the garbage or charitable donation. All the leftovers—clothes you love and can’t wait to wear again—can find permanent residence in your wardrobe. While it’s fun to be reunited with your summer favourites, this exercise also helps determine what pieces you need to replace or add to your collection. The best part? You won’t feel guilty about a much-needed shopping session. It’s a win-win.

Sclerotherapy
Sclero-what, you may ask? Have no fear! Sclerotherapy is the fancy name for spider vein treatment. For women who feel embarrassed by these small reddish-blue leg veins, Sclerotheraphy is a godsend. Treatment is easy and can even be done on your lunch hour. A doctor injects a solution into the tiny veins causing them to shrink and vanish. But will it hurt? Most patients feel the prick of the needle and notice some bruising afterwards, but discomfort is generally minimal. Treated spider veins should disappear in a few weeks time, never to return. A pre-summer visit or two should have you ready for shorts in no time. Sclerotherapy clinics are located across Canada. A Google search will find an experienced doctor near you.

Holiday Plans
While it’s exciting to capture a last-minute travel deal, it makes more sense to coordinate your summer holiday in advance. Often the best flights, hotels, even cottages are snapped up early, so don’t be left out of the fun. Examine your schedule before summer kicks off to see if there’s a window of holiday opportunity in your future. Speak with your boss about time off and start researching different scenarios, so you’re well-versed in potential destinations. Whether you’re seeking an adventure overseas or sun-drenched stay at a provincial park, it pays to be organized and prepared. Plus, an early start leaves you with plenty of time to shop for vacation essentials!

Written by: Jackie Middleton

Please check out Jackie’s blog at www.losethatgirl.com.

Buying the Perfect Bathing Suit Style for Every Body

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 25 May 2011 14:31:00 GMT

Swim season is approaching as fast and as swiftly as the waves that you'll be floating on this summer! Storefronts are boasting their best bathing suits and sending women into a tizzy over what to wear. Every body is unique and different and even your own body changes from year to year as your habits and lifestyle do, so avoid slipping yourself into a category or a pre-packaged idea of how you should look. Instead, focus on what you like about your body and emphasize those features.

Emphasize belly and/or hips

Hips don’t lie when holding a string bikini bottom that shows skin. This low-rise bottom ($16, Victoria’s Secret) draws attention to your stomach while the Daisy push-up triangle top ($24, Victoria’s Secret) supports all chest sizes and comes in a variety of colours to suit all styles (the bows can even be removed).

This key-hole one-piece ($26.50, La Senza) draws attention to your stomach with a sexy strip of cloth running from the bandeau top to a moderate coverage bikini bottom, highlighting the sexy skin that holds it together.

Emphasize a slimmer chest

Those with a more delicate frame have the luxury of experimenting with patterned bathing suits and accessories like bows and ruffles. This striped bandeau ($18.90, Garage) and string bikini bottom (18.90, Garage) will draw eyes with its classic pattern and emphasis on your natural curves. Keep in mind bandeaus look best on those with even proportions.

On the other hand, solid colours emphasize a slim figure and send out the message that you have nothing to hide and are proud of it. The “Vitamin A” bikini (top $89, bottom $81, Bikini Village) looks amazing with its strapless top.

You can take your pick of any string bikini, but regardless of your bra size, it’s worth investing in a supportive bra-like bathing suit top like this swim top with a ruffle (top $26.50, La Senza). Do you feel more comfortable in your bra than in your bikini? That’s because your bra supports you and hangs tight. This monokini ($36.90, Garage) presents a sexy one-piece option, offering support while the keyhole top and strip down the middle outline your figure.

Emphasize a heavier chest

Especially if you’re heavier in the chest area, a supportive top is worth the money. A halter top will show off your assets, drawing attention to your collarbone area. This sexy miraculous push-up halter tankini ($51, Victoria’s Secret) keeps you covered while still showing some skin and offering underwire support. It also comes in a variety of eye-popping colours.

But you can still get fancy. Ravishing ruffles really make you pop in this Ralph Lauren bikini (top $62, bottom $64, Bikini Village).This animal print skirtini ($54.99, Sears) offers bust support with added coverage and a built-in panty. The pattern is sexy and the skirt bottom feels amazingly comfortable while making you stand out.

Balance out belly

Don’t forget about tankinis. These flattering suits enable you to enjoy the benefits of a two-piece without having to bare all. This Turquoise tankini ($55, Bikini Village) catches the eye with its ribbed style but the attention it draws is flattering.

A sexy one-piece can act like a girdle or help someone who doesn’t like showing off their belly, even when in the best of shape. This black Captiva one-piece ($108, Bikini Village) is slimming and sexy. The textured top draws attention to your upper body and keeps your tummy covered. This ruched one-piece ($72, Victoria’s Secret) is a must-have when it comes to flattering bellies; its halter top emphasizes the upper body while the ruffles cover the stomach area. The Christina sarong swimsuit ($49.99, Sears) boasts a built-in control panel that tames your belly while adding comfort with adjustable straps, a soft bra and a choice between patterns or solid colours.

If you still love bikinis, look dazzling in this Coco & Beach bikini halter top ($30, Bikini Village) with an adjustable string bikini bottom ($30, Bikini Village) that doesn’t force your belly up and over like a muffin top.

Balance out thighs or waist

A boy-cut short or skirt covers thighs and emphasizes a very cute behind (with less hair removal as well). This French Riviera two-piece skirtini ($59.99, Sears) will have you feeling stunning and sexy. While it covers your bottom half, it still emphasizes your shape and supports a heavy chest. Selecting a patterned top and solid bottom draws the eyes upwards.

Balance out shoulders

If you’re looking for a balanced look between top and bottom that de-emphasizes shoulders, steer clear of halter tops and strapless swimwear. This Kala Luna bikini (top $35, bottom $35, Bikini Village) looks gorgeous and emphasizes curves. A square-cut tankini will frame your build nicely.

Written by: Marisa Baratta

Survival Guide: The Quest for Great Skin Shouldn’t End at Your Chin!

Beach Babe — Tue, 24 May 2011 20:45:00 GMT

As we age, it’s not just the skin on our faces that loses collagen and elasticity. These parts listed below will give away your age even if your face is wrinkle-free.

Neck
The skin on your neck is thinner and more prone to scarring than the skin on your face. To avoid sagging and wrinkling, remember to cleanse and moisturize. It's really just a matter of a few extra drops of product. As you age, invest in a neck and décolletage-specific treatment.

Chest
Your chest gets at least as much sun exposure –if not more–as your face. Think about it: whether you're lying on a beach or just prepping for a summer walk, where do you apply sunscreen first? Your face. But when the sun is beating down, what part of your body is getting the most direct sunlight? Probably your chest. All those freckles from sunburns will only make you look older and that's before the delicate skin stars to look crepey. So remember to use sunscreen on your décolletage just as diligently as you do on your face.

Ears
Like your chest, your ears are vulnerable to sun damage and the signs of aging. The skin on your ears is very thin and wrinkles are inevitable but you can take some preventative measures. Be conscious of the weight of your earrings and how often you wear them. You don't want saggy lobes. Smooth serums, moisturizers, and even eye cream over your ears when using it on your face and, of course, remember the SPF.

Hands
Hands are a big giveaway of age. Age spots, discoloration and, of course, wrinkles are common signs of aging hands. Besides the (excuse the broken record) SPF and hand cream, try a collagen-boosting treatment like a retinol or peptide formula to keep skin plump and firm.

Eyes
Spend an evening crying, drink a little too much, or skip a few hours of sleep and you can see just how delicate your eye area is. Don't let puffiness and a few fine lines become bags and crows feet. Avoid letting dark circles become a permanent feature. Use an eye cream regularly and choose one that addresses your specific symptoms. A cream that tightens and firms is good for a tendency towards bags and wrinkles and one that targets dark circles will help plump the thinning skin under your eyes so shadows are less severe and veins less obvious.

Written by slice.ca beauty writer Vanessa Grant

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Behind the Scenes at the Royal Wedding

Guest Blogger — Thu, 05 May 2011 16:13:00 GMT

I’ve been a wedding planner for over 25 years and have planned over 1000 weddings - so when I was asked by Global News and ET Canada to be one of the ‘experts’ and part of their reporting team that would be based at the media village at Canada Gate (opposite Buckingham Palace) on the day of the Royal Wedding – well decisions, decisions…?

I travelled to London from Lichfield Trent Valley station (the day prior) and on the platform there were a group of ladies who were going to ‘camp out’ the night before the wedding so they could get a vantage point by Clarence House. They had a local TV crew reporting about them on their trip and provided ‘entertainment’ on the journey down.

I arrived at the May Fair Hotel, and was met by the ‘team’. We were given our media passes and were escorted past the Ritz Hotel to the security gate of the media campus.

I was amazed to see how many television networks were set up from all over the world. There were hundreds of satellite dishes dotted everywhere, miles of cables, parked trucks and various marquee tents. It was a hive buzzing with activity.

It was massive news when Prince Charles and Diana were to be married, but this time round it was utterly monolithic. Press attendance alone demonstrated just how globally important this wedding was to be. Back in 1981, 550 accredited journalists and broadcasters descended to cover the royal nuptials but on this occasion the number was closer to 7,500.

‘We’ the experts were based in the trailer until required in the ‘hub’ – which was a construction built scaffold tower with individual ‘pods’ where each television network had their own view of Buckingham Palace and the Mall.

Next door to us at Global was the Australian network and Dame Edna Everidge was reporting back with Royal Correspondent James Whittaker.

The day started with hair and makeup at 6am and strong hot coffee with breakfast was served. We took a brisk walk through the park to the media village and already people were getting their places in front of the big screens… It was 6am (5 hours to go).

The anchors for the day were Cheryl Hickey of ET Canada and Dawna Friesen of Global National, and they were already filming voice overs and clips to add into the production. They both looked stunning in their outfits and were pleased to see us all ready to go. The Producer, camera men, sound guys and assistants were all set and we were on a countdown.

It takes a lot of people behind the scenes to make a TV production, and this one was no exception. Everything was going live, there could be no mistakes, and a plan B for everything had to be thought of. There was a plan – and we all had our role to play.

The ‘team’ for the day was Debbie Travis (interior designer) and Bronwyn Cosgrave (fashion reporter) who had both flown over from Toronto. Phil Dampier was the English Royal Historian and Alex Bomberg was speaking on security issues and I was to add ‘all things wedding’. I wore a pale pink ‘Condici’ dress and jacket with black beading on the lapels. My hat was perfect and added the finishing touch.

The day was split into sections where everyone had a ‘turn’ at commentating, and in between we had to leave the ‘pod’ as there was no room with all the equipment along the walkways. Hair and makeup was on hand ready for every ‘take’ and it was now 9am and the guests were starting to arrive at the Abbey.

On one return journey I passed Eve Pollard and Jane Seymour on the stairs and whilst having a coffee at the trailer the infamous Barbara Walters walked past with her entourage.

Looking at our schedule at what we had to do – it struck me as to how much The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, William and Catherine, had to do as well (in the same amount of time). I know what hard work it takes to pull a wedding together, and I also know what it takes to make a TV show, but to bring it all together in front of millions of people who are watching every second, every movement, every word (in HD on a 48” screen), must be incredibly stressful, I cant imagine what her Mother and Father felt watching their daughter walking into this public arena.

Knowing that the world was waiting to see what style of dress Catherine had chosen was the BIG question… So when I saw Elizabeth Emanuel walking by Canada Gate I tried to imagine what she felt on the day of Diana’s wedding.

I was back ‘on set’ and I could see on the TV monitors some of the guests arriving at the Abbey. Posh and Becks, Elton John and David Furnish, Ben Fogle, just to name a few.

I was disappointed not to see more flowers, guests wearing corsages, buttonholes / boutonnieres, wrist and purse sprays, but the variety of hats and fascinators made up for it. With every arrival there was a new dress, shoes, and the fashion commentators were having a field day!

Then William arrived with his brother (and Best Man) Harry. Looking every part the dashing Prince he is an honorary Colonel and sported the uniform of The Irish Guards. He looked calm and composed and even had time to speak to his uncle Earl Spencer and share a joke with friends.

I heard the crowd cheer as the Queen and Prince Philip left the Palace, and I thought the Queen looked stunning in her Angela Kelly primrose yellow wedding attire and customary pearls wearing the precious ribbon brooch. She smiled radiantly and I’m sure felt very proud of her Grandson. A fanfare sounded at the entrance of the Queen (the State Trumpeters of the Household Calvary) where she was met by the Dean of Westminster –Dr John Hall.

Whatever reports have been made, the royal wedding was certainly expensive, but, on the plus side, massive revenues were already pumping into the British economy; research predicts that Brits will shell out a collective £163 million on wedding souvenirs, while West End theatres expect a extra £8.4 million in ticket sales as royal sightseers flock to see their favourite shows and all this is before income from overseas tourism has been factored into the equation. On an average day, London is visited by approximately half a million tourists but that number was sure to more than double at the royal wedding. What’s more, the British government hopes a longer term tourism bonanza will generate fifty thousand new jobs and around £2 billion for the British economy at large.

Watching the monitors, seeing all the flags flying, the policemen lining the route, and the sea of red, white and blue was a sight to behold. Then the cameras turned and focused on the Goring Hotel as it was time for Catherine to leave.

And then… suddenly it happened. A vision was in the car, we were all straining to capture a glimpse. Her Father Michael Middleton sat beside her and I looked at the clock, this Bride was not going to be late (well maybe one minute).

The clock (and Big Ben) struck 11 am and history was in the making. The 1900 guests were assembled, all the Royal family were seated, and the music was playing (The London Chamber Orchestra). It was captivating with all the glitz and the glamour, the spectacle of the pomp and ceremony and I felt very proud to be British.

The moment arrived and our beautiful Bride arrived at Westminster Abbey and stepped from the car onto the red carpet and the worlds cameras frantically clicked away. It was at this moment that her sister Pippa walked forward and people took notice – that there were two beautiful girls in this wedding.

Catherine’s gown was (as predicted) designed and styled by the Alexander McQueen studio and executed beautifully by Sarah Burton.

It was a delicate cream colour with subtle lacework on the bodice and skirt (Royal School of needlework) and a train of approximately eight feet long (Diana’s was 25ft). 58 buttons at the back of the dress. I adored her veil, it was sheer, gossamer and edged with lace. She was every little girls dream Princess.

On her head was the Cartier ‘halo’ platinum and diamond tiara, loaned (something borrowed) to her by the Queen. It was understated and added the complete finishing touch.

I wondered whether Catherine would wear her hair ‘up’ as most Royals do for their wedding day, but her hair stylist James Pryce was asked to leave it very simple and close to her normal style.

I admired her beautiful diamond earrings, and when you look closely you will see they have an oak leaf outline and an acorn shaped diamond suspended in the centre. They were made by the society jewellers, Robinson Pelham and were a wedding gift from her parents (something new?)

We didn’t really get to see the shoes, these were also made by the team at Alexander McQueen from ivory duchesse satin and lace.

Her Bridesmaids; Miss Eliza Lopes, Miss Grace van Cutsem, with The Lady Louise Mountbatten-Windsor and The Honourable Margarita Armstrong-Jones looked resplendent in their ballerina length dresses and Master Tom Pettifer and Master William Lowther-Pinkerton looked very handsome in their matching uniforms.

Didn’t we all just say ‘Aaaahh’ when Wills whispered ‘You look beautiful’ when his Bride arrived at the altar, the scene was set.

I took this opportunity to study who was seated where and spotted Camilla and Charles. I had noticed the large brimmed cream Phillip Treacy hat when she arrived at the Abbey but took a closer look at the champagne and duck egg blue Anna Valentine dress and jacket – perfect choice.

Seated on the next row was Prince Andrew and his daughters Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie. For two young stylish girls, who have fashion houses and their behest, what were they thinking? And who said they looked fabulous…? I was dismayed to see them looking so ridiculous. Eugenie wore Vivienne Westwood (far too old for her) and Beatrice wore a coat and dress by Valentino. Philip Treacy designed her hat, but he sometimes gets it wrong – and he did with this creation! Can you believe it now has its own Facebook page (Princess Beatrice’s Ridiculous Royal Wedding Hat) wonder why?

Looking across the aisle was Victoria and David Beckham. I wondered if anyone had mentioned his faux pas with the CBE medal? One certainly doesn’t wear to a wedding, and NEVER on the wrong side… It took my eye, more so than the Christian Louboutin’s Posh was wearing, which it’s almost acrobatic when you are 6 months pregnant balancing on those heels.

The first hymn sung (Guide me O thou great Redeemer) and the Deans welcome and introduction. The Archbishop of Canterbury proceeds with the solemnization of marriage. It was at this point that Alex said he didn’t realize how quick the actual marriage part is… yes – 8 minutes if you time it.

And then the ring is produced – made from welsh gold (and only Catherine was to wear a ring).

I know every word of the marriage service, and can recite word perfect. There was not a falter, not even a hesitation on this day. But this is my favourite part, and when the Archbishop pronounced them ‘man and wife’, the crowds outside roared their approval!

To hear the hymn ‘Love Divine, all loves excelling’ sung by hundreds, (if not thousands of people) outside the media centre was a joy to behold. I was singing my heart out. I had it for my wedding – and it is a firm favourite with most Brides.

I was due to swap places with Debbie Travis at this point and it was as ‘Jerusalem’ was being sung. As a member of the WI (Womens Institute) it is our opening song at the start of a meeting – so the words are very familiar to me. Walking along the gangway I drew side glances from crew and personnel – I didn’t care, I was enjoying every minute of this wedding!

I took a walk outside the campus and was immediately in amongst the crowds watching on the screens. It was 200 people deep – some even had ‘periscopes’ but the sound quality was excellent.

To see people in fancy dress costumes, all the flags, picnics, and friendly smiling faces was a pleasure. I didn’t have long, but to be walking through and taking in the atmosphere was a memory.

The National Anthem was sung by one and all, and then we knew it was time for the Bride and Bridegroom to depart.
All the prayers in the world had kept the sun shining and the rain at bay, and as the happy couple emerged at the Great West Door the sun broke through the clouds and the world clapped and cheered!

How wonderful to be a wedding planner on a day like today!

Written by Jane Dayus-Hinch (host of Wedding SOS and slice.ca royal wedding reporter)

Don't miss the slice.ca royal wedding videos for tips and comments from wedding industry insiders, including Jane Dayus-Hinch!

Read all of our Royal Wedding blogs on slice.ca!

And to keep on top of everything going on in the slice.ca/wedding guide, read our Bride Blogs and watch our wedding video series!

Wedding Shows Across Canada

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 19:46:00 GMT

It’s wedding season across Canada and to help you take advantage and make the most of it, slice.ca has prepared a calendar of some of the wedding shows happening across Canada in 2011.

British Columbia:
Maple Ridge:
January 31, Welcome Wagon Maple Ridge Bridal Showcase, www.lowermainlandbridalshows.ca

Courtenay:
January 23, Bridal Exhibition, www.bridal.ieginc.ca

Kamloops:
January 30, Bridal Fair, www.kamloopsbridalfair.com

Vancouver:
January 22, Indie I Do!, www.indieido.com
February 12, Grassroots Wedding Fair, www.thegrassrootsweddingfair.com
February 20, Bridal Swap!, www.dreamgroup.ca/bridalswap
March 27, Vancouver Wedding Show, www.vancouverweddingshow.ca

Surrey:
January 30, My Asian Wedding, www.myasianweddingmagazine.com

Alberta:
Edmonton:
January 23, Bridal Fantasy Edmonton, www.bridalfantasy.com
October 2, Bridal Expo, www.edmontonbridalexpo.com

Calgary:
January 23, Wedding Fair Calgary, www.theweddingfair.ca

Manitoba:
Winnipeg:
January 22-23, The Wonderful Wedding Show, www.wonderfulweddingshow.com/

Ontario:
Oakville:
January 29-30, Burlington-Oakville Bridal Show, www.thebridalshow.ca/thebridalshow

Toronto:
January 21-23, The Total Wedding Show, www.totalweddingshow.com
January 28-30, The National Bridal Show, www.nationalbridalshow.com
March 26, The Ultimate Bridal Show, www.ultimatebridal.ca
April 15-17, Toronto’s Bridal Show, www.torontosbridalshow.com

Quebec:
Montreal:
January 29-30, Le Salon de la Mariee, www.lesalondelamariee.com

Nova Scotia:
Halifax:
January 23, Brides 2011, www.halifaxbridalshow.com/brides-2010-halifax-bridal-show.html
Cape Breton:
January 23, Wedding Show with Randy Fenoli from TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress, www.membertoutcc.com/weddingshow

To keep on top of everything going on in the slice.ca/wedding guide, read our Bride Blogs and watch our wedding video series!

Survival Guide: Holiday Kitchen Safety Tips

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 13:38:00 GMT

It's easy to let daily household tasks slip during the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but this is a prime season to keep your kitchen;and your family and friends;safe and healthy! These simple tips will keep your kitchen merry and bright this holiday season.

Safely Thawing and Cooking a Turkey

Never thaw a turkey at room temperature.
Thaw a frozen turkey in the refrigerator approx. one week prior to cooking. Allow approx. 24 hours of defrosting for each five pounds.
Always wash your hands when cooking with turkey.
Ensure that all surfaces that have been in contact with the turkey are sanitized using a mild bleach solution: two drops bleach to one cup of water.
Use a separate cutting board to prepare the turkey.
When cooking the turkey, use a meat probe thermometer to ensure that the internal temperature of the turkey reaches 85°C (185°F) and stuffing temperature should reach a minimum temperature of 74°C (165°F).
Food should never stay out at room temperature for more than two hours. Ensure that foods are kept warm (above 60°C) and cold foods cold (below 4°C).

Turkey Leftovers

Ensure that leftovers are refrigerated as soon as possible to minimize exposure in the danger zone (zone between 4 and 60°C). Store leftovers in shallow containers so they can cool in a quick fashion, then cover the food to prevent cross-contamination.
When re-heating leftovers, ensure that the minimal temperature reaches 74°C (165°F) and ensure that gravy is brought to a rolling boil. Do not leave leftovers in the refrigerator for more than 3 days.

Bringing Food to a Potluck

Ensure that cold foods are stored at 4°C in coolers and are properly covered.
Ensure that when transporting hot foods to an event that the temperature is maintained at 60°C.

Think Double Duty
How charming would those liqueur glasses look cupping a floral bloom? Place these mini-arrangements in unexpected places, like beside the kitchen sink, in a powder room or on a bedside table. Now that's spreading holiday cheer!

Christmas Clutter: Plan For It!
A few baskets arranged on the kitchen counter are a perfect way to keep organized during a busy holiday season. Holiday linen looks perfect neat and is ready to use, all those Christmas letters that you have yet will be kept safely until you have a moment to read them.

Bunches of Greenery, Festive Fruits, and Floral Stems
These are a great excuse to keep those counters neat and tidy. Reward yourself for keeping your counters organized with a holiday floral arrangement. Go ahead, be merry.

Cooking and the Holidays Go Hand-In-Hand
Get the jump on the madness by organizing your cupboards. Break down your kitchen into three basic zones: food storage, food preparation and the cooking area. Group all related items into those three zones and remember: if you haven't used in last year consider donating it.

With all that extra cooking, remember to check that your fire extinguisher is fully charged and remember to store it in the cooking zone.

From FoodNetwork.ca

A Healthy Halloween for Kids (and Adults)

Sporty Vixen — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 17:48:00 GMT

Halloween is a fun time of year for everyone, young or old. Dressing up as your favourite character, lots of parties and trick-or-treating. The problem for parents is deciding what to do with those big trick-or-treat bags full of candy and sweet treats. With childhood obesity on the rise, loading up on all that sugar isn't a great idea.

Here are some tips to help control your children's consumption of treats:

• Serve your kids a healthy snack such as a peanut butter sandwich and some fruit before trick-or-treating. If they aren't hungry, your kids will be less likely to overeat candy when they get home.

• Cut down on the number of treats your child can collect by limiting their trick-or-treat route. Keep it to your own street only.

• Let your children enjoy some of their Halloween candy in moderation when they have finished trick-or-treating -- after you have inspected the treats for safety. Count out a number of pieces that they can consume and put the rest away.

• Put all of the extra treats into a high cabinet in your kitchen or pantry. Out of sight is out of mind, and you can control how many treats your kids get to eat over the next few days.

• Do not allow your kids to store bags of candy in their rooms.

• Don’t buy Halloween candy early. You will tempt yourself and your kids to eat too much before the trick-or-treating even starts.

• Skip the Halloween candy sale on November 1. Cheap bags of candy sounds like a good buy, but you don't need the sugar and calories.

• Be a role model by eating Halloween candy in moderation yourself. To help avoid temptation, buy your candy at the last minute and get rid of any leftovers.

• Never use candy as a child’s snack in their lunches. Most Halloween candy is made of simple sugar which provides no nutritional value, is quick digesting, will cause cravings for more sugar and is a poor source of sustaining fuel.

• Be aware of calories! Each Halloween treat contains approximately 50 calories. It may seem like a harmless number of calories but mindless munching can accumulate to hundreds of calories.

Written By: Jaclyn Pritchard, Registered Dietitian

DISCLAIMER: This information is for entertainment purposes only. The recommendations may not work for you, and should not take the place of the recommendations made by your own medical personnel. We are not responsible for the outcomes of any recommendations. Do not make any drastic changes to your diet without the supervision of your doctor/dietitian. For more information, please see a Registered Dietitian in your area. To find one, visit dietitians.ca.

Dating Again - An Exclusive Interview With Josey Vogels

Guest Blogger — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 13:00:00 GMT

This "Survival Guide" features dating advice and Josey Vogels. She appeared on episode 6 of Re-Vamped - Season 1 and offered the women advice on how to tackle dating again for the first time. This is taken from transcripts from her time with the women and includes goodies that didn’t make it to air. Enjoy!

- Elizabeth

Re-Vamped: Can you talk to us a little bit about what it is to get back in the dating game? How do we trust again? How do we feel comfortable opening up to someone again?

Josey Vogels: It’s a big issue and it’s so common. After you have been burned and your heart has been broken, or you’ve maybe had some of your trust shattered, going back out there again, you’re going to be gun shy. [So you] have to be aware of that and keep yourself in check. I think that it’s important to just let yourself be [gun shy]. Let yourself make some mistakes and be a little bit easy on yourself because it is going to be tricky and there [will] probably be things that’ll catch you up that you don’t even expect. It’s a little bit of a minefield - think of it that way - and tread carefully.

RV: Can you talk about how to approach speed dating and the good things about it?

JV: We all know that within the first 30 seconds, 60 seconds of meeting someone, they [already] have an impression of you. That’s why speed dating is so interesting. It’s not about deciding whether this, you know, man in front of you is going to be the man of your dreams. It’s just about making that initial connection and then seeing whether it could go anywhere. So that’s the way you need to approach it.

The thing I like about speed dating too is [that it takes the pressure off]. One of the things [that happens] when you’re kind of getting back out there is gun-shyness and the hesitation to make the first move with somebody and your fear of rejection, your fear of all the things that you’re carrying around. [Those fears] have to go by the wayside. It’s like diving into the deep end, right?

[With regular dates] you make these elaborate plans to meet and set up a whole date and you sit down and within two minutes, you’re like, ‘oh my God, how long do I have to stand it, how long do I have to stay out on this date?’ [With speed dating] it’s like having eight little mini-dates. It’s very efficient. You’ve just got to go and if it doesn’t work out with that guy, whatever, next guy, next guy, next guy.

RV: What attitude should I have when I start dating again?

JV: I’d say 75, 85, 90 percent of it is confidence and just putting yourself out there. Because that’s the only way you’re going to start anything happening and that’s the only way you’re going to test the waters and see whether you’re ready. [You see] what some of the issues that do come up [are] and what you need to deal with before you’re ready to meet that special someone.

[It’s] good to know as well, when you’re going back into it, [to think], ‘okay, what did I learn’. And I think that’s really important. To go back to your relationship [where] you were hurt maybe or you were burned or there was some resentment there. Go back and look and say, ‘okay, what was my role in this and what do I want to bring to my next relationship that I could do differently’. Here’s the chance to step out on that right foot.

RV: Should we go in trying to get someone to like us?

JV: [Often] we become attracted to the people who pick us, as opposed to picking the people we want to be attracted to. But it’s not about getting them to like you because you can morph into anything to get them to like you. You want to be who you are and you want that person to come to you and go, ‘oh wow, this person has something to offer, I want to get to know more’. Then you can decide whether you want to pick them.

RV: Any final words of advice?

JV: Have fun. Don’t go in full of expectations and think, ‘oh my God, I’m, I hope I meet the one or I hope I make that connection’. Just have fun.

Written By: Elizabeth Bell

Check out the premiere of Re-Vamped - Season 2 - on Monday, October 11th at 10pm ET/7pm PT!

Surviving Your First Job

Guest Blogger — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 13:00:00 GMT

Starting off on the right foot in your career is integral. But your first foray into work can be scary – what if you don’t know how to do what’s expected of you? What if you don’t fit in? Should you socialize? How much? What if you hate it? These questions – coupled with the mountainous task of choosing what to wear during your first week – can really make a girl nervous.

We asked Kathryn Lockhart of Careergo.com for the essential tips on making your first job a step towards your career goals.

Don’t Jump Around Too Much
We’ve all heard the numbers: on average, people have more than three careers (that’s not jobs, that’s career paths) in a lifetime. In fact, no one expects a young person to stay at the same company for twenty years – it’s just no longer a reality. But if you jump around too much, potential employers might think you’re fickle – and that could deter them from hiring you. Also, the potential to learn in a job lasts way beyond six months.

“Give yourself more time to understand how you can make an impact in your role and what another opportunity for you internally might look like, building on what you have already learned in the first six months,” Kathryn says.

Make Yourself An Asset
“Entry-level positions are an ideal time to focus on learning a market or an industry as much as possible, while developing essential skills and business acumen that are fundamental building blocks for your career,“ says Kathryn.

Sometimes entry-level jobs can be tedious and seem unimportant. Learn to see past the menial responsibilities you’ve been given and work to prove that you are capable of taking on more. Think of it this way: if someone in a senior position gives you a task that you find menial, realise that if you weren’t doing it, the senior person would have to do it. By taking on the task, you’re helping that person. The more helpful you are, the more kindly you’ll be looked upon. Take those opportunities to learn more about your industry.

“Managers will be wowed if you complete tasks better, faster, more efficiently, or proactively than someone else,” Kathryn says.

Take Initiative
Sometimes this advice is frustrating because it’s difficult to know how to take initiative. When is a good time to suggest a new way of doing things? Don’t insult your manager by insisting you can do everything better, but try to pitch new ideas and projects for her to mull over.

“Think about what will add value to the team you work with, your manager, and clients and customers you work with,” Kathryn suggests.

A great way to find your balance in a new company is to find a mentor who can help you in your transition. This should be someone you can trust, who will give you honest feedback on what you’re doing right and wrong.

Ask your manager if there’s any training available to staff – this shows that you’re eager to learn and grow in your position and flags you as someone your organization can depend on in the future.

Find A Mentor
A mentor is ideally someone who has the job you’d like to have. Finding a mentor is like finding a good doctor – it’s not easy, but once you find the right fit, you’ll be glad you shopped around. Finding someone who is willing to commit time and energy to your career is not easy, so when you do find someone, remember that a good mentee is just as committed to her mentor’s career.

“Once you’ve identified your dream mentor, reach out and ask if you could meet from time to time to get their advice on some decisions you are facing.”

Kathryn points out that a mentor shouldn’t be someone you directly report to, in fact, your mentor doesn’t have to work at the same company as you at all. The most important thing is that he or she is committed to meeting a few times a year and will guide you through issues of concern.

The most important thing to remember when you’re starting a new job is to go into the role relaxed and confident. Present yourself well on your first day and make an effort to get to know your workmates. Be ready to work hard and do your best to impress.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

The slice.ca Guide to Cleaning Your Home

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:47:00 GMT

What is it about spring that makes us want to fill up buckets of hot soapy water and clean our homes from top to bottom? I love a clean home myself, but finding the time to do a regular weekly clean, let alone a marathon spring clean, is beyond my organizational abilities.

Apparently I’m not alone. According to a survey by the cleaning product gurus at Procter & Gamble, 41 percent of Canadians say they don’t have enough time to clean their home. Which is a problem, as 54 percent of Canadians also say a lack of cleaning and organizing is having an impact on their family relationships. It’s good to know I’m in good company.

Before you break out the broom and bucket, get ready by doing the following:

1. Survey your home. The best way to identify what needs to be organized and cleaned in the home is to do a walk through and write down what is messy about each room in you house. I have an ongoing mental list, but if you’re not sure, do the walkabout.
2. Purge your house of unwanted and unused items. Clutter can make even the cleanest house look and feel messy. Grab a garbage bag once a month and get rid of items that are not being used anymore. Items worth saving should be put aside to be donated. Try to follow the “one thing in, one thing out” rule. I don’t, but maybe it will work for you!
3. Make a list of weekly tasks. Do a little or a room every day. Schedule larger cleaning tasks for the days you have more time and smaller tasks, such as dusting your bedroom, for the days you’re swamped. This is probably better than walking around your home muttering, “Who’s going to clean THAT up??”

Now here are some tips for cleaning every room of the house:

The Kitchen:
Forty percent of Canadians say the kitchen is the hardest room in the house to keep clean, which makes sense when you think of how much time and mess we make in there. Cleaning the kitchen comes down to three elementary steps: the sink, the counters, and the floors.

Dishes should be cleared away and the sink scrubbed.
Clutter should be removed from all counters and the counters and stovetop scrubbed.
The floor should be swept and then mopped. I have the Swiffer Sweeper Vac and I love it because it does the job of a broom and a vacuum cleaner.
Cleaning out the fridge is a weekly job, probably best saved for weekends if you do it all in one fell swoop, or do one shelf a day for a week.

Living/Family room:
Like the kitchen, there’s a lot of living that goes on in this room and a lot of the day’s flotsam and jetsam seem to wash up on its shores. Break it down into these easy steps to stay on top of it.

Once or twice a week clear the clutter by tossing or recycling old magazines and newspapers. Gather things that don’t belong and return them to their proper place. If certain items frequently find their way here, consider a better way to organize.
Once or twice a week clear surfaces and dust with a Swiffer-type cloth to trap dust.
At least once a week use a duster mop on the floors.
One tip from Merry Maids is to wipe down mini-blinds with a damp fabric softener sheet to eliminate the static that causes dust to stick. This also works for TVs and computer screens.
I like to use Febreze fabric refresher on the chairs and couch as a finishing touch.

Bedroom:
Is your bedroom a sanctuary, a place where you can relax and recharge at the end of a long day? Or is it a dumping ground filled with homeless items and piles of unsorted laundry? With a little planning, you can reclaim your boudoir.

Make your bed every morning before you leave your room.
Once a week, empty the garbage and tidy surfaces and dust with a Swiffer-type.
Laundry is probably the biggest mess-maker in this room so try to come up with a system to keep things from getting out of control. You can use multiple laundry baskets for easy sorting and washing and determine one or two days a week when you will tackle laundry.
At least once a month, tidy dresser drawers and the clothes in your closet, and pull items out you no longer want or need.
Every six months, organize the floor and shelves in your closets to make sure you still need everything you’re storing there. This is the time to dust and vacuum in there.

Bathroom:
Like the kitchen, this room gets a lot of use and if you don’t stay on top of it, you’ve got quite a job on your hands to clean it.

Once or twice a week, clean the mirror and quickly wipe down the sink and clean the toilet. Empty the trash and arrange items neatly on the counter.
For a quick and easy way to tackle soap scum use one of the new Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Bath Scrubbers on the bath and sink. These make it so easy to clean the bathroom even my kids can do it, which is a big plus.
Once or twice a week, sweep and wash the floor with a wet mop.
Replace hand towels twice a week.
Use dryer fabric softener sheets tucked away somewhere discreet for a great and subtle way to keep the bathroom smelling fresh.

Written by: Reni Walker

Good Nutrition for a Happy and Healthy Pregnancy

Sporty Vixen — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:20:00 GMT

Maybe you have decided to try to get pregnant, or have found out you already are. Congratulations! Your first step is to educate yourself about how to be the healthiest you possibly can be before and during your pregnancy. Your body goes through many changes during pregnancy. To support these changes, you must modify your diets nutrients and energy.

Eat according to the Canada’s Food Guide Recommendations:

• Eat 7-8 servings of fruits and vegetable each day - Eat lots of colourful fruits and vegetables. These are a great source of folate, vitamins and fibre.

• Eat 6-7 servings of Grain Products each day - Choose whole grain breads, cereals, crackers, pasta and rice. Grain products are a great source of energy, iron and fibre.

• Eat 3 servings of milk and alternatives each day - Milk, yogurt, cheese and foods made with milk are all great sources of calcium and protein. If you can't drink milk, fortified soy milk is a healthy alternative. Non-dairy foods also contain calcium, such as canned salmon with the bones, broccoli, and almonds.

• Eat 2 servings of meats and alternatives each day - For a great source of iron and protein choose leaner meat, fish and poultry or meat alternatives such as eggs, lentils, beans, tofu and peanut butter.

• Take a prenatal vitamin every day - Remember a prenatal vitamin does not reduce or replace healthy eating. It will help you get the extra vitamins and minerals you need while you are pregnant.

• Eat breakfast every day - Breakfast is an important meal to start off the day and if you skip breakfast you will probably not be able to make up those nutrients lost.

• Eat regular meals and snacks - Remember that if you don't eat, neither does your baby. Eat healthy snacks between meals - Follow your appetite. When you are hungry between meals choose healthy foods such as yogurt, fruit, vegetables, whole grain crackers with cheese, nuts, etc. Healthy snacks are a great way to meet your extra nutrient needs.

Key Nutrients During Pregnancy:

Folate/folic acid:
Folic acid/folate is an important vitamin to include in your eating habits before you are pregnant and during early pregnancy. Folate or folic acid is a B vitamin that has been proven to help decrease the risk of neural tube defects (NTDs).

NTDs are birth defects that can occur when the neural tube fails to close properly during the early weeks of pregnancy, resulting in abnormalities of a baby's spine, brain or skull such as spina bifida. This means that most women find out they are pregnant after the neural tube already forms, which is why supplementation is important before finding out about a pregnancy.

Remember supplementation does not replace a healthy diet. Foods high in folic acid include kale, broccoli, spinach, beets, bran cereal, eggs, nuts and seeds, legumes and lentils and orange juice.

Iron:
Iron is essential during pregnancy as it helps build healthy blood for you and your baby. Following the recommended Meat and Alternative servings in Eating Well with Canada’s Food Guide will provide you with the iron needed to support a healthy pregnancy. Meat, fish and poultry are great sources of iron. As well, meat alternatives such as dried beans and lentils are good sources of iron. Foods high in vitamin C can help your body absorb iron better, especially when eating non-meat sources of iron such as beans.

Calcium and Vitamin D:
Calcium and vitamin D work together to build strong bones and teeth for your baby. They also help to keep your bones and teeth strong throughout your pregnancy. Follow Canada’s Food Guide to ensure that you are getting the recommended servings from the Milk and alternatives food group will provide you with the calcium and vitamin D you and your baby need. Also important to know is that vitamin D is made by your skin from exposure to the sun, so get out and enjoy a little sunshine. Some good sources of calcium and vitamin D include: milk, chocolate milk, yogurt, cheese, broccoli, orange juice with added calcium and fortified soymilk.

Healthy Weight Gain for Pregnancy:
Women come in many shapes and sizes, all of which can be healthy. Most women will have a healthy weight gain while pregnant if they eat according to Canada’s Food Guide and are active during their pregnancy. It is recommended that most women gain 25-35 pounds during pregnancy. If you do not gain enough weight while pregnant, you are at higher risk of having a low birth-weight baby. This may cause problems with the baby's development and growth. If you gain too much weight while pregnant, you are at higher risk of having a high-birth weight baby and of gestational diabetes (diabetes while you are pregnant). This may lead to a long labour and higher risk of illness for you. It is not recommended to cut calories during pregnancy as this can compromise your babies nutririon. Speak to a Registered Dietitian about how to gain weight healthfully during pregnancy.

For more visit about prenatal nutrition speak to a Registered Dietitian or find out about the Canadian Prenatal Nutrition Program in your area.

Written By: Jaclyn Pritchard, Registered Dietitian

Survive Online Dating

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 14:00:00 GMT

Thanks to Web 2.0, finding dates online no longer carries any stigma. In fact, surfing for potential mates makes good sense, considering how much time we spend on the ‘net, and how much work we put into fine-tuning our online presence. Here’s how to maximize the experience.

Survey the scene: There are a lot of different dating sites, so consider which will best serve your needs. Certain sites cater specifically to particular ethnic groups, ages, or sexual orientations, while others focus largely on short-term hookups or matching single parents. Spend a while searching out the site that suits you best.

Face time: We’ve all been burned by bad relationships, but getting strict and school-marmish on your profile is a turnoff. Don’t mention the income level or past relationship history of your ideal mate—that’s a sure way to terrify people. Be playful, modest but honest, and let your real personality shine through. Use a picture taken in the last year, okay?

Size up the candidates: If you’re using dating sites just to find a little nookie, we’re not going to judge you, but that’s the only reason to ever message a guy who’s shirtless in his picture. Try not to get too distracted by photos or bad grammar, and home in on personalities. It’s fine to spend a few days—or a few weeks—just checking out the scene and fine-tuning your own profile. You can’t hurry love, remember?

Back and forth: After enough time cruising, you’ll want to actually interact with other dating site denizens. The usual way to start is via instant message on the actual dating site, then by email, or on a social networking site. Don’t make them a Facebook friend immediately, but sending messages should let you see their profile and how they interact with others in real life. This is a time to decide whether or not you like the sound of this person enough to have a drink or dinner. Try not to make declarations of love, or even sexual interest, without meeting up in person. Oh, and Google them, of course.

Thanks, but no thanks: If the online chat isn’t going well, do not arrange an in-person date out of guilt. That will only make things more complicated. Try and send a kind message saying you’re just not into it, but even fading away is better than meeting up with someone you already don’t like. That’s a bit unkind, and it will only get messy.

Face to face: Start off with a coffee date which is short, and in a public place. Although you know what movies and music this person likes, you don’t actually know them. Use the first date as a chance to see if you vibe, and don’t jump too fast into planning your baby names. At this point, it’s not online dating anymore, it’s real dating—it’s totally fair to ask questions about their family, friends and job. Don’t be hawkish, but if something seems fishy, don’t let it drop. If things go well, we’re happy for you, but please, still take it slow. Online dating might be a newfangled invention, but a broken heart still hurts.

Written by: Denise Balkissoon

Watch Love Incorporated on Slice Mondays at 10pm ET/7pm PT and on slice.ca in the video centre!

Are You Done With Debt?

Guest Blogger — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:45:00 GMT

Gail Vaz-Oxlade, star of ‘Til Debt Do Us Part and author of the forthcoming Debt-Free Forever, has 5 fantastic tips for getting out of the mess you might have made with that credit card burning a hole in your wallet.

Are You Done with Debt?

Take the following test:

If you buy a $2,300 couch using your credit card and you pay only the minimum on the card at 18.99% interest, how long will it take you to pay it off?
3 years 6 years
7 years 10 years

What will the couch cost you by the time it’s paid off?
$2,800 $3,200
$3,600 $4,300

Short test. Let’s see how you did.

If you buy a $2,300 couch using your credit card and you pay only the minimum on the card at 18.99% interest, it will take you 9.9 years to pay it off and you’ll pay $1,998 in interest, taking the cost of the couch to just under $4,300 once it’s paid in full.

No doubt the couch is starting to look a little ratty, and you may be wondering why you paid almost twice as much as the store said you would as you look at it disintegrating even before it’s paid off. Hey, that’s the power of interest working against you.

Sick and tired of being in debt? Ready to cut off the credit card company and put your money to work for you, instead of for the credit card people?

Make a plan.
Without a plan, you’re simply throwing money at the problem debt without having a clear sense of what you’re trying to accomplish. Start by making a list of all the people to whom you owe money -- your creditors. Put the list in order from highest interest rate to lowest. Make sure you’re putting your greatest effort at repayment against the debt with the highest rate.

Call and negotiate.
If you have extremely high rates on your cards, it’s time to put your negotiating skills to work. Call and describe the pickle you’re in. Ask if the credit card company if they'd be willing to eliminate the late fee and interest for a month or two. Try and get them to lower the rate on your card. If they won’t, ask if there’s another card that they can give you that has a lower interest rate, and transfer the balance to that card.

Pay on time.
Pay at least the minimum on all your debts, and make those payments on time. This will not only help you avoid fees, it’ll stop the interest rate from bouncing up because you’ve broken the rules. And it’ll improve your credit history, laying the groundwork for future rate negotiations.

Pay more.
If you commit to paying at least 10% of your balance every month, you’ll be out of the hole in about three years, before debt fatigue has a chance to take hold. Can’t come up with 10%? Get a second job, or a third job, or a better job. Do whatever it takes. You spent the money. Now it’s time to pay it back. And the longer it takes you, the more painful and costly it will be, so bust your butt to make that debt go away.

Set specific goals.
If you want to stay motivated, set milestones that are achievable and that you can pat yourself on the back for. Maybe you’ll have that department-store card paid off in six months. Perhaps you want to be debt-free before your wedding. Whatever goal you set, write it down and put it where you can see it every day. As you get closer to your goal, the motivation to hit your target will carry you forward.

None of this will work if you keep using your credit cards, so freeze them, chop them up, or hide them behind the washing machine. Find something positive to do with the time you used to spend shopping. Avoid magazines and catalogues that may leave you salivating. Focus on your goal. And if you need a debt-mate to talk you through your spending withdrawal, find a friend who can help steer you clear of the mall and the temptation to spend. That’s what true friends are for.

Debt-Free Forever: Take control of your money and your life!
Pre-order the book today

Written By: Gail Vaz-Oxlade, host of Til Debt Do Us Part

Healthy Holidays Survival Guide

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:00:00 GMT

I always felt that the short-lived pleasure I gained from tucking into my arch nemesis, the Quarter Pounder with Cheese (or, Royale with Cheese en Francais) must be akin to the thrill a man feels when hunkering down at a table in a strip club. These people work here, I tell myself, how could they judge me? They’ve seen much worse. I saw that woman on TV who eats like 43 Le Big Macs a day. I’m small potatoes in comparison. I know it’s wrong. The small pleasure that I get from stuffing my face with food that doesn’t even satiate me isn’t worth the extra hours at the gym. I know this.

But, sometimes, I get stressed. And junk food provides a cheap, familiar pleasure. Here’s the problem: during the holidays, I’m always stressed. All kinds of stressed: time constraints, family stress, work stress, and financial stress are all factors. So I step under the golden arches and a short-lived satisfaction takes over my senses.

What’s more stressful than a family holiday party with long lost relatives coming at you from every angle, inquiring about generic life details? For me (a closet group-situation phobic), not much. And what will always be there, beckoning me with its sweet temptation-filled siren song? The only sure thing in this darn mess we call life… a plate of M&M Nanaimo bars packed with sugary, chocolatey, buttery icingy goodness. Oh, the irony. The one thing I don’t need but couldn’t crave more right in front of me. No wonder some people gain five to seven pounds over the holidays, the average weight gain being about a pound. And those holiday pounds add up over the years.

Exercise

How to alleviate holiday stress? The best way is through regular exercise. Instead of indulging in that sugary treat, go for a walk. If Aunt Rita’s got you cornered, it’s tough to go for a walk, but at the very least, excuse yourself and do some jumping jacks in the bathroom. Well, that’s what I do anyway. If you can find time to exercise for about an hour a day this holiday season, you’ll not only avoid packing on the holiday poundage, you’ll also populate your body with endorphins that’ll help you endure the eighth “Why are you still single?” with a smile. If you can’t spare an hour at a time, try walking for twenty-minute intervals throughout the day. And do some Kegels at your desk. The laughter itself will release some oxygen into your bloodstream. Just don’t neglect your body, especially during times of stress.

Mind

Speaking of stress, there are lots of side effects aside from stuffing yourself with gravy-laden turkey. There’s the emotional drain that being stressed encourages. What to do? Well, if you can get to the mall or on amazon.ca before the Christmas rush, do that. That will alleviate some of the gift stress. Remember to keep up with your physical routine: throw a relaxing yoga class into the mix. Studies show that cancer patients doing chemotherapy can deal with fatigue better if they take up yoga, so throwing a class into your busy schedule might be helpful in relieving some of the drama that the holidays contribute to your mental clutter.

If you can afford to, get a massage or give yourself some other kind of treat. Remember that you can’t do it all, so give yourself a night off every week. Establish limits with everyone: family, colleagues, and friends. If they won’t listen, tell them you’re hitting up an AA meeting. They won’t ask any questions, I promise.

Food and Drink

Stress-fighting foods will stave off stress-induced munchies and work to boost your mood during the dark winter months. If you’re going to stuff your face, keep this in mind: some foods make you feel bad and leave you hungry (like sugar) and some help to make you feel better. Luckily, the selenium in turkey, raises serotonin levels. Foods with vitamin B12 (like beef, salmon, yogurt, milk, cheese, and eggs) help to give you an energy boost while those antioxidants you’re always hearing about (found in cranberries, blueberries, blackberries, beans, artichokes, pecans, walnuts, and hazelnuts) help repair your stress-damaged cells.

If you’re a coffee addict like me, this won’t be fun: experts recommend skipping the mochafrappalatte tomorrow morning (especially if you lace it with sugar). Caffeine causes anxiety and raises stress hormone levels. While you’re cracking open the second bottle of chardonnay, reconsider. Sure, one glass of alcohol a day is known to be okay for you but lots of booze raises your blood pressure. So keep it to one or two at a time.

Alright, ladies, put down those Quarter Pounders, there’s hope for us yet! Till Valentine’s Day, anyway.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Get Your Career Moving This Holiday Season

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:01:00 GMT

Although lots of people gear down for the holidays, some smart slice.ca career girls are wondering just what they can do to take advantage of some of the slack that others create during this busy time of year. Whether you’re revving up for a promotion, trying for that new year raise, or just trying to find a permanent job, we’ve got tips from Kathryn Lockhart, Business Leader at Careego, on how to make sure you take advantage this December so your career will benefit in 2011.

If you’re looking for work

It’s been a tough year and no one knows that better than Kathryn, who’s been helping women with their careers during the recession. “With the bumps we’ve seen in the economy and the holidays approaching, there is no better time than now to focus on managing your career,” says Kathryn. It’s especially trying for someone who’s looking for a job in December. Lots of people are on holiday and aren’t returning emails and phone calls. Those people that are in the office are distracted by family events, Christmas shopping, and sending out holiday greetings to clients. But you can still find a job during December.

“While things typically slow down during the Holiday week, be mindful that many projects ramp up in the New Year,” Kathryn advises. “Many companies plan to kick off large projects or client work in the New Year, which can mean needing to hire extra staff before hand to get them up to speed.”

Kathryn reminds us that even if almost everyone is on holiday during the week of the 25th, there is always at least one person from the HR department in the office sifting through resumes and setting up interviews. Now could be your time to shine!

If you’re temping

Lots of companies, retail and otherwise, hire temps during the holidays to keep up with the holiday rush and to cover for people who are taking vacation time during the winter months. This is a great opportunity to introduce yourself to a company and let them know how great you are—and what a wonderful long-term employee you would make.

Kathryn calls temping an “extended, real-life interview.” That means no slacking off! Dress the part, be conscientious and make sure you let the powers that be know that you’d love to be a part of the organization. That means introducing yourself to lots of people in the office, doing your job better than the person that normally does it, and making it clear that you fit into the work culture.

“Learn as much as you can about the role you have been hired for,” says Kathryn, “and inquire about similar roles within the company. The HR staff will know about future opportunities and expressing your keen interest to them is a sure way to be considered for a more long-term solution.”

The important thing is to act like you belong in that position—your superiors will take notice if they see someone that will make their lives and jobs easier.

If you’re trying to get ahead at work

If you aren’t bogged down with family commitments and you want to make the most of a time when everyone else seems to be distracted with the holidays, now is a good time to sit down and plan how you’ll use the winter months to your advantage. There are lots of things you can do any time of the year to get ahead at work. But scheduling a meeting with your manager now shows that you’re thinking about the upcoming year in terms of your career as well as the future of the company. Kathryn recommends taking the following four actions to stand out.

• Talk to your manager about furthering your skill set.
• Take a course related to your work.
• Ask for some increased responsibilities now and in the new year.
• Look the job description of the job you want and what you need to get you there.

“This will also ensure that your manager knows that you are keen and focused as the holiday business ramps up,” Kathryn says.

There are two major things to avoid during the holidays: The first is “checking out”, as Kathryn says. So remember to stay focussed at work and make sure you’re still the star player that you always are. The second thing to avoid is very common but very harmful: Getting wasted at the office holiday party. Kathryn has seen people get fired for this reason. Getting drunk and making an ass of yourself at the office party will encourage office gossip about you (the bad kind) and make you look like an imbecile to your superiors. Be weary!

Although the holidays are a time for family and friends and indulging, this could be the perfect time to show your boss just how dedicated you are. And, if you’re looking for work, this is a great time for networking—you’ll meet tons of new people at parties and events, so be on your best behaviour!

Kathryn’s sage last words: “Employers are always looking for good people for current and future needs, so don’t wait to put yourself out there. Many people will wait until the New Year before diving into a job search; don’t wait, dive in now.”

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Holiday Shopping

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:19:00 GMT

Remember when shopping was fun?

More than any other holiday activity, shopping for presents is the number-one cause of seasonal stress. The overwhelming crowds, the cash crunch, and the difficulty deciding on what to purchase are the usual suspects. Slice.ca would like to help you at this festive time of the year. Unfortunately, we cannot pick out the perfect prezzie for that hard-to-buy-for Aunt, but we can offer up some sanity-saving suggestions for a less-stressful holiday shop.

Making a List and Checking It Twice
Time to channel the old bearded guy in the red suit! If ever there was a time to be ultra organized, the holiday shopping season is it. Before you start bruising that bank balance, take a few moments to consider who you need to buy for. Include family members, close friends even acquaintances. Think of everyone you can and add them to your list.

Once the roll call has been established, the fun begins! For some friends and family, it’s incredibly easy to select a gift but don’t get hung up on the more difficult-to-buy-for relations. Planning is ideal but you still want to keep some spontaneity in your shopping experience. If you have to wing it for a few presents, so be it. Just remember a little planning at home will save you time, money, and your sanity once you’re store bound.

Budget: It’s Not Fun, It’s Necessary
The holidays are a time for generosity but not if it sends you into a spiral of debt. Gifting is supposed to make you feel joyful. Becoming bankrupt and living off Kraft Dinner for weeks is not part of the plan! Set a spending limit and stick to it. If you’re computer savvy, set up your gift list in Excel and estimate what you will be spending for each person. You can keep a current tally on what you’ve spent and how much cash you have remaining. Sure, financial calculations take all the glitter and excitement out of the big shop, but they’ll allow you peace of mind during the hectic run-up to the holidays, which in itself is priceless.

Start at Home
Much of your purchasing can be done from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Internet shopping is the best! You can shop while still clad in your pyjamas or during commercial breaks of your favourite television program. You can shop ANYTIME! And by far the best part, they’ll ship it to you too—and some places will even do the gift wrapping. Make a dent in your list without stepping outside and there will be fewer parcels to lug around the mall—a definite plus. Just be mindful of how much you’re charging on those credit cards.

Dress for Success
You’ve done everything that you can from home, now it’s time to hit the pavement. Dashing in and out of shops and malls takes plenty of effort, and the wrong attire can weigh you down and cause undue stress. Dress appropriately to be on top of your game. Comfortable footwear is a must, so please save the four-inch patent-leather stilettos for New Year’s Eve. Likewise, an outfit that doesn’t scratch or make you too warm is also essential.

Select Your Shopping Style
Be sure to stay true to your own personal shopping style. Some Slice gals prefer to make a date with girlfriends or family and hit the shops en masse. Mixing socializing with your holiday shop can make the experience that much more enjoyable. Plan a restful lunch stop at a favourite restaurant where you can catch up and compare purchases. Or, if you know that you’re better off flying solo, by all means don’t feel obligated to turn the day into a communal event. The key is to follow the plan that works best for you.

Pack Your Manners
Holiday shopping crowds are notorious for being rude and pushy. Now is not the time to add to the unseasonable vibe. Remember what your Mum taught you. Be courteous at all times, hold doors for fellow shoppers and, above all, keep your cool while waiting in line. After all, Santa knows when you’ve been naughty or nice.

Don’t Get It on Credit
Cash and debit cards are the way to spend this holiday season. Try to reserve credit buys for Internet shopping only. It’s so easy to lose track of what you’ve spent when exercising the plastic. Plus, you’ll be cursing the holidays for months afterwards when that flurry of bills starts to drift into your mailbox. Implementing cash or debit cards will help you maintain your budget and avoid the financial pitfalls that beset many.

Open Your Eyes and Ears
In all the shopping frenzy, be sure to pause and take a moment to enjoy the seasonal surroundings. Admire the beautiful decorations, listen to the jolly carollers, and make a donation to the Salvation Army or another worthy charity. In the frenetic bustle to get your checklist completed, it’s really important to remember what the season is actually about.

Done? Let’s Prep for Next Year
Now that you’ve made your list, checked it twice, and purchased a plenty, you’ve successfully manoeuvred this year’s holiday shop! Congratulations! Before you put your feet up for a well-deserved respite, be sure to save a copy of this important doc in your computer or tucked safely away in a drawer. As a result of all your prep this year, you’ll have an annual report of your shopping excursions that will form the base for next year’s buying. Come December 2011, you’ll be happy to see that you were so organized 11 months earlier. Happy Holidays, indeed!

Written by: Jackie Middleton

Family Party Survival Guide

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:19:00 GMT

For when you’re just not feeling the joy

I love Christmas, but I find the holidays stressful – especially when I have to gather with family and in-laws that I normally don’t see throughout the year. Everyone has their own set of expectations for the holidays and these can be impossible to meet. Also, a lot of time, energy and money go into planning and preparing for the holidays, so by the time you get together, tempers get frayed and flare easily.

Every year, my husband and I feel run down after all the rounds of visiting and swear next year we’ll fly south and avoid the whole thing altogether. If you love getting together for eight family dinners over the holidays and get along with all your relatives and in-laws, including your brother’s surly 10-year-old son, your sister’s know-it-all husband, and your busy-body aunt, then try reading one of our gift-buying guides. This article is for people who need to know how to survive the big family dinner without gouging out their own eyes.

Rules of Engagement

Don’t Try to Please Everyone:
If you’re hosting The Big Dinner, don’t expect to do it the way your mother or any other previous generation did it. That means if you grew up eating goose but always hated it, you can have a turkey, or ham, or whatever you want. It means if your father-in-law expects to have homemade Christmas pudding, you can tell them to either try the pumpkin pie or ask your mother-in-law to bring pudding. At my first Christmas dinner at my home, I put out Christmas crackers since I’d always seen them as a child and wanted my children to have them. My mother asked why I was using them, we’re not British, afterall (even though I am actually one-eighth British, thank you very much). Do as you wish to make this memorable for your family, but be ready for sly (or not-so-sly) comments.

Head the Fighting Off at the Pass:
Decide who has to drive beforehand. If you’re not the driver, you can down a quick shot of something before you get in the car. This will make the drive there less stressful. Otherwise, you’ll bicker the whole way, as stress mounts the closer you get to your destination.

Come Bearing Gifts:
This means something for everyone, because nothing will make you more stressed than having nothing for someone who drives you crazy (and she brought you a gift). This is true even if you have all agreed not to buy each other gifts. There have been enough times when I’ve shown up without gifts only to be presented with a “token” bottle of wine by a not-so-favourite relative. Now my children and I make chocolate treats for everyone (chocolate-dipped pretzels, shortbread, and homemade truffles) and package them in pretty boxes from the dollar store. They’re little, easy to do and it makes me feel like I’ve covered my bases.

Look for Distractions:
For me, this usually involves a few drinks to take the edge off, but this solution doesn’t work for everyone. When things get tense or stressful, that is the time to round up a few of the children and take them outside for a good old-fashioned snowball fight. You get out of the house and look like the cool one who plays with the kids.

Other distractions include playing a board game with one of the least-annoying relatives or in-laws (there’s got to be at least one) or helping with the food preparations or cleaning up. Anytime the conversation veers in a direction that could be problematic for you, make that the time you need to get drinks for people or clean away dishes.

Be Prepared for Trigger Topics:
Some people always have something to say, so go through the list and make sure you’re prepared for their not-so-tactful comments about your relationship status, job, living arrangements, lifestyle—whatever it is that those people seem obsessed with talking about. You can either decide that this is the year you’ll put a stop to it and address it head on or avoid and know that it will never stop.

I've decided to reclaim Christmas for me and my family. THIS is the year we go stress-free, even if I have to do it with triple rum and eggnogs! Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

Written by: Reni Walker

Holiday Stress

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:15:00 GMT

No one ever said the jolly season was easy. It’s not laid back, it’s not always fun, and it’s definitely not for the faint of heart. Lesser women than you have given in to the stress and worry that comes along with the month of December. But you know that it’s all about managing your expectations and taking the proper steps to make sure the holidays are enjoyable instead of full of tension.

Hire someone
If you can afford it, there are lots of people that will help you do the holidays. If you need help finding a New Year’s dress, finer department stores usually have personal shoppers that will help you out. Also, The Bay and Sears have similar programs that help with choosing gifts for everyone on your list—as long as you plan on purchasing those gifts from that store. If you’re having a large party, consider hiring caterers to help you out. If you can’t afford a professional caterer, try phoning up your local culinary academy to enquire if any of the students there cater at discounted rates. University students low on cash might also be willing to serve or bartend at a party.

Babysitters are easier than hauling the kids around a busy mall and there are lots of charity gift wrappers. You’ll be spending a little money, but it might be worth it if it means not running yourself into the ground.

Start now!
If you haven’t started planning for the holidays already, stop putting it off. If it’s January, there are some great sales on wrapping paper, cards, and other holiday accoutrements. If it’s September, why not make a list now so you can pick up things as you see them on sale? If it’s November and you haven’t started shopping yet, get out there. The more you spread the work out, the less you’ll be scrambling the night of the big holiday party to grab presents for everyone. Time management is key.

Make it a party
A good friend of mine has a “Wrap and Puke” party every year. Everyone gets together, with unwrapped gifts in tow, and spends the evening eating, wrapping, and chatting. By the end of the night, the gifts are wrapped and everyone’s had a great time. This applies to tree-trimming, decorating, and baking, too. A bake-a-thon is always more fun with company.

Take a night off
For dealing with awkward family moments, we’ve got a great article on surviving the family holiday dinner. A great way to avoid that stress is to not go. It’s not necessary to attend every single potluck, drop-in, and party that you’re invited to. Simply send your regrets and tell the inviter that you’ve had plans on that day for a while. Remember to take a few nights off each week to spend at home—you’ll thank yourself while you’re enjoying a glass of wine on the couch instead of tearing your hair out at a distant relative’s boring holiday dinner.

Don’t overspend
Though it’s tempting to spoil your family and friends (and yourself) with lavish gifts, keep January in mind. A smart Slice girl sticks to her budget because she doesn’t want holiday stress spilling over to the New Year. Decide how much you’re willing to spend on the entire deal—gifts, food, wine, and travel. Put the cash aside and only spend as much as you budgeted. You’ll thank yourself in January when your Visa bill arrives.

Eat well
All those treats are tempting and it’s easy to forget about your health while everyone else is chowing down on free chocolate, cake, alcohol, and salt-filled goodies. The fastest way to a full body shutdown is filling up on unhealthy food. Allow yourself to indulge a bit, but remember that you have ten other parties to attend that will all have the same treats. Pace yourself and you’ll feel a lot more energized for your next engagement.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Office Party Survival Guide

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:15:00 GMT

It's not all fun and games, you know

As the festive season approaches, invites for spectacular fêtes will soon be flooding your inbox. Most functions are just frivolous fun but one in particular ushers in the worst type of party paranoia: the office celebration. Here are some timely tips to keep you entertained and gainfully employed!

Dress to Impress
What you wear to the office party is paramount. Dress down and it looks to your superiors that you just don’t care. Dress over the top and some will think that you’re paid too much. Try to find the perfect balance. Select nothing too short or too plunging. It’s not the time to give the folks from Finance a free show. Make sure that you can dance comfortably and sit down without any major wardrobe malfunctions à la Britney Spears.

To Drink or Not to Drink
For most folks, a celebration just isn’t a celebration without getting your drink on. By all means, partake in some holiday cheer but do so within reason. If there ever was a time to be mindful of how much you imbibe, it’s at The Company do. Slurring and stumbling over the Sr. V.P. is not going to gain you the keys to the corner office. Watch how the higher-ups present themselves and act accordingly.

Beware of Mistletoe
What’s a party without some harmless flirting? It all depends on your definition of harmless! Careless tonsil hockey could result in a) having the embarrassing snog captured by cell phone camera thus becoming the highlight of your colleagues’ email the next day or worse b) you clearing your desk on Monday morning. Feeling passionate? Take it outside or better yet home, away from prying eyes.

Schmoozing the Boss
Social functions are the perfect time to make nice with the head honcho. In daily office life, it can be difficult to get to know the executives. By all means, stop by and chat, however there is a correct way to behave. We’ve all seen the pushy office subordinate monopolize the boss. Don’t be a brown-noser. Keep it light, be honest, and leave your CV details back in your desk. Remember, your boss is also trying to let his/her hair down. Have a polite conversation and then mingle elsewhere.

Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All
Mixing booze and the festering feud with that co-worker across the hall is not a cocktail for festive fun. At this time of year, it’s ideal to let bad blood dissipate. It’s a peaceful time of year. Share a drink with your enemy instead. Make a toast to the truce and remember there’s always the next 364 days to resume the rivalry—during office hours, of course.

Gossip a Go Go
Beware of drinking and dishing. It can be extremely difficult to pry yourself away from your office’s self-styled Perez Hilton—he’s fun and silly—the perfect party pal. If you must take part in a bit of party gossip, be discreet. No pointing and laughing—ever! Never let your subjects know that you’re dishing about *them*.

Chocolate Fountain – Yes, Please!
The office party is the one extravaganza of the season where you don’t have to pay for anything. Even at your friend’s house party, you probably dragged along a bottle of wine or your famous spinach and cheese dip. At the work party, it’s all on the house! Ignore calorie counting and elbow your way into the chocolate fountain crush. Indulge and enjoy!

Written by: Jackie Middleton

Finding Holiday Happiness with Parents and In-Laws

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:00:00 GMT

In a perfect world, in-laws and parents alike would understand the demands placed on new families during the holiday season. Cooler heads would always prevail, expectations would always be reasonable, and no one would ever be pushed to the point of exhaustion as they sought to appease everyone but themselves. And of course, spouses would never fight about parents and in-laws. Sadly, this perfect world doesn’t exist, and for most people, probably never will. The good news is that it’s possible to make things better—if not absolutely perfect—and the perfect time to start is now.

Respecting Traditions
This is a biggie. Most families, your own included, likely have some dearly held holiday traditions. And they’ll be damned if anyone is going to mess with them. If this is the case, take a deep breath. You’ll likely never be able to convince your mother-in-law that it’s unreasonable to expect your attendance at every single Christmas day dinner. Instead, calmly suggest that you all work together to come up with a fair plan that pleases everyone. However, as you discuss this new plan, don’t forget about the dreams you may have of establishing your own family traditions. One day, you’ll have to stand up and insist that these fledgling traditions be allowed some room to take root, too. It’s only fair.

Taking It All On
A common complaint of daughters and sons-in-law is that, over the holidays, they feel they rarely get time to relax together, and often spend much of their time driving from place to place in order to fit everything in. When children are involved, this can be stressful and time consuming—not to mention dangerous in inclement weather. Instead of attempting to take on too much in order to satisfy your respective families, you and your spouse need to sit down long before the holiday season rush arrives and come up with a plan that satisfies the two of you. Agree to attend certain family events, but also set aside a day for your own family to be together. Invite extended family members to come to you, but let them know that on this day you definitely plan to stay home and celebrate the holidays from the comfort of your own home. Perhaps your parents or parents-in-law host the main holiday meal every single year. This year, why not suggest that you and your spouse host the meal? Ask everyone in the family to get involved with preparations and create a truly delightful affair with a focus on togetherness.

Going Visiting
Not all parents and in-laws live in the same town as you. Although there may be times you are grateful for this, the holidays are likely not one of those times. You probably can’t avoid going for or receiving an extended holiday visit if one or both sets of parents live out of town, but you can make these visits as simple and stress free as possible.

Finding a great deal on a flight can definitely help. Here are some easy-to-use sites that offer the best air travel deals around:

Sell Off Vacations: This site is best-known for its all inclusive holiday package deals, but also offers well priced flights.
Flight Centre: Flight Centre is very well known for offering a wide range of international and domestic flights at the lowest prices on the market.
Expedia: This site offer discount airfares, and you can also find great hotel and air combination packages.
Escapes: This site is a hidden treasure and offers good deals on flights of all classes.
Travelocity: The site is known for its Garden Gnome who checks out all the deals before you do.

Set limits and boundaries if you wish, such as choosing to stay in a nearby hotel rather than bunking down in the spare bedroom or limiting the length of your stay. As you attempt to explain the reasoning behind your desire for boundaries, make it clear that this is not personal. There may be no way to avoid hurting some feelings, but the alternative is grinning and bearing it at a potentially great cost to your own sanity. Having parents and in-laws visit can involve a certain amount of sucking it up, but you certainly don’t have to become a festive doormat.

If the parents or in-laws visit you, do make an effort to have some fun and get to know each other. This is especially important if you have children. Some ice breakers to try:

Family Game Night
Rally the troops and gather in the living room armed with Pictionary, Cranium, Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, The Game of Life, Scattergories or another board game of your family’s choice. Playing a game will take some of the pressure off making conversation and sorting out boundaries, and put the focus on fun.

Bonding in the Kitchen
Sometimes the kitchen is the best place to let loose. Plan an afternoon of baking simple recipes, such as cookies or squares, as a team. Your in-laws may enjoy learning about the recipes that have been passed along through your family and it will also be a good opportunity for them to share some special recipes with you. Have pens and cue cards ready in case you’d like to swap tips. Warm and fuzzy feelings are sure to ensue.

Outdoor Activities
Houseguests, especially of the parental or in-law variety, can make the house seem a little small. Which is a great reason to get outside. Bundle up and plan an afternoon of skating, cross-country skiing, snowshoeing or hiking. If your parents or in-laws are not in the shape to partake of outdoor activities, choose something the kids enjoy doing and make sure there’s a warm, comfortable spot to observe from. The adults can bundle up in blankets and clutch warm mugs of tea or hot chocolate while the youngsters frolic in the snow.

Story Telling Night
Another way to bond with parents and in-laws—and to establish and respect time honoured traditions—is to suggest a holiday story-telling evening by the fire. Ask your parents or in-laws if they have special stories about their childhood they’d like to share with their grandchildren, or simply a classic tale they’d like to read aloud. This is an excellent way to promote family togetherness and holiday cheer.

Classic Cinema
Talking will only get you so far. Sometimes it’s best to curl up in front of the television, watch a holiday classic together and forget about everything else. These films can’t fail when it comes to good old fashioned seasonal spirit:

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
White Christmas (1954)
The Bishop’s Wife (1947)
A Christmas Carol (1951)
Christmas in Connecticut (1945)
The Lemon Drop Kid (1951)
Holiday Inn (1944)

If you have young children, delight the entire crowd with one of these films:

The Polar Express (2004)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
Frosty the Snowman (1969)
Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer (1964)

It Only Comes Once a Year
Along with sex and money, discussions about in-laws are definitely hot marriage topics—and can often land a couple in counselling. Don’t let this happen to you. Instead, anticipate and discuss potential issues surrounding the holidays before they become the subject of heated debate. Make your own plans before your parents or in-laws call you, rather than ending up disappointed that you didn’t attempt to ensure your own needs would be met over the holidays. As a couple, agree on your approach and stick with it. The two of you may not agree completely, so expect to engage in some serious compromise. Always remember that it’s impossible to keep everyone happy while remaining sane. Rather than over-scheduling and creating stress and anxiety, make the needs of your family a top priority and fit the needs of other family members and relatives around your own, rather than vice versa.

The Party It Up Holiday Guide

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Hearty partier or shrinking violet? No matter your seasonal party M.O., we’ve got the goods to help you on your merry way without suffering massive holiday party burn out.

The holiday season is rife with social gatherings. From office parties to family do’s, it’s impossible to avoid social calendar overload this time of year. But don’t go crackers just yet! It is possible to glide effortlessly from engagement to engagement bearing the perfect hostess gift, wearing the right outfit, and looking refreshed and fabulous.

Accept or Decline?
Your first order of business is to decide which gatherings you will attend and which you will not. You may be the type of person who refuses to miss a single thing. If this is the case, go nuts if you must, but keep careful track of your engagements with a calendar to avoid double booking. Try this handy on-line shareable holiday organizer by Google. It takes all the work out of time management, especially during the busy holiday season. And don’t forget to schedule at least one night for yourself, to relax, rejuvenate—and redo your manicure!

Or perhaps the life of the social butterfly just isn’t for you. If you find you’d rather avoid too much social interaction, festive season or no festive season, try to come out of your shell a little this year. Remember, this busy time won’t last forever. Release yourself from that hermit’s shell, but be selective about the events you attend. Gatherings hosted by family and close friends are must-do’s. It’s also generally a good idea to attend your holiday office party, even if you only make an appearance.

Once you’ve picked the holiday events you plan to attend, make a commitment to yourself to stay organized. In the midst of all the hustle, it can be easy to forget all about other tasks, such as holiday shopping or entertaining.

Party Preparation
Always leave yourself time to prepare properly for a gathering, even if the prep time must take place in your office washroom. If you’re travelling from work to an event, bring a change of clothes—including fresh socks and shoes—and perform the switcheroo at day’s end. Also pack a spritz bottle of water to refresh your hair and makeup, a comb or brush, hair products, makeup, deodorant, perfume or cologne, a tooth brush and mouth wash. You don’t have to tote all this stuff to the party. Simply leave it in your desk and bring it home the next day.

If you’re leaving for a party from home, try to budget enough time to get ready at a leisurely pace, rather than rushing around the house in a mad panic. This might be an impossibility if you have kids, so enlist the help of your partner. Then indulge in a hot bath or shower and take the time to blow-dry your hair. Try to choose your outfit a few days beforehand rather than donning and discarding a dozen outfits. Chances are you’ll run out of time, panic, and choose a ridiculous outfit. Plus, who needs to come home to clothes strewn everywhere? A few holiday party attire tips: you may want to look festive, but too much flash should be avoided. Stick with sophisticated minimalism, which is found in little black dresses paired with cardigans, slacks and sleek blouses and, of course, fabulous shoes. Men will be most comfortable in slacks or dress pants and dress shirts sans tie, especially if that tie features a blinking-nosed Rudolph. V-necked sweaters or vests over crisp dress shirts also look nice on men this time of year.

Holiday Pampering
Between gatherings, it’s key to give yourself a little beauty boost from time to time. Book a lunchtime massage or facial or treat yourself to an at-home spa night. The key is never to look drawn or overtired—that’s not festive at all! If bags under the eyes are a problem, invest in a good concealer that works with the natural tones of your skin to take on bags and shadows. You may also want to treat yourself to some new makeup, since many cosmetics companies tend to release dazzling and tantalizing holiday shades and collections. Just be cautious of too much glitz or sparkle. Glittery makeup can actually serve to accentuate fine lines and wrinkles. Go for a bit of shimmer on the lips, cheekbones, and under the brow bones, but stick to matte for the rest of your face.

What to Bring
Dinner parties and cocktail parties require a host or hostess gift, while more casual open houses do not. It’s your call for family gatherings: if you want to impress the in-laws, bring something thoughtful along. If your own family is more casual, just bring yourself. When bringing a host/hostess gift, a bottle of wine always works for those who drink, but don’t expect your bottle to be served with dinner. The same goes for sweet treats and baked goods: always imply that these are meant for your host’s enjoyment and need not be offered to guests. Other great host/hostess gift ideas: handmade ornaments, a live poinsettia, holiday-themed coffee table books, festive napkins with napkin rings, homemade cookies in decorative jars, or tins and fancy soaps or spa-style bathroom goodies.

To Eat or Not to Eat
This is indeed a holiday conundrum. You’re invited to a cocktail party and apparently there will be finger foods. Should you eat first? Absolutely! Especially when alcohol is involved, an empty stomach is never a good thing. Plus, you don’t want to show up at a party absolutely famished and end up stalking the appetizer tray all night—that’s just not classy. Definitely have a substantial snack or small meal before you leave the house. However, if you’ve been invited to a dinner party, you don’t necessarily need to take this precaution but you might still want to nosh on a few crackers before heading out, given that holiday party dinners can often be served notoriously late, but the wine can start flowing notoriously early.

One Cocktail, One Water
There are many reasons not to over do it on the booze at holiday gatherings. The first one is obvious: you have to get home somehow and unless you’re planning to take public transit or a cab, you absolutely must not get behind the wheel after a few too many. But even if you’re not driving, it’s best to keep your alcohol intake well in hand rather than waking up the next day with a bad hangover and some hazy and embarrassing memories. Try controlling your booze intake by drinking a glass of water for every cocktail you imbibe. If you suspect you’ve overindulged, there is absolutely no shame in leaving your car behind and taking a cab home.

The Newlyweds' Guide to the Holidays

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Aw, your first Christmas together! Too cute!

Make your newlywed year special with these tips on prioritizing time for togetherness and pampering each other silly during the holidays.

This is what you’ve been waiting for: your very first holiday season as a married couple. Now that the wedding is over, you’re likely excited about settling into your own routines and putting aside some time to relax and renew together. Although friends and family may be eager to see you, it’s important to make time for your new marriage, too. To help you, the happiest of all lovebirds, on your way, we’ve come up with some ultra-romantic ideas. So grab some mistletoe and have a read!

Practice Perfect Preparation
Don’t let the holidays sneak up on you. Instead, get excited and start your preparations early. This way, even if you do end up spending most of the holiday season flitting from one social engagement to another, you’ll still feel you got to spend some quality time together anticipating the upcoming festivities. Early in December, decorate your home. You can head out together to get a tree, or visit a craft store for garland and ornament-making supplies. If you’re feeling creative, fashion a custom-made holiday ornament together. Use paint or a marker to inscribe the date on the ornament and keep it as a memento of your first year together.

Send Cards
Simple pleasures can be found everywhere, including the act of sending out holiday cards as a married couple for the first time. Set aside an evening and work as a team. You can fill out your cards while your spouse addresses the envelopes – or you can have a custom address label made featuring both your names. Before you know it, this rewarding task will be finished. Why not take a holiday photo to include in the card and make this a yearly tradition?

Give Romantic Gifts
Romance each other! Extravagant gifts are fine, but the best gifts are thoughtful, sweet and straight from the heart. Give your new spouse a coupon book filled with promises of special treats, such as breakfast in bed or a full body massage. Buy a certificate for a romantic weekend away. Or put together a scrap book filled with memories from your first year together. Leave a page blank to add pictures and keepsakes from your first holiday, of course!

More romantic holiday gift ideas:

A certificate for a couples massage—you’ll love it, too. Many local spas offer this intimately luxurious treatment.
Create a “romance package” by filling a box or basket with a CD of meaningful songs, scented candles, massage oil, potpourri, sumptuous chocolate, and any other items you know would tickle the fancy of your new husband or wife
Make your new husband a happy man by purchasing a small tool, such as a pocket or Swiss Army knife and personalizing it by having his name and the date to the blade.
If you can afford it, thrill your new partner with diamond earrings to match their wedding band or engagement ring. Diamonds not in the budget? Swarovski Crystal is a great alternative. Find a store near you.
It can take time to organize those wedding photos. If this is a task you haven’t taken on yet, surprise your spouse by getting those proofs developed and compiling a wedding album.
Get sultry with gifts from the Kama Sutra. Visit for ordering information.
Beautiful lingerie can be ordered from Victoria's Secret and shipped to Canada.
Spoil Each Other
Especially during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, pampering each other is of great importance. Set aside a night to stay home, order in, and give each other massages and foot rubs while watching a holiday classic film or listening to festive music. Take a long, candlelit bath together, and then hit the sack. (You don’t have to sleep, of course!) The next morning, sleep in and enjoy a leisurely breakfast. You’ll both feel refreshed when you return to the real world

Play Host and Hostess
Have fun planning your first holiday gathering together, and invite your closest friends and family members. Put together a simple menu, serve festive cocktails and revel in the joy of the season rather than worrying about being the perfect hosts. Be sure to take plenty of pictures so you’ll always remember your first holiday party.

Some festive party ideas:
- Christmas Cocktails:
  Show your sophisticated urban side by hosting an oh-so-stylish holiday cocktail soiree. Send out snazzy invites, put some Bing Crosby on the stereo (cheesy is hot!) and break out the appetizers and cocktails. Turn to the LCBO - Liquor Board of Ontario for inspiration where you can find classy and creative food, drink and mocktail recipes.
- Holiday Hoopla:
  When a plain old party just won’t do, throw an ecumenical barn burner. Let all your friends and family know that regardless of denomination, religious or otherwise, absolutely everyone is invited to share in some holiday cheer. Ask each guest to bring a holiday dish that is special to them. Put together a diverse holiday play list, too. Then, eat, drink and be merry—for tomorrow, we last-minute shop
Share Some Bubbly
This occasion deserves a toast! Splurge on a bottle of real champagne, and serve it up with a bowl of strawberries, perhaps the most romantic food and drink combination in the world.
Try some delightfully effervescent LCBO products.
- Cristal Brut:
  At $230 a bottle, the stuff sure ain’t cheap, but there’s no better way to treat yourselves like a celebrity couple. This champagne is known to be very concentrated and intense, and goes best with splurge items such as caviar and smoked salmon.
- Henroit Brut Souverain Champagne:
  $40 is a little more realistic for most. And even at such a reasonable price, this champagne is no slouch. It’s sharp, well balanced and exciting and goes well with fresh fruit or nothing at all.
- Cuvee Royale Cremant de Bordeaux:
  This selection is technically a sparkling wine, not champagne, but is still a true delight and only costs $20 per bottle. It’s good for matching with food, including grilled salmon or roast chicken.
- Organic Wines :
  If champagne just isn’t your thing, go for a good bottle of white or red wine. This year, organic wines are the rage. The LCBO offers some choice organic wines, such as Novas Cabernet Sauvignon/Merlot 2004 and Aurora Boira Pinot Grigio 2005. Both ring out at less than $15 per bottle.
Play in the Snow
Baby, it’s cold outside but your love will keep you warm! Bundle up and head out for some wintry fun! Try tobogganing, skating, snowshoeing, tubing, or skiing. When you return home, light a fire and snuggle up on the couch with steaming cups of tea or hot chocolate. If you still haven’t had your fill of the snowy outdoors, take a walk under the stars and enjoy the beauty of a winter evening together.

Survive a Diet and Lifestyle Re-Vamp

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 20:50:00 GMT

“You are what you eat.” Those famous diet words ring true for Roland Semprie, fitness and nutrition expert on Slice’s Re-Vamped.

Roland shares his tips and handy list of nine items you should avoid in order to “Re-Vamp” your diet and lifestyle.

1. No Alcohol
Alcohol has the effect of dehydrating your body and contributing to higher incidences of breast cancer in women as well as certain cancers including (but not limited to) cancers of the liver, esophagus and tongue. It also can damage cardiovascular health, add to depression, lead to liver cirrhosis, hypertension, stroke, brain damage and it's fattening.

Make things easier for yourself and put your best foot forward. Alcohol is a drug and, over time, any perceived benefits are always overcome by the negative characteristics alcohol brings to the table. Water, herbal teas and vegetable juice enhancers are always better.

2. No High Glycemic Complex Carbohydrates
We used to call carbohydrates “simple” and “complex” with “simple” meaning bad and “complex” meaning good. Now we know that some “complex” carbohydrates have a high glycemic index and aren’t that much better for you. These are foods that your body can quickly absorb and cause a spike in insulin levels, meaning they can change your blood sugar quickly giving you both a sugar high and a sugar crash. This makes your body less effective in providing energy and burning fat.

Some foods to avoid are: • Puffed cereals (including wheat and rice) • White potatoes • Flaked cereal

3. No Dairy
Most of the world does not consume dairy without ill effect. In fact, consumption of dairy has been linked to many adverse health symptoms including increases in allergies, lethargy, obesity and autoimmune problems. Many people don’t know that they have mild lactose intolerance until they cut it from their diet.

Cut it out of your food regime and see how much better you feel without it. Rice or almond beverages are better alternatives.

4. No Caffeine
Caffeine can cause dehydration and is an artificial stimulant, which chemically keeps you awake. When ingested, your kidneys seriously work to eliminate this drug to stop accumulation in the body. By continuously consuming it, your body gets to the point where it can't do without it. Caffeine increases stomach acidity, which can lead to ulcers; it also increases the incidence of bladder cancer, male infertility and diabetes. Caffeine has also been linked to birth defects, as it can be ingested by infants from their mother's milk. Caffeine has zero nutritive value or function. Instead, herbal teas are the way to go.

5. No Sugar
Added sugar causes spikes in insulin levels and increase the risk of obesity, cardiovascular disease and diabetes. Sugar and its various forms includes: honey, cane sugar (sucrose), high fructose corn syrup, sucralose, aspartame, sugar in the raw, brown sugar and excess glucose. Coconut sap is the best alternative.

6. No Salt
Canadians consume much more salt than recommended so don’t add any more salt to your foods. Over consumption of salt increases risk of hypertension, strokes, heart attacks, kidney disease and cardiovascular disease. Salt causes you to retain water, which puts unwanted stress in your body (cells) which increases your blood pressure. That increase in will lead to a greater strain on your arteries, heart, brain and kidneys.

Remove salt from your food regime by choosing the lowest amount of salt in the foods you currently eat. If you find that is too much, then, cut it out entirely.

7. Nothing out of a Bag or a Box
Processed foods add fewer nutrients per serving than freshly prepared foods. As portion control is important, you need to focus on consuming as many nutrients in your food regime that you can while not eating a lot of filler. You should also supplement with anti-oxidants, phytonutrients, vitamins and minerals, all of which will immensely benefit your nutrition and health.

8. No Saturated Fats
Saturated fats are the biggest contributors to high cholesterol. It is found mostly in fats that come from animals (dairy, including butter, cream, cheese, as well as fat in meat, lard and tallow). Avoid them at all costs.

Because not all fats are the same, for best results use the following super foods to cook, eat, smear on your skin, or bake: coconut oil and palm oil (I know, you thought they were bad for you...quite the contrary, they are very good for you).

9. No Smoking
There are no benefits to smoking. It is bad for your organs, your circulation and increases your risk of developing cancer of the bladder, pancreas and lungs. It stains your fingers and teeth and causes pre-mature wrinkles. Smoking damages your body, affecting your brain and your heart.

Excluding death through second-hand smoke, it reduces the life expectancy of men and women from 7-14 years. According to Cancer Societies and Lung Associations, cigarette smoking is one of the main causes of death. Cigarette smoke starts to do harm the minute you inhale. It increases and raises the heart rate and blood pressure and infests your internal organs with nicotine, hydrogen cyanide, tar, carbon monoxide and nitrogen oxides. All of those ingredients are agents which increase atherosclerosis; impairing of the brain and nervous system; edema; sudden death due to coronary disease; clogged arteries; fatty plaques which lead to myocardial infarction; cell wall damage causing emphysema; bronchial tube deterioration; adrenaline which leads to an increase of fatty acids that hinder platelets, thus creating blood clots, which are the precursors of strokes.

And there is more. No matter what, don't smoke.

For more information visit: www.rolandsemprie.com.

Surviving Friendships – The Real Housewives of New Jersey Style

Guest Blogger — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:35:00 GMT

Looking for some new friends to hang out with? Your timing couldn’t have been more perfect! Welcome to the drama-filled world of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Five expensively coiffed women living the champagne lifestyle – endless shopping on hubby’s tab, palatial palaces they call home, and an attitude to match. Nab yourself an influential spouse, a coveted black Amex credit card and maybe, just maybe… this quintet will take a glance at your application for membership into their condescending clique. These ladies do not take kindly to new gal pals invading their group, so if you want to grace their society, memorize these tips carefully. Eyes in the back of your head may be beneficial too!

Ch-Ch-Changes

The word of the day is ‘metamorphosis.’ Time to make like Eliza Doolittle, my friend. A complete makeover both emotionally, mentally and physically is required. Lose all traces of trust, kick empathy to the curb and ditch your conscience. Deceit, contempt and suspicion are all in vogue here. The sweet ‘treat others like you would like to be treated’ niceties you learned growing up should be quickly abandoned. The friendship rulebook, New Jersey Housewives style, is now in play.

You’ve Got the Look

When it comes to fitting in with this Jersey pack, fashion comes in only one mode: designer! If you aren’t clad in well-known, highly prized labels, you might as well stay home. To find your inner New Jersey Housewife, be sure to exercise the plastic, purchasing as much designer gear as your overdraft will allow. If necessary pad out your closet with on-trend H & M or Zara finds. When your cash has run out you can always pretend to be one of those uber hip gals like Alexa Chung or Sienna Miller who can mix & match budget friendly pieces with designer threads and still be the talk of the town. Be sure to scrape together enough pennies for regular blow-outs, highlights and mani-pedis too.

Breakin' Into the Clique

Now that you have morphed into a Jersey Housewife doppelganger, the time has come to invade that clique. But where does one target your new besties? Hands down, the best place to win friends and influence people – a charity ball. Beg, borrow or steal a ticket to the next bash of the season. These New Jersey chicks like nothing better than to philanthropically parade about in their finery. You can play that game too. Show off your wealthy yet stylish look while racking up extra friendship points for being one of those delightful mavens of charity. Who can resist the new ‘it girl’ in town plumping for a benevolent cause? The more stunning you look, the better. Sure, there’s always the possibility that the Jersey tribe might be overly jealous of you but ultimately, the hottest gal in the room joining their clique makes everyone look good by association!

Friendship is a Competitive Sport

You’re in! Congratulations! Unfortunately, now is not the time to rest on your designer laurels. The real work is about to begin. The New Jersey clan will eat you alive unless you show off some backbone. Take a deep breath and stake a claim that this girlfriend may be new in town but is no pushover. Show off your smarts just as brazenly as your new Manolos. Don’t be surprised if the welcome mat is accompanied by a substantial frenemy chill from certain corners. Your new girlfriends will always have their best interests at heart so don’t feel bad if their compliments seem disingenuous. One moment you’ll be the flavour of the week and the next, they’ll be shooting you the evils.

In the realm of the Real Housewives, clique alliances change daily. Stay strong, be alert and listen a plenty. It will be tempting to dive in head first into a delicious gossip-fest, but tread (and spill) carefully. Be mindful that your new mates will try to draw out information from you – details that could land you in hot water later on with your new clique. Best not to alienate your new bosom buddies during your first week so make discretion your modus operandi.

Schooled Jersey Style

Once you have survived their unscrupulous initiation rituals, hopefully you feel right at home with the Garden State gals. There’s no better place to learn valuable life lessons such as how to backstab with style, spend without guilt, and lie without shame. Their curriculum also teaches finding joy in the sly sport of baiting others and how to preserve that expensive manicure in the most wicked of cat fights. Chances are, you won’t recognize your old self! Definitely more fun than evenings at the Learning Annex, yet more devastating to your credit card and reputation – you’ll have to decide whether this new education, and the lifestyle and friends that come with it, is worth the price.

Decision Time

Missing your old friends and how easy relationships can be? Running in heels, keeping up with this pack of alpha females is hard work. If you’re naturally not a pushy, self-absorbed spend-a-holic, then perhaps the Jersey wife life is not for you. If you find that being your real self isn’t enough for these women, it’s time to ditch these “friends” and return to a kinder, less outrageous bunch of girlfriends. It’s always fun to ‘try on’ new friends and see how they fit. It’s even more of a laugh to do so from the comfort (and safety!) of your own sofa!

Written By: Jackie Middleton

For more, please check out Jackie’s blog at www.losethatgirl.com/

Survive Toronto Fashion Week

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:54:00 GMT

Get your stilettos ready, Fashion Week awaits

There’s no eating, no sleeping, and no time to breathe: Fashion Week (Toronto Fashion Week begins October 19 2009) is the pivotal time of the year and where next season’s looks are revealed (in Fall, Spring and Summer looks are revealed and in Spring, Fall and Winter looks come out). Fashion editors everywhere scribble notes about recurring trends and struggle to come up with new terms for old hat (what was “ethnic” last year is sure to be “world fashion” this year). Socialites and other personalities hover around the front row, hoping to see their names on the seats, knowing they’ll be photographed and talked about the next day in gossip columns. From New York to Paris to London, Fashion Week revolves around the thin, the rich, and the lucky. And it’s hell.

Marilisa Racco, a freelance fashion writer, is a Fashion Week veteran. She’s been to Toronto, Milan, London, and New York Fashion Weeks and she’s rubbed shoulders with Madonna, Demi Moore, Mischa Barton, Paris Hilton, Kanye West, Alexa Chung, and Daisy Lowe, courtesy of the congregation of chic.

Marilisa has tips on the busiest weeks of the year in the fashion industry. “In theory, it should be a pretty pleasant and laid back week,” she dishes. “But the reality is it's super hectic and you're always running around from show to show, fighting traffic, and your feet always hurt!”

If you’re just getting into the business or you’ve been extended an elusive invite to an important show, it’s integral you know how to navigate Fashion Week.

Getting in
It’s probably your biggest challenge: being allowed into Fashion Week at all. Anyone can register for Toronto Fashion Week, but it will be costly if you’re paying for your own pass. The best way is to get a high-profile invite along with a sought-after front row seat. If you can’t swing that, then you’ll have to suck it up and buy a pass. If you’re a student, passes are discounted. Sometimes you can score an invite with a company that has registered passes or is a sponsor of a show. See if anyone you know is a sponsor before you dish out the fee.

Choose your wardrobe
Figuring out what to wear to a fashion event is challenging. Now, multiply that difficultly by five or six and factor in a few day-to-evening transitions (you’ll have to hit the after parties). Some photos of FW front rows suggest you can wear anything and get away with it. Not true! Even those leather bombers and skinny pants coupled with (what look like) ratty old shoes have been carefully selected and sorted through by stylists. Put thought into what you’re wearing and, when in doubt, keep it uncomplicated.

“The key to pulling off a great look is to keep everything relatively simple and splash out with something really outrageous, like a pair of killer heels or a really beautiful jacket,” says Marilisa. “Statement jewellery can make anything ordinary look really special.”

Luckily, slice.ca has a whack of information on making off-the-rack look like a million bucks, so check up the rest of our Style section for tips on looking subtly chic. Keep Marilisa’s comments in mind: your feet will hurt. Make sure you’re wearing comfortable shoes or to bring comfortable shoes that match your outfit (you might have to pull them out at some point).

FW Newbies take note
There are rookie mistakes that are forgivable and those that will brand you the laughingstock of the fashion world. There are lots of bitches in the fashion world (come on, you’ve seen Ugly Betty), so task number one is stay away from them. I once overhead some of them talking about moi and they were standing right behind me. Remember to be nice because someday the person you’re gossiping about might have access to a national fashion column and you might be working for some fashion blog that will go under and need a job from said national fashion writer *cough, cough*.

Other than minding your manners, Marilisa reminds everyone to get to your shows on time (though they often start late). This is especially important if you want a good seat. On the topic of seats, people are very territorial, so don’t steal someone else’s.

If you have your eye on a front row seat and you aren’t assigned to sit there, you can probably forget it, unless some nice important person takes pity on you and lets you sit with him.

“Anything from the second row and back are fair game when the show is about to begin and the PR people are eager to fill seats,” says Marilisa.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you will have any kind of social life during FW if you intend on experiencing it fully. Your time will be spent running from show to show and you will barely have time to sleep let alone see your friends and family. Make sure you let everyone know that if they need to know how you’re doing, they should check your Twitter account. And try to take a day or two off after the week is over. Book a massage or some couch time. You’ll need it.

Last but not least: appreciate the fashion! That’s why you’re there and even though celebrity sightings, front row seats, and lavish gift bags are fun, supporting designers’ and their work is what it’s all about.

“There's little else that is as elating as seeing a really terrific collection,” Marilisa says, “It's the same feeling I get after watching a beautiful ballet.”

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Survive the Mom-mobile

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:00:00 GMT

I recently blogged about the ever-sensitive issue of minivan moms. As in, you're a mom and you've chosen to embrace this style of domestic travel. Or conversely, you're a mother and the mere thought of driving a family van makes you squirm uncomfortably.

Personally, and I know I'm going to get grief for this, I find mommy-mobiles seriously unsexy.

These vehicles conjure up images of tired women madly dashing from one child's event to another and then to the grocery store and home again.

So, until now, I confess I've never entertained the thought of driving one.

Yet, here I am in need of more space for the likes of sports gear, a family dog with a big personality and extra kids in the car pool circuit.

Essentially, my query to blog readers went like this: Is the minivan mom metamorphosis inevitable at my stage of life? Must I succumb? Are there alternatives?

Regular contributor Julia was the first to respond: "Big gas tanks and parking hogs are just wrong," she said. "Kids grow up and can get themselves around. We don't need our own individual family buses. What's more, they’re incredibly ugly. Don't do it, Kim."

Her remarks prompted Cathy to step into the discussion with this: “Some of us do need the family bus and it can be awesome. Get over your preconceived notions of 'hipness' and embrace the functionality that a minivan can offer."

Others who commented offered up suggestions of a Mazda 5, which is "like a smaller minivan crossed with a station wagon. Still kind of a mom car, but a little bit cool, too."

Another poster said "I'm always one for comfort and convenience over style, so I say embrace the minivan... check out the VW Routan."

Further investigation confirmed my suspicion — women, wherever they sit on the issue, tend to feel strongly.

Some of them, alarmingly so. Take one stylish mother who emphatically informed me that getting a minivan would "suck the life force" from my womanhood. Gulp.

Not long ago, I mistakenly commented to a woman that hers was a minivan I'd consider buying.

Her reaction to my attempt at flattery was cool: "I'm sorry, I don't drive a minivan," she replied.

At closer examination, I was distressed to discover that what I thought was the best-looking minivan I'd ever seen was in fact a luxury SUV number. Oops.

At this stage, I'm not convinced either way. Though I think I've found — thanks to one woman and mother of two — a temporary solution.

She says she's opted for a couple of well-established college funds for her boys over the purchase of a minivan. Though she confesses that scores of minivan-driving parents have driven and continue to drive her children to hockey and soccer.

Hmm... The minivan mom freeloader. There's an option I haven't considered.

Written by: Kim Gray, Canwest News Service

© Copyright (c) Canwest News Service

Surviving Your Teenage Adventure

Zach Feldberg — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:39:00 GMT

A lot of the time, teens don't realize the reasons and influences behind why we do what we do.

When you study super-hard for a math test, it's often not strictly for that good grade and standing among your peers, but the satisfaction of showing your grandparents your A+ report card. (A bonus, too, when grandma heads for her purse.)

When your friends insist you go to an underage keg party with them, you don't go because you necessarily want to; you go because, well, they asked you to.

We don't spend a lot of time thinking about who or what influences us, so here's a little test for all the teens out there: When you pick out an outfit in the morning before school, in the back of your mind is it your parents and dear Aunt Elsie you are thinking about or that Hayden Christensen or Jessica Alba lookalike who sits in front of you in biology class?

The same applies to your close friends and school chums. Let's be honest now -- our peers' opinions count, and when they're negative it hurts. It sounds a little shallow and runs counter to the independent ideal we all like to have of ourselves, but it seems that nature has programmed us to behave like that.

There is hot debate in academic circles about whether or not parents have much influence over their kids -- peers and genetics supposedly play a bigger role. When kids walk out the front door of the family home, they are entering the "tribal" world of their friends and schoolmates.

Parents spend a lot of time thinking about what goes on in their child's other world, the one separate from home life.

Teens will go to great lengths to gain acceptance from their friends and peers, and that includes doing things they know will not bring tears of happiness to their parents' eyes. As teens age and spend less time in the cocoon of family life, the opinions of our friends often begin to matter more than those of our family. But all is not lost for our heroes -- the parents!

Teens whose parents taught them to be responsible will probably end up with better friends, and those encouraged to think for themselves will usually not get suckered into doing something bad by one of their "well-meaning" friends.

Picking out clothes is one thing, but milestone occasions in life are another. This is where the parents are irreplaceable. Leah certainly didn't go to her best friends for driving lessons when she wanted her licence. Dad was chosen for that particular white-knuckle adventure, and Kate will follow suit.

Parental influences aren't always that rosy, though. Teens are emerging from the stage of life where as a kid you blindly followed your elders' examples of everything from table manners to what to pray for.

When you're older and capable of thinking for yourself, you gradually start to question the beliefs your parents consciously or subconsciously instilled in you.

The harder they squeeze, the more slippery you become, until like a wet bar of soap you pop out of their grasp right into the welcoming embrace of your boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend. Maybe you start emulating "role models" in the celebrity circles -- Paris Hilton anyone? You begin to look to others for the answers you can't find at home, either because you deny seeing them out of spite for your parents' tight grasp, or because of a lack of acceptance from home.

So it's a kind of balancing act for teens growing up, torn between the push and pull of friends and family. Some teens swing more in one direction than the other; we two tend to keep pretty close to the parental end of things, but we see some of our friends taking a beeline the other way.

We can't say which is better, because family and friends can easily be positive or negative influences. We know our parents have fostered responsibility, open-mindedness and politeness in us, but it's our friends who often yank us out of our comfort zone and with whom we share most of the up and down experiences of growing up. In the end, it might not be so much about nature versus nurture, peers versus parents, but learning to make choices that work best for you -- taking the best from both worlds and treading carefully through the bad.

Written by: Kate and Leah Rooper, Victoria Times Colonist
Kate Rooper is a Grade 11 student at Spectrum Community School. Her sister Leah is a recent graduate of Spectrum. Their column appears on Tuesdays.

© Copyright (c) Canwest News Service

More on This Story

Survive a Trip With the Women In Your Life

Zach Feldberg — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:56:00 GMT

Women-only trips and girlfriends' getaways are more popular than ever, and many women are choosing their daughters, mothers, aunts or even grandmothers as their travel partners. If you are thinking about planning a trip with the most important women in your life for the sake of girls-only bonding, here are a few tips to help make sure your getaway is a success.

CHOOSE THE RIGHT TRIP
Choosing a destination that suits the interests of all travellers can be a challenge when it comes to organizing any group trip. For some families, an organized tour, cruise or vacation package works best, because it makes planning easier and allows interaction with other people of various ages. Having other travellers around can also help defuse tensions that might otherwise arise. This isn't true for all travellers, though. If you don't enjoy sticking to a strict schedule and want more time just to focus on each other, an independent trip may be more suitable for your needs.

COMMUNICATE FIRST
Before you book anything, make sure you discuss budgets, what type of hotels and level of comfort you want and can afford, what you are willing to splurge on and what your everyday needs are. Be sure to talk about must-see sites for each person. Try to make reasonable compromises. If one person usually stays in five-star hotels and another is used to inexpensive hostels, perhaps you can settle on a small inn that offers some of the comforts of a five-star hotel, but is a little less costly. Whatever you decide, communicating beforehand will help prevent unpleasant surprises from popping up later.

PLAN ALONE TIME
Just because you are travelling together doesn't mean you have to spend every moment together. People of different ages often have different interests and stamina levels. It's a good idea to plan some separate activities and even plan for some alone time right from the outset. There's nothing wrong with one person relaxing by the pool while the other is out enjoying an action-packed day.

SETTLE MONEY ISSUES IN ADVANCE
Money can be the sore spot in an otherwise perfect vacation. It's best to agree on budget levels for restaurants and hotels beforehand. Many women like to establish a group kitty to pay all shared restaurant and taxi bills -- with each person contributing an equal amount to the fund. When the kitty runs out, each person antes up again. Other travellers like the convenience of an all-inclusive vacation, because they know what the total costs will be from the outset and they won't have concerns about money issues while travelling. Whatever you decide to do with regard to handling money, make sure to plan in advance so that you won't ruin your newly strengthened relationships by fighting over reimbursements.

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
Enjoy the journey. If you decide before you leave that you are going to have a good time -- you will. Choose to be positive and to look for the good in the people you meet, the places you visit and the woman or women you are travelling with. This is good advice -- whether you travel around the world together or across the city.

Written by: Debbie Olsen

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Survive Long-Distance Friendships

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:45:00 GMT

It's a fact of life that as we get older, our lives often move in different directions from our loved ones. Maybe your friends are leaving the town where you all grew up, or maybe you're the one that moved, for school, or a job, or a romance. Add the constraints of children, or elder care, plus the actual time difference between the places where you live, and the next thing you know it's been weeks—or months—since you bonded with your girls. That's not good for any of you—the bonds of long-term friendship are an important part of our emotional and mental health, and finding ways to stay in touch are crucial, especially when our day-to-day lives are so hectic. These are some ideas of how to squeeze the ladies back into your life.

Cover the spread
Thanks to technology, there are more ways than ever to remain a part of each others' lives. Social networking sites are an opportunity to keep abreast of each other, so take the time to comment on the Flickr photos of her new condo, or when she Twitters that she's having a stressful day. Long-distance charges are no longer a good excuse, since you can use free calling services, like Skype, to get in contact when it’s convenient for you both, instead of missing another opportunity for touching base. Send her a quick Instant Message when you hear something she would think is funny, or if you see a bracelet that's just her style. It might seem inconsequential at first, but in a few days, you'll realize that you feel back in touch of where she's at on a daily basis.

Bits and pieces
Just because you can't have dinner or a coffee face to face doesn't mean that you and your friend can't have real, meaningful conversations. But maybe the format of that conversation has changed. If you're exchanging emails about a serious topic, don't let the subject drop the next day, or if you move over to another platform, keep the conversation flowing, the way you would in person. And don't forget to be a listener, as well as a talker. Remember to send an encouraging text message in the days after she shares a personal problem. Even if she's three time zones away, you can leave a voicemail for her to wake up to, reminding her that your virtual shoulder is there for her to cry on.

Make the time
Of course, lengthy bonding sessions are what long-term friendships are based on. That means scheduling time with your faraway friends the same way you’d prioritize your partner or your career. Try and make a habit of it: Wednesday nights are phone call nights. Sure, you'll probably only have 10 free minutes most of the time, but often enough it will turn into an hour, or more, and you'll remember how hilarious, thoughtful, and sweet your old friend is. If you're lucky enough to visit each others’ home towns, always make sure you get some alone time, rather than squish all your socializing into big group events. And, if you can afford it, try to take real vacations together—with or without your partners—every couple of years, at least.

Be old-fashioned
Accepting the transition when we move away from our friends can be really tough: once, you saw each other weekly but now, you don't even talk on the phone once a month. Even if you can't hang out in person, try to keep a physical element to your friendship. The easiest way to do this is to send real, paper greeting cards for birthdays and other special events—send real present if you've got the cash. She can keep the note on her fridge or wear the necklace often, as a reminder that she's got a real friend across the country—and that she should call you already!

Written by: Denise Balkissoon

Survive Your Worst Parenting Moments: Part 2

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:41:00 GMT

Sometimes our kids make us bust with pride at how well they're turning out, while other times we wonder how we could have gone so far wrong as parents. Family therapist and author Jennifer Kolari has been working with families and children for 20 years. She's also the mother of three children. Her book, Connected Parenting, will be published by Penguin Canada in May 2009.

Part 2 of an interview with family therapist and author of Connected Parenting, Jennifer Kolari (Read Part 1 here)

RW: I find that “normalizing” of sibling aggression distressing.

JK: A degree of it is normal but certainly it can be allowed to go too far. You see mixed messages in the media and they’re subtle but they’re there. Watch the movie Home Alone and watch how the siblings treat each other. It’s shocking! And yet that is such a solid message that families and kids get all the time: that’s how an older brother treats his little sister, that’s how a little sister bugs the older sister. So I think we really need to be looking at that and creating a situation in our homes where we’re making sure that we’re kind to each other.

I also talk in the book about “friendship blocks” and “friendship moves.” Instead of always giving consequences all the time you use friendship moves and friendship blocks. Friendship moves is where you compliment or so, “Hey that’s really good,” versus the blocks which is, “That sucks” or “That’s stupid,” or “Mine’s better!,” which kids do to each other all the time. I suggest to families I work with to catch their kids doing friendship moves. Even with kids who are out of control in their sibling behaviour, you can get your kids to work collectively and say, “If I hear this number of friendship moves together you can earn this reward.” And you can have them working together. This can help families contain the situation and get them working for incentives and then it becomes habit and the brain literally reroutes. And instead of mom or dad having to nag their kids, all they have to say is, “Hey that’s a block. I want to hear a move.”

RW: You talk in your book about mirroring what your children are saying and showing empathy, but some parents you quote in your book worry that if they commiserate it will only proliferate the behaviour they’re trying to eradicate. Our society seems to prefer a “Buck up and stop crying” approach to parenting.

JK: This is very important and part of it is understanding the theory behind it and how the brain functions. There’s a difference also between sympathizing and empathizing. Sympathizing is when you’re feeling it too (“Oh my god, it is awful that this is happening to you!”) and then you’re a mess and you’re not a help to anybody. If you’re empathizing, then you’re not feeling it but you’re able to accept and understand what the other person is feeling without feeling it yourself. There’s a big difference there.

Also, this is a therapy technique. If you went to your therapist this week and told her you were depressed and she said, “Oh for heaven’s sake, we dealt with this last week! Get over it!”, would you go back and see her again? No! You go to that person to work through those issues so you want someone who’s going to attune and who’s going to be comfortable staying where you are.

It becomes about message delivery. There’s a story in the book about my daughter and the time she found out her best friend was moving to France. If I had argued with her and tried to tell her it wasn’t so bad, it could have gone on forever and that conversation would have happened multiple times with multiple tears so in our attempt to get kids to stop, we’re actually prolonging the conversation or the issue because we never really get to the point where our kids know that we get them. Once you get them, it’s amazing because they just look at you and go, “Oh!” and the more you do it the faster you get at mirroring.

It is counterintuitive, though, because you think, well isn’t that just going to make them more miserable but the truth is it won’t. What makes them miserable is you not getting their message so they have to keep saying it differently. Or they have to keep saying it louder. Or add on several layers of hysterics so you really get the message that whatever they’re upset about is horrible. Kids will move on their own into the solution phase of it because you’re listening.

RW: Why does it seem that when I act counterintuitively as a parent, it works?

JK: I don’t know why we do this as parents but we seem to continue to use the same patterns over and over again with no results and never move from it. But I say to families I work with, “If there was a giant pole in your living room and you smashed your head on it, what would you do the next time?” and they say they’d go around it so why do we keep smashing our heads on the same parenting poles over and over again?

I’ve had parents who have been having the same issues for years with their kids and they’ll say, “My kid just needs to be yelled at” or “I need to use a tougher approach,” and I’ll say, well how’s that working so far? It hasn’t been working so you have to use something else.

When have you ever been yelled at and thought, “Oh, thank you so much! I needed that. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Never, even if the person yelling is absolutely right and you are dead wrong. You are not going to do that because you move into a position of self-defense and as soon as your internal energy goes into defending yourself, you’re not going to reflect in an inner way.

RW: You say in your book you think we push kids out of their babyhoods much too quickly.

JK: We’ve shifted in a massive swing from this parent-centred model to this child-centred model. Partly it’s reactionary for us as parents, because we wouldn’t have wanted to be talked to like that when we were kids. But there are aspects to the parent-centred model that are comforting to kids, so they know what the boundaries are, so they can take care of the business of being kids. What’s happened now with the child-centred model is it’s swung so far that parents either over-set limits then freak out and get mad or they’re not setting limits at all, and the very same parent can swing from one end of the pendulum to the other.

In general, kids don’t hear “no” as much, everything’s negotiated, everything’s worked out, which isn’t terrible but what ends up happening is they go out into the world and try to negotiate like they do at home but you can’t negotiate in a class of 28 students. When you start a job, and you’re supposed to start at 9am, you can’t negotiate that. So what we’re finding is—and there’s research to support this—there’s a whole new wave of kids who’ve been parented this way over the last 15 years. Those kids are now young adults and moving into the work force and there’s a human resource crisis happening. They’re just not capable of taking responsibility on the job for things that need to be done; there’s lots of complaining; there’s lots of quitting. A study last year showed that one in five Canadians believe they should attend their child’s first job interview. It’s unbelievable! These children don’t seem to have the neurological hardware to cope. We really have to get a grip.

RW: What about parenting to gender?

JK: The connected parenting method works regardless of gender or whatever your child’s issue is, what might change is the tension on the imaginary rope between you and your child. There are differences: girls tend to be more social, they tend to be more verbal, they have an easier time discussing their feelings, they have an easier time chatting with each other. They also tend to be more subversive with their behaviours and how they treat one another. Boys, and this is a grand statement, tend to have more issues with impulse control, tend to be more aggressive, tend to have a harder time recognizing their emotions, so they may feel scared and sad but might not really understand what it is they’re feeling or why.

Connected parenting can work for all kids because who doesn’t need to feel deeply loved, and understood, to feel like when you’re talking to them in that moment they are the most important child on the planet, and when you turn to talk to your other child, you want that child to feel the same way. That is what we want our children to remember about us: that they were deeply loved because that is what carries them out into the world.

Visit ConnectedParenting.com for more information about Jennifer Kolari or about her book.

Written by: Reni Walker

Survive Your Worst Parenting Moments: Part 1

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:06:00 GMT

Part 1 of an interview with family therapist and author of Connected Parenting, Jennifer Kolari:

Reni Walker: I’ve read a lot of books on parenting, but I love the way you’ve set out your methods, with real-life experiences with your client families.

Jennifer Kolari: What’s really interesting about the book is that these methods really aren’t based on parenting techniques at all. They’re based on therapy techniques. Therapy is like the ultimate kind of parenting, right? You have someone who’s there to listen and care for you and join with you and attune with you and, through that, you create change.

Parenting is a wonderful, wonderful thing but it can seriously take you to the darkest places you didn’t even know were there. I’ve had so many parents say to me, “I don’t like conflict. I’m a very happy person, a very nice person, a calm person, but I turn into this demon with my kids.” Parenting is such a crazy-making thing. We have to try to keep the humanity in it—the joy of it.

RW: You talk a lot about empathy, in parents and kids, in your book. At what age are children truly capable of empathy?

JK: That’s a really good question. Babies are capable because if you make a sad face at a baby, their mirror neuron cells in the brain are going to pick that up and they’re going to feel a little bit sad. We’re programmed to feel empathy. That ability and that sort of beginning of social cognition is present right from the start.

Starting in the toddler years, children realize they can hurt someone else and feel bad for someone else. It’s not until four or five years of age that they can really understand “When I hurt someone else they feel the way I do when someone does that too me.” That ability to take that perspective is a complex thought, but it’s our feedback and how we help them understand that and shape that behaviour when they learn. The other part of that is their ability to understand, “Oh, when I do that, that’s how it feels.”

RW. You talk about impulse control in the first chapter of your book but children of all ages seem to grapple with controlling their impulses, from age two to the teen years. So when can we expect them to get a handle on that as parents?

JK: Like any continuum of people, some of us have better impulse control than others, and it comes back to the idea of connected parenting. The more you connect and nurture and the stronger that bond is, the less that child has to worry about everything else and can make different choices. I really find, especially as I work with families having a lot of difficulties, that as they work through and use the mirroring techniques, it’s usually about four months until you start to see self regulation; you start to see a little bit of resilience, things that would normally cause a huge meltdown don’t, things that would normally cause them to hit, they’re able to take a step back and stop. Feeling a strong connection to their parents really helps them to be the best kid they are capable of being, wherever it is they fall on that continuum.

The more held and connected your child feels to you, the safer they are to make better choices. So you’ll see it affect their empathizing—they will become more empathic towards one another, including their siblings, because they’re not feeling so threatened, all the sibling rivalry stuff starts to settle a bit because they’re feeling better and the same is true for the impulse control. They don’t feel as threatened so they don’t feel like they have to attack or say nasty things.

RW: That sounds so simple but it’s so hard!

JK: It does: it sounds so simple but is so hard. It’s never going to be perfect. They’re never going to sit down at breakfast and say, “Good morning! I’m really happy you’re my sister!” That’s just not going to happen. They’re always going to have these conflicts to some degree because it’s actually a very important part of human development and what science is finding is that the sibling relationships have almost as much if not as much influence on who you become as an adult as your parenting relationship.

You spend more hours with your siblings than you do with your parents. You learn conflict management, you learn how to negotiate, you learn how to be quiet, you learn all kinds of things interacting with your siblings. The larger piece is that we’ve widely accepted sibling rivalry as a normal things, which it is to some degree, but because we’ve so widely accepted it, our kids might belt each other, and we simply tell them to stop but if our kid came home and said “I punched someone at school” you’d be mortified. Why is it different that we’ve punched someone at school than when they’ve punched their own sibling? So we send different messages.

Read Part 2 of the interview with Jennifer Kolari…

Written by: Reni Walker

Survival Guide: The Calm After the Storm

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:22:00 GMT

You’ve laughed, you’ve cried, and you’ve even honeymooned but now it’s time to settle in on this trip called marriage. What happens now? Where do we go from here, you ask. Well this list will help you tackle some of what may come your way after your wedding day.

Rich Bride Poor Bride Tip: Going for broke is a thing of the past. Start your nuptials off on the right foot in the green not the red.

THANK YOU
Do send thank you notes to your guests for sharing in your day and do enlist the help of your new spouse to put pen to paper. Be specific about what you’re thanking them for because it makes your guests feel that much more appreciated.

DRESS PRESERVATION
Let’s face it: your gown was an investment that should be protected. Take your dress to a dry cleaner or preservationist who will deep clean your garment and package it so that it looks like new 20 years from now.

FLOWERS
If you want to have your bouquet preserved it’s best to make arrangements with your florist ahead of time. This should be done no more than two days after your wedding.

PHOTOS
When you return from your honeymoon, you should make an appointment with you photographer to go over the wedding proofs. This will be a chance for relatives and close friends to go over the photos to see if there are any extras they’d like to order.

NAME AND ADDRESS CHANGE
If you plan on changing your name after you get married, you’ll need to notify government agencies like the DMV, your doctor, and your banking institutions so that your information can be updated.

NOTIFY YOUR EMPLOYER
Whether or not you change your name and/or address, you will have to notify your employer of your new marital status. They will need to make the necessary changes to your tax forms and add your spouse to your health benefits package.

LEGALITIES
It’s advisable to meet with a lawyer after you get married to discuss beneficiaries, draw up a will, and ensure that you’re both carrying the right amount of insurance.

FINANCES
How to handle the finances is a discussion that couples should have at length prior to getting married. Decide if you want to keep your bank accounts separate, joint, or a combination of both. Consult with your accountant or an advisor to help determine what’s in your best financial interest.

From the producers of Rich Bride Poor Bride.

Survival Guide: Wedding Checklist

Scotch Mommy — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:37:00 GMT

When it comes to planning a wedding Rich Bride, Poor Bride planners agree that time is of the essence. The more of it you have, the less stressed you’ll be leading up to your special day. One way to ensure that your time and money is well spent is to create a to-do list. This will allow you to tackle each wedding related task efficiently and painlessly.

Rich Bride Poor Bride Tip: Take on planning your wedding like you would any other goal in your life, one step at a time.

Checklist Timelines

Nine Months or Earlier
• Announce your engagement
• Select your wedding date
• Hire a wedding planner
• Determine the type of wedding you want (formal, destination, number of guests, time of day, etc)
• Figure out your budget and how expenses will be dealt with
• Develop a system of keeping track of vendor payments
• Compile your guest lists (bride’s, groom’s, bride and groom’s parents)
• Reserve ceremony site
• Reserve the officiant
• Reserve reception site
• Order your bridal gown
• Determine your colour scheme
• Book photographer
• Select bridal party dresses, shoes, and accessories
• Choose wedding party (maid of honour, bridesmaids, best man, and groomsmen)

(Tip: one party member for every 50 guests)

Six to Nine Months Prior to the Wedding
• Reserve wedding night suite
• Book musicians or DJ
• Book caterer
• Book florist
• Book videographer

Four to Six Months Before the Wedding
• Confirm rental items needed for ceremony and reception
• Finalize guest list
• Order wedding invitations
• Send out invitations
• Organize your rehearsal dinner
• Plan your honeymoon
• Break-in new shoes
• Create your gift registry
• Meet with décor specialist
• Book wedding day transportation
• Obtain your passport

Two to Four Months Before the Wedding
• Order wedding cake
• Select guest favours
• Shop for wedding rings
• Purchase wedding party gifts
• Update your gift registry
• Get required international vaccination shots

Six to Eight Weeks Before the Wedding
• Mail out invitations
• Record RSVPs
• Make note of any gifts received
• Book your hair/make-up trial
• Complete miscellaneous shopping (guest book, ring pillow, toasting glasses, etc.)
• Look into name/status change requirements on your driver’s licence, bank accounts, insurance policies, etc.
• Reserve wedding attire for the groom and his attendants
• Obtain marriage licence
• Determine your something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue
• Finalize the reception menu

Two to Six Weeks Before the Wedding
• Confirm details with the officiant
• Have your final wedding gown fitting
• Finalize plans for rehearsal dinner
• Finalize floral order
• Finalize decor
• Make a detailed timeline for your wedding party
• Confirm details with vendors and give them a copy of the timeline
• Pack for your honeymoon
• Pick up rings and double check fit
• Pick up wedding attire, do one last fitting
• Go over any photo requirements with photographer
• Confirm music to be played with musicians or DJ
• Print ceremony program
• Determine ceremony seating for special guests
• Finalize reception room layout

One Week Before the Wedding
• Do final guest count
• Give final numbers to Caterer/ Decor
• Review the schedule of events with your wedding planner
• Confirm honeymoon details and pack

Rehearsal Day
• Give the best man a final list of things that he must take care of (e.g., rings, officiant payment, etc.)
• Arrange for someone to be responsible for all accessories needed, such as the guest book, cake-cutting knife, ring pillow, etc.
• Arrange for someone to return rental items (e.g., aisle runner, tuxedos, linens, etc.)
• Confirm ceremony seating with ushers

Wedding Day
• Follow your schedule of events
• Give best man and maid of honour the rings
• Enjoy! It’s your wedding day!

From the producers of Rich Bride Poor Bride.

Plan a Wedding in a Tanking Economy

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:00:00 GMT

The wedding planners from Rich Bride Poor Bride help make your wedding fabulous without breaking the bank

The Rich Bride Poor Bride wedding planners are finding that wedding trends in 2009 will be heavily influenced by the economy. Their upcoming weddings have scaled back the opulence and are going for more natural, relaxed events with the focus being on friends and family.

Smaller budgets have inspired couples to have more creative, intimate, and personal weddings. Allister Reid says, “One bride whose father is a top stockbroker just got her bridesmaids dresses off the sales rack at a retail clothing store, a far cry from the $650 dresses she was going to get last year.”

Wedding planner Heidi Allen (pictured left, above) has pegged today’s economically based weddings as “style chic.” Allen says, “Rather than mega-big weddings where cost-cutting means a lack of details or fun, the 2009 wedding trends are full of fabulous details meant for smaller, affordable weddings.”

BUDGET
With the economy in question and budgets a must, many brides are opting to find cost-effective and creative ways to do things on their own, from making their own arrangements to doing their own hair and makeup. This practice is not recommended, discouraged really as your day should not be fraught with stress but filled with happy memories to last a lifetime.

MONEY TIP: Budget well for all the necessities and leave room for the experts to help bring your vision to life.

COLOUR
Colour schemes for 2009 will be an extension of previous seasons. The ranges of whites and greens, as well as purple and brown are not going anywhere anytime soon. In contrast, however, this year will see brighter and bolder hues emerge likes turquoise and yellow tones, even brighter shades of pinks, oranges, and peach. Get ready for vivid tropical colours to make a fresh, bold, and brilliant statement.

STYLE TIP:
Wedding planner Angelique Sobschak (pictured right, above) says, “A good way to get a feel for what the upcoming wedding colours and fashion trends will be is to check out the Oscars. The colours the stars wear on the red carpet are usually mimicked throughout the year.”

RINGS
The latest wedding band trends are affordable, fashion conscious, and uniquely designed. One variation that we’ll see a lot of this year is the unity band, a mixture of both white and yellow gold signifying two halves coming together in eternal union. Another must-have this year are platinum wedding bands.

MONEY TIP: In the past, this precious metal was almost impossible for the average couple to afford but look out, platinum prices have declined 60%, making this the year to go platinum or go home!

INVITATIONS
It’s another exciting year for wedding invitations as they’ll continue to make significant style, colour, and embellishment statements. For Spring and Summer, the fashion trends are sunny and optimistic: yellows or fuchsia paired with orange or watermelon pink. Looking ahead to Autumn, the colour palette deepens somewhat to hints of emerald green, scarlet, and deep brown. With Winter, plaid will add a warm and chic look to any invite.

MONEY TIP: Get more bang for your buck. Many couples are opting for stationery that comes accessorized with keepsake embellishments that include belts with buckles, faux wax seals, and beautiful solid brass charms. With theses embellishments, a modern bride can create the gorgeous personalized invitations of her budget-based dreams.

GROOM’S ATTIRE
Gentlemen, gone are the days of the traditional black tuxedo. This year, we’ll see more bold and punchy additions to your look. Uniquely patterned, brightly coloured neckwear is on the rise. Ties that stand out and bows that refuse to bow to conventional looks are also hot. Your bride may be the belle of the ball but this year, the guys have a chance to make a statement all their own.

BRIDAL HAIR
Let’s face it, as beautiful as they are, traditional veils can sometimes come at a pretty hefty price. After the ceremony and pictures, most brides tend to do away with the often cumbersome task of carting around the lacy fabric, anyway. This year is all about expressing yourself creatively yet economically.

STYLE TIP: Get ready for hair accessories like headbands or feathered flowers, otherwise known as fasinators, vintage twists to the traditional headpiece that add a hint of flare without compromising your vision.

RECEPTIONS
Budgets might be tight but that doesn’t mean that luxury and glamour go out the back door. Instead, couples are opting for more intimate, glamorous affairs. With a smaller guest list, you can have more opulent details like elaborate wedding favours, better wines, and gourmet tasting menus. Wedding planner Heidi Allen says, “With such a backdrop, it then feels right to be in your tuxedos and gowns, surrounded by your closest family and friends.”

DÉCOR
Reception décor will move away from white and ivory and will be much bolder this year. Colour will play a big part for accents such as linens and custom-designed lighting. Linens will feature gingham, checkered, polka-dots, paisley, and even damask prints. And projecting impressive lighting designs like chandeliers, flowers, and even city skylines onto the walls is very trendy.

STYLE TIP: When it comes to your space, hanging chandeliers in different sizes and adding colourful lamps and shades to guest tables is chic and stylish.

ENVIRONMENT
In 2009, the environment will be at the forefront for most couples planning their big day, from incorporating biologically and ecologically friendly materials in fabrics to non-conflict diamonds, fair trade coffee, and opting for hybrid cars. Today’s couples are cognizant of the green choices they’re making and how even the smallest change can make a huge difference.

FLOWERS
Jewels will add a touch of glitz to your bouquet this year and compliment your dress all at the same time. “Incorporating vintage pieces of jewelry in an effort to adorn your bouquet is also a nice way to carry out the ‘something old’ tradition,” says planner Angelique Sobschak.

STYLE TIP: Exotic flowers are more popular than ever; however, with the cost of imports, brides are using these flowers sparingly. The cascade-style bouquet is experiencing resurgences as well but in a more architectural way.

DRESSES
This year’s brides are very mindful of the economy and its effects on their budgets. Some will stick to their guns and purchase a traditional gown that reflects their tastes while others will look to more cost-effective means like buying pre-owned wedding gowns. Regardless of the direction you’d like to take, vintage fashion themes are hot and Hollywood glam—chiffon, satins, feathers, and netting—is where it’s at!

STYLE TIP: This year’s brides care more about comfort than making an impression. A growing trend is for brides to select not one, but two wedding dresses. Heidi Allen says “A bride can have her over-the-top princess wedding gown for the ceremony and a perfect chic dress to dance the night away.”

BEAUTY
For many brides, going veil-less has become a common look over the last few years, a trend that will continue in 2009. Something else to consider is whether to wear your hair up or down. One of the most popular trends is the half-up, half-down hairstyle. In terms of makeup, natural and clean looks, as well as big eyelashes, are making a huge comeback, allowing the bride to be seen in all her stunning glory.

CAKES & SWEETS
What better way to cap off a beautiful wedding day than with mouth-watering, irresistible cake! The trend of couture wedding cakes has continued into this year. We will see more and more black icing, gilded patterns, sequins, pearls, and frills. Brides are looking to bakers to create unusual taste combinations such as Chai tea, lemon raspberry, Dutch apple and banana split.

FOOD
Caterers are making the experience of the wedding dinner more of a community event. Chefs will get a chance to show off their culinary skills in what is called a “progressive wedding.” The idea is to offer every course with a different country’s cuisine for each part of the dinner. In that way, guests can sample foods from all over the world and are sure to find something on the menu that suits their individual tastes.

PHOTOGRAPHY
Boudoir photography is definitely gaining popularity among brides-to-be. It’s a sexy new trend that’s especially popular as a wedding day gift from a bride to her groom. “Boudoir photos are usually taken wearing either just a little or nothing at all,” explains Heidi. Boudoir photography can also be done as part of the bride’s morning with the bridesmaids on hand to assist her in dressing while getting ready for the ceremony.

FAVOURS
Wedding favours are not mandatory but are a nice way to thank your guests for sharing in your special day and to tie into your theme. Almost everything goes but, just like other elements of the wedding, your guest favours should reflect the style of the bride and groom. Eco-friendly favours like potted plants or flower seeds are growing in popularity. Many couples will continue to give to charities that they feel strongly about.

FUN TIP: Another great way to leave your guests with a memento they’ll cherish is to stage a photo area equipped with props like hats and scarves or a backdrop that reflects your theme. This way your guests will leave the wedding with a snapshot they’ll always associate with your day.

THANK YOU NOTES
Instead of the customary thank-you card that most guests receive months after the wedding, couples are finding new and unique ways to express their gratitude. Some are taking digital elements that much further by creating personal thank-you postings on websites like myspace.com or youtube.com.

TRAVEL
“Honeymoons are being taken full advantage of because of the economy,” says Allister Reid. “Four-star hotels are offering such amazing deals that this is the time to travel.” Some of the most popular honeymoon destinations this year include Italy, Napa Valley, Paris, and European cruises. But don’t limit yourself to just these hot spots. 2009 is about more than just your typical beach locals. Bustling cities like New York or remote destinations like the Maldives are only a drop in the ocean of honeymoon destinations you can explore.

From the desks of the Rich Bride Poor Bride wedding planners.

The First Year of Being a Parent

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:43:00 GMT

Because believe it or not, you’ll probably want to have another one

The first year caring for an infant ranks right up there with some of the greatest challenges known to humanity. It can even hold its own against other firsts, such as your first year living on the space centre or your first year as president of the United States. Think that’s just so much parent braggadocio? Clearly, you have yet to experience this most humbling of all humbling experiences. Let’s begin with sleeping.

Sleeping
Ever heard the expression, “Sleeping like a baby”? You have? Now forget it. It was probably first spoken by a disinterested and eccentric great uncle who happened upon a peacefully sleeping baby who had just conked out after 18 hours of uninterrupted crying. Newborn babies actually do sleep a lot, but not all at once. They might sleep for 30 minutes and then wake for an hour. Then sleep for 15 minutes and then wake for 45 minutes. Then sleep for an hour and a half, then wake for 20 minutes. See a pattern? You do? Because there isn’t one. The first time they sleep for more than three hours you'll be sitting by their crib terrified they'll never wake up. So, for the first year of baby’s life, it is best to not even worry about sleeping. Yours, that is. The baby will sleep when he pleases and for as long as he pleases, thank you very much.

While all babies are different, many babies can sleep through the night by four or five months of age. But don’t count on it. Babies can also start teething as early as three months and it can be quite painful and keep them up all through the night and day. Some babies aren't fussed by them while others look like they could gnaw their way through a set of Michelin tires. Aldona Armstrong is the mom of a four-month-old. "Since my son starting teething, i.e., crying non-stop for days and rubbing his gums, I have had more conversations with God than ever before. I say, please God, get me through the next five minutes, ten minutes....or sometimes, even just one minute. God, please make him stop crying. God, please give me strength in my arms so I can continue to rock him and God, please make the pain in my back subside! Of course, anyone with a newborn will also beg God to get them through the night!"

Considering all this, it’s probably best to plan on interrupted nights of sleep well into the second year. And don’t brush this off by simply saying, “Oh, so I’ll be tired.” Mia Rodak is the mom of a one-year-old. She says, “‘Tired’ is for pussies. Before I had a child I was what you'd call ‘tired’. But the lack of sleep that you endure with a newborn in the house is not adequately described by the word ‘tired.’ You are completely, emotionally, and physically overwhelmed by it. With a newborn in the house, even when you ‘sleep,’ you don't sleep.”

Flora Cheung, also a mom of one, says she couldn't believe she had to make sleeping trade-offs with a baby. "When she was nine months, we traded off daytime napping for night-time sleeping. Once she finally started to sleep through the night she no longer napped during the day! She wouldn't even take the half-hour "power naps" she took when she was four months old. At the time I didn't know how we'd get over this hurdle, but I really wanted it to pass because it was truly exhausting.”

Feeding
Babies like to eat, that’s one of the reasons they don’t sleep very much. Their stomachs are very small. By the tenth day, a newborn’s stomach is only the size of an egg, which means they can only hold about two ounces of milk. Which is why babies wake so frequently. Some new parents give up trying to put their babies on a feeding schedule and do what’s called “demand feeding”: feeding when the baby needs it. This works well for babies but can be a little exhausting for already exhausted parents. Also, if you’re breastfeeding, your baby will likely need more frequent feedings because breastmilk is so easily digestible, meaning your baby will feel hungrier sooner.

Most babies will do well with solids around six months, starting with a baby cereal and pureed vegetables and fruits. Soft finger foods, such as pieces of banana or strawberries, can be introduced around nine months. Be sure to monitor your child for any food sensitivities whenever you introduce a new food. Signs of food intolerances can be red rashes or bumps on the skin.

While breastfeeding can be challenging in the beginning for some, it can be even more difficult to eventually wean your baby off the breast. Flora says, "Most books I read would say, ‘If she refuses the bottle then try again in an hour but do not put her back on the breast.’ Eight hours a day and a week later, I believed I was starving my child and was on the verge of giving up! My weaning battle ended when I least expected it. It was during an afternoon walk when I handed her a bottle in the stroller (just for the heck of it) and within 10 minutes she had finished the entire thing on her own!"

Bathing
How dirty can a newborn get, you might be wondering. Well, if you consider all they're doing is eating, sleeping, and making their way through between 12 and 14 diapers a day, they’re actually quite the little mess makers. So it’s a good idea to get into a daily bathing routine with your newborn. New parents like to do this in the evenings because it gets baby ready for bedtime (notice I didn’t say “sleeping”). Infants don’t need a lot of water for a bath but the room should be extra warm and the water temperature should be comfortable.

After bath, you can use a little baby oil for a massage (for the baby, not you) because they need a little relaxation after that hard day's work. Keep lights low and the room warm. Play some lullabies or sing. This might not help him sleep through the night but you can at least try.

Physical and Emotional Development
It won’t be long before you see a lot of changes in your newborn. By two months, those smiles are actually for you, because he recognizes you. By four months, most babies can laugh. Between three and six months, many babies will learn to roll from their backs onto their tummies, although rolling onto their backs again takes a little more time. While learning to do this he’s also gaining much-needed head control. By nine months, your baby can probably sit like a tripod: sitting on his bottom using his hands in front for support. Some babies learn to crawl quite early, around six months, while others bypass crawling completely. Cruising (standing up and walking using furniture and walls for support) can start anywhere from seven or eight months. Of course, once your baby discovers he can move, your world completely changes once again. You thought things were hard before, but now that baby is mobile.

The trick to surviving this and other developments in your baby's first year is to let go and try to relax. "As mothers we put so much pressure on ourselves to do the best for our child and sometimes the answer is to let them work it out on their own," Flora says.

Mia agrees. "The key to survival for me was learning to let go. My entire pregnancy and transition into motherhood was an exercise in letting go of what I thought my life was about. Letting go of my slim thighs and perky boobs. Letting go of lounging in bed for hours on Saturday mornings. Letting go of a regular cycle of wakefulness and sleep. It took about three months for my ‘new life’ to really sink in and as soon as I stopped fighting it, I realized how very much I loved it."

Written by: Reni Walker

Survive Winter Skin

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 14:30:00 GMT

It’s not officially winter yet but if you save your skin nurturing for when you’re already dry and flaky, it’s too late, ladies. What you need is a perky pre-emptive skin strike!

I recently returned from a trip to Cuba and I’m trying to hold on to the freckles I allowed myself to get (SPF 30 all week. I’m into wrinkle prevention!), while embellishing my colour and preventing peeling. You don’t need to be fresh from the beach to benefit from my new skincare routine. It will smooth and nourish any skin type while banishing dull complexions.

Infuse Your Body with Moisture
This is first and foremost. Don’t wait until you’re out of the bath or shower to slather on some lotion, bathe in it. Try Olay’s Body Wash plus Creme Ribbons in the shower. It’s the first body wash to add lotion into their formula. The thing I like about it (while possibly besides the point) is that when you first get the bottle, it looks like the marbleized pattern of body wash and moisture ribbons is printed on the package but as you use it, you realize that you’re actually seeing the lotion veins!

Try to take a bath and use a fragrant oil like Nuxe’s Huile Prodigieuse, a multi-purpose product that can also be applied directly onto the body, hair and even face. It moisturizes with six plant oils and vitamin E (plus it smells amazing and natural without being too earthy or overpowering).

Add More Moisture and Repeat
When you’ve stepped out of the shower, follow with a rich moisturizing cream. I was recently introduced to Palmer’s Cocoa Butter products. The vitamin E-infused lotion, concentrated cream and solid formula in a jar are multi-use products with a fabulous subtle chocolate scent. They all soften skin, smooth stretch marks and scars relieve dry, itchy skin, it’s just a matter of choosing the formula you like best.

Complement You Colour
I am all for moving away from brashly bronzed towards bright, healthy-looking complexions but I have to admit that I look good with a little bit of a tan. I love my freckles and a bit of colour hides so many sins. For instance dark circles after a late night are much less obvious when my skin isn’t translucent and grey. That’s why I’ve opened my arms (and my mind) to Neutrogena’s SUN FRESH Sunless Tanner. I’ve used many self tanners in the past with horrendous results including Psychedelic-patterned legs and orange wrists but SUN FRESH is subtle. It comes in two formulas in two shades: Lotion and Foam; Fair/Medium and Medium/Deep. If you’re a self-tanning newbie and have fairly fair skin, start with the Fair/Medium formula and build from there. It’s stronger than the daily moisturizers with a bit of colour but not so strong that you’ll end up looking like another ethnicity.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Survive a Walk Down the Beauty Aisle

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:07:00 GMT

I am a beauty product expert and addict (check out my perfume collection featured on HGTV.ca’s decorating blog). And while I love many products, there’s a select group that actually live up to the glamorous promise inherent in cosmetic marketing. Today, I’m going to share my list of must-haves, some of which are literally life changing!

Neutrogena’s Healthy Skin line of moisturizers has truly changed my skin. I was told by an aesthetician after a particularly pricey facial that to help rid me of some minor acne, I should be using an alpha-hydroxy acid product. I had heard that Neutrogena’s Anti-Wrinkle Night Cream, which features the anti-aging ingredient Retinol, was one of the best wrinkle fighters out there, so I started using their Healthy Skin face lotion with AHA (also an anti-aging ingredient) and my skin has never looked better. And in a few years when wrinkles start to plague me, I’ll definitely invest in the Intensive cream (luckily, at $24.99, it’s not much of an investment).

Benefit products are not only wittily named and adorably packaged, they work. My favourite Benefit product that lives up to its promise is Eyecon. For those mornings when the only cure for the circles under your eyes is a pair of sunglasses, Eyecon comes to the rescue. Fruit extracts fade darkness and soften fine lines and the best part is that it’s not just a cosmetic product — it works to gradually fade circles forever.

Elizabeth Arden’s Eight Hour Cream fixes pretty much any skin problem you may have. For real. I use it on cuts, scrapes and dry skin (sometimes I put in on my chapped lips but be careful when you do this. Boyfriends don’t like the taste so much). My nearest and dearest have banished psoriasis and eczema with Eight Hour Cream. I’ve even heard about people using it on their animals. This November the company is launching a limited time retro jar, but whether you wait for the jar or run out and buy a tube right now, everyone should have this miracle product in their bathroom.

I love mascara. I hoard it. I have about eight tubes at home just waiting to be opened. (Don’t do this. It’s such a bummer when you open a tube to find out that even though you never even cracked the package, mascara can dry out when you’ve had it for six months.) I have to admit that after being spoiled with luxury brands I began to think that the drugstore mainstays may not be as good but I was wrong. CoverGirl’s Lash Blast mascara continues to blow me away each morning. It gives me lashes so thick and long, false lashes are jealous because mine look so real.

I’m not a lipstick girl. My lips are generally on the dry side and believe it or not, I’m a bit too low maintenance to remember to reapply. But just yesterday some tubes of M.A.C's new Cremesheen lipstick arrived on my desk and I had to reconsider my aversion to lip colour in stick form (I’m usually a gloss girl). The super creamy lipstick is available at M.A.C counters September 25 and I plan on sporting it this weekend when I go out. The colour goes on smooth and can be applied in a softly shining opaque layer or rubbed into lips for a more subtle look.

I’ve learned that I look much healthier with a little blush but unfortunately many powder varieties fade by the end of the day whereas some of the liquid forms go on too bold or not bold enough. Smashbox’s cheekily-named O-Glow is the perfect blush for any complexion. The dry-feeling serum goes on clear and changes colour when it touches your skin and blends into the perfect pink for you. It also lasts the day leaving you looking perky until dawn.

Finally and coincidentally, M.A.C’s new lipsticks weren’t the only products to arrive yesterday. I also received Tweek “A Hairspray in a Cream Form” for curly-haired girls (which I am, naturally but I often submit to the straightening iron). I gave this styling cream a go and it instantly eliminated my fly-aways and frizzies and smoothed my curls. Use it to revive curls in the morning after squishing them during sleep and definitely for taming your mane any time it’s looking a bit crazy.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Help! My Friends Are All Having Kids!

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:00:00 GMT

But that doesn’t mean the good times are over

After surviving the mega-year of pocket-draining weddings (everyone’s got that one season where the wedding invites just won’t stop coming) comes the next milestone in the lives of your best girlfriends: the baby boom. And though all your girls are beyond proud and beaming with joy, you’re feeling slightly jilted because you’re missing the quality time and daily talks with your BFFs. (And the subscription email you get with their baby blog update just doesn’t cut it.) So what’s a girl to do to maintain her friendships with all her new mommas, especially when she’s nowhere near having a bundle on her own? We’ve figured out how to keep those girl-bonds tight when your friends start boarding the baby bus.

Keep the calls coming

A new mom is head-over-heels in love with her precious bundle. And her every breath is devoted to the baby. We’re not joking: her every breath. Pick up the phone already and give this poor girl a break. No matter how much her thoughts are consumed with feeding and pooping these days, she still loves her dose of office gossip. And she still needs to hear about your dating escapades, new diet tricks, and latest score on the designer sale rack. So don’t cut her off your call list. In fact, add her to your speed dial.

Join in on the baby merriment

There’s no need to get knocked up. But partaking in the baby fun is an easy way to keep your friendship tight as your lifestyles start to change. She’s sure to be attending regular mommy-and-me workshops or baby classes and camps, so ask to join them for an afternoon or on a weekly basis. Not only will you get some moderately quality time with your friend, her youngster will stop looking at you like a stranger.

Give her a break

Nothing says you care to a mom more than offering your time. Play babysitter for a few hours so she can run errands or catch up on her z’s, or spend the evening chez her so she can head out on the town with her man. Thrill her to bits by doing dishes and a few household chores while you’re there.

Plan girl time

To keep your friendship in check and that girl-bond locked tight, plan some time together sans baby. Surprise her with mani/pedi appointments, hit the gym for a Pilates class, or do dinner just the two of you. Though she’s knee-deep in babyland, she still wants quality time with grownups. Plan an adults-only play date as often as you can. You’ll look back when you’re both grey and be thankful you did.

Send gifts

Who doesn’t love getting a care package in the mail? And, really, who’s received one since college? Play fairy godmother to your girlfriend and put together a package of treats for her (and baby if you’re feeling nice) to enjoy. Need ideas? Include indulgences like a bath soak, a good book, her favourite snack food, and a laugh-out-loud kid’s book. Not only will you make her week (parenting can be tough business), it will be crystal clear how much her friendship means to you.

Written by: Denise Wild

Green Your Beauty Routine

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Now we all know that going green is better for the planet, but with what seems like a million different certifications and terms like “biodynamic” and “organic” versus “natural”, shopping green beauty products is enough to make any beauty junkie want to ditch her regime and go au naturel. Ok, not really—most of us would never dare leave the house without mascara—but it’s enough to leave you feeling not so savvy, and that’s never a good state. Never fear: here, a Survival Guide to help you make sense of the eco-beauty aisle so you can have a beauty bag that Al Gore would give a thumbs up.

Natural
This term can mean anything and everything: that product may be made with almost entirely or even 100 percent natural ingredients sourced from plants and Mother Nature, or the clever beauty company may have just one natural ingredient and tons of synthetic ones. The latter may just slap a wheat sheaf on the bottle and tout natural on its packaging. Don’t be fooled; this is when you have to dig a little deeper. Turn the bottle over and read the ingredient list—but don’t jump to conclusions when coming across a long or scientific sounding name—it may very well be a natural ingredient. Do some homework online to confirm if it’s natural or not.

Organic
Organic means the product is made with ingredients that have been harvested organically; that is, without synthetic pesticides. You won’t eat anything that’s been sprayed with pesticides, so why slather your face with something that has been?

Certified Organic
A product that is certified organic has been approved by an organization, such as Ecocert, who sends out inspectors to make sure the company is meeting its guidelines for organic production. You gotta love how official it all is.

Biodynamic Farming
Take organic farming and apply Buzz Lightyear’s motto, “To infinity and beyond!” and what have you got? Biodynamic farming. Okay, so it’s not quite to infinity, but biodynamic farming is going one step further than organic farming to put it very simply. Think of it as the farm as its own little self-sustained ecosystem: the cows eat the plants, they produce manure, which in turn is used to help grow more plants. The same with the plants, which can be composted to help nourish the farm even more. The plants are also harvested at the best time, based on the lunar calendar.

Vegan
Cosmetic brands that are vegan contain no by-products from animals and the products have not been tested on critters either. Your pet bunny would approve.

Bio Active
The technical definition has to do with tissue or plants reacting when exposed to a bioactive substance. When it comes to beauty goodies, though, as with Ren Clean Bio Active Skincare, it refers to the fact that the products are made with plant-derived substances.

Written by: Maya Millar

Money Talks (Part Two)

Robotic Hottie — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:03:00 GMT

Gail Vaz-Oxlade shares her common sense path to financial bliss

(Continued from Money Talks, Part One)

Nicolle Weeks: One of our most asked question on slice.ca is about your jar system, which seems so simple.

Gail Vaz-Oxlade: I wrote a book called The Money Tree Myth to help teach kids about money. One of the things I tell the parents to do is to take the kids’ allowance and put it into different jars. Kids need metaphors and visual aids. If you put your mad money in a jar, before you take your last $10 out, you think about it. When we started the show, I brought the jars out. We started with four jars, but extended it to five to fit the budget better.

NW: Are there any hard and fast rules about the jars? Like a percentage of your income?

GVO: There are no hard and fast rules. That’s one of the mistakes people make about budgets. Wait, there is one hard and fast rule: you can’t spend more money than you make. Everything else is about guidelines. On my interactive budget, I talk about which percentage of your income should go to housing: 35%. But it’s not a hard and fast rule: if you live downtown and you walk everywhere, your housing will be more expensive, but you don’t have a transportation cost. So you can take your transportation money and slot it into housing. Now you have 50%.

NW: You talk a lot about goals. Do you have any advice on setting goals, because you say it’s not enough to say, “I want a house.”

GVO: No, you have to set smart goals. It means that they have to be straightforward and measurable and achievable and realistic and timely. “I want to buy a house” is not a goal. What kind of house, where do you want to buy it, how much will it cost you? How much of a mortgage can you afford? The problem is that we get mixed messages about it.

You can have a house with zero down and take 40 years to pay it off! No you can’t! That’s stupid! If you can’t afford to save a down payment for a house, what makes you think you’re ready for home ownership?

NW: It’s all about common sense… which is difficult for some people.

GVO: I will give credence to the fact that there are so many mixed messages, sometimes it’s hard to understand what common sense is and what it isn’t. Sometimes you have a whole bunch of specialists saying to you, no, get into a house because your house will build equity and that’s the best way to earn wealth. You also have a government plan saying the same thing. They’ve just reversed their position and said, maybe you should have at least five percent down, which is where we were before.

Why would you believe an old stick in the mud like me, who says, if you can’t save 20 percent of a down payment, you should not be getting into a home.

NW: I was definitely under the impression that I should buy a home now.

GVO: Yeah! I always err on the side of caution, because sh*t happens! If it takes both our incomes to pay this mortgage, what happens if one of us gets sick or loses a job for six months? If it happens, you’re compounding your trouble. Do you really want to get sick and lose your house at the same time? Isn’t being sick enough? What if one of your kids gets sick? How do we then cope with this mortgage that has a trap door ready? Specialists will tell you the fundamentals have changed; they haven’t, that’s why they’re called fundamentals.

NW: So you have to be the voice of reason.

GVO: That’s what I’m trying to be. I try to say to people, there’s a reason these reasons exist. They are good rules, follow the rules. If they change the rules, that’s probably the marketing department. It used to be that you couldn’t pay credit with credit. It was illegal. Now, we issue a new credit card and the first thing you do is transfer your balance. You can’t survive on that, it’s just a matter of time.

NW: Is there any last advice?

GVO: Don’t spend more money than you make and you can have anything you want, anything, if you’re prepared to work hard for it. You can have it, but be prepared to bust your ass.

Interview by: Nicolle Weeks

Money Talks (Part One)

Robotic Hottie — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:01:00 GMT

Gail Vaz-Oxlade shares her common sense path to financial bliss

A lady who knows what it's like to be a mom, work in a job she hated and still have a little left over at the end of the month, Gail Vaz-Oxlade didn't just fall into financial success - she created it. After years of writing instruction manuals for bank workers, she decided to share her wealth of information with the rest of world, to much acclaim (though her books were self-published). Soon after, the television bigwigs took notice and now Gail's a regular old Slice fixture. The star of Til Debt Do Us Part let us in on how to get our own finances in order and how we, too, can resist buying all that stuff we just don't need.

Nicolle Weeks: When you came to Canada in the late 70s, did you just start at a bank or had you studied finances?

Gail Vaz-Oxlade: No, I went to work for a consulting company and the only way I could make more money other than being a grunt was to sell so I went into sales. For the first year into sales, I hated it. I would wake up, have a shower, puke, have a cup of tea.

NW: Because you hated it?

GVO: Right, I would go into work and try to sell. They gave me the option of selling or doing development work. So one of the programs was to write a training package to teach branch personnel how to sell RRSPs and what that meant was they dumped 10 binders on my desk. I did the research and wrote a booklet so people could teach themselves. The program was so successful that financial institutions decided to write a booklet for all their products. So I learned money. What was unique about my perspective is that usually when you go into the finances, you go into a certain area. So you go into credit or investing or insurance and become a specialist. I saw it all, so I didn’t develop passion for a particular area, I developed a holistic approach to money. So, there’s no point in investing $100 if you owe $100 on your credit card because you actually own nothing. That’s where my philosophy came from, I knew all the products and learned to understand what it meant to be financially healthy.

NW: How did you get from there, fast forward, to now?

GVO: Well, that became my career—I did it over and over for different banks. By the time I wrote my first book, I had already written the curriculum 17 times, so when I wrote the book it took me six days. I drew a line in the sand, I said I will never write another RRSP book, so I’ll do it one more time and spoke directly to the audience. I self-published and self-distributed. They had me on radio shows because I was persistent, I didn’t take no for an answer, despite the fact that I puked every day for a year, that’s what sales taught me.

NW: Moving along to your show…

GVO: Somebody called me! I went from consulting to freelance writing after I had my kids. Somebody called me and asked if I wanted to do a show. So I said no.

NW: You said no? Why?

GVO: Because what do I know about TV? I didn’t know anything about it. I’d moved to the country, I’d stopped working, and I was looking after children and horses. It was a good life. They talked me into coming to Winnipeg to come and see. Slice really liked it, bought the show and we did 13 episodes. They did 26 more and so on. That’s where we are, shooting season seven.

NW: It’s not just in Canada, either.

GVO: Oh, it’s all over the world. I get letters from people in Malaysia, the States, Australia’s desperate. They want me to come Down Under really badly.

NW: How did create your on-air persona? Because it is riddled with tough love.

GVO: What you see on TV is actually who I am. The single biggest challenge going into TV was not to lose who I was. The producers have a sense of what they want, the director has a sense of who they want, everyone’s got an idea of who you should be. They kept talking about “an Oprah moment”—making an Oprah moment. Finally I said, would you just f*ck off with the Oprah moment? Do I look like Oprah to you? Can we have a GVO moment?

NW: What’s an Oprah moment?

GVO: It’s when people break down and tell you from the bottom of their hearts what’s going on with their lives. I had to be true to myself and I was very clear what my objectives were going into this. I made it clear: either you buy my philosophy or we’re not going to have a good time. My job and priority is to help my couple, we are not making this up. Everyone else’s job is to make a TV show.

NW: Do you feel as if after you come visit, people are really going to change?

GVO: Yeah, most of them. If I didn’t, I couldn’t do it because part of what I get out of it is the gratification of knowing that lives are being changed. That’s part of why I did the website. I can’t reach everybody on the show. Everybody wants some sort of contact, that’s why I do the blog. People tell me I keep them on the straight and narrow.

NW: Why, in our culture, with the economy the way it is, do we spend so much money on stuff?

GVO: All sorts of reasons. I just did a series of blogs on gremlins. Like the “I work hard I deserve it” gremlin. John has a big screen television and Kathy just got a new car and I work as hard as John and Kathy, I want something new too. No one’s considering the fact that John’s in debt up to his ears and Kathy can’t afford to put food on the table for her kids because she’s behind on the car payments. People just see the stuff.

Money Talks, Part Two, right this way

Interview by: Nicolle Weeks

The Job Interview

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Slice.ca brings you the best tips to scoring that job

You’ve landed an interview for your dream job. After putting together a portfolio, you’re ready to meet your potential future boss. But before you head off to that important interview, consider Slice.ca’s tips to leaving a great first impression.

Basic Instincts

One of the key factors that employers like to consider is whether or not a person will be the right fit for the company. Does the candidate have the right ingredients that will make them excel at their job? Maryam Siddiqi, the deputy editor of the Arts and Life section at The National Post wants to know who the candidate really is. “In the intimidating environment that is an interview, I just want to get to know someone as best I can in that short time,” says Siddiqi. “Chances are they will be nervous, but do they handle pressure well? Can they muster up enough courage for a few minutes of small talk? Because in this business, there's a need to do that a lot.”

Do Your Homework

Always read up about the company before meeting your interviewer. Bringing up the company’s recent work and industry awards are sure to score you some bonus points. Debra Goldblatt, president of Rock-It Promotions, thinks it’s key to getting that job. “It's always important to research the company prior to an interview,” explains Goldblatt. “It's very impressive, especially at a smaller agency like ours, to have a potential candidate show their enthusiasm by bringing up past campaigns or clients that we've worked with, as well as have a good grasp of what we do day-to-day.”
Siddiqi also stresses the importance of researching as much as possible. “If someone is coming into an interview blind, never having read a copy of the paper that I edit, that tells me that they don’t really prepare for interviews, and that’s half the job in journalism.”

Dress for Success

Leave your Ugg boots for taking out the trash in the middle of winter, not for your dream interview. But you also don’t want to get dressed up to a point where you look and feel uncomfortable. There is such a thing as way too dressed up. Goldblatt thinks that it’s crucial to dress appropriately for the job. “Don't show up in jeans for a more structured office environment, but on the other hand, don't show up in a suit for a more relaxed atmosphere.”

The Million-Dollar Questions

When it’s your turn to ask questions, make sure you ask smart ones that will help you and your interviewer decide whether or not the job will be the right fit for you. “Develop some good questions to ask surrounding the job description,” says Matt Standish, a partner and firm founder of Everest Management Network, a recruitment agency. Ask the interviewer about job duties, expectations, and management or communication styles. But don’t bring up the salary or the benefits questions until you’re actually offered the job.

Be Yourself

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not just for the sake of the interview. It’s important that your interviewer gets to know the real you and whether or not you will work well with the team. Make sure your personality shines through so the interviewer can see how great you really are for the job.

Written by: Samra Habib

Period Peace

Robotic Hottie — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:00:00 GMT

Slice helps you survive that time of the month

Do you get the urge to run people over or give everyone a piece of your mind every time you’re on your period? Read Slice’s tips to having a happy(ish) period and you will never dread Aunt Flow’s visit again.

Stress-Free Zone

One factor that can lead to a painful period is emotional stress. So when you’re stressed out about your period, it can be a hard battle to win. However, taking steps toward decreasing stress in your life can help. Try walking outside in the afternoon and make sure you get the chance to relax during the weekend and take regular vacations.

Yoga Relief

Light yoga can help ease menstrual cramps. Poses that require you to move forward and have something pressed against your belly can be comforting. Deep breathing and backbends using belts or blankets might also help ease the pain. Other milder forms of exercises such as going on a 20-30 minute long walk can also increase the chemicals in your brain that are responsible for mood and energy.

Food Fight

Face it, when it’s period time, you need all the help you can get. Nutrients are some of your best allies when it comes to getting rid of the pain. Give cramps the cold shoulder with Niacin, otherwise also known as Vitamin B3. Where can you find it? It’s in some of your favourite foods, like chicken breast, tuna, turkey breast as well as Crimini mushrooms. In fact, Niacin reduced cramps in 87.5 percent of women in clinical trials. Other cramp-fighting nutrients? Vitamin E (sunflowers seeds, almonds and blueberries) and Calcium (yogurt and spinach). Foods to avoid are tea, coffee, anything containing sugar or artificial flavouring as well as red meat, refined carbohydrates, cheese and chocolate. Craving sweets? Opt for honey-sweetened warm water instead.

Sweeten The Pill

When it comes to menstrual cramps, oral contraceptives can be exactly what the doctor ordered. The reason they work is because they lower the formation of menstrual tissue, therefore decreasing the pain level of the uterin contraction. With regular use without any placebos, they can block out menstrual periods completely, sparing you those dreaded cramps. Other non-prescription alternatives are Advil, Midol, Motrin or Aspirin.

Cramping Your Style

The younger you are, the more likely it is that you’re suffering from menstrual cramps. Although an estimated 50 percent of women are believed to go through the dreaded experience every month, approximately 90 percent of young girls have cramps. So the older we get, the better our period gets as well. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Taking Care Of (Your) Business

Since your body is better at fighting pain when you’re well-rested, make sure you get adequate sleep. It’s a good idea to rest the first couple of days of your period, instead of doing activities that require you to use a lot of energy. Try soaking in a warm bath or using a heating pad on your abdomen to alleviate the pain. Other alternatives such as massages, yoga and meditation will also help and will make menstrual cramps a distant memory.

Written by: Samra Habib

The L Word

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Surviving lice is anything but fun

After clearing my six-year-old son of lice, my two girls came home with the same problem two weeks later – and we've been waging war ever since. We have the head lamp with the magnifying glass and we use a LiceMeister comb, which is excellent. We've even used one of the lice shampoos (Resultz), which kills the lice but not the nits. This really is where the fight begins and ends. If you miss one little nit, you're done. It starts all over again. For the past two weeks I've shampooed once a week and combed and picked three nights a week for hours. I've become a crazy, obsessed person. The kids often like to climb into their big sister's bed and cuddle but have given up since their mother became insane. ("Are your heads touching?? Are you lying on her pillow??")

In the last week, I've seriously reduced the number of nits I’m finding on their heads but I know I have to keep combing. In the past month, I've used the shampoo four times (once a week) and I don't want to use it anymore, so I found a recipe for a non-toxic solution (though if you drink it, you’ll probably get sick, so please don't put it on your salad). Last night I made a concoction of olive oil (5 teaspoons) with five drops each of essence of peppermint oil, essence of lavender oil, essence of tea tree oil, essense of rosemary oil, and essence of eucalyptus oil. (One warning I saw on the internet warned against using this mixture on children under five because the odor of peppermint oil can interfere with small children's breathing.)

I needed 45 teaspoons of oil and 45 drops of each essential oil to coat four heads (and three of us have long thick hair). I bought a package of eight disposable shower caps at the dollar store, put it over their heads and left it on for at least an hour before I started combing. At this point, I'm pretty sure we don't have any adult lice because we used a lice shampoo earlier in the week. I found a few small nits on their heads but one of them disintegrated on the nit comb as I tried to pick it out with my tweezers. This could be the break I need since nothing--NOTHING--that you can buy can kill nits. Rinsing with vinegar is said to loosen the glue so the nits can be washed down the drain but I rinsed their heads with vinegar Tuesday night and I still found nits last night. I am going to keep combing and try using this homemade lice "shampoo" twice a week.

Some of you will know intimately what life in my household has been like for the last past month; for the rest of you, I hope you never find out. But this problem seems to be growing, especially in urban schools. One school system in Brisbane, Australia, believes it's dealing with an epidemic. This past school year we received three notifications in one month that a child in one of our kids' classes had "pediculosis" (lice). And when that happens, you have to check your child's head every night for weeks to make sure you catch it early enough to keep it from spreading.

Here is what you must know about fighting lice:

1. Adult lice move fast. In all my hours of picking and combing, I have never trapped an adult louse in the comb. They feel it coming here and they go over there. You will need something to smother them, hence the lice shampoos or covering them in olive oil (which is said to dissolve their exoskeletons). Just because you don't get one in your comb doesn't mean your child doesn’t have them.

2. Nits grow. When they are laid they are little, but within a week they will get bigger. So if you are finding big brown nits in your comb and then don't find anymore, DON'T GIVE UP. You just might not be getting the little ones. Keep going for two weeks to make sure you get all of them.

3. In the meantime, if you miss one nit, it will hatch and become a nymph. A nymph is very small, tiny, and looks like a speck of red sand if it's feeding on the scalp. Look for these and use tweezers to prise them off the skin. (It will hurt, so expect the child to complain loudly!)

4. Nymphs can't produce eggs for about a week, so it's important to keep combing and smothering with oil before they get the chance to lay more eggs.

5. After a shampoo treatment, strip beds and replace with clean sheets and comforters or blankets. Wash everything in hot water and put in a hot dryer. No sharing towels or combs or brushes. Keep hats apart. Gather clothes and wash in hot water and put in a hot dryer. Wash or bag stuffed animals for at least a week.

6. You can use blow dryers or flat irons to try and kill any nits on the hair but many are laid close to the scalp so be very careful not to burn the skin. This will be helpful in case any are laid more than an inch from the scalp or if there are nymphs on the hair strands.

7. Giovanni is a botanical line of hair-care products and they make a Triple Treat Tea Tree Oil shampoo that might work as a preventative to future infestations. It's now our everyday shampoo. You can find them at Shoppers Drug Mart, Loblaws, and some health food stores. Tea tree oil won't kill lice, but apparently they don't like it. It's expensive, but so are the $40 bottles of traditional lice shampoos.

8. I've also read repeatedly that lice love clean hair (or at least a clean scalp). They don't like having to feed on greasy or oily scalps, so try to avoid over-washing your children's hair.

9. I have heard anecdotal reports that dying hair can treat lice.

Written by: Reni Walker

Pack It In

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:00:00 GMT

These tricks will get you packin’ and rollin’

While travelling Europe as a young(er) scholar, the first thing I learned was, “You will not look good when you travel.” And, after careful inspection of digital video of me in Germany, I can attest that I did not, in fact, look good. I’ve since changed my travel philosophy to, “Look good, but be smart about it.” I mean, you’ve got to be able to pull accented cuties, or, really, half the point of travelling is missed. Balance is key here, and half of looking good is prep work (if only we could all fall off the plane looking fabulous, stylish, and well-rested!).

A lot of times, travelling is no vacation. Airports and train stations can be stressful places – you’ve got to be on the ball at all times. And hostels, well, I shudder to think what sort of viruses one might pick up sleeping in a room filled with twenty strangers. No wonder all those people on The Amazing Race are so grumpy! One of the medium stressors associated with travel is packing. For many of us, a fight to get the zipper closed is imminent. What would we be without at least two outfits for any occasion? I certainly don’t want to be stuck in Prague with only one evening dress to choose from! Well, I’m here to be your beacon of truth. No holds barred. Not because I don’t like you, but because I love you.

Pack half of what you think you’ll need

I admired my grandfather for many things, but one thing that stood out about him was that he’d take a carry-on for a week’s vacation. How he did it, I’m not sure, but he had two advantages: he was a dude and he was very resourceful. We can all learn from Grampa! Though no one expects you to bring an overnight bag on a two-week romp across Europe, you’ve got to be realistic or you’ll end up like one of the friends I travelled with: she threw away a good chunk of her clothes somewhere in Sweden when her luggage became too heavy to lug around. So take stock of what you really, truly (really) need and only bring the essentials. A week’s worth of clothes should always be enough. There are laundromats all over the world. And, remember, it’s more fun to buy it there anyway.

Separate and conquer

One amazing tip I picked up was to collect the plastic bags that sheets and bed comforters come in for packing. Now all your underwear can go in one little convenient transparent bag. Same goes for socks, T-shirts, pants, et cetera. Now, instead of routing through everything you packed to find one pair of skivvies, you can pull out your underwear bag and grab a pair easily. This is also useful if you’re travelling somewhere with customs agents fond of rustling through your luggage.

Toiletries are the enemy

If you’re a woman, you probably already know that products such as shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, gel, and lotion take up an amazing amount of space. A simple solution to this problem is to save every product sample you can get your hands on while you’re still at home. Cosmetics companies give out lots of samples throughout the year, often for expensive product you wouldn’t have been able to afford in large sizes. There are also sample sizes available in drug stores if you can’t find any for free. You can stash samples in a toiletry bag and use throughout your trip. The added bonus is that as you use the samples, you discard them and make your bag lighter! Sample sizes of laundry detergent and fabric softener can also come in handy.

Make clever use of your space

A brief jaunt around Mountain Equipment Co-op will reveal that there are many useful travel aides available. Assuming you’re a diva, you won’t make use of a lot of the camping equipment MEC is peddling. But using valuable packing space for a few clever travel accessories isn’t only smart, it’ll add immensely to your comfort. Some of these accessories include a good eye mask for the times you need to sleep when it’s light out (or there’s a light on), a small reading light, a travel blanket/pillow set, some string for a makeshift hotel room clothing line, a Swiss Army knife, ziplock bags (they come in handy for a number of reasons), photocopies of important documents, and a good luggage lock. Don’t forget any medications or over-the-counter stuff you might need. Running around a foreign country looking for a cold remedy when you don’t speak the language is no fun.

The luggage is the message

Last but not least, get yourself some quality luggage. The last thing you need while on your way to lounge on a yacht with a sultan is for your backpack to rip and display your dirty laundry to everyone on the street. Consider that the bigger the bag you buy, the more you’ll inevitably have to carry (big bags are conducive to overpacking). Also consider that the solid black or navy suitcase you purchase will be exactly the same as everyone else’s. Go for unique luggage or, failing that, buy cute neon luggage tags or a colourful luggage belt so that yours will stand out on the conveyor belt.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

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Hot Summer Hair

Robotic Hottie — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Last week, while discreetly gazing at my reflection in the mirrored elevator in my building, I noticed something disturbing: split ends! If you look closely, under the right light, you can actually see dry, split ends in the section of hair I flat iron the most! Horror of horrors!

Now I know that this is what happens in the summer. The sun, sweat, water, chlorine and extra washes it takes to remove that summer gunk are all damaging, but I for one, won’t stand for bad hair! If you’re with me, read on.

The bad news: you cannot repair split or dead ends. I don’t care what the girl with the silky, shiny hair in the shampoo commercial tells you, your hair is dead and no Ouija Board or deep conditioner will bring it back. Your best bet is to get a trim and cut off the offending ends. The good news is that there are products out there that will infuse your hair with moisture, protect it from the elements (natural and heated) and make it so healthy-looking and shiny your entourage will need sunglasses.

First in your routine should be a good cleansing system. In stores next month, Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths shampoo and conditioner featuring Aquacurrent Science (a new approach to providing protection and preserving moisture in a whole collection of products from Procter & Gamble) actually protect hair from absorbing too much water because, despite what you’ve heard about retaining moisture, when your hair is wet, it swells leaving it vulnerable to breakage. Plus, a portion of the proceeds from the sale of every bottle goes to create real hair wigs for women fighting cancer.

Next, you’ll need products that protect your hair from all the damage you will inevitably cause in your pursuit of beauty. I had been told that Kiehl’s Heat Protective Silk Straightening Cream was fantastic to use before you clamped down with your flat iron but I had no idea that it also de-frizzes, adds shine AND can be used on wet or dry hair. It’s my frizz-free dream product. The bottle is 5 oz and at $20 is much cheaper than many high-end products that do a lot less.

Dove Advanced Colour Therapy Hairspray with UV Protectant gets in between your salon-created colour and the sun. Those evil UV rays that give you wrinkles can also damage your dye job. The UV filters in Dove’s product protect highlights and lightened hair from becoming brassy.

Finally, get yourself a good brush. While these days everyone knows better than to sit in front of their mirror brushing their hair a hundred times (If you still do it, Rapunzel, stop, or you won’t have long hair for long), you do need to get those tangles out. And a soft, natural brush like Goody’s So Natural paddle brush with boar bristles will help distribute the oil from your scalp throughout your hair so you can take advantage of your own personal conditioner.

If you’re following all of my advice and still seeing split ends. Give John Frieda’s Overnight Repair serum a try. You apply it at bed time — it won’t ruin your pillows, I promise! — and wash it out in the morning for an intense conditioning experience. If you’re a rebel with thick, dry hair like me, don’t wash the stuff out. It’ll make your hair super soft and touchable… but don’t let people touch too much. While it feels good to have your hair played with, you must always consider the aesthetic consequences.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Eco-Friendly Makeup Tips

Sporty Vixen — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:15:00 GMT

Get green and look good

From The Green Book by Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas M. Kostigen

Eyeliner
You can minimize waste by buying eyeliner pencils encased in wood instead of pencils or liquids contained within plastic. Wood shavings have the potential to biodegrade, whereas most plastics do not. If one in twenty eyeliner users switched from using plastic-encased pencils to wooden ones, nearly ten thousand pounds of plastic could be saved.

Eye Shadow
If you use pressed eye shadow, choose a brand that provides a reusable compact with slots for refills. Each time you buy a refill instead of an entirely new container, you’ll reduce your costs, the amount of energy used to produce and ship the hard plastic, glass, or chrome packaging (some of which come with mirrors), and the amount of waste you discard when it’s empty. If one in twenty-five women chose refillable eye shadow, more than 350,000 pounds of wasted cosmetics containers could be saved each year.

Foundation
Opt for foundation in a simple recyclable (or reusable) glass container over one sold in a non-recyclable plastic tube or bottle. The manufacturing energy saved by avoiding the plastic container could run the light bulb in your makeup mirror for more than seven hours. If one in twenty women chose glass over plastic packaging for her next foundation purchase, the energy conserved could fill a twenty-gallon gas tank once a week for twenty-four years.

Lipstick
Given that the average woman may inadvertently ingest more than four pounds of lipstick in her lifetime, you’ll want to look for lip color made from plant-derived ingredients instead of from synthetic oils, paraffin waxes, and toxic coal tar dyes (look for FD&C or D&C followed by a color and number). If one in five lipstick wearers began demanding plant-based options, total petroleum product consumption would decrease by more than 825,000 pounds per year.

Mascara
Your best choice for mascara is one that is made from plants and minerals instead of from petroleum products. However, if this is not a viable option for you, avoid varieties that come in plastic bubble packs on cardboard backings.

Excerpted from The Green Book by Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas M. Kostigen Copyright © 2007 by Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas M. Kostigen. Excerpted by permission of Three Rivers Press, in partnership with Random House of Canada Limited. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Surviving The Loss Of A Pet

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:00:00 GMT

What to do when Fido dies

When a cherished pet dies, it becomes clear that society is not all that comfortable on how to handle such a passing. The death of a human has many rites and traditions, and those around us know how to behave. Sadly, the same cannot be said for when a beloved animal companion dies. As the faithful owner left behind, it can be challenging to grieve on your own terms. Here are some tips to help you through this difficult and sometimes misunderstood time.

Feel Free to Grieve

If you’ve just lost your treasured pet, don’t bottle up your grief. The passing of your pet has created a hole in your life and your heart. Take the time to cry and recognize the pain you’re feeling. You may feel shock, anger, even denial – they’re all part of bereavement. Don’t make any hasty decisions about discarding pet toys or removing photos from your home. You’ll only regret it later when you want them as keepsakes. Just allow yourself to mourn properly.

Be Kind to Yourself

When a pet dies, it’s easy to blame yourself. Could you have done something more? If your pet was ill and you had to make decisions on care, guilt can quickly enter the picture. Don’t give in to such feelings. For the life of your pet, you gave endless amounts of love. Sometimes the most courageous act of love you can offer your dear animal is to get him the help he needs to eliminate his suffering -- even if it involves euthanasia. Try not to second guess decisions made, or feel guilty that you chose this option. You were acting in the best interest of your animal friend, with love, respect and dignity.

Seek Out Similar Minds

Don’t surround yourself with non-animal types who don’t understand. Avoid the guy in the next cubicle at work who guffaws, “He was just a dog.” He wasn’t just a dog; he was your buddy, the one constant who welcomed you home without any conditions or obligations. Such pure love is pretty much limited to the warmth we receive from our animal companions. Folk who have never had the connection to a cat, dog or bird, often cannot get their heads around such bonds.

Often well-meaning, these people will try to diminish what you’re feeling – it’s the only way they know how to cheer you up. Right now, you need empathy. Seek out your friends who are pet owners, and you’ll be in the care of those who can best help at this fragile time. There’s a supportive pet loss community on the internet. Google "pet loss” and find like-minded souls if your friends aren’t available. There are many message boards and chat rooms that will allow you to talk out your feelings honestly in a non-judgemental environment.

Remember the Good Times

Take a walk down memory lane and revisit the happy moments you spent together. Remember how teeny he was when you brought him home? How he was scared of the noise made by the coffee maker? Share these stories with friends who enjoyed these milestones with you. No doubt, you’ll share some laughs and plenty of tears. You’ll also be reminded of how thankful you are to have had such a wonderful presence in your life. Hold on to this thought and allow it to give you strength.

Project Recovery

Sometimes it helps to be proactive when you’re feeling sad. Gather together your favourite photos of your pet and create a special photo album or website. Reminiscing over happy times in photos or on video helps to remind you of how much joy you had with your pet. Plus, the dedication that goes into preparing a project lets you put your pain to good use in a healthy, constructive way.

Welcome Diversions

When you’re feeling up to it, accept invites from friends for dinner or a girls’ night. You need to live through your grief, but there is a point when you must reconnect with those who care for you. It may be difficult to lift yourself off the couch away from Project Runway repeats, but it will do you a world of good. Treat yourself well and let your friends help in any way that they can even if it’s a night out of karaoke or the latest comedy. Having a laugh and maintaining your human relationships will help put a smile back on your face.

A New Pet?

For those of us who have lost a pet, there comes a time when you’ll ask yourself whether you want to get another. There is no clear cut answer as to when you’ll be ready – if ever. For some, a new pet helps the healing process. It’s hard to stay in bed all day when you have a new dog or cat that needs constant attention. Don’t fear that you’re dishonouring your deceased pal by bringing home a new one. You’re not replacing him, you’re honouring him by letting a new soul benefit from all the love you have to offer.

Wouldn’t your pet want some other animal to enjoy the love and companionship that made his life so special? It’s hard to hold back when you’re used to having an animal play such an important role in your life. Whatever you decide, the time should be right for you.

Written by: Jackie Middleton

Guide to the Vagina

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 13:15:00 GMT

Because having one doesn’t make you an expert

Anatomy
Vulva: You’ve heard the word and probably even thrown it around a bit, but do you know exactly which parts it refers to? It’s not a synonym for vagina, the vulva is actually made up of the mons pubis (the front of your “lady area,” where your pubic hair starts), clitoris, inner lips, outer lips, and the opening to the vagina.
Outer lips: Also known as the Labium Majorum, the outer lips are a secondary sexual characteristic that develops during puberty. The outer lips are covered in pubic hair and cover two-thirds of the labia minora.
Inner lips: The labia minora not only cover the opening of the vagina, but is an erogenous zone. The inner lips expand when stimulated and indirectly stimulate the clitoris.
Clitoris: The only part of the female sexual anatomy that doesn’t have a reproductive function. The clitoris is located where the inner and outer labia meet and is usually hidden beneath what’s called the “clitoral hood,” the female equivalent of foreskin. The clitoris is the female penis. In the first stages of growth, male and female fetuses have the exact same anatomy. Many women can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not penetration alone.
Urethra: The urethra expels urine and the opening is between the clitoris and the vagina and looks like a tiny hole or slit.
Vagina: The vaginal opening is inside the inner lips between the urethral opening and anus. The vagina is about eight cm in length and runs between the opening in the vulva and the cervix. When relaxed, the vaginal walls lie against each other, when aroused the elastic walls expand in preparation for penile penetration.
Hymen: The hymen fully covers the vagina when a female is a fetus but it dissolves before birth leaving a small rim of skin around the opening of the vagina and can make first sexual encounters slightly painful. The skin of the hymen can rip and bleed but once it’s gone, will not create any more trouble.
Cervix: The cervix is the entry between the vagina and uterus.
Uterus: The fist-sized uterus expands when it’s cradling a fetus. The walls are made up of blood, which is released with each menstrual cycle.
Fallopian Tubes: The fallopian tubes carry eggs towards your uterus. Eggs are usually fertilized by sperm in the tubes and are then carried into the uterus.
Ovaries: Almond-sized ovaries sit at the end of the fallopian tubes and produce eggs and sex hormones, estrogen and progesterone. One or more eggs come to maturity and are released during each menstrual cycle.

Secrets and Myths
Not a dirty girl: Despite complaints about fishy smells and strange discharge, your vagina, with its protective labia, is actually cleaner than your mouth.
Hysteria: In the Victorian era, women who were diagnosed with “hysteria” (symptoms could include nervousness, insomnia, irritability, and “a tendency to cause trouble”) were treated with a pelvic massage resulting in what was called “paroxysm” or orgasm.
Lost and found: It’s actually impossible to lose anything in your vagina: condoms, tampons, sex toys—all impossible to lose. The vagina is not a never-ending tunnel.
Hot spot: Despite being passed off as a mythical place, many experts believe the G-spot does, in fact, exist. The G-spot is an erogenous zone that, when stimulated, produces powerful orgasms. It’s named after a German gynecologist named Grafenberg. The G-spot is located on the inner wall of the vagina behind the pubic bone. Some people believe that it’s the inner nerve endings of the clitoris.
Dental damage: Many cultures have myths about vagina dentata—women with toothed privates prepared to castrate their partners. It’s a cautionary tale warning men against the dangers of promiscuity.

Guide to the Penis

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:15:00 GMT

Everything you need to know about that mysterious member

Anatomy

Okay, so you’ve got the basics down: penis and balls. But there’s obviously more to a man than that. Without getting all medical on your ass, here’s a breakdown of the male anatomy.

The Glans:
The penis is responsible not only for sex and reproduction but also for necessities like releasing urine. The end, or head of the penis, also called the glans, contains the opening of the urethra where both semen and urine are expelled. Where the glans meets the shaft is the most sensitive part of the penis.

Foreskin:
Guys whose parents didn’t subject them to penis-o-plasty as infants will have an extra layer of skin called foreskin, which covers the whole penis including the glans. Foreskin is a loose tube only attached at the base and head and can slide over the rest of the penis easily. When a non-circumcised man is excited and the penis is erect, the foreskin can be pulled back to reveal the head of the penis.

Erectile Tissue:
The penis is made up of erectile tissue that expands and grows when blood flows into it then traps the blood to keep the penis erect. After ejaculation–or after a while without sexual stimulation–the blood is released and the penis becomes flaccid again.Testicles: The testes (balls or gonads) are housed behind the penis in the scrotum, a not-so-lovely looking loose sack of skin. Testes produce sperm and sex hormones like testosterone.

Vas deferens:
The vas deferens is a sperm duct that starts in the scrotum and carries semen past the bladder into the urethra.

The prostate:
This gland, which sits under the bladder, adds a milky fluid to the semen. The fluid protects sperm from the acidity of the vagina. The prostate is also known as the male G-spot and can be stimulated through the anus.

Secrets and Myths

Blue Balls:
Hopefully you’re not still dealing with adolescent-like sore scrotum complaints when you don’t put out, but if you want to know the truth, “blue balls” is actually a legitimate ailment. When the blood trapped in the penis and balls isn’t released, it’s uncomfortable. Sex isn’t the only way to relieve the pain: aspirin, a shower, or a little time will also solve the problem.

Matters of size:
The human penis is the largest of any living primate, meaning your man’s member is probably bigger than that of an ape! When flaccid, the average length is between three and four inches and when erect, it’s between five and six inches. The average penis circumference when erect is between 3.5 and 3.9 inches.

Boners, literally:
Humans are one of the few species that don’t have a strengthening bone in their penises. Whales, bears, rodents, and cattle are just some of the animals that do.

Lower life forms:
When erect, the penis takes on the characteristics of an earthworm, using a form of support called a “hydrostatic skeleton.”

Kegels for guys:
Just like women, men can strengthen their PC muscles too by squeezing and releasing the muscle. This can help guys control ejaculation and enhance their orgasms.

Penis colour:
Penises are generally darker than the rest of the body due to the maturation process and because those members are manhandled so much. It’s true. Speaking of masturbation: It’s healthy and can help keep his organs healthy into old age.

Survive Being Fired

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Get back on your feet with this advice

Sure, it seems like the end of the world, but being fired just means the beginning of a new stage of your life. Who needs a dumb job, anyway? Okay, you do. You do have bills to pay. Oh God, what will you do? How will you survive? Take a few deep breaths and read on to learn how to deal with being let go and move successfully on to a new job.

The Firing
If you’re reading this because you suspect that you may be fired, don’t just sit there! That’s probably why you’re being canned in the first place. Talk to your boss. Explain that you feel a disconnect between what’s expected of you and what you’re delivering. If you’re not let go then and there you have a chance to save your job – but you’d better be prepared to work.

If you’re fired anyway, don’t make a scene. Don’t yell or break things. Stay as calm and collected as you can while collecting your things. You never know when you may cross paths with these people again. Burning bridges is so 2006.

The Deed is Done
So you’re out of work and you’re a wreck. The first thing to remember is that you’re not alone. Lots of people get fired. It doesn’t make you a failure. Think of all those smart, successful people on The Apprentice. Most of them get fired. Before winning the Nobel Prize, author Rudyard Kipling was fired from his job at the San Francisco Examiner. Mariah Carey, Barry Manilow, Lucille Ball, Dustin Hoffman, Sidney Poitier, Elvis Presley – they were all fired from jobs.

Take a Break
Being fired is like breaking up. And, like a break up, “There is no right or wrong way to react when you’ve been fired,” says Joyce Kalapurakal, an HR professional in Toronto. “The next step is really about what feels right to you.” If you need to indulge yourself and hole up in your apartment for two days and cry, go for it. But don’t waste too much time. It’s important to stay task-oriented and think about what you’ll do next.

Back to the Real World
You’ve wallowed for a while, taken advantage of the opportunity to watch daytime TV, and probably eaten a lot of ice cream (because obviously, like break up ice cream, being fired ice cream has no calories) and now it’s time to return to reality. You don’t really want to spend the rest of your life on a couch watching Jerry Springer, do you?

Start making a plan and set small goals for yourself, like, “today I will review and edit my resume.” Work out a budget. Apply for employment insurance and figure out how much money you’ll need to get you through the next few months and cut back on some expenses or get a part-time job to help you make it through while you’re job searching.

Get to Work
Visit a career counselor to help you get back on track. This may cost you money, but consider it an investment in your career. “You can go to your local employment agency or YMCA. They usually run job-searching seminars,” says Kalapurakal. A non-profit organization may charge a small fee but will be much less expensive than a professional agency.
Use your contacts, whether they are work-related or just friends and relatives, don’t be afraid to ask people you know for help. They may know of job openings or will at least know to look out for openings.

Keep Busy

Be prepared to be unemployed for a while. Finding the perfect job won’t be easy so in the meantime, keep busy. Take a part-time job, volunteer or visit a temp agency to keep you busy and at least in a working frame of mind. This will also keep you out and making connections.

Tell the Truth

Don’t lie about being fired – to anyone. Don’t hide it from your friends and family who might be able to help you find a new job, or at least lend support. And in interviews, explain that you were let go but don’t be bitter or negative about it. Don’t complain about your awful boss or about having a job you didn’t care about anyway. Turn the situation around. Explain how much you learned about yourself and your strengths and weaknesses and explain how those strengths will be put to use at this new job.

Don’t Give Up

You’ll get another job. You’re employable. You had a job and although you lost it, you know what went wrong and you’re doing your best to get a new gig. With that in mind, go forth and conquer!

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Get Back in the Game

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 14:00:00 GMT

The guide to being newly single

Newly single and perhaps not quite ready to mingle. I’m gonna give it to you straight, being recently singled isn’t the best feeling in the world. There are all sorts of things going on in the mind of someone coming out of a long-term relationship. I’m not saying that you can’t feel good about it (on some level, you probably do), but if you cared about the person you broke up with, you are probably at least a little bummed.

What sucks about putting yourself back on the market is that the market has probably changed since you were last merchandise. In fact, it might even be that you were with someone so long, you’ve never been single as an adult. When I broke up with my former beau, I jumped into a world of online dating and grown-up romance that didn’t exist the last time I was single. I was used to boys asking me if they could carry my books, not men wondering if I was up for some “random play.”

It’s a tricky world to navigate, but I eventually got the hang of it, and you will too. Anyone who says that dating should just be easy and there aren’t really any rules involved probably hasn’t dated for a while.

The Changeover

For the first little while, you’re probably not going to want to date. Unless, of course, you were the dumpee and you did it because you were ready to move on. Even so, it’s pretty unusual to meet the person of your dreams immediately after a big break up. In fact, you might think you’ve met him, only to find that he’s not the right one. That might happen a few times.

The Rules

You poor little sheltered thing. You probably think all that “he’s just not that into you” mumbo jumbo is just that—mumbo jumbo. And you’re right. Fad dating books are pretty dumb. But you also have to accept that if you’re going to date in this, the modern world, there are some basic rules that most people abide by. When I broke up, I thought any sort of rules were stupid and unnecessary. Then I “got out there” and, let me tell you, rules do exist. You can’t really fly in the face of convention with something as conventional as dating. If you do manage, that is wonderful. But if you’re dealing in online dating or even just dating in general, at least consider this stuff.

The guy usually pays on the first date. This was a big one for me. No one can tell me why we should abide by this archaic rule anymore, but I’m going to go ahead here and make this bold statement: in most cases, if the guy doesn’t at least offer to pay, he’s a cheapo. Now, to be extra confusing, you should at least offer as well and you should be willing to cough up the cash if he accepts.

Here’s an example: A young man asked me out for coffee, then let me pay for my $1.50 cuppa joe. The following date was a trip to the art gallery, where he took me to an art opening and spent the entire time stuffing himself with the free appetizers. Cheapo.

Another example: A nice young fellow asked me out for drinks and when the bill came, he offered to pay. I said, “No, I’m fine,” and paid for myself. He let me. He was not a cheapo.

Also keep in mind that if he pays for the first date, it’s a good idea to pick up the second cheque.

Other rules are a bit shakier: When do you have sex? That’s based on personal feelings. But, remember, if you have to ask, then you might not be comfortable enough with the dude yet. A good rule that I’ve read is, if you’re not ready to bring up being exclusive, then perhaps you’re not ready for sex. Of course, that rule flies out the window if you can handle being one of the many. Just be honest with yourself about it.

Yes, you can date more than one person. It might seem weird or awkward or even that you’re being dishonest, but if you’re dating someone from a dating site like lavalife.com, chances are that you’re not the only kindling in this guy’s fire. If you need to make sure where you stand, you’ll have to initiate a conversation.

The Talk

The Talk, unbeknownst to males, is just as dreaded by the female population. The Talk is basically a state of affairs, where one party brings up “where the relationship is going.” Just typing that sentence made me throw up in my mouth a bit. Alas, The Talk is often a necessary component in taking a relationship to the next level.

There are several reasons to have The Talk. As mentioned above, if you have any hang-ups or concerns before you hit the sack with someone, The Talk might be a good idea. If you’re uncomfortable with your partner sleeping with someone else, The Talk might be necessary. Other reasons for The Talk might just be to calm your nerves about the relationship—what you’re both looking for; where it’s going and how long you intend to stay there. I’ve had talks that were simple and awesome: “Uh, you’re my girlfriend, right?” and talks that sucked: “You can’t date anyone else, but I don’t want to be your boyfriend.’” Err on the side of sucking and wait till it’s absolutely necessary to have The Talk.

Hopefully, that helps a little. Check out our Your Call on being newly single and enjoy your new-found freedom!

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Better Left Unblogged

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 14:00:00 GMT

The dangers of baring all online

I started blogging in 1999, when most people hadn’t heard of blogs. We called them online journals and we used sites like diaryland.com to get the word out. A very early incarnation of my blog was my homepage (remember those?), which I manually updated whenever I wanted to write a “womanifesto,” as I called them.

Diaryland was so easy that I started blogging daily. I felt free to diss my ex-boyfriend in the same way that I would in a paper diary. I didn’t use last names and in 2000, Google was nary a thought in the back of my head. Who knew that it would bite me in the ass five years later when a friend of the ex’s googled his (first) name and hers together and found my entire diary, which outlined all my debaucheries (and boring intricacies) of all the days from 1999–2001 (when I stopped blogging in that particular diary)?

I’d passworded my diary, but there was a technical glitch that made it viewable to all. Not only did my ex find an embarrassing amount of information about my incessant pining after him and hatred for him, he admitted to me that he saved the entire blog so he could peruse it at will. Oh. My. God. A lesson learned.

Not only will future technology be more thorough than it is today, there are already archives of everything that’s been posted online. The Way Back Machine is pretty good at finding things that you’ve posted but have since passworded or taken down. This technology is only bound to improve, so be careful what you put up on the world wide web. And as you can see from slice.ca’s guide to online stalking, it’s incredibly easy for someone to find your info online.

Rules for blogging

- Never use real names. First names, if they’re uncommon, can still be googled.
- Don’t blog about work. There have been several cases of people being fired for defaming their employers.
- If you really need to write something terrible and awful about someone in your life, buy a paper journal. She’ll never read it there (unless she’s a crazy weirdo who reads your personal journal—then, who cares if she reads it).

Rules for social networking sites

- You should probably keep your profile private, unless it doesn’t feature information you would be comfortable with your parents or a prospective employer seeing. I found both my little brother and sister’s MySpace profiles and they would undoubtedly be embarrassed if their future bosses saw them. In a few years, they might be embarrassed about what they wrote.
- Make sure your friends don’t tag you in pictures that show you doing anything illegal or ridiculous. Your boss might seem stupid, but he probably knows about Facebook. This goes double if you’re in a profession like education, medicine, or politics!

Other rules

- Get an unlisted number or don’t use your first name in the listing. That way, it will be more difficult to find you on sites like canada411.com.
- Use an alternate email address for dating, message board posting, and networking sites. Now, when potential employers Google you (or your email address), they won’t find your PlentyOfFish profile.
- If you put your picture up on a dating site, someone you know will probably see it. Make sure you’re comfortable with that before you do it.

Remember, the internet is forever. Everything you do online can potentially be tracked and archived. Be smart and save the photos of you tackling a bong to a folder on your computer. You’ll be glad you did.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

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Best Friends Vacay

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 14:00:00 GMT

Get away from your XY counterparts

Just because you want to take a romantic jaunt to a tropical paradise, it’s not mandatory for you go with your significant other. It could be even more fun to visit with a small group of your social crowd, or your BFF. Here are some tips to help you arrange a trip that you’ll remember and cherish always.

Budget

You can’t get to Brazil on a budget that wouldn’t even let you get as far as Niagara Falls. Be sure that you have the cash, especially if you end up in a place like Las Vegas where, it will cost you to just look at food and slot machines. If you save a few months to a year ahead, you can expand your possibilities to a location that you can’t reach in an hour or two by car. You and your pals may be able to afford to go to Italy or Greece if you save ahead of time.

Decide on a Location

You and your friend(s) should decide on a location only as far ahead as you need to. If you’re looking forward to a week in Las Vegas, then you definitely shouldn’t need the one year warning. You also have to take into consideration what time of the year you’re looking to travel. Keep in mind that during our summer in Canada, it’s hurricane season in the Caribbean. You may play your odds on the cheaper packages, but you always have to consider that a hurricane may throw a curve in your plans. Take into consideration that everyone has to agree on a location.

Take Only the Junk You Need

Keep in mind that you’re going on vacation. Don’t pack up as if you’re leaving town for good. You can look your best by taking less – now you have an excuse to go shopping during your trip (especially if there’s a Target around)! Try to purge a bit. Plan in advance how many outfits you want to take, considering the length of your trip, and what you plan on doing recreation-wise during the trip. Relax, nothing is as frustrating as being stressed before a vacay!

Be Ready

The car has to actually work for a road-trip, and you’re not going to fly without plane tickets and hotel reservations. That being said, take the car for the service it needs, pack your baggage early so everything fits and be prepared for last-minute adjustments. As a last-minute girl, I have a hard time remembering everything, so I pack my important paperwork in my purse a day or two in advance and double check before I leave. More importantly, if you’re flying, ensure that your flight is still a go – there’s nothing as disappointing as going to the airport to find that your flight is cancelled.

Be Spontaneous

Whatever happens while you’re on vacation, roll with it. It could be a really fun experience. Try to make the best of a bad situation when it rears its head. I’ve been on trips before where I didn’t have any specific plans, and the best times were when I was just spontaneous and went with the flow. That being said, I’ve also dipped into the dreaded credit line to enhance trips a bit when I was over budget – but it was worth it. If I’m broke for a couple weeks after, I’ll deal with it when I get back from vacay.

A trip with friends is a great way to create memories and have a blast. Don’t ruin it by being selfish and self-centred. Avoid confrontations on different opinions, and compromise on ideas. Have a wonderful trip … and take lots of pictures.

Written by: Jennifer Pynn

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Decorum on Vacation

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:00:00 GMT

Don’t forget to pack your manners

You’ve worked hard and earned your vacation but sometimes, even though you’ve planned your precious away-time down to the last detail, it’s ruined by thoughtless yobs that apparently were raised by monkeys. Or, maybe you’re the yob and get a tad carried away on one of your annual treks down to Cancun.

In a recent survey by Expedia, European hoteliers considered Britons to be the worst tourists for rude behaviour while the Japanese were considered the best for being oh so polite (Dōmo arigatō)! And wealth and/or social status don’t necessarily guarantee good social graces. Sometimes the people who behave the worst are the ones drinking their third bottle of Lafite.

There must be a way for everyone to get along. Maybe if we follow certain simple rules of behaviour while away? Let’s start with these:

Airport and plane etiquette: In an airport lounge, take one seat, not one for you, one for your bag, and one for your lunch. Once on the plane, don’t grab the seat of the person in front of you when you get up and recline your seat slowly so as not to put the lunch of the passenger behind you in her lap. Use your cell phone at a minimum and speak quietly. In a survey by TripAdvisor, 78% of respondents thought cell phones should be banned from airplanes. Seriously! You’re in a confined space, try to keep your private conversation private. Flight attendants aren’t responsible for every little thing that goes wrong and just because you paid for your ticket doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a free pass to Nirvana. Take a deep breath. This is air travel after all. Something is bound to go wrong. If it doesn’t involve ditching in the ocean, you’re having a good day.

Queue busters: For some people, standing in line with a whole bunch of other people seems to be for rubes only. Apparently, people regularly try to jump queues at Disney World. What’s up with that? How un-Mickey like. Those Rudey Rudelers need to remember everyone else is on vacation too. If you see a line up, line UP. These are the same people who try to bust into a lane while driving. Dudes, get in line.

Meal-Time Horrors: Again, if there’s a line at a table with food, or someone behind a counter serving food, get in line. And no matter where you’re staying, there should be common courtesy exercised in terms of volume. You’re not at Camp Yahoo on summer vacation (unless you are and, even then, I’m sure there are rules posted in the Dining Hall about excessive noise). It’s nice that you and yours are having so much fun, just try to keep the noise level a titch below frat-level.

Minors Behaving Badly.: I like children, I even have a few, so I’m pretty tolerant of little tykes having a bad moment here and there. It’s when the parents behave badly that I start to get testy. And there’s a difference between a kid having a meltdown at 9 pm in a dining room (when they should probably be in bed) and being loud and boisterous at 9 in the morning without any regard to the people around them. On the other hand, if just the sight of children makes your toes curl, consider going to an adults-only resort or hotel. There are plenty of them around.

Over-Imbibing: On the plane, at the pool, in your room, wherever, just because you’re on an all-inclusive vacation doesn’t mean you can drink to the point that you’re hootin’ and hollerin’ at every attractive member of the opposite sex or that you should do 28 straight cannonballs into the pool. Save some brain cells for the life you left behind. You will go back eventually and probably on the same plane with the people who watched you stagger around the pool all week.

Love Monkeys: Listen up, all you couples in love out there. Yes, you’re on vacation, but that doesn’t mean you can maul each other the entire time. Nobody wants to watch that. And if you can’t keep your hands to yourselves, consider staying at a resort for singles. There are lots of those around too and that kind of behaviour is practically encouraged, or so I’ve been told.

Hotel manners: Like this hotel? Wanna come back? They’ll remember you if you’re rude to the staff and will know if you steal their towels. Tip your maid daily. She is not making a lot in hourly wages and she is required to clean rooms on schedule so also try not to leave it an abysmal mess. She should have room to manoeuvre so keep your items out of the way. And don’t leave a lot of belongings on the bed since this will slow her down when she has to strip the sheets. You should also tidy up before you leave at the end of your stay by placing garbage in the appropriate bins and used towels in the bathroom. I can hear the groans and whines already, “But I’m on vacation!” Just because you’re on vacation doesn’t mean your manners have to take one too.

You call that a dress? Even though you might dress like Lil’ Kim at the Hip Hop music awards when you go out on the town at home, consider toning it down on vacay, unless you’re 18 and you’re going to Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break. No one will look askance there. But in a typical resort, dress appropriately. You don’t have to dress like Aunt Edna, just don’t go showing your Britney all over the dance floor.

Finally, remember you’re on vacation. Don’t go out of your way to take offence at others boorish behaviour. Let it roll of your back and try to enjoy your vacation. There are always going to be people who behave badly. And if you seem to be the one who’s always complaining or asking for a refund or an upgrade for every little disruption, then consider taking some books on meditation (or sedatives) so you can keep yourself—and fellow travellers—as stress-free as possible.

Written by: Reni Walker

Take It Like a Woman

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 14:00:00 GMT

How to fix a mistake at work

We’ve all been there: you made a mistake on the quarterly report, you put cyanide in the coffee, and you shredded an important contract. One of your cube mates ratted you out and the boss wants to have a few words. Before you freak out and start preparing resumes, take a deep breath and relax. We’re going to help you get past your mistake and maybe, just maybe, you’ll come out of it looking a little bit like a superstar.

Step one: Understand the impact of your mistake

The bigger your mishap, the more damage control you’ll need to do. The first thing you need to do is establish how much ass you’re going to need to kiss. If you, for instance, need to ask for another copy of something that you accidentally shredded, it’s not that big a deal (unless you do it every day, that could be annoying). If you throw out the boss’ university degree, that would probably qualify as a bigger mistake. Career expert Mark Swartz says, “The bigger the mistake, the bigger the problem, the faster it needs to be addressed. It will be noticed; it may cost the company money and reputation.”

Step two: Own up to your mistake

There is no telling what will happen when the boss finds out you’ve done something wrong. But the worst case scenario is that she’ll find out before you tell her and she thinks that you’re trying to cover up your mistakes. If a mistake is big enough to worry about, it’s probably going to be discovered at some point. Ignoring it will not make it go away. “The impulse to apologize is natural and it’s a good one,” says Swartz, “Fessing up early can be the best policy.”

Be prepared to get into trouble. Just because you’re being honest, it doesn’t mean that there are no consequences for what you’ve done. The consequences will inevitably compare to the level of mistake that you made. “We aren’t always rewarded for stepping up and pointing out something wrong,” warns Swartz. Also, try to think of at least one solution to the problem you’ve created.

Step three: Recover

Okay, so you made it through your mistake and you still have a job. The best way to recover is to keep doing your job to the best of your abilities. What does Swartz say? “Lots of people will respect that you’re honest and mature enough to admit you made a mistake,” he says, “Move beyond that, work harder, find out what the boss wants and spending more time making sure critical stuff gets done.”

Step four: Spot potential catastrophes before they happen

And be realistic – you’re probably going to make a mistake again. The best way to avoid a future pitfall is to recognize your weaknesses and prevent slip-ups before they become issues. If the boss assigns you a task and you know you’ll never be able to deliver on time, tell her then and there so you can get the help you need. If you know that dealing with a problem needs a certain skill set that you don’t possess, ask a co-worker with those skills to help.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Getting through ALL the December holidays

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 14:19:00 GMT

From Hanukkah to Christmas to Kwanzaa

While Christmas is the most widely celebrated in Canada, there is no shortage of other holidays to commemorate in December. If you want to be inclusive, here’s a primer on other religious and non-religious holidays that occur during the month (in chronological order).

Hanukkah: The Jewish holiday of Hanukkah precedes Christmas every December (although it sometimes starts in November) but is not the holiest of Jewish holidays (that would be Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement). Hanukkah commemorates the rededication of the temple in Jerusalem after it was ransacked by the ruling Syrian/Greek regime. The temple was left with only enough oil to light the candles for one night, but the oil miraculously lasted eight. That’s why Hanukkah is celebrated for eight nights, beginning at sundown on December 21 in 2008. Traditions include lighting one candle of the menorah every night, eating fried foods such as latkes (to signify the importance of the oil), and playing the dreidel gambling game.

Watch Adam Sandler sing his hilarious Hanukkah Song.

Eid al-Adha: The Festival of Sacrifice, this Muslim holiday honours Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son to God. One of the two most important holidays in Islam, it follows the Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca) and is celebrated on Monday, December 8 in 2008. People who observe this holiday dress in their finest clothes, visit family, eat festive meals, and children receive gifts and treats.

Yule: Another name for the Winter Solstice, this holiday on December 21 was celebrated centuries before Jesus Christ was born and marked a turning point in the season, when the worst of the winter was over. Animals were slaughtered so they wouldn’t have to be fed so it became a natural feast time. A live tree was brought into the home and decorated with ornaments and edible treats. Yule traditions include decorating the inside of the home with evergreens and candles, as well as traditional plants such as holly and mistletoe, and burning the Yule log for 12 days straight.

Christmas: For Christians, December 25 marks the birth of Jesus Christ (though no one really knows when he was born) and began as a “mass for Christ” (hence, Christmas). In the early years of Christianity, Easter was the “holiest” holiday, but the church decided to celebrate the birth of Jesus to focus attention away from the Roman holiday of Saturnalia, celebrated through the month of December. Christmas traditions include giving gifts (just as the three wise men brought gifts to the infant Jesus), Santa Claus (derived from Saint Nicholas, a bishop who gave generously to the poor) and a festive meal. Originally this featured goose, but was replaced by turkey when Europeans colonized the Americas.

Watch Mr Bean waking up Christmas morning.

Kwanzaa: Kwanzaa (Swahili for "first fruits") is a non-religious African-American holiday celebrating family, community, and culture that was started in 1966. It is celebrated for seven days from December 26–January 1. Traditions of Kwanzaa include lighting a candle each of the seven days, family gatherings, and festive meals. Gift-giving is not a part of the Kwanzaa tradition.

Festivus for the Rest of Us: If you don’t celebrate any of the above holidays, but don’t want to feel left out, you could start commemorating Festivus, the December holiday invented by Frank Costanza on Seinfeld. Instead of a Christmas tree there is a pole, which is central to the “airing of grievances” between family members. There is also a “feats of strength” component, which could be fun. You can see clips from the “Festivus” episode on You Tube.

Written by: Reni Walker

Emergency Fashion Fixes

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 14:00:00 GMT

How to fix fashion disasters

You may think that your well-planned ensembles, high-quality clothes and conscientious laundering make you immune to fashion disasters. Rest assured, clothing malfunctions can happen anytime – and are most likely to occur at the worst possible times, like right before a hot date or job interview. Don’t let this knowledge cripple your ability to leave the house without a full change of clothes. Read on for quick fixes to solve your worst fashion nightmares.

A run in your tights: Yep, I know your mother told you that clear nailpolish cures a run in your nylons, but who carries around nailpolish in their purse? Wet a bar of soap and rub it at the top of the run to avoid looking all Courtney Love at that cocktail party. If there’s only liquid soap in the bathroom, hairspray will work too.

Static cling: If you haven’t left the house yet, rub a dryer sheet over your body. Throw a few more in your purse for static touch-ups. If you’re already out and about, hairspray will also do the trick. Sure, it’s slightly stickier than a dryer sheet, but better than dealing with a dress that clings in all the wrong places.

Broken dress or bra straps: There are certain situations where the old safety pin solution can’t be avoided. If the strap of your dress breaks and you don’t have a sewing kit handy, a pin will have to do. But, if the plastic or metal loop on your bra strap or dress breaks, you can grab a paper clip, thread it through the straps and make a loop. It’ll probably be sturdier than the plastic than was originally there.

Ripped pants: Did you trot out in your skinny jeans and end up with a massive rip while doing the bend and snap in an attempt to seduce hot Larry from accounting? You can fix this sad state of affairs with some heavy-duty tape. Sure invisible mending and an iron might work better but duct tape, or in a pinch, masking tape should hold you in place for a while. Turn you pants inside out, line up the fabric and tape in the direction of the hole then again in the opposite direction.

A hole in your sweater: Don’t risk ruining that silk-blend sweater by tying knots or cutting threads, mend it temporarily with a little scotch tape on the inside before taking it to your drycleaner.

Deodorant marks: It’s so disappointing when you put on a slinky black dress to discover a big white smudge under the arms. Remove those marks with an old pair of pantyhose. If you’ve already left the house, a baby wipe will work or in dire circumstances, just rub the fabric of your dress together and the deodorant should flake off.

Falling out of your top: Sure, the girls were in place in front of the mirror at home. Now that you’ve entered the office and have a department meeting in five minutes, your breasts are threatening to ruin (or increase, depending on your boss) your chances of getting that raise. Hit up the supply closet for some double-sided tape and stick that top into place.

Smuggling raisins: Speaking of boob mishaps, sometimes it’s a tad colder in the office than you expected. And even though all you needed was a password to log onto the server, the guy from IT won’t leave your desk. Find the first aid kit and fix your nips with band-aids.

Animal hair: When you laid out your ensemble last night, you didn’t expect Fluffy to make it his bed. Rub your fur-laden blazer with a dryer sheet. You can get any fur that wasn’t collected by the sheet with tape. Packing tape is preferable because it’s thicker. Scotch tape will work, but it might take a few hours.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Shop It Till It’s Hot

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Get a personal shopper to help you pick out stylin’ gear

For those of us who have jobs, kids, and a bunch of other commitments, staying on top of current trends might be at the bottom of our lists of things to do. That’s why the demand for personal shoppers across Canada has increased significantly over the past few years.

How many times have you thought, “I’d look as good as Gwyneth Paltrow if I had someone to tell me what to wear”? Now you can! Though personal shoppers aren’t stylists, they do work with you to find what fits with your personality, image, and (most importantly) budget.

The personal shopping suites of Holt Renfrew in Toronto are glam—mirrored walls sit against a stark white background dotted with modern contemporary furniture. Holt’s opened up the newly designed private suites in June 2006 to accommodate a growing need for personal shopping. Their clients range from teens shopping for prom dresses to celebrities looking to update their looks from season to season.

Christina McDowell, Image Consultant and Personal Shopper for Holt Renfrew, has been at the company for over ten years. Personal shopping, she says, eliminates the mistakes we all inevitably make while shopping. McDowell walks us through the process of personal shopping.

Set up an appointment.
These services are usually well utilized, so make sure there’s someone to help you when you get there. When you make the appointment, tell the representative of the store what you’re looking for so she can match you up with the right shopper. When you arrive, your personal shopper will chat with you to get a feel for your personality and what you’re looking for.

Establish what you’re looking for.
Sometimes you visit with a personal shopper to find one piece (a dress for a special occasion or a new winter coat) and sometimes you need someone to help you out on a grander scale (several new pieces for the season). Make sure your shopper knows what she’s in for.

If you want to go in for one basic piece, think of it as building a great foundation for other pieces along the way. A little guidance can show you what you should look for, what looks good on you, and what you should aim to add to your wardrobe to round it out.

Establish a relationship.
Once you have your first meeting with your shopper, you’ll make a second appointment and she’ll have chosen pieces that she feels match your personality. “You get to play dress up,” McDowell says, but stresses that you’ll never feel as though you have to buy something. The first few visits with your shopper help her gain a feel for what you like.

If you’re interested in repeat visits, the shopper will keep you on her roster and keep you in mind when new collections come in. “We help you build a wardrobe incrementally,” McDowell says. One visit could be dedicated to finding a handbag, shoes, or jewellery. Eventually, your shopper will know what you like and give you a call when something fabulous comes in.

Another great perk is that when it comes time for someone special in your life to buy you a gift, he or she can call up your personal shopper and ask for advice. It bodes well for guys who have no idea what size or styles their wives and girlfriends need.

Most personal shoppers recognize that their clients have busy schedules and go out of their way to accommodate them. At Holt’s, the shoppers arrange for client purchases to be delivered to their offices and offer such amenities as coffee and lunch for busy customers. You can even bring your iPod along and hook it up in your suite while you try on clothes.

Not rich? No problem.
Don’t feel intimidated about going in for a visit if you’ve only got a few hundred dollars to spend and you’re looking for one piece. McDowell mentions that people looking for one great piece are just as important as those who come back weekly. You might need one great suit to go out on first-job interviews or you might just want to buy some classic pieces to start your wardrobe off. Personal shopping is casting off its snooty image!

Ground Rules.
Personal shoppers aren’t there to try to push something on you or try to make a sale. If someone is trying to pressure you, try another service. On the other hand, you go to a store to buy things. Don’t waste the shopper’s time by going for what you think is a free consult. Personal shopping isn’t a consultation service, it’s there to guide you and help you when you’re already planning on buying something.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

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Fashion Sampler

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 12:00:00 GMT

How to survive sample sales

If you’re not familiar with sample sales, you’re missing out on a wonderful world of discounted designer clothes, shoes and accessories. A sample sale is held either by a designer or a clothing distributor. The merchandise sold is either a production sample or last season’s overstock.

Charise Garcia, a self-described shopping addict who uses her job as a fashion editor in London, U.K., as an excuse to justify her obsession, has shopped sales both in Canada and abroad. Here, Garcia, whose best sample sale purchase was a Chanel bikini at $40 down from $400, shares her tips on what to look for, what to buy and how to get invited.

How to find them
If you’ve only ever heard about sample sales, you may think they’re exclusive events only for those truly in the know. This is simply not true. While some sales, like Chanel (unfortunately) are invite-only and infrequent, Garcia points out that local agencies and clothing distributors hold sales pretty regularly.

Google the words "sample sale" along with the city you live in and you should find a list of upcoming events. Some will be private and others will be open to the public. Once you find a few you like, sign up for their newsletters and reminders so you no longer have to go searching. How do you get invited to a Chanel sale? Make friends with a fashion editor.

What to expect
"Expect to find current season collections at 50 to 75 percent off," says Garcia. What you shouldn’t expect to find, she explains, are "pieces that are in perfect condition. Most are damaged or worn out from photo shoots, or have holes made on purpose to avoid paying taxes at customs (sending mutilated samples across borders is much cheaper than shipping current stock). You have to be really picky," she says.

When to go
It’s important to go as early as possible. "Go during the first hour, preferably. Or even the day before, as a VIP," says Garcia. Merchandise goes fast, and the best stuff goes first. Some sample sale companies will charge you to become a VIP on their list but if the sale is good, it may be worth it.

What to buy
Garcia recommends looking for the season’s must-haves. This doesn’t mean that you have to buy next season’s clothes, but look for items that you know you can and will wear next season. "You should never buy for the sake of buying. It’s usually a waste of money! Sample sale shopping is no different than shopping retail." In other words, don’t buy something you don’t love just because it’s 70 percent off.

Charise’s favourites
The Barneys sale in New York, Gangbar Winslade agency, Elsa N. Reia studio and Chanel in Toronto and The Exhibition during London Fashion Week.

Insider tips

Bring cash. Many sales only take cash and some will give a discount when you’re not using plastic.
Be prepared for one big, shared change room, as sales often take place in big warehouse or loft spaces. The change rooms are usually makeshift – but don’t worry, there will be one for men and one for women.
Look through everything – even bins filled with what looks like junk. You never know what you’ll find.
Be careful. Some sales organized by private agencies may sell counterfeit merchandise. Remember that when something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
If you’re travelling and looking for a good sale, visit dailycandy.com for sales throughout the states and in London.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Survive the Beginning of a Relationship

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Tips on Keeping Your Cool

Men are strange creatures (we all know this) so it’s surprising that so many women expect relationships with men to be easy or normal—whatever that means. Women, in general, also tend to be very results-oriented so we have trouble enjoying the roller coaster that is love…or like, or lust, for that matter. As Cynthia Rowley and Ilene Rosenzweig say in the “Love” chapter of their book Swell, “Not every affair ends up at the Elvis Chapel, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worth the trip to Vegas.”

Indulge in a little crazy…but only a little

So you’ve met a great guy and you’re excited. You should be. Allow yourself to get giddy and excited and nervous. Regale your friends with the story of how you met, detail his every move, and gush about how great he looks in a pair of jeans. If it’s making you smile, keep doing it.

When your eyes start gushing and you’re obsessing over when he’ll call, if he’ll call, and the thirty other ladies he could be dating. It’s time to step back and take inventory of the situation: It’s only been 24 hours since you last talked, he told you he’d be away all weekend, you promised you’d call him. Whatever it is, you are probably overreacting. If not, sure you thought he was great, but there are others where he came from and if he’s not fawning over you, you don’t want him.

Follow some rules

While going out and buying He’s Just Not That Into You or The Rules isn’t the best idea—those rules never apply to you, or you follow them and screw everything up—playing it cool is sometimes a good idea. For instance, it’s been three hours since your first date ended and you have already sent him a text message thanking him for dinner but you’re still dying to talk to him again. Do NOT call him. Give the man space. Give him a little time to get excited about talking to you again.

Be patient

Women have a sense of urgency that men don’t seem to have when it comes to dating. We want to plan our next date before the one we’re currently enjoying is over. We want to know what we’ll do on Valentine’s Day—and it’s August. Guys want to see us again but they’re probably not going to pull out their weekly planners and squeeze us in between yoga and Friday night drinks with the girls. Some guys may ask you out a week in advance, some may ask you the day before. But it’s usually not a reflection on you.

Don’t do anything rash

You emailed him at 9 am. It is now 9 pm and he hasn’t written back but you know he’s been online because he signed into MySpace at noon. You’re ready to call him and tell him to just forget the whole thing because you can’t take the stress. Put the phone down and step away from your computer.

First of all, computers can cause excess stress; secondly, put yourself in his shoes. Have you ever not responded to his call or email right away because you didn’t have time or, hell, just wanted to make him wait? It doesn’t mean anything. Relax. You both have lives outside of each other. He will respond.

Distract yourself

Make dates with your friends. If you’re so inclined, make dates with other men. It’s not cheating if you’ve only just started dating and it’s not dishonest to anyone. You might find that the guy you thought was Mr. Right pales in comparison to Mr. New. The point is that, when you’re busy you won’t sweat it when he doesn’t call right away, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when he does. And if he disappears into oblivion, you might just be having too much fun to notice.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

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Survive a Break Up

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Don’t Crawl Back

You’re a perfectly competent, assertive person living a fairly sane, successful existence and then one day, BAM! The man in your life decides he’d rather not be in it anymore. You become a pathetic, depressed ice cream addict who has nothing to live for besides, of course, Haagen Dazs. So when the phone rings and your call display tells you it’s him, you’re elated. You can be a real person again.

But come on, you know deep down that there is a reason you broke up in the first place and that reason hasn’t gone away. So study the following rules and learn them by heart so you can repeat them to yourself in moments of weakness. You’ll be happy you did because you’ll be single and self-assured when a real man comes your way.

• Do not call him. Don’t pick up the phone unless you know who it is. Get call display and have his number blocked. Delete his number from your phone. And no, there is no reason for him to call – not to tell you he misses you or to impart some funny story. Similarly, there’s no reason for you to call him. Even in an emergency. If he’s in grave danger, he can call 911. You are no longer a part of each other’s lives.

• Do not email him. In fact, block his email address. Block and delete him from your instant messenger. Delete him from your friend lists on MySpace, Friendster and Facebook. Delete him from all electronic methods of communication. Do not send mass emails to a big group of friends and include him in hopes that he’ll respond (or at least be reminded of your existence and feel sad).

• Do not send him a letter. Don’t think that you can find a loophole here. Snail mail is still communication and you are cut off from communicating with him.

• Do not show up at his house. He didn’t invite you and you’ll be sorry when he’s rude to you, has another girl over or, even worse, you sleep together and feel like *** the next morning when he asks you to leave and you realize you’re still broken up.

• Do not act like a stalker. Don’t show up at places you know he hangs out. Don’t wander past his work or house or gym. You don’t actually want to see him. When you do, all your resolve will crumble and you’ll end up crying into the arms of the hostess at his favourite pub.

• Do not start dating right away. A date within the first week of a break up is a no-no. It won’t make you feel better. You’ll hate having to start over, resent the guy for being male and arrive home feeling lonely and depressed. And do not, under any circumstances, bring a man home and sleep with him. Again, you’ll wake up feeling shitty.

• Write him a letter. Write and re-write and edit hundreds of letters if it makes you feel better but do not send them. Writing your feelings will relieve you of some built-up anxiety, despair and anger but having him read them will achieve nothing. Again, you broke up for a reason and it’s too late to try to get the last word.

• Rely on your friends. Call them and visit them and complain to them instead of him. That’s what they’re there for.

• Get a life. You probably have more spare time than you used to now that you don’t have that guy dragging you down. So fill it up – and not with Friends marathons or solitary ice cream-eating contests. Make plans with people you haven’t seen in a while, make coffee dates with your friends. See movies, join a club, befriend the shy girl at work and start having happy hour drinks.

• Finally take time to reflect on how great you are, with or without a man. Write a list of your assets and carry it around in your pocket if you must. Pull it out when you’re feeling low and most importantly, believe it – because it’s true.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

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Long-Distance Relationships

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Tips on making it work

Trying to have a long-distance relationship can be as easy as trying to maintain an elaborate updo in a windstorm. The reality is that you’re in for a lot of effort so get off on the right foot if you want to keep this relationship standing.

Review the situation.

The time period allotted for this romantic distance has to be something you can actually handle. If it’s a newer relationship and one of you will be gone for a while, it’s time to have “the talk” to see just how serious you both are about this relationship. If you’ve been committed to each other for a while, it’s all about how you deal with the time apart. If you’re someone who will turn to the company of strangers when left alone for longer than a month, then the problem isn’t with him, it’s with you. End the relationship now. Ripping off the bandage might hurt, but doing it slowly is worse.

Trust.

Without trust, this long-distance relationship is doomed. Not only do you need to trust him, but he needs to trust you. That means continual support so he can actually do that. If he suddenly transforms into a paranoid freak, it means this ingredient is lacking and the situation is now a recipe for disaster. If you turn into a paranoid freak, he’s either a) giving you good reason to feel this way or b) you have too much time on your hands.

Share everything.

Just because he’s not there on a daily basis doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be party to your daily life. Mundane as it might be, it will help you both feel a part of things. That said, repeatedly talking about the new guy at work or sharing all the exciting things you’re doing is only going to unleash the Green Monster within. You might think jealousy will keep him in line but odds are it’ll push him into more accepting arms.

Stay in touch often.

Sporadic conversations and occasional communication will only cause suspicion, or make the gap even bigger. If your phone bill is getting high, get creative with emails. Forget technology entirely and romance each other with long, luscious love letters. Record tapes of you sharing your daily routine (along with intimate whisperings) for him to listen to. That said, obsessive phone calls or messages every hour is stalking, not talking.

Make reunions count.

Hopefully distance has helped you to appreciate each other more, which makes for even steamier reunions. It’s important to enjoy the expectation that comes with waiting. Knowing you’ve got a flight booked makes the lonely night pass faster. Make sure when you do meet up, you treat it as quality time together, and not catch-up time with the rest of the planet. Consider reunions a vacation if possible, meeting up in places that neither of you are living in. Think “love nest,” not “family and friend potluck.”

Schedule time accordingly.

While reunions are wonderful, if they’re too far apart, stress will build up. The more frequent the reunions, the more “normal” your relationship will feel. That way, if you do have the odd weekend that requires heavier discussion, you won’t have lost out on a rare moment. If frequent reunions are impossible, try to deal with issues as they arise rather than waiting to spring them on him like a cold shower when you’re finally together.

Dream together.

Okay, so the “now” sucks as far as your relationship is concerned, but there’s no reason you can’t share future dreams. Planning your future together can make for a great pick-me-up. Just make sure you’re both planning the same thing, otherwise you might be left with delusions rather than dreams.

Keep talking.

It’s important to keep sharing your fears and hopes and encourage him to do the same. That means letting him get a word in edgewise, or even forcing him to actually share what you might be dreading. Things might have been working great at the start, but distance can weaken even the strongest link. And if you are the weakest link… good-bye. Patience and priority are your two “game plan” words. Think of it this way: long-distance relationships are like trying to eat a double-scoop ice cream cone on a hot, summer day. If you can keep up the pace, you should be able to enjoy everything to the end. If you can’t, all you’ll end up with is a big mess. Know yourself, give it a shot, but be prepared to ditch the remaining cone if necessary.

Written by: Robyn Burnett

First Year of Marriage

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Be realistic and be happy

Your wedding was the ultimate dream day and the honeymoon was even better, but now your real marriage is beginning. As every newlywed knows, the struggles during the first few months of marriage bring their own set of challenges. Here are some helpful tips to keep you focused on important facets of your relationship, without sweating the small stuff.

Your New Home

Decorating your new home means compromises have to be made. Your husband wants a reclining chair with a built-in beer holder, while you’d prefer matching Barcelona chairs in this season’s trendiest colours. Instead of playing tug-of-war over household accessories, make a pact to buy your major pieces together. Sift through home decor magazines to compile a palette of colours and furniture you’d mutually enjoy, and source the pieces that suit your budget.

Finances

Discussing money matters with your spouse is likely the least romantic thing you’ll do. But it’s essential to establish open communication about finances to maintain a stable household. Start by outlining your monthly bills and make a budget (including phone, cable, hydro, car and home insurance and loan payments in your tally). Then add incidentals like groceries, savings, vacations and seasonal expenses like car maintenance or landscaping costs to round off your list. Make sure your budget is easily accessible, so you’ll routinely keep track of the balance without hassle.

Chores

It’s easy to overlook the growing piles of dirty dishes in your sink when you’re lost in love. But organizing your household maintenance chores early helps alleviate frustrations down the road. Start by making a list of regular household duties that need to be done – laundry, kitchens, bathrooms, mopping floors, recycling and garbage to name a few. Flip a coin to see who chooses first, and work your way through the list until everything is accounted for. Set aside a weekly night or afternoon for cleaning—After a few weeks of practice you may want to alter your routine to fit your new lifestyle.

Time Management

Scheduling together time is an important part of your weekly routine. Schedule date nights each week where you tune the TV out, and turn the romance up. Try a new restaurant or coffee shop, go for a long walk after dinner or find a weekly activity like cooking that you can do together. It’s as easy to book a work meeting as it is to schedule time with your loved one!

The In-Laws

Don’t fret about increasing time commitments with your new in-laws, they’re just eager to spend time with their new family addition. It’s important to establish traditions together and discuss with your spouse in realistic plans for holidays and birthday commitments with both families. Equally important is being as welcoming to your respective in-laws as they are to you. Once your home is ready, invite the family over to show them the new home and officially welcome them.

Written by: Melissa Jenkins-Gray

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Kids and Money

Scotch Mommy — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 16:06:00 GMT

Working for a Dollar

Til Debt Do Us Part host Gail Vaz-Oxlade shares her tips for giving kids allowances.

Before children can learn to manage money well, they need to be able to get their hands on the stuff. Most people have no problem with that concept. But when it comes to what you should ask of your children in exchange for that allowance, the debate rages. Some people feel an allowance should have no strings attached. Others think it should be tied to chores in the home, school grades, or behaviour (“If you don’t smarten up, I’ll cut off your allowance!”).

Other parents debate about whether or not kids should work for their money through part-time jobs. Some parents feel that school is a child’s job, and any other work detracts from potential success at school. Others think that a part-time job is perfectly fine, while still others believe that a part-time job is essential because it begins the development of a good work ethic.

From early on, children receive mixed messages about money. At home they hear one thing, at school and among their peers, another. Mom does it one way, Dad’s the complete opposite. What is consistent is that nobody seems able to agree on the money rules. And often those mixed messages stay with them long after your parental influence has passed.

I believe that allowances should come strings-free and that it’s perfectly fine for children to get a part-time job to supplement their allowance—not to replace it—when they get older.

Think about why you’re giving your kid an allowance. The objective should be to teach him money-management skills. The fact that you work hard for your money will be brought home when your child learns relative value: how many hours he has to work to afford that pair of running shoes.

Money doesn’t work as a reward for good behaviour. Just ask any of the management theorists who have proven that money is not a motivator for adults. So why should it be for children? Good behaviour is based on an understanding of right and wrong, thoughtfulness, caring, and consideration, along with myriad other positive attributes, all of which have to be internalized.

Good grades are your child’s responsibility. School is his primary job and good grades are an indication that he is doing his job well. If you provide financial reward for good grades, you are externalizing the reward. Instead, the reward should be internalized: the self-esteem and pride that accompanies having done well at school.

As for an allowance being payment for chores, who pays you to do the chores in your home? Chores are a part of each individual’s responsibility to the family. Payment for regular chores negates a child’s individual responsibility as a member of the family unit. (Payment for extra household tasks—those above and beyond a child’s normal chores—is fine when they are specifically doing the task to earn some money.)

The biggest problem in tying your child’s allowance to the completion of her chores comes on the day when you must withdraw the allowance. Now you’re teaching your child, “I have the money and you’ll have to do as I say to get some of it!” That’s a straight-out power play. “I have the money, so I have the power.” Ouch, not a lesson I want my children (particularly my daughter) to learn. A far better tack for children who don’t follow through on household responsibilities is to do a like-for-like comparison. “Alex, if you don’t make your bed, I’m going to have to. And I only have time to do one thing, make your bed or make your lunch. Which one do you want to do?”

To learn how to manage money responsibly, children need an income they can rely on—one given at regular intervals. The experience of handling a steady flow of cash will teach many fundamental skills, including how to manage a cash flow, how to plan ahead, the skill of setting goals (both short- and long-term) and how to save to satisfy a goal. With your guidance, this cash flow can also be used to teach important lessons in borrowing and lending, the pleasure derived from generosity, how to be a good consumer, and the importance of considering those less fortunate.

The strings attached to the money you received as a child will have a strong bearing on the strings you attach to your children’s money. We know our money history plays a big part in our money personalities. Perhaps you were never given an allowance and had to work for every penny you got. Or perhaps your parents’ strong work ethic was a point of great pride in your family. If you had to put yourself through college or university working at the local car-wash on weekends, and waiting tables at night, this will no doubt colour the way you look at allowances in general. If your allowance was tied to chores, or you were required to save all the money received as gifts, you may see that as the “normal way to do things”.

Whatever your own personal experience with money as a child, try to put them aside as begin to teach your own children how money works and the role it should play in their lives. To ensure money is not imbued with meanings it shouldn’t have, don’t tie things like self-esteem, power, or love to your money-sharing. Stay balanced when you talk about the green stuff. And, above all, figure out what message you want your children to get from your money lessons. For, like it or not, they are learning from you. What lesson would you like your child to learn today?

Written by: Gail Vaz-Oxlade, host of Til Debt Do Us Part

Print out Gail's budget sheets to use at home and get control of your finances.

Survive Online Dating

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Everyone keeps telling you that you can meet that nice guy on the internet. Your mother is desperate for you to get married and make her a grandmother. Your friends are tired of your whining about being alone. What have you got to lose?

Start surfing. There are lots of dating sites out there. Some are for serious contenders. Some are for geeks. And some are for swingers just out for a quickie. First, you need to know what you are, then you can find the site that fits you. Just because you’ve heard of Lavalife doesn’t mean its perfect for you.

Ask friends. Okay, you might be embarrassed. But the odds are if you have single friends out there, they’ve either a) explored it themselves or b) are thinking of exploring it and are doing their own research. So swallow your pride and get with the program. After all, this is the new millennium. There are more people using the computer to find compatible mates than you think.

Create a new email account. Go for a freebie. You don’t want all your responses showing up on your work account. Do you really want that snoopy co-worker telling drunken stories about your dating life at the staff party? Not only that, but you have no idea who is going to respond. You want to have your own firewall to start.

Detect the losers fast. Anyone writing schmaltzy, slick, or “hip” emails to you should be avoided. These men are geeks who are trying way too hard to get noticed. Either that, or they’re geeks who are trying way too hard to get laid.

To respond or not to respond. If you’re responding to someone’s ad, don’t feel the need to share your entire personal history. You’ll come off as one of those desperate geeks from above. If you get a response that you’re curious about, write back. Isn’t that why you’re doing this in the first place?

The long and short of it. Spending two months writing flowery emails back and forth may sound romantic, but keep this little television show from the nineties in mind: Ghost Writers. Word. Remember Cyrano De Bergerac?

The photo question. Posting a photo is an integral part on online dating. If you don’t, it looks like you’ve got something to hide. Would you go to a bar blindfolded? Would you go on a date blindfolded? Then, you probably want to know what the guy looks like. And if you do, you can pretty much bet that he wants to know what you look like. Don’t go with something from your younger party days. You’d be pretty disappointed if that hottie you spotted was a good ten years older (and balder) than his picture. And insist on seeing a photo of him before you get too attached to his poetic sensibility. He may be a prince of a person, but if he looks like a frog, you’ll have wasted your time.

Personal info? There’s a big difference between telling him that you lost your virginity to the high school football coach and giving him your home phone number. Okay, so the former is nothing to be proud of, but at least it’s not an identifying factor. If you’re getting serious and you want to talk, then you may want to suggest meeting up first (see below). That way, if it turns out to be a disaster, he doesn’t have your phone number, address, or any way of haunting you later. If you must speak with him on the phone first, be prepared to change your number if he turns out to be a total freak.

Face facts. The reality of online dating is that you really don’t know who the person on the other end is. Sure, you are getting great emails and he seems like that proverbial needle in the haystack that you’re looking for, but what do you really know about him? It’s better to be cautious than be the victim of a stalker. Meet in a nice big public arena that isn’t right next door to where you live.\

By Robin Burnett

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Twenty-Something?

Robotic Hottie — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 19:58:00 GMT

We help you survive your quarter-life crisis

Oh, the quarter-life crisis. We’ve heard a lot about it over the past few years as the age range for the crisis has steadily increased. Something that was very Reality Bites has become more Thirtysomething. A recent Globe and Mail article calls that age group “thirtynothings.” With that kind of encouragement, it’s no wonder people in their twenties and thirties are having an identity crisis. But what can be done? Well, here’s your quarter-life crisis survival guide.

Step one: Realize that it’s normal.

It’s actually quite common to question your life while you’re in your twenties. Heard of St. Elmo’s Fire, anyone? Reality Bites? The Last Kiss? Heck, even The Graduate. This is nothing new, so hold on and sit back. It’s going to be okay. Whatever the issue – love, career, not knowing what you want – it’s all pretty common.

Step two: Write it out.

If you really want to start dealing with all that ails you, write down a bunch of stuff. Most quarter-life crises come from being overwhelmed with opportunity. There’s plenty you could do with your life, you’re just stifled with the actual choice of it all. Try to map out what you expect from life and where you expect to be in ten years, twenty years and thirty years. Do you want a job that will require you to go back to school? Enough savings to buy a house? Making a list of what you want will help you understand what you need to do to get it.

Step three: Define your own success.

Success isn’t just Benjamins and little ones. Everyone measures success differently and just because your parents think you need to be married and have kids doesn’t mean that you’re unsuccessful if you don’t. A lot of people look at success from a career perspective – try to look at it from all angles, and think about work-life balance. Look at the list you just made and figure out what success means to you.

Step four: Get busy.

No, not that kind of getting busy (well, that might help, too). Look at your list and your definition of success. Is there anything that you can get started on now? Are there activities that you’ve been meaning to try? Accomplishments that need accomplishing? If you can define some of these things, you can get started. If that means finding a great mentor or other role model to help you, then do that.

Step five: Don’t listen to the haters.

Everyone’s got an opinion about what you should be doing. That’s fine, you have your own opinions (see step three). And you’re doing something about it (see step four)! Just don’t get confused and do things without thinking them through first. Now all you have to do is relax, resist the urge to freak out and know that this too shall pass. While you’re relaxing, check out these films and listen to these songs. For a good long read on the topic, check out 20-Something, 20-Everything by Christine Hassler (New World Library, $20.50).

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Surviving a Bad Boss

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Career expert Mark Swartz with the goods on dealing with a bad boss

When I saw The Devil Wears Prada, there were some things I could relate to: I enjoy a good bagel in the morning, I have very little money with which to buy designer duds and I’ve had a boss who left a few things to be desired.

If you haven’t had a bad boss, you’re extremely lucky. Chances are you’ve had one in the past or you have a bad boss right this second. Save quitting your job or taking a leave of absence, there’s not much you can do to change your situation. But you can improve it with these tips from career specialist Mark Swartz.

The Bitchy Boss

Although it sucks to work with a jerk, Swartz recommends taking the high road other than fight a losing battle, “When you have a supervisor who can make or break your career path, one of the first rules is, if you want to keep your job, think about how to please her while considering a way to get what you want.” Pay attention to what your boss appreciates from you and others and try to do your best to satiate her hungry ego in the most professional way possible.

The Best Friend Boss

A meddling boss -- i.e. one who thinks that just because she’s nice to you she deserves to be invited to your son’s bar mitzvah -- might not be a bad boss, but it’s not a great situation to be in, either. “If someone is invading your space,” Swartz says, “it’s up to you to teach her how to work within our boundaries – or outside our boundaries, more realistically. It entails a chat.”

Try subtly mentioning that an event is just for close friends and family – hopefully she’ll get the hint.

The Overemotional Boss

It’s really hard to put up with someone who can’t control his emotions. Whether it’s anger or uncontrollable sobbing, it’s unpleasant. It’s even more difficult when you’re dealing with someone who is unpredictable and moody. If you can’t decipher what the moods mean or where they’re coming from, going to work can be unsettling and uncomfortable.

“I had a boss who’d walk around with everything under control, but once every three months, he’d go psychotic,” says Swartz. “It was night of the living boss, but it was predictable. This is the problem with working for a living. You’ve got know what your personal limitations are; it boils down to that.”

Swartz recommends thinking about alternatives – within the company, and if that doesn’t work, perhaps you should be looking for something else. If you dread going to work every day, that’s a pretty good indicator that you should consider making a change.

The Absentee Boss

Though it may seem great at first, having a boss that’s never there can pose some problems. If anything goes wrong in the office, all of a sudden, it’s you that has to deal with it. And take responsibility for it. And if you’re not getting paid for that responsibility, it’s sometimes a pain in the butt.

“Get your responsibilities in writing,” Swartz says, “Chat with your boss, start with something good, point out what the facts and implications could be and always bring some solutions. Nobody wants a whiner at work… or otherwise.”

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

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Planning Your Wedding

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Survive meddling relatives, bad budgets and your foodie fiancé

A head start on planning can quell wedding day mishaps and help you avoid hiccups along the way. Here are some survival tips to help get you get started.

Budget

Before you give cheques to vendors, be sure you have a firm budget in mind. Talk to family members who express a wish to contribute financially or cover specific costs like the wedding cake or photographer. Put together a rough guest list to determine venue options (most vendors require deposits upon booking, start saving early to cover these fees). As a contingency plan, keep 10% of your overall budget for emergency use to cover unforeseen costs that may arise. Put any leftovers towards your honeymoon!

Bridal Party

A large bridal party might seem like more fun, but can also increase your costs. Some brides and grooms contribute money towards hair, make-up, bridal bouquets or boutonnieres, bridal party gifts, transportation or money towards suit rentals or dress purchases. If you plan on a large number in your bridal brood, consider increasing your budget or invite them to do readings or greet attendees as they arrive. Remember, being a guest is just as welcoming.

Dress

Buying an extravagant designer wedding dress for your one-day event is an easy way to lose sight of your budget. If you’re not keen on borrowing, renting or wearing an informal dress on your big day, shop around until you find stores that fit your budget. Most bridal salons offer discounted gowns on last season’s sales, trunk sales or samples at a lower cost. Be sure to save funds to cover incidentals like shoes (even an extra pair of ballet flats for dancing), a headpiece, a purse, jewellery and accessories (gloves, garter belt and bridal lingerie).

Flowers

If your vision of flowers lies somewhere between cascading orchids adorning tables and floating flowers in a vase, you’re in luck. The range of greenery for bouquets, venue decorations and table settings is exponential. Ask florists which flowers are in season and available locally, and recommend mixing expensive buds with cheaper florals to keep costs down. Clip pictures to create an inspiration page with bouquets and centerpieces you like and use as a guideline.

Venue

Prioritize the items most important to you and narrow your venue choices. Is excellent food your number one priority? Or are you looking for a scenic garden backdrop for photographs? Once you’ve made your list, it’s time for you and your fiancé to scout out locations. Remember: the time of year you’re getting married, how much travel is involved for guests and your estimate for guests are all things to consider.

Photography

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it shouldn’t cost that much. If you’re going with a professional (as opposed to a student photographer or family friend who loves photography), be thorough in looking at portfolios. Do you want classic black and white images, formal pictures or candid photographs? Talk with your photographer to determine their expertise and previous experience with similar venues. Confirm in writing that your package includes unmarked negatives, along with unmarked proofs to choose album photos for at a later date.

Written by: Melissa Jenkins-Gray

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Dating Dress Code

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Dress to Impress on Your First Date

Many of you ladies might think you won’t need help primping for a first date, as you’re already impeccably dressed and would never think of committing any fashion crimes. But when it comes to impressing someone you’re sweet on, even the most stylish among us can lose our way. Herewith, your definitive guide to dating-wear do’s and don’ts.

Make an effort.

It goes without saying: you want to let your date know that you gave a damn to look good for him, and vice versa. If you’re a girly-girl, this is a no-brainer: you always aim to look put-together and “done”. But even us girly-girls can sometimes miss those all-important details.

So fresh, so clean.

Now, I hate ironing as much as you, but if you insist on wearing those oh-so-butt-flattering yet wrinkle-friendly black pants, be sure to iron them before heading out. And if you’re going to pull out your trusty LBD, make sure you put on your deodorant after slipping it on. Some of these so-called “invisible” brands simply aren’t and you don’t want to end up with those dreaded white slash marks near your waist. Be neat. Your date will surely appreciate your chic, tidy, and crease-free look.

Less is more.

A general rule when it comes to first-date dressing? Don’t show too much skin. You want to look sophisticated, not like a dime-store hooker. A little cleavage is good, however. Keep the girls strapped into a well-fitting bra and you’ll show some sex appeal without giving off the achingly desperate cougar vibe.

This rule also applies to makeup, so be subtle. Maybe a little extra shimmer shadow in the corner of your eye, or a couple of extra coats of mascara, but don’t go trying out that ubiquitous smokey-eye raccoon-look if it’s not something you’d wear day to day. Honesty is key here. You want to convey what you actually look like, not what you’d look like as a circus performer.

Clean hands, manicured nails.

Ever since I outgrew my decades-long nail-biting habit, I’ve noticed people’s hands and nails. And you know what they say about hands: well-kept hands say “stable, together”; chewed, dirty fingernails say “Nervous Nellie”. So keep up with regular manicures at home or treat yourself to a professional mani at a salon. You’ll feel more confident if you’re not embarrassed to show your claws.

Be comfortable.

You might think that date-night is a great excuse to run out to Aritzia and buy a sexy new top. But know this before you drop your already debt-ravaged Visa card: you might be more comfortable and at ease in clothes you already own. Wear what makes you feel great. First dates are stressful enough—the last thing you need is a boob to unexpectedly slip out of a top you’re not used to wearing.

Lastly, dress according to where you’re going.

If you’re going bowling on your first date, don’t show up in a sexy Mendocino dress; go casual with jeans and a nice top. The same is true if you’re going to a snazzy restaurant: dress appropriately.

Written by: Kristen Vinakmens

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Skin Myths Revealed

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:30:00 GMT

How to get better skin

Every time you open a magazine, you’re apt to read yet another “great secret” for perfect skin. From crèmes to vitamins to drinking water, there’s so much advice—but what really works? I met up with Dr. Michelle Glied, a Toronto dermatologist, to ask what we can do (realistically) to make our skin glow.

Skin Myth #1: Vitamins. While taking vitamins will improve your overall health, making your skin look a little healthier, there aren’t any magic vitamins that will make a huge difference in the way your skin looks. The healthier you are in general, the better your skin will be. Dr. Glied stresses that a balanced diet is always important for every part of the body, including the skin. The old adage that greasy food makes you break out is mostly a myth, but the worst thing you can do after eating greasy food is to touch your face. Smoking is an unhealthy activity that will definitely ruin your skin.

Skin Myth #2: Water. If you drink water all day every day, it doesn’t mean your skin will improve. As long as you’re drinking the standard eight glasses a day, you’ll be hydrated and your skin will look its best. Remember, as long as you’re healthy, your skin will look good. There are no shortcuts.

Skin Myth #3: Expensive creams work best. Whether you’re paying $500 for a jar of Crème de la Mer or $20 for a good drugstore brand, you’ll get the same effect. If you’re looking to invest in something, Dr. Glied says that Olay Regenerist and Provage are the best bet for your buck. They contain small amounts of chemicals that pick up free radicals, which help the skin. The best products are by prescription, but if they’re used incorrectly they can be irritating, so make sure you consult a doctor before using them.

Skin Myth #4: Pimples are for teenagers. To my horror, I started developing acne in my mid-twenties. I thought I was a freak of nature until Dr. Glied told me that developing acne in your twenties is as common as getting it when you’re a teenager. It’s a product of your skin losing elasticity and ageing. Half of all acne patients are adult women and the acne is closely related to the menstrual cycle. I guess I should just be glad I avoided that particular dreadfulness in high school. If you’re looking to tone down the acne, Dr. Glied says that birth control is probably your best bet.

Skin Myth #5: Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. We all think that moisturizing is the answer to all ills. But if you’re acne-prone and your skin is oily, moisturizer could hurt the situation. If you have oily skin, avoid any product with the word “oil” in it. This counts for that new wonder-oil, Oil of Oregano. Tea tree oil, too. Any oil will clog your pores.

Dr. Glied stresses one thing: the best wrinkle prevention is to wear sunscreen every day. To prevent cancer, the SPF in your moisturizer or makeup does work, but if you want to prevent wrinkles, use a sunscreen independent of your makeup. Neutrogena Ultrasheer SPF 55 is less greasy if you’re worried about wearing something too heavy and Anthelios Lait SPF 45 does a good job of moisturizing if you want your sunscreen to do double duty.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Wedding Guest Survival Guide

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Got a million weddings this summer? Take note

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being a bride is stressful. There’s so much to plan, do, eat, et cetera. But you know what else is stressful? Being invited to three or four weddings a summer whilst pondering why you (who is, frankly, smarter and hotter than these brides-to-be) are still living single. Or maybe you’re not single, but you absolutely hate weddings. Worry not! We’ve got some tips to get you through the nuptials season.

Decline

No, you didn’t misread that. You can just decline, especially if the happy couple are more acquaintances than good friends. Send a polite response on that little card. You have a prior engagement or a scheduled bladder infection or something. It’s polite to send a gift but at least you won’t have to waste a weekend on a wedding you don’t care about, spend money getting there, scramble to find a date, or sit through a million boring speeches.

Find a date

If you can’t decline and you’re expected to find a date, that’s your first concern. If you already have a honey, you’re in the clear. If you’ve just started dating someone, tread lightly. You don’t want to scare the guy (or girl). I was once asked to a wedding four months away by a guy I’d been dating for a month and the relationship promptly went sour. Ask yourself; is it worth showing off your new squeeze and risk potentially scaring the bejeezus out of him? “You’re asking a lot of someone to be your date,” says Charlene Mendes, a 25-year-old project manager who has no less than five weddings slated this summer, “But the person has to have a sense of humour and be able to hold a conversation while you’re not at the table. They can’t think they’re better than being there or else it won’t be fun.” If you’re without a mate and you absolutely need a date, you can ask a friend, although I would recommend going solo to easier facilitate meeting a potential smooching partner. But what do I know? One thing is for sure: if anyone does you the honour of being your date, you’d better pay for his or her part of the gift.

Meet a potential smooching partner

Picking up at a wedding is kind of a cliché. I mean, there are all sorts of movies about it and you’d think that it was as easy as pie. And if you’re a man, it is. Haven’t you seen Wedding Crashers? Aside from jerks who just want to hook up, there might actually be a few good single dudes at the wedding. Meaning: look your best, try not to be bitter, and make an effort to meet people. It’s better than a bar because you have a connection to everyone at the wedding and it’s better than a house party because you don’t have to bring your own beer.

Budget

Charlene, who has a huge network of friends and family, spends about $1,000 each summer on weddings. “I didn’t realize how much I was spending,” she says. This epiphany should lead to a tight budget. Between bachelorette parties, wedding and shower gifts, and being part of the bridal party, you can’t afford to spend lavishly on every wedding you attend. Go in on gifts with friends and tell the bride if you can’t afford something. If she’s a good friend, she’s sure to understand. Charlene sets a budget for a $50 shower gift (you only have to give one, even if you attend two showers) and $100 for a wedding gift. If it’s your best friend, you might want to spend a little more.

Be a good guest

If you decide to go to the wedding (we’ve already explored the option of declining), then be a good guest. Don’t get so drunk that there are embarrassing pictures of you all over the internet the next day (those wedding photos last much longer than your friend’s “Last Weekend” album on Facebook). Don’t fall asleep during the aforementioned boring speeches. Don’t be late and don’t stuff yourself with the free grub and leave immediately. Remember, these people just might attend your “big day” so build up some good karma by being a good guest!

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Survive a Bad Date

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 13:00:00 GMT

What to do when Mister Wrong strikes

Even when it’s going well, dating can be awkward. When you combine that nervous energy with absolutely no chemistry, a bad attitude or a psychopath, a date can go from pleasantly clumsy to total torture.

Even if you’re not into online dating or being set up, the odds are pretty high that the hot guy you met while drunk at a club may not turn out to be quite as hot, witty or even as nice as you remember. We all have to be prepared for the fateful night when the potential man of our dreams shows up half an hour late in ratty jogging pants and a baseball cap and whisks us off to McDonald’s.

Here are real life tales of horrendous rendezvous along with tips to equip you with all the strategies you’ll need to survive your next dating disaster.

The Date: The Embarrassment

Jinelle* met Alex through a friend and he asked her for dinner. He took her for pub food, which wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t ordered the super burger, a mammoth piece of meat between a giant bun, which he got for free if he ate it in under ten minutes (with a pint). Servers surrounded their table cheering him on as he wolfed down his meal. Jinelle was embarrassed when he succeeded and even less charmed when later, Alex admitted that he got the burger because he didn’t have enough money to buy both their meals.

How to cope:

When your date tells the waiter it’s your birthday, doesn’t seem to understand the concept of an “indoor voice,” or is just dressed so ridiculously that everyone stares, first, be patient.

You did make the date and your mother would be disappointed if you walked out right now. Finish eating your meal or sipping your cocktail and when you’re done, ask for the bill.

Secondly, remember you probably won’t see any of the people in this establishment again. So don’t freak out. Finally, try to see this disaster from someone else’s point of view – it’s funny. Start formulating the story you’ll recount to horrified women for years to come. This man has given you a great icebreaker. No need to resent him, but no need to return his calls either.

The Date: The Narcissist

Allison was introduced via email to a friend of a friend. Jonathan seemed really funny and engaging, so when he asked her out for dinner, she thought, “Why not?” When they opened their menus, he told her to order anything she liked because money was no object (and then proceeded to tell her exactly what to order). She declined his suggestion and when dinner was served, he began detailing his life. Jonathan talked about his job, condo, car, his job again, and didn’t stop once to ask her about herself. She actually asked, “So are you going to keep talking about yourself all night or am I going to get a chance to speak?,” at which he laughed. She gave up and, since money was no object, finished off the first bottle of wine, ordered another, and totally zoned out. Jonathan was so busy talking about himself, he didn’t seem to notice.

How to cope:

Once you’ve agreed to a particular activity, it’s difficult to up and leave halfway through the meal, coffee, or bowling match. So, as our leading lady did, take advantage of the situation. Order yourself dessert if you don’t drink. Make mental lists, people watch, meditate, and flirt with men at neighbouring tables – whatever it takes to get through to the end of the night. Rest assured, it won’t faze your date.

The Psycho

Brett and Nicole met on JDate. Brett claimed to be a smart, attractive guy with a business degree. When they met, Brett looked together enough, but nothing like the photo he’d posted on the site.

Within minutes of meeting, Brett began detailing all his problems. He said he was addicted to pot and that he had a close relationship with his therapist, who he saw twice a week. He made fun of Nicole’s taste in food, asked her intimate questions, and acted completely disinterested, but didn’t seem to want to leave. She watched him scarf down a huge dessert while she drank her tea and when he finished, she announced she was done and ready to go.

How to cope:

Tread carefully. While you may want to hightail it out of there, if you’re out with someone who’s obviously unstable, you don’t want to do anything rash, so no sudden movements. While it may be tempting to craft ridiculous stories about your own life just for the laughs, resist temptation. He may take this as a sign that you’re meant to be. Keep the conversation away from you. Don’t tell him more than he needs to know and cut things off as soon as possible. Turn down his offers to see you home – you don’t want him knowing where you live. Never speak to him again.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

*names have been changed to protect the innocent

Dating As A Single Parent

Sporty Vixen — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 13:00:00 GMT

Moms Need Romance, Too!

Dating can be an awful experience at the best of times. Trying to do it with a child in tow can be even tougher. While you may be “Holding out for a Hero” as Bonnie Tyler once said, there are all those other less valiant fellas to get through first. There’s a reason why “Where have all the good men gone?” is the first line of the song. Still, there are many heroes to be found, even ones who like kids. Until that legendary man comes around, here are tips on how to survive the “holding out” process.

Start when you’re ready. You’re sure to have eager cheerleaders out there wanting to see you jump back on the horse, but if you’re still limping from the last experience, you don’t need to feel badly telling them you’re not ready. When you are ready, avoid the naysayers who are showering you with guilt for needing adult companionship.

Consider safer options. Rather than frequent your old haunts from your days as a swinging single, consider other options such as school events, the internet, or meeting new people through friends. There are tons of dating sites for single parents which immediately solves that problem conversation of “So, what do you think about kids?” on the first date. As for friends, pick ones whose taste you respect. If you don’t, you might find yourself dating someone’s “really nice” cousin who still lives with his mother. In all cases, make sure you’re choosing dates that you like, and not dates that you’re trying to like because they’d make a great daddy substitute for the kids.

Start slowly. You’re learning to ride again, remember. Not only are you readjusting to the dating scene, but you’re doing so with your very own audience member watching your every move. Speeding right out of the gate will have both of you spinning as though a chaotic tornado has just hit your home. Think old pony pace, not black stallion race.

Kids come first. When you go out, make sure they are with someone who makes them comfortable. If they ask, explain you’re going out with a friend. This way, they won’t have thoughts of new daddies dancing in their heads (whether friendly or nightmarish). As always, through this process, make sure that you spend lots of time with your kids and keep the dialogue open. They play the starring role in your life.

Knowledge is power. The more you can get to know him before introducing him to your kids, the better. Villains can come in the guise of heroes. Start as friends and get to know each other over time before even including the kids. Meeting his friends and family will give you a great picture of his values and personality.

Keep the door closed. Not just the bedroom door: the door to your home. It would be traumatic enough for an adult to walk in and see you in bed with a stranger, let alone your four year-old. You’re going to want to keep this fledgling relationship in the corral for awhile before letting it loose on the range.

Must love kids. This is a definite must. Thinking kids are okay or acting ambivalent is not. He may say he loves kids, but the moment you reach that point in your relationship where you want your kids more involved, and he’s making excuses not to, he’s not your man.

Patience is a virtue. It may be frustrating at first. Not only that, but your time is even more valuable now than it was before. When you do meet a keeper and you’re getting ready to introduce him to the kids, be patient with them as well. Odds are they’ll be as enthusiastic and unbiased about him as a jury is about a mass-murderer. Don’t force him on them in large doses, and keep in mind that your initial public displays of affection can, and will, be used against him.

The trouble with ex. As best you can, keep the ex out of the picture at the start. This is especially important if the ex actually has a vindictive nature, is out to gain custody of your child, or is generally a troublemaker. Wait until things are more serious before informing the ex.

It may take time before you’re riding off into the sunset with someone new, but remember that you’ve got your own little heroes to keep you company on your journey.

Written by: Robyn Burnett

Surviving a Hangover

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 28 May 2007 17:19:00 GMT

Authors and morning-after aficionados, Chris Lombardo and Noel Boivin, help keep you from tossing your cookies after a night of drinking

A hangover, as you know, isn’t the glamorous experience sometimes portrayed on film (such as Audrey Hepburn in the opening scene of Breakfast at Tiffany’s in her oversized sunglasses, drinking coffee, and eating a croissant as she stumbles home at 6 am).

Chris Lombardo and Noel Boivin, authors of The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death (and other true tales of drunken debauchery) know the true horrors a night of cheap red wine can produce. In the chapter of their book called “The Mourning After: Hangovers—Physical, Emotional, and Financial,” they recount retchingly wretched tales like “the Cincinnati man who passed out in a dumpster after a night's partying, only to have his slumber interrupted by a garbage truck looking to compact and haul him away,” or the man who fell 18 feet into a sewer and spent his detox “poking around in the fetid darkness with a stick, subsisting on whatever clean water he could find before his screams alerted passers-by and prompted his rescue.”

Here they share tips for surviving and preventing the sweaty, achy nausea that follows a (hopefully) great night out.

Prevention Is Key

While Lombardo and Boivin point out that abstaining is the only guaranteed method of preventing a hangover, they’re still crossing their fingers for a cure. “Though we're not doctors, we imagine (and strongly hope) that our good friends at Pfizer, Eli Lilly, and company are putting their best minds to work in finding a hangover cure that is not some sort of patent medicine scam.”

Of course, until that fateful day, we’ll have to stick to these methods of prevention suggested by Lombardo and Boivin:

Attending a Mormon social or a meeting of the Modern Day Temperance Society are both safe bets.
Stay up as late as possible after a night of heavy drinking and resist the urge to pass out. Ingest numerous pints of water and, to adjust your out-of-sync fluid/electrolyte balance, a nice glass of V8 should do the trick.
If your hand-eye coordination is such that you can turn on the stove, a hefty high-carb plate of Kraft Dinner will mop up much of the alcohol swimming around in your gut (eating Kraft Dinner at any other time, outside of a campground, is unadvisable).

Guaranteed Gut Rot

There are certain cocktails that pretty much equal a day in bed. While staying away from them may not ensure a hangover-free existence, indulging guarantees that you’ll be sick.

A matter of principle as well as concern for your health would dictate that you not consume cheap red wine (note: this warning takes it for granted that you are not the type to attempt drinking Listerine or other “not to be taken internally” refreshments). The histamine content or perhaps the preservative sulphites can produce pre-bed hangovers, which are never fun, no matter how sweet it may have seemed going down.
Do not think yourself brilliant for remembering that old song and ordering "one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer," as such a combination could wreak havoc on your innards.
Generally, it’s best to stick with clear alcohols such as gin and vodka as the hangovers tend to be less severe than those of the darker variety that contain “cogeners”, noxious by-products of fermentation.

When a Hangover Is Worthwhile

While Lombardo and Boivin scoff at the idea that a hangover is justified, “Is there any way to justify a day spent sweating, with dry retches and a headache that feels like it came from the business end of a sledgehammer?” They do concede that “if you manage to say, land the phone number of someone who is attractive and it actually works the next day, then it might have all been worth it.”

What to Do When It’s Too Late

Finally, if you were too drunk to take any of the above-mentioned preventative actions and find yourself on the verge of kneeling before the porcelain throne, Lombardo and Boivin have only one suggestion: “Clutching your pillow and praying to the nearest and most sympathetic god (or, if you're an atheist, a general cry for pity sent out to the cosmos—or your spouse—will do) is really the only course of action. Lie horizontally for as long as the human bladder will allow.”

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Beach Body Countdown

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 07 May 2007 13:10:00 GMT

You’ve got a couple of months ‘til bathing suit season, so get ready

Yeah, yeah, you should always be thinking of your health. But let’s face it, if you’re looking ahead to summer or you’ve got a hot beach vacation planned, you’re probably fretting about the dreaded unveiling on the beach. Whether you already have a sweetie who’ll be seeing you half-naked in the light of day or you’re trying to score a hottie on location, you want to look good. And time’s a tickin’. So here are some surefire ways to look your hottest the day you step off the plane.

If you have three months

If you’re not already sitting pretty, you will be soon. If you have three months to perfect your bod, you’re doing well. Amy Brown, owner and instructor at Pilates for Life in Toronto, has some tips for you.

Get on an exercise program, stat. You’re going to have to make a major commitment to work out at least (at least) three times a week. Two to three days should be devoted to cardio and two to three days should be devoted to strength training (like lifting weights or yoga and pilates).

It’s better to alternate (one day for cardio, next day for strength), so you can really focus on the exercises, but Brown says that it’s okay to do both cardio and strength in one shot if you don’t have time to work out every day. If you’re running low on time and you can’t get to the gym, invest in a workout DVD like Brown’s “Target Total Body Ultimate 20 Minute Workout”.

If you have one month

Now you’ve really got to get into gear. Not only do you have to work out, you’ve got to be super consistent and keep to your schedule religiously. There’s no time for snafus here. You need to do cardio three times a week and strength training three times a week. Again, if you must, do cardio and strength training on the same day.

If you haven’t been watching what you eat, start now. Cut the coffee out! Coffee dehydrates you and you need to be hydrated for optimal hotness. See below for healthy eating tips.

If you have a week

Let’s face it, if you haven’t been exercising up to this point, you can do some exercise to tone up a bit, but you’re not going to achieve your finest bikini body. There are a few tricks you can use to look better, though (beyond painting on abs à la Mariah). If you’ve been exercising up to this point and you just need a little boost, these tricks will work for you too.

Cut out the sodium and processed foods. Yes, it’s hard, but you can do it for a week. Get rid of fast food, foods high in salt, caffeine, and anything else that will dehydrate you.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Classy vs. Trashy Dressing

Scotch Mommy — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 19:52:00 GMT

Showing off your coochie is actually not classy

Andrew Sardone is your slice.ca gay best friend. A litte sassy with a limp-free wrist and always there to set you (um) straight on everything from fashion to the fella who did you wrong.

A recent water cooler debate at my office revolved around underwear trends for 2007. I was cruising the American Apparel website hunting for briefs and boy shorts to dress some models for a photo shoot when another staffer spying over my shoulder questioned the selection of a pair of fuchsia boxers.

“Aren’t boxers out?” she asked. I granted that seventies, porn star tighty whities were big among Toronto’s hipsters.

Our art director chimed in: “I thought going commando was the underwear fad right now?”

He had a point. A quick Google search of the biggest tabloid celebutantes reveals that underwear is so over. Paris, Lindsey, and Britney are all working no-panties-required looks and flashing their coochies at anyone with a cell phone camera. Midriff bearing, low-cut cleavage and butt cheek revealing booty shorts seem chaste next to the very-in-vogue vagina flash.

And you’d think the boys would be going crazy. The amount of self-actualized men who still find themselves waving a fiver at a strip club suggests that you should show up for a first date already half-undressed. The truth is most guys would rather not see your goodies before the bread basket hits the table and as your online gay best friend, I know exactly what they’re thinking about your barely there ensemble.

My brain might not be wired to find your lady bits alluring, but I still know how the butchest straight boy will react to that micro-mini. And while I usually like to write in plain old English, I’m prepared to pull out my dusty flamey language dictionary to deliver some sassy reviews of your haute-to-hoochie looks.

#1. The look:
A wooly turtleneck and wide legged tweed pants topped with a puffy coat.

The gay review:
Granny, I know it’s like Siberia outside but the only thing that’s going to mount you in that fuzzy look is a polar bear with low expectations (snap! snap! snap!).

The fashion tip translation:
Practical winter coats can still be svelte and sexy. Keep cozy for a winter date under a piece of tailored outerwear.

#2. The look:
A sharp blazer over a collared shirt with jeans and some statement jewellery.

The gay review:
Girrrrl, that boss lady look is making me want to get all up in your biz-ness (neck jerks in a circular motion). And that necklace is fierce!

The fashion tip translation:
Show off intelligence and a creative sense of style by customizing modern, basic pieces with unique accessories.

#3. The look:
A tube dress and plastic platform heels.

The gay review:
Honey, I hope you kept your Stag Shop receipt ‘cause those stripper shoes and sausage casing gots to be re-turned. Geri Halliwell killed Ginger Spice so why you’d have to go and bring her back?!

The fashion tip translation:
You may think you’re bringing one of his Hustler model fantasies to life, but you’re probably setting yourself up for a hump and dump.

I’m quickly running out of attitude and muscle twitches so queeny Andrew’s final advice is: Some people like to say, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” I prefer, “Why buy the horse if it looks like it’s already been ridden twice that day?” (Hands on hips, lips pursed.)

Written by Andrew Sardone

This article was great, we know, but there’s more where that came from. Sign up for the slice.ca newsletter for a hunka hunka burnin’ articles.

Survive Stupid Coworkers

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 20:42:00 GMT

Take care of business with your less-than-awesome workmates

If Freaks and Geeks is another way of describing the people you work with, odds are you often wonder if you’re working in a corporate building or a nuthouse. If you’re living in a bad rip-off of The Office or you’ve memorized every line in Office Space, then it’s time to take action.

The Gossip.
Sure, everyone likes a little gossip. How else do you kill time during the day? If you can avoid being the target, then you’re fine. If you keep finding your day interrupted by this inane individual, have a little fun. Start a juicy rumour about a completely fictional character down in Accounting that will send her spinning. Every time she comes by, add a bit more to the story. Have a personal chuckle as you hear all the Broken Telephone versions filtering through the company.

The Clingy Co-worker.
Could this person get a life? Seriously! There’s nothing more irritating than a co-worker buzzing around your desk, looking for attention or approval. Find another equally annoying co-worker for them to glom onto. If it doesn’t stick, make up various “diseases” that you’re suffering from that you don’t want them to catch.

The Creepy I.T. Guy.
Every company’s got one. He looks like he lives in a dark basement, stalks people on the Internet, and might pull out a rifle at any minute. Odds are he’s just socially repressed and harmless. Smile, be polite, then make sure you’ve got to run an errand whenever he’s working your system.

The Perky Princess.
Everyone is allowed to be grouchy and have a bad day. This person is the unearthly creature who seems to be pumped up on mood enhancers. It’s her personal mission to spread sunshine. Sometimes, sunshine is helpful. Too much sunshine leads to drought and barren landscapes. Not in the mood for The Perky Princess? Suggest to her that a specific person in your office (preferably one on your payback list) is depressed and could use some cheering up, thus killing two birds with one stone.

The Eeyore.
Almost as bad as The Perky Princess, the Eeyore makes you want to crawl into the bathroom, swallow a bottle of pills, and slit your wrists. How could someone possibly get up in the morning with such an attitude? Never offer to act as a sounding board for an Eeyore. Sick The Perky Princess on him. She’ll be thrilled.

The "I really would be nicer if I got laid" Critic.
These people are usually in higher positions than you. Even if you offer your first-born child to the company, you’re still not giving 110% in The Critic’s eyes. It is almost impossible to please this type of person, so stop trying. Instead, politely listen, smile when appropriate, don’t take it personally, and try to get her drunk at the next office party. If you’ve witnessed The Critic in a “less than perfect” moment, she’ll stay away from you.

The Sleazy Sales Guy.
He touches your arm. You want to shower immediately. As far as he’s concerned, personal space is a waste of space. Keep reminding him of your Black Belt boyfriend, your three illegitimate children in need of a father, or your STD of the month.

The Breakdown in the Making.
If you feel you’re always walking on eggshells around one of your co-workers for fear of their extreme reaction, you’ve got a Breakdown in the Making. Dealing with these people is like playing Jenga: all it takes is one wrong move and the whole thing comes crashing down. Be nice, be kind, keep a safe distance, and suggest to your friendly HR representative that they have a heart to heart with the individual before the nice men in white coats come a-calling.

The Slacker.
How The Slacker got hired in the first place is a mystery to everyone. If you could smack this person silly, you would. A lawsuit, however, would be a gift for this idiot. If you must deal with this individual, keep feeding The Gossip those rumours of cutbacks or reorganization without severance packages and make sure to always include The Slacker’s name. Once he’s received the news, approach him with the work you need done. You should see better results.

The best way to handle stupid co-workers is to avoid them. If you can’t, let them be your amusement. Be as a cat with a mouse. If they are truly more annoying than amusing, find another job. Just remember, stupid co-workers are like clouds: every silver lining has them.

Written by: Robyn Burnett

Say Bon Voyage to Crappy Vacations

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 20:28:00 GMT

Don't trip out

Ah, the romantic notion of that first vacation. Sunny beaches. Fun couples activities. Romantic suppers watching the sunset. How very Harlequin. If you have expectations of sexual interludes on the sand with classic soundtracks playing through your head, drop them now. Does the idea of having sex on sandpaper sound like fun? No. So let’s get right into the reality before you get too caught up in the fantasy. That way, you might actually have a good time together!

Seriously, let the expectations go.
Expectations are surefire mood killers. We all build up New Year’s only to end up in a funk by January 5. Oh, look, things didn’t magically change after all. Quelle surprise. If you go with an open mind and a general notion of enjoying yourself, you’ll actually have a good time.

What’s your vacation personality?
You might love the notion of long, languid days on the beach and wild nights of dancing, but it might be your partner’s idea of hell. He might love the notion of hiking up into the hills and being at one with nature while, for you, “natural” means not shaving for a week. To avoid disasters, talk about what you enjoy doing on a vacation before booking anything.

The Delicate Balance.
He’s into adventure. You’re into relaxation. Consider a hotel with lots of activities, or a ski lodge with a spa. Sure, you’ll be spending some of the vacation doing separate things, but you’ll still be speaking to each other when it’s over.

Be prepared.
Just because you two make your friends gag while you’re at home doesn’t mean you’ll be “perfect together” when you’re away. A vacation is a true test of your relationship. Travelling can bring out inner demons. How are you after a long flight, lost luggage, and exploitive taxi rides only to discover a hotel room that is nothing like its picture?

Reconsider trips with other couples.
This is an especially good tip if it’s your first vacation together as a couple. You don’t know what his personality is going to be like, let alone what the other couple will be like. And any notion of romance is out the window. Best friends are best kept at home to start. Besides, you don’t want him to have any allies if you get into an argument while away, right?

Schedules suck.
Okay, so you want to do everything while you’re away, but leaving no room for spontaneity means no room for romantic adventures. If you need a schedule, fine. Just make sure both you and your partner are happy with it. And be prepared to ditch it. Or cross off some of those “must sees”. It’s a vacation, remember? So stop being so anal.

Compromise.
Try some of his activities. That way, he’ll look like a jerk if he won’t try any of yours. And if he flat out refuses to compromise at all, go off and find a sexy local to enjoy them with.

Bickering is a reality.
He’s flirting with the Aquafit instructor. You’re dealing with a nasty sunburn. He sprained his ankle on the ski hill. You’re missing out on the activities you wanted to try. If the bickering is starting to snowball, give each other a little space, come back and apologize and remember: you’re paying for this damn vacation. Don’t waste your time holding a grudge.

That first vacation together can be as precarious as your first date. Keep this in mind and you may actually survive it. And, if not, at least you got a bit of a tan.

Written by: Robyn Burnett

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Deal with His Emotional Unavailability

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 20:15:00 GMT

Commit, dammit!

Okay, you love him, but he doesn’t show any signs of emotional commitment to you. He’s great at avoiding discussions that use words such as “love” or “marriage” or even “shacking up.” Why is it you’re in this relationship again? If you think your partner’s always got one eye on the door, here’s what you do:

Step 1: Review the situation. Is this guy really worth the effort? How long has he been dancing around the issue? Is it that he’s genuinely shy or is he just emotionally immature? Too many times, we invest years with a partner who just doesn’t seem ready to take any larger steps. Okay, so you get the occasional muttered words of love, but things like marriage or kids are taboo. And too many times, as soon as we hit our 30s, he takes off, messes around for a few years, then hooks up with a younger woman and gets hitched right away. So how do you tell which category your guy fits into?

Step 2: Evaluate yourself. This is where girlfriends come in handy. Are you being unreasonable? Are you being paranoid? Friends can be great sounding boards for these things, but they’re also going to have their own baggage. Go with your gut and don’t let paranoia stop you. If he’s the type to storm out at the notion of such a conversation, return to step one.

Step 3: Start talking or start walking. Waiting on your partner to finally wake up and smell the coffee is tedious. Sometimes, guys just don’t realize that their lack of emotional effort is actually upsetting you. Sit them down. Have a heart to heart. Sure, they’ll probably squirm and keep darting glances towards the television set, but at least you’ve started the process.

Step 4: Be simple and specific. What is it you want from him specifically? Don’t pester him with varying mood swings in the hopes you’ll get what you want. Remember, moody women seem to trigger the “Fatal Attraction Fear Gene” in men. Saying, “You don’t love me” in a pouty voice does not get the same results as “Sometimes, I really need to hear you say it out loud” in a rational tone. Remember there is also a difference between repetition and nagging. If he still doesn’t get it, you may want to return to step one.

Step 5: Encourage complaints. Hey, you may have issues, but he may find it really awkward when you keep using personal endearments when his buddies are over. Encourage him to talk about things that may be bugging him also. Initially, it might be as tedious as pulling meat from a lobster shell, but the morsels are worth the effort. Take his criticisms gracefully (unless it’s really insulting, then you can argue back).

Step 6: Call him on promises. When the word “soon” comes up as frequently as Paris Hilton gossip, there’s a problem. Rather than counteracting with “When?”, try being more specific like, “Let’s aim for June” and stick to it. If it’s regarding a marriage proposal, then embrace your power! Why not propose yourself? If, in the midst of initial apartment hunting or marriage planning, your partner’s as elusive as 24’s Jack Bauer, it’s definitely time to revisit Step 1 or just break it off.

Step 7: Remember, time’s a tickin’. Making excuses for your partner after a year is within reason. Making excuses for your partner after six years is not. So if your partner suddenly drops the bomb on you that he’s not going to fulfill those “promises,” just remember when you’re ripping up his clothing that you’re the one who let him off the hook.

Written by: Robyn Burnett

Surviving Bridesmaidhood

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 20:00:00 GMT

Always a Bridesmaid...

The dress, the shoes, the flowers, the showers; bet that when you agreed to being a bridesmaid, you didn’t expect to end up a veritable wedding planner. While as Cynthia Martyn, Principal Event Planner at Cynthia Martyn Events says, “You should be grateful that she wants you to be a part of what is likely one of the most meaningful days of her life,” be forewarned, being a bridesmaid isn’t all fawning over pretty dresses and binge drinking at the bachelorette – the role actually entails a lot of work, stress and possibly some bridezilla behaviour. Here, the three former bridesmaids and a wedding planner outline the stresses, dresses and costs of being overgrown flower girls – but don’t worry, it’s not all bad.

Your role as bridesmaid

Most bridesmaids will tell you that the role really isn’t awful, just a lot of work – and as three-time bridesmaid, 28-year-old Valerie says, “Too much pretending to care about colour schemes.”

“The bridesmaids’ primary role is to support the bride as she goes through the wedding planning process,” says Martyn. This could include hosting or helping with the bridal shower, writing down gift descriptions at each shower (so sending thank-you cards is simple), wedding dress shopping, bridesmaid dress shopping, choosing flowers, spending the wedding day with the bride, keeping the bride sane and stress-free, making speeches and of course, having fun at the actual event.

How much you should expect to spend

Between the dress ($150 - $400), shoes ($40 - $100), hair and makeup ($60 - $85), shower gift (you’re only expected to buy one no matter how many showers there are), wedding gift and hosting showers or bachelorette parties ($400 - $500), “the cost of being a bridesmaid adds up quickly,” says Martyn. That’s up to $1000 per member of the bridal party.

The Dress

No, not hers – though you can expect to spend a lot of time on that, too. Andrea, 34, who has been a maid of honour four times and a bridesmaid twice, says that while she has actually liked some of the dresses she’s worn, she wasn’t happy about having to spend money on a dress she’d never wear again. “Even if the bride said, ‘buy a dress you can wear again,’” she says, “let's face it, you can never wear the dress again. I mostly resented having to buy matching shoes.”

Martyn’s advice for a bridesmaid who hates her dress: suck it up. “The wedding day is all about the bride,” she says, and she emphasizes the importance of not sharing your opinion. “She has enough stress to deal with and comments about how ugly your dress is will likely not go over too well.” Besides, suggests Martyn, “just think, you can exact revenge when you get married!”

The Bachelorette

While you may imagine that this is the best part, the night you finally get to let loose after months of planning and being polite to the bride’s family at stuffy engagement parties and showers, the bachelorette party may not be the fancy-free event you had in mind. “There’s a lot of pressure to bring out the fun in your friend,” says Valerie. “Fun, meaning stupid games, cheesy bars and activities you would never usually do with your otherwise cool friends.”

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride

The rumour that as a bridesmaid, you’re virtually guaranteed to pick up – is a rumour. Says, 31-year-old Katherine who has been a bridesmaid four times, “There are never enough single guys.” Valerie admits that she has picked up at a wedding, but she doesn’t recommend it. “There are too many cameras.” Plus, she says, “many engaged friends lose all their non-coupled-up friends so there is noone to pick up. Add to that the fact that you are wearing a pink dress with hairsprayed-to-death hair and too much makeup.”

Can you decline?

Martyn says that turning down the request is possible but it requires delicacy. “It may be very difficult to tell your friend that you won't be in her wedding, but be up front from the beginning and say that you appreciate the honour, but decline,” she says. After being a member of six bridal parties, Andrea has decided to spread the word: “I have told my unmarried friends that I will decline if they ask me,” she says.

The payback

At your own nuptials you can choose to either pay your friends back for the pink organza number they stuck you in or prevent more pain by making your wedding a simple affair. Katherine plans to choose the high road. “I will probably just have a maid of honour and flower girl. And I’ll let the maid of honour pick her dress, shoes, hairdo etc and encourage her to just relax and enjoy.” Andrea, who was recently married also made things easy for her friends. “I only had one friend stand up for me, my ‘best woman,’ and I told her to wear her own dress and shoes (no expense necessary).”

The pros

While Katherine asks, “Are there any?” Andrea points out, “It is an important day for your friend. She obviously wanted you to be a part of it, and that makes up for what you have to go through.”

Written by: Vanessa Grant

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The Slice Guide to Getting Knocked Up

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 19:43:00 GMT

Spawn, Already

So you’re taking the plunge and accepting the notion of swollen ankles, a swollen abdomen, and nine months of mood swings. Why are you doing this again? Oh, yeah, right. Bundles of joy. Until that package arrives, however, you’re going to want to keep a few things in mind:

There’s no “magic bullet.” Imagine heading into a casino and putting 20 bucks on red and crossing your fingers. That’s exactly what you’re about to do. So unless you and the man are getting it on like rabbits, you’re going to be in for a wait. Sure, there are lottery winners in this game, but relying on finding the lucky ticket on your first go? Delusional much?

Don’t freak out. Fertility gurus are not in it for your well being. They’re in it for the cash. So unless you’ve got lots of it floating around, best to just keep trying. If you keep all that stress in your body, you’ll cause performance anxiety for his pesky sperm.

Obsess much? Thermometers, ovulation charts… are you a scientist or a wannabe mom? Okay, so keeping track of your cycle is recommended, but becoming a psychopath who forces her partner to perform at two o’clock while setting up the pillows accordingly isn’t going to lead to a gold-medal performance. If he’s getting more passion from his right hand, you’ve got serious issues.

Don’t play the blame game… unless he’s sleeping around, masturbating frequently, showing no sign of actually being supportive, flirting with other women, refusing to help out in the process, or generally being a jerk. Then, you can blame away.

Keep that bedroom door closed. In other words, keep it to yourself. Do you really want to share the results of your sex life with your mother-in-law on a daily basis? Do you really want your mother telling every person she knows that you’re about to make her a grandmother? Do you really want to get advice from that friend of yours who gets pregnant every time she sneezes? Didn’t think so.

Avoid comparison shopping. Baby magazines, friends with small children, other pregnancy success stories… wow, do you like wallowing in depression? If that’s the case, why not spend the next week watching Unicef commercials 24 hours straight? Why not spend your time in the cancer ward at the local hospital? These are much more effective in helping you become depressed.

Um, bigger picture? There is more to life than getting pregnant. In fact, there’s a whole world of freedom out there that you’re about to lose. Live it up. Have some adult fun. Because when you’re dealing with a screaming infant with only three hours of sleep under your belt, you’ll be seriously wishing you had.

Written by: Robyn Burnett

Charm the Pants Off Anyone

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 19:35:00 GMT

Win friends, influence people and get that job!

Top schmoozers share their tips for meeting, greeting, and making new friends

First impressions

When it comes to etiquette, mother really does know best. “My mother always taught me to look a person in the eye when you meet somebody new and never give a limp handshake,” says Debra Goldblatt, president of Rock-it Promotions in Toronto.

Don’t fawn over new people. It won’t impress them but it will make you look like a suck-up. Most people can sense a phony like a dog smells fear. “There’s no point in pretending. It just makes situations awkward,” says Goldblatt. “If I don't remember somebody's name, I ask. Whether I'm meeting an A-list star or my new next-door neighbour, I just try to be me,” she says.

Feed his ego

While keeping it real is important, networking is ultimately flirting. There’s nothing wrong with a little flattery, as long as you don’t step outside your comfort zone. “Play into their ego,” says Sales Manager Susie Adelson of Globe Recognition, the Globe and Mail’s rewards program. While she points out that in a business environment touching and flirting are inappropriate, she suggests different approaches for meeting interesting men. “Rub his arm, touch him. Make him feel desired.”

If it’s a client though, she suggests a subdued tactic. “Use his name, compliment him. Engage him in conversation about his job or industry,” she says. And if you know you’re going to meet a work associate ahead of time, research him and bring up recent awards or accomplishments.

Goldblatt has good advice for networking of any kind. “I always ask about their lives, as opposed to talking about myself. People often close up about their lives and I like to give a listening ear whether they are having a good day or bad day,” she says.

Icebreakers

If launching right into a shower of compliments makes you uncomfortable, start small. Goldblatt suggests complimenting a new friend on something she’s wearing. “’I really like your shoes,’ can often get somebody to open up and start a conversation about where she picked up her find,” she says. “It's a quick way to introduce yourself to somebody and find out something about her.”

In a casual environment, Adelson tries to find some common ground. “I always tell a story about myself—something funny and universal. With a woman, share dating horror stories. With men, chat about sports. Know your audience and tailor your story to them.”

Party favours

If you’re shy, the idea of attending a party where you don’t know anyone might seem hellish but it doesn’t have to be. Adelson suggests lending the host a helping hand. “Offer to make drinks or serve hors d’oeuvres; it’ll force you to mingle,” she says. Goldblatt always hits the bar first. “Grab a drink, it doesn't have to be alcoholic, and spark up a conversation with somebody while she’s waiting for her drink. She’ll probably continue chatting with you,” she says.

When to let loose

Whether alcohol is being served or not, your behaviour should match the type of function you’re attending. “I rarely drink alcohol when I am hired to work an event and I make sure that I am not dancing on tables when it's inappropriate,” Goldblatt says, but adds, “It's okay to dance on tables sometimes, just do it with your friends, not your co-workers.”

Get the job

Both Adelson and Goldblatt emphasize the importance of doing your research before a job interview. “There is nothing worse than somebody telling me how much they want to work with me and then not having any clue as to what clients we represent or how long we've been in business,” says Goldblatt.

“It's also a really nice gesture to bring a small token of appreciation if you've asked somebody for their time,” she adds. Adelson suggests making it personal. “If you’re meeting a busy executive, bring a box of protein bars with a note: ‘For those days that you are stuck on yet another conference call and skip lunch,’” she suggests.

Goldblatt recommends following the company’s dress code. “If you're pressed for cash, make sure you have a handsome briefcase or purse and good shoes,” she says.

Finally, Adelson always sends a thank-you note. In the least, she sends an email, but suggests standing out by sending a hand-written thank-you card by courier (that way she knows the recipient received it).

Written by: Vanessa Grant

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Win Every Argument

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 18:58:00 GMT

Surviving (and winning) arguments – even the ones you should lose

Disclaimer: This article should be used for good instead of evil, especially if you’re one of those annoying people we get stuck talking to at parties who insist you’re always right. Some of these suggestions are murky, so use the force responsibly. We don’t want to get too wishy-washy, but we also want you and your relationship with the person that you’re arguing with to emerge unscathed. Go get ‘em, tiger.

Don’t get too angry. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’re already peeved. And getting peeved is the first step to losing an argument. Getting angry shows weakness. Elizabeth Ridgely, a therapist and executive director of the George Hull Centre for Children and Families at the University of Toronto, even suggests smiling, walking away, and rescheduling the argument for later. “All arguments should be scheduled in advance,” she says.

Use “I feel” statements. I know that sounds pretty lame and the last thing you want to do when you’ve worked yourself into a tizzy is stop and say, “I feel that…” But it works. You’re not blaming the other person, you own up to the way that you feel, wrong or right. It’s a great strategy and makes you seem much more level-headed than someone who’s relentlessly spitting out insults.

Fight the battle at hand. Don’t bring last week into this. If you’re arguing about how he doesn’t take out the trash, don’t bring up last week when he stayed out too late with the boys. That’s a sure way to turn a forgettable argument into a full-blown fight.

Be reasonable. If you’re calmly listening to your opponent, there’s no need for her to get all up in your face. It’s a cliché, but thinking before you speak is always a good thing. Think back on some of your arguments and you’ll see how many you can’t remember half of what was said because you were blinded by emotion. On the other hand, if you make your opponent angry, she’ll be less capable of winning.

Don’t say anything. If the fight has escalated to the point where the other person has lost all logic and he’s just yelling at you, be silent. Let him get it all out while you listen. Eventually, he will lose his head of steam and you can tell him you’d like to have this discussion when he calms down. Not only will that piss him off, you’ll sound more reasonable than him.

Have sex with him. Nothing staves off a night of awkward silence after (or during) a tiff like some action. It could be considered a tad manipulative, but he’s not exactly shooing you away, is he? Tell him you want to deal with the mother-in-law issue later, right now it’s sexy time. Bonus: He’ll be in a much better mood after the nookie.

Lose the argument. If all else fails, ask yourself if this fight is really worth it. Sometimes we get sucked into arguments we don’t really care about for the sake of our pride. Ultimately, you care about him, right? Otherwise, why the heck are you fighting with him? Like Kenny Rogers says, know when to fold ‘em.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Less Stress

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 18:09:00 GMT

We can’t stress it enough, relax already!

You’ve had a doozy of a day at work: your boss was breathing down your neck about that client report; you and your “perfect” new boyfriend had your first spat; and to top it off, you just opened up your credit card bill to discover you not only reached your credit limit, but surpassed it. Your solution? Plop yourself onto the sofa with a bottle of Shiraz and a night of Hope & Faith reruns. Well, that might work some of the time, but if this is your only line of attack against stress, you may just be making it worse. Pack your arsenal with these tips and you’ll never give stress the upper hand again.

Get a plan

Instead of fretting about your credit card bills without taking action, why not try to get your finances in line? Create a plan to pay down your debt and better yet, map out a weekly budget for lunches, coffee and fun money. If you stick to it, you won’t be as tempted to use your credit cards. Plus, with the money you save, you may even be able to splurge on those brown suede flat boots you’ve been eyeing.

Lean on me

Sometimes holding it all in is your first response to stress, in the hopes that by ignoring the problem, it’ll magically disappear. You’re just letting it simmer under the surface until you reach your boiling point. Instead, use up that added energy to do something positive: call up a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, or round up a few colleagues for some after-work bevies. Just being around others and sharing some laughs will help ease the load on your mind.

Spruce up your space

If your living space is a mess—think unread bills piling up, loads of unwashed dishes and garbage cans about to topple over—it can make you feel like your life is in chaos, too. Refocus your energies on clearing up that clutter and tidying up your space; you’ll find it has a cleansing effect on the soul. While you’re at it, buy a few plants and lavender-scented candles to scatter throughout your home. Both have calming effects and will give your space a safe-haven feel, helping to melt away your tension.

Frankie says Relax

With constant work demands, social events and family responsibilities, do you feel like you’re always on-call? Carving out some time for you may seem increasingly tough, which makes it all the more important. Set aside 15 minutes each day just for you. Whether you meditate, do yoga, book a massage or just go for a walk, it’ll help you recharge and take on the world like the awesome woman you are.

Work it out

If you really want to get the lead out, sometimes nothing beats a good workout. Non-exercise freaks may scoff, but seriously, would you rather wallow in a ball of worry? At the end of a long day, hitting the gym or going for an outdoor run will help you leave work at work and clear your mind for the rest of the evening.

Stay grounded

Feel like work is getting the better of you? You need to create a balance between work and your life. So hang out with your friends often and cultivate other activities you enjoy, such as indoor rock climbing or taking a cooking course. And when it feels like work is starting to overwhelm, repeat after me: It’s just a job, it’s not your life.

Written by: Kristen Vinakmens

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Deciphering Dress Codes

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 00:45:00 GMT

What to wear to that fancy soiree? Andrew’s got the answers

Andrew Sardone is your slice.ca gay best friend. A litte sassy with a limp-free wrist and always there to set you (um...) straight on everything from fashion to the fella who did you wrong.

Nothing beats the giddy feeling of opening up your mailbox and spotting an envelope that’s too small to be a phone bill, too sparkly to be a belated birthday card and, therefore, must be a party invitation. You rip it open as your brain swims with thoughts of your awesome popularity. You fantasize about getting sloshed, ending up with another invitee’s tongue down your throat and recounting the tale of your night’s conquest to your buds around the brunch table the next day.

Any upstanding host will include all the pertinent details in her invite: date, location, BYOB or open bar? And, if the party lords are smiling down on you, she’ll include a dress code. But sometimes those party lords can get sneaky and that dress code will read “fancypantsy formal casual.” The days of “semi-formal” and “black tie” dressing directions are long gone as party throwers hook dress codes into the themes of their soirees. Never fear, perpetually style-confused guest. Our dress code guide covers every wardrobe eventuality.

The colour-themed party

Every colour-themed bash (Red Ball, Gold Gala) comes with a built in fashion faux pas. (A white party isn’t actually the perfect time to pull on those gogo boots you picked up for Halloween in 1995.) Or if you’re the anti-theme type, you never stand out more in head-to-toe black than at a pink-tinted event.

Emily Powell, who’s styled for MuchMusic and just launched FACE (her own high-end streetwear label), suggests saving the colour theme’s appearance in your wardrobe for your accessories.

“If the theme was red,” suggests Emily, “a pale dress with a bold red necklace or bracelet and purse would make you look less like a Crayola crayon.”

Creative cocktail casual

When Canada’s creative A-list have to doll up for super special occasions (The Golden Globe Awards, The Junos, Toronto mega AIDS fundraiser Fashion Cares), they flock to Marlene Shiff’s Boutique Le Trou. Shiff’s store is stocked with a long roster of Canuck high fashion collections and her shoppers aren’t afraid to take a walk on the wardrobe wild side.

Shiff believes the key to dressing-to-theme is to look for clues in the way the invitation words the dress code.

“If ‘cocktail’ appears, that’s code for semi-formal. Any ‘formal’ or ‘black tie’ reference, even with the word ‘optional’ after it means full-on dressy,” she says.

And according to Shiff, “casual” never really means jeans and a t-shirt.

The Big Bash

Photographer and web editor Tommy Ton travels Toronto’s party scene. His style lineups feature well-dressed event attendees at opera premieres and after-hours dance parties. What catches his stylish star-snapping eye is a dresser who expresses character and personality through her look.

“You know when you're in the presence of someone who radiates great personal style and when someone is trying too hard,” says Ton. “My advice for someone dressing up for a fancy event is to not over think the ensemble. Your expectations will be crushed. Follow your gut instinct. Indecisiveness can be your greatest enemy.”

No dress code

But what to do when your host isn’t on the ball and your invitation is dress code-free? It’s obvious that a wedding deserves more than your best denim and your worst ripped sweats are cool for a kegger, but a lot of parties land in the perplexing clothing purgatory between dressed up and dressed down.

Alexa Forsyth, the Senior Fashion Editor for beauty magazine Rouge says you can never go wrong with a great dress.

“The dress should be simple in style,” she says, “but have some distinguishing feature, whether it's the print, fabric colour or something else that makes it unique. Cinch it with a belt or throw on a trench and you're off.”

Written by: Andrew Sardone

Dressing for Success: Not So Farfetched

Scotch Mommy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 00:28:00 GMT

I bet you look good in a cubicle

Whenever someone tells me that I should dress for the job I want, I think about the day when I will actually have the cajones to wear my leather pants, guitar, and tattoo shirt to work. But it does make sense to look your best and project a successful image at work, especially if you’ve got your sights set on an office with a door. We interviewed some fashion experts and fashionable professionals to see what they had to say.

The Casual Office

The casual office, sometimes known in the fashion world as “the slippery slope,” can be a daunting place. One day, someone’s wearing some fresh new trousers and the next day she’s rocking ripped jeans and old white Reeboks. It’s a tough balance: you want to look professional but you don’t want to look unapproachable and tight.

“In a casual environment, the most important thing is juxtaposition,” says NOW Magazine fashion columnist, Andrew Sardone. “Try pants in a casual fabric like denim or cotton cut in a formal way, like a trouser.”

Sardone also suggests wearing a professional top with a casual pant or vice versa. “Dressing like this projects cleverness. You look like you know what you’re doing but aren’t out to stomp on people.” Which is always a good thing.

Christina McDowell, an image consultant at Holt Renfrew, says, “The concept of presenting yourself in a professional and polished manner is key, at whatever level.” Just make sure that your pants aren’t too tight, your tops aren’t too low-cut, and you’ve got the fit, cut, and proportion right.

The Formal Office

Working in a formal environment creates another problem: you’re often dressed like everyone else. If you’re wearing a gray pantsuit, there’s not much to distinguish you from your counterpart on the other side of the office. The important thing to do in this situation is accessorize.

“Because I’m young, I dress crisply to convey that I’m serious,” Deborah, a 25-year-old architecture designer says. “I wear something unique once in a while and people notice that I’m fashion-forward. Being daring and confident in that way commands respect.”

Scarves, jewellery, and shoes all stand out. If you’re heading to a meeting where flashiness isn’t appropriate, you can always remove a brooch or a sparkly necklace then put it back on for a relaxed lunch with a business contact. Easy.

“Get yourself some outstanding handbags, shoes, and accessories,” says McDowell. As long as your accessories aren’t too distracting or over the top, you’ll stand out while looking polished and in the know.

Be Confident

All our experts agreed: The adage “confidence is key” is a mainstay for a reason. Whatever you’re wearing, projecting confidence is always important. If you’re not comfortable in something or you don’t feel like yourself in an outfit, it’s better to buy something else.

“A lot of being taken seriously is projecting a confident vibe,” Sardone says. “People realize when someone is trying to be something they aren’t.”

Get Some Help

If you’re still having trouble presenting the image you want, try a personal shopper. Free personal shopping services are available at most big department stores across Canada. Holt Renfrew offers the service in all of their locations. Visit the Holt Renfrew web site for more information.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

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The First Year with the Little Whippersnapper

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:55:00 GMT

Oh baby!

So you survived 40 weeks of pregnancy, sailed through the birth au naturel, and are settling into perfect maternal bliss, right?! Even if that’s all true (and if it is, I’m really very happy for you, honest!), the next year is bound to bring a few days where you race to your doctor and ask to be sedated. To help you deal, I checked in with two soon-to-be moms to answer their most pressing questions about surviving the first year at home with a baby.

Question: How big will my breasts really get when the milk comes in?

Answer: Boobs to rival Pamela Anderson’s appendages is one of the best things that happens to your body during pregnancy. If you didn’t have cleavage before you got pregnant, you’re probably enjoying every minute of this. Then, just when you think they can’t get any bigger, they pop out even more—usually a full cup size—once your milk comes in, around the third day after giving birth.

At this point, some women start getting scared, since their chests are entering rooms long before they do. If only you could put them to other, more pleasurable uses, rather than being up every hour and a half nursing. (And you know your partner is thinking the same thing!)

One more thing: you won’t score any points at the playground wearing a sexy pink demi-cup with an underwire that shows off your new breast asset —even if you do find some ingenious way to nurse your baby wearing it. If you want to talk to the neighbourhood mommies when you take your kid to play in the park once he’s older, forget the sexy lingerie and resign yourself to a boring-but-functional nursing bra. Those mommies will remember you, trust me, and it won’t be fondly.

Question: Will my shoe size return to normal after birth?

Answer: Just as your breasts get bigger, so can your feet. There are two reasons for this: water retention and/or the effects of the pregnancy hormone, relaxin. Relaxin causes the ligaments in our bodies to relax, which means your foot bones spread during pregnancy. If your larger foot size is due to the relaxin, it’s probably permanent so hold off buying any designer shoe-ware till you know just how big those puppies are gonna get. (Don’t worry: wait till you get a load of your breasts after you finish breastfeeding for a year!)

Question: How will I cope when the baby cries or screams for a long time and I’m not able to calm her down?

Answer: Excellent question, since stopping your baby from crying will be one thing you want to master early on (even before you figure out how to put diapers on so they don’t leak mustard-like poo all over you). Babies cry—a lot. Sometimes they cry like you’re sticking them with pins, even after they’ve been fed, burped, changed, rocked, and soothed. Sometimes they cry till they throw up. Sometimes they cry till you throw up.

You can try to find the thing that soothes your baby (it might be swaddling—not too tight, but not too loose either!) a pacifier, a finger (his or yours), singing, rocking, walking, a vacuum cleaner... But if you can’t find the one trick that always works, my advice is to have a quick hit of scotch (just one, we don’t want the neighbours calling Children’s Aid) to dull the emotional pain and hunker down.

Some people might tell you to get out of the house and go for a walk, but unless you know this is something that quiets your baby, I would say you don’t need to share this experience with the whole wide world. It will just stress you out even more. Then, once she outgrows these fits of screaming, usually around three or four months, you can emerge, looking like one of those moms who’s got everything under control, self-esteem intact.

Question: As a new mom, when is it realistic to expect that sex will be comfortable—even enjoyable—again?

Answer: You’re already asking about sex? It’s normal to think about this before you give birth, but once you have your baby, sex will show up on your to-do list somewhere after “schedule Brazilian wax” (putting hot wax and vaginal tearing together is never a good idea) and “bring baby to meet mother-in-law.”

Let’s pretend you don’t tear, and you’re feeling just fine and are really anxious to get things moving again. Check with your OBGYN or midwife but usually women are advised to have intercourse only once the post-birth bleeding stops.

Of course, there’s a lot you can do that doesn’t involve actual penetration but once intercourse resumes and, unless you’re Britney Spears and want two babies under the age of 1, make sure you use some heavy-duty contraception. Breastfeeding women can still get pregnant and low-dose birth control pills aren’t enough on their own for some women.

Question: Will sex hurt the first time after birth?

Answer: It depends on just how ravaged you are down there, so take it easy, take it slow, and use lots of lubricants since breastfeeding can cause hormonal changes that lead to dryness. Again, with the lack of sleep and all the crying you and the baby are probably doing, sex will happen, eventually, but give it time. And, before you know it, you’ll have survived the first year and it will be time to start thinking about giving the joy of your life a brother or sister!

Written by: Reni Walker

Online Stalking

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:48:00 GMT

Internet Inspector

Now, before you get all mad and tell me how wrong it is to stalk someone, I’m not talking about threatening someone or being creepy-like. I’m just doing a bit of snooping. Or, as Veronica Mars would say, sleuthing. And there ain’t nothing wrong with a little sleuthing, especially when you’re a trained journalist such as myself. Yes, technically, in journalism, you have good reason to snoop. But if someone isn’t clever enough to hide his or her full name or email address when posting something on the web, then s/he probably wants you to find out his or her dirty secrets. At least, that’s what I tell myself…

Google

Forget diamonds. Google is a girl’s best friend. There are so many things you can find out about a person using almighty Google. I, for instance, found that my stalkee was on a rowing team in university. It was accompanied by a bonus: a picture of him. (You could just do an image search, but those are usually fruitless.) Remember to use quotation marks around the stalkee’s full name to get more accurate search results. If your subject has a common name, select “pages from Canada” to narrow your search results. If you still can’t find anything, try typing in his email address. Some people sign message and forum boards with their email aliases.

Canada411.com

This is an obvious one. Type in the person’s name and see if she’s listed. But if you know someone’s phone number (perhaps you found it written on a cocktail napkin at the bottom of your purse), you can try a reverse phone number search. This also might shed light on your subject’s whereabouts if she’s moved since you last knew her.

Networking Sites

MySpace, Friendster, and Facebook are all sites designed primarily for networking. You can search for people by name or by using an email address and, if they’re on the site, you will find them. Profiles usually contain lots of juicy info for the amateur sleuth, like the person’s age, romantic status and pictures. Sometimes you can even see what other people have written to the person. The upside of this type of search is that the person who created the profile expects to be found.

MSN tricks

MSN is another ballgame. If someone’s on your MSN list, you (hopefully) already know a thing or two about him. But sometimes there are things you need to know. If someone hasn’t been online in the past few days, could it be that he’s blocked you? Find out by going to blockstatus.com. It will tell you if someone’s online, so if he’s not online on your MSN list, you’ll know he’s blocked you. (Disclaimer: this site can sometimes give improper results. The best way to check is to ask a friend if your suspected blocker is online on her list.) If you type in your email address, you can see who’s deleted you from their lists.

You can also double check to see if someone’s deleted you. On your MSN, go to “Personal Settings,” then “Privacy. The people on “My Allow List” have you on their lists. If someone isn’t on that list, he or she has deleted and possibly blocked you.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

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Wow His Parents

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:10:00 GMT

Meet his parents without looking like a dink

You’ve been dating for a while now, he makes moon eyes at you and you finish each other’s sentences. One day he turns to you and says, “My mom wants to know if you’d like come over for dinner.” Cue scary music. Heart palpitations, sweaty palms – this is cause for nervousness. Why? Well, if it’s serious enough to meet the guy’s parents, then you’re probably pretty serious about the guy. And if you’re serious about the guy, you want the guy’s parents to like you. So how do you get through that first meeting without eventually having those parents ask your beau, “Whatever happened to that cute girlfriend of yours?”

Don’t compete

Freud isn’t the only one who recognized the strong bond between mother and son. The worst thing you could do is compete with the lady who carried him around in her womb all those months. Not to mention middle-of-the-night diaper changes, driving him to hockey practice at 5:00 a.m. and cutting lots of crusts off lots of sandwiches. So don’t even try. Instead, appreciate the mother/son bond and be glad your guy can relate to women.

Do your research

Hopefully you’ve been dating long enough that you know a few key facts about his parents. Find out what they do, what some of their interests are, and what kind of personalities they have. This will be integral in avoiding making an awkward comment about something that’s off-limits.

Get a present

If you’re going to their place for dinner, remember to bring some kind of offering. A bottle of wine or flowers for mom is always a good choice. It shows that you’re considerate and that you are glad to meet them. If you’ve done your research, you can easily think of something personal and avoid giving a bad gift (I once gave my ex-boyfriend’s diabetic father a box of chocolates – probably a bad choice).

Compliment, compliment, compliment

Don’t throw around compliments that make it seem like you’re just there to suck up. But telling his mom that you love her hair or the job she did on the house will get you points. Tell his dad you hear that he’s an accomplished (insert job title here). Remember to say how good the food is if his mom or dad went to the trouble of cooking for you. The trick here is to lay it on thick enough without coming off as insincere.

Look nice (but not skanky)

I didn’t meet my last boyfriend’s parents, but when I thought about it (and I did think about it), I imagined myself in a Chanel suit and pretty heels. This wouldn’t be necessary (and I probably would have looked stupid), but try not to wear torn jeans and a push-up bra, either. Look respectable and neat, and remember, these people are just interested in their son’s happiness.

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

Survive on Little to No Money

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 22:57:00 GMT

Eat, drink, and keep busy ‘til payday

Of course you needed that leather purse/pair of designer jeans/Sex and the City DVD box set last week. But now you’re a little low on cash and by a “little low,” we’re talking call-your-parents-for-a-loan territory. Put down the phone. You can make it through the next week with a virtually empty bank account; you just have to be shrewd with your cash.

Prioritize

Can’t live without coffee? Drag the canister of instant grounds from the cupboard, toss it in a thermos and head to work. If you don’t have coffee or a coffee maker at home, buying one or the other is obviously out of the question. If not feeding your addiction is also out of the question, at least cut back and slum it for a while. Sure you love Starbucks’ dark roast but 7-11 and McDonalds both make perfectly mediocre cups of coffee. Just think about all the hours of enjoyment you’re going to get from whatever it is you purchased that put you over the edge.

Treat every indulgence the same way. Do you usually buy your lunch? Well, now you have to bring it. Had a dinner date planned? Postpone it or offer to make dinner instead.

Eat Smart

Speaking of food, the next little while will definitely be interesting cuisine-wise. If your fridge was recently stocked, you’re set. If not, you’re going to have to get creative. Eating smart, in this situation, doesn’t necessarily mean healthfully but rest assured, you will not starve.

Eggs and tuna are both versatile foods. Eggs can be cooked a million different ways – the omelette is good because you can throw the random assortment of vegetables, cheese and meat you have in your fridge into a frying pan and end up with something edible.

Tuna on top of lettuce makes a lovely, filling salad; with toast and a slice of cheese, you’ve got a tuna melt; in a burrito shell or wrap – instant tuna wrap. If you’ve got tomatoes or other veggies sitting around, even better. Mayo basically never goes bad, so hopefully you have a jar in the back of your fridge for tuna salad, but it’s not a necessity.

You may have to return to your college days and pick up some ramen noodles and mac and cheese. While not incredibly nutritious, both are cheap and filling. Really, pasta of any kind is pretty cheap. All you need is a little tomato sauce for a meal.
Running out of ideas? Google “cheap recipes.”

If you have enough food at home to make a main dish for more than two people, organize a potluck at your place. Hopefully you’ll get to keep the leftovers.
If you really must eat out, choose brunch. It’s usually cheap and if eaten late enough in the day, should keep you full for hours.

Finally, if you’re out of basic ingredients like sugar, milk, ketchup or mustard, when you visit McDonalds for your cheap coffee, pick up some condiments for home. Sure it feels a bit low, but you’re desperate, right?

Shopping

Chances are that you’re a bit of a shopping addict – hence the large, slightly irresponsible purchase. While buying anything during this empty-wallet period is highly frowned upon, if you must indulge, do it wisely. Visit dollar stores, sale racks at discount stores and Goodwill. Do not enter a department store or mall. These are dangerous places.

Go to a magazine or bookstore and browse. Read everything you can and leave empty-handed. While it may be tempting and seem like a good idea, do not go shopping with a friend, promising yourself that you will only live vicariously through them. You will end up buying something.

Socializing

Invite people over. Go to their houses. Do not go to bars and if you do, go only with enough money to get you in. Leave your credit card at home. Starting a tab at a bar is a bad idea.

You can leave the house but only under special “free” circumstances. Go for a long walk. Visit museums or art galleries on the days it’s “pay what you can.” Go to the gym. Go skating in the winter, rollerblading in the summer. Hell, being broke could actually get you back in shape!

Bottom line? Being broke isn’t so bad. If you prioritize and are prepared to make some sacrifices, you will make it through to payday – and you’ll be more creative, in better shape and coffee will taste much better from now on.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

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Big Boob Survival Guide

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 22:35:00 GMT

Busty babes take notice, we’ve got the goods on big boob pride

Bazoongas, hooters, boobs, breasts, knockers, whatever you want to call them, a lot of us have them. And a lot of us (including me) have ample bosoms. I love my breasts, but along with the privilege of having big breasts comes vast responsibility. It’s sort of like being famous; there’s a bunch of good stuff, then come the paparazzi. Like clockwork, I get countless comments bordering on sexual harassment. Sometimes people just tell me to “tone down the sexiness” (even though I’m just wearing a sweater, for goodness sake). Here are some tips to avoid the pitfalls of being in possession of big guns.

Get fitted

For the love of God, how long has Oprah been telling you that approximately 80 percent of women wear the wrong bra size? Every self-respecting woman’s magazine and website has sent some unsuspecting reporter to be fitted ONLY TO FIND SHE’S BEEN WEARING THE WRONG SIZE. To be honest, I went and was so amazed at the huge gap between the size I’d been wearing and the size I actually was, I couldn’t help but tell everyone I encountered that day. And, as a bonus, now that I have a properly-sized bra, my breasts look smaller (and they stay up).

Wear the right clothes

If there’s one thing I know about having large guns, it’s that there’s no hiding them. No one will be fooled into thinking that you’re an A cup because you wear baggy sweaters all the time. And just because a smaller size would fit if those pesky jugs weren’t in the way, please don’t wear clothes where you’re busting out everywhere. It just makes you look bigger (and not just in the chest).

If you’re jealous of flatter girls who can pull off button-down shirts, invest in some Hollywood Fashion Tape. Not only can you make sure your bra doesn’t peek out from beneath your dress by securing everything in place, you can also tape together gaps between buttons in shirts.

Accept that there is certain clothing that makes you look even more top-heavy. Anything high-necked (or God forbid, turtleneck) will create noticeable bulk in the chest. V-necks and scoop necks are most flattering, drawing the eye up. Busy patterns draw attention, so if you’re hiding the girls, stick with solids. Heavy sweaters add lots of weight to the chest.

Talk to your doctor

It might not occur to you, but chatting up the doctor about your breasts might spark some important conversation. Ladies with large breasts often have back pain and other problems that are more serious than you think. There are special exercises you can do for your posture that can be recommended by your doctor or physiotherapist.

Embrace the girls

I meant that figuratively, but what the heck, go crazy. What I’m saying is, they’re here, they’re full of cheer, get used to it.

Where to get fitted in your 'hood:

Halifax:
Lily’s Lingerie Limited
1569 Dresden Row, 902-422-0161

Montreal:
Chez Rose-Marie Lingerie Inc
5614, Avenue du Parc, 514-272-0347

Ottawa:
Brachic (services D to JJ cups)
483 Sussex Dr., 613-321-0401

Toronto:
Secrets From Your Sister
476 Bloor St W., 416-538-1234
www.secretsfromyoursister.com

Winnipeg:
The Bra Bar & Panterie
554 rue Des Meurons, 204-231-3487
www.thebrabar.com

Calgary:
Knickers ‘n Lace
10816 Macleod Tr., 403-225-1413

Vancouver:
Diane’s Lingerie
2950 Granville St., 604-738-5121
www.dianeslingerie.com

Written by: Nicolle Weeks

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Find Your Signature Scent

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 22:28:00 GMT

You don’t have to pay thousands of euros to find out what your signature scent is, we’ll just tell you

It seems like every actress-turned-popstar and spoiled heiress has one, so why shouldn’t you have an eau de, well, you?

Hop a plane – preferably a private jet – to Paris and meet with Sylvaine Delacourte. She’s the director of fragrance development for Guerlain and has been creating perfumes like L’Instant de Guerlain and 2006’s incredibly popular Insolence, for the past 15 years. “I can smell in my head what I want to create,” she says. “I have an olfactory image. I even dream about fragrance.”

For €30,000, Delacourte will meet with you to discuss favourite scents and scent memories, have you touch and identify your favourite fabrics and even create a psychological profile. She’ll then take six months to a year to mix, experiment and finally produce three litres of a scent that’s all your own.

And for a mere €20,000, you can visit La Maison de Guerlain on the Champs-Elysées and choose from ten one-of-a-kind scents. Once you’ve made your selection, that perfume is taken off the market indefinitely. It is yours and yours alone.

Of course, if the flight alone will break the bank, Delacourte has some affordable ideas for finding a signature scent. While the perfume you end up with may also be worn by thousands of women around the world, Delacourte insists that once applied to your skin, a fragrance becomes yours.

High-end perfumes like those at Guerlain are made with raw materials that are alive, so they change on your skin. “A perfume can smell absolutely divine in a bottle and smell horrible on certain skins,” she says.

“For example, my perfume is Guerlain L’Heure Bleue. It has a totally different smell on me; some perfumers cannot even recognize it. I make it unique,” says Delacourte. “A perfume tells your story. At Guerlain, we say it’s a woman that gives the scent to a perfume.”

Here are her tips for finding your perfect perfume:

Discover fragrance categories

“A perfume can be Cyprus, floral, oriental, wooded, musk, leather or hesperidia,” says Delacourte.

Cyprus – or Chypre – is a category coined by legendary perfumer Francois Coty, who created a scent inspired by the island. These are woody-mossy mixes with hints of bergamot, citrus and patchouli.

Floral is the most popular and common category, characterized by rose and other floral scents.

Orientals are rich and warm and feature vanilla and clove scents blended with sweet spices and lush flowers.
Wooded scents are nutty and spicy and often have hints of cinnamon, tobacco or earthy flavours.

Musk was originally derived from the male musk deer but is now synthetically produced. Musks are strong, sexy scents.

Leather fragrances have dry or smoky leather accords often combined with fresh topnotes.

Hesperidia is a category of fresh, citrus scents. Hesperidium itself is a strong smelling citrus-like berry.

Understand fragrance formulas

Fragrances come in many forms but the most common are parfum, eau de parfum and eau de toilette. A parfum is the most concentrated formula with the least alcohol – and usually the most expensive. An eau de parfum is next and finally an eau de toilette contains the most alcohol. Delacourte describes the differences this way: “A parfum is very intimate. It is only to be discovered by the people close to you. It is to be applied to secret areas (neck, decollete, back of your knees). An eau de toilette or eau de parfum is worn for others. It is a scent that is much more extroverted, that you spray all over your body,” she says.

Find your favourites

If you already have a fragrance you like, look it up on web sites like Sephora.com, osmoz.com or perfumeworld.net or ask a sales associate in the fragrance department at a department store to find out what kind of scent it is.
To find new perfume possibilities, work backwards on the same sites starting with the fragrance or olfactory family you prefer. Then visit a store. As Delacourte says, “One thing is for certain, you always have to try a fragrance on your skin.” She suggests not trying more than three at a time. Try them on your wrist and inner arm – and don’t forget which is which.

Choose your signature

When you’re testing a fragrance, Delacourte says there are two ways to know it’s the right one for you. “If people stop you on the street to complement you on your perfume, you’ve got the right one,” she says. And most importantly, “You must sleep with it on! If you wake up in the morning and you still like it, you still want to wear it, it’s a good indication that it suits you. You may adopt it.”

Written by: Vanessa Grant

Be a Manicure Master

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 18:44:00 GMT

How to buff, file, and polish like a pro

Ever notice how a manicure makes just about any woman look more polished? Unless your weekly routine also includes lunch at the country club, you probably have neither the time nor the cash to spare on weekly nail appointments. And while you may have an old emery board and some slightly goopy polish collecting dust in your medicine cabinet, these are not the makings of a killer set of talons.

Robin Lee Kennedy is the founder of Verrijk Esthetics Supplies, Inc., the exclusive Canadian source of the Euro brand with a cult following, Trind Hand & Nail Care. She shares step-by-step instructions and industry secrets for the perfect manicure with Slice.

Nail necessities

Kennedy’s nail care must-haves:

• Orangewood manicure sticks
• A nail buffer with three surfaces: one removes dead horn cells and smoothes out ridges, the second increases circulation and stimulates production of natural nail moisture, and the third shines the nails for a non-polish mani
• A nail file with a course and a fine side
• A high-quality glass file for creating fine edges and eliminating tiny vertical nicks
• Nail clippers for removing hangnails
• A gentle cuticle remover
• An oil-free cuticle moisturizer
• An oil-free nail moisturizer to penetrate nails
• A nail strengthener or a base coat
• A topcoat
• A mild non-acetone polish remover (a good one will cost $8–$15)
• Non-greasy hand cream
• Some great polish

While that might seem like a lengthy list, once you have the supplies, your nails are set for years. And now that your nail care cabinet is stocked, here’s how to get a professional polish at home.

1. Shape, file, and buff nails.
2. Apply an extra-mild cuticle remover at the base of the nails and gently push back cuticles with an orangewood stick.
3. Clean beneath the nails but don’t dig too deep. You risk puncturing the protective waterproof barrier.
4. Rinse hands under lukewarm water but don’t soak! The new trend is the waterless manicure because too much soaking can weaken nails.
5. Carefully clip any hangnails.
6. Apply a cuticle and nail moisturizer and either massage or allow to penetrate for five minutes.
7. Apply a base coat or nail strengthener.
8. Apply two thin coats of polish, avoiding the cuticle area, and allow nails to dry in between.
9. Apply a topcoat and allow five minutes to dry.
10. After nails are completely dry, massage hands with a good, non-greasy hand cream, and add a touch of cuticle moisturizer for that “I’ve never done hard labour” look.

Insider information

Keep your lady-who-lunches mani in tip-top shape with these industry secrets.

Nail glue doesn’t actually repair nails. “Some people use nail glue to mend broken nails, not realizing that glue actually dissolves the nail,” says Kennedy. Instead she recommends filing the broken nail and just cutting the rest so the offending talon doesn’t stand out. Plus she points out, “the short, natural look is gaining popularity, especially in Europe.”

Soften polish smudges with your fingertip, not nail polish remover on a Q-Tip. Follow with another coat of polish and topcoat.

You’ve heard it before, but it’s serious stuff—never cut your cuticles. “In fact, what is often cut is not even the cuticle,” says Kennedy. “The true cuticle is a thin colourless membrane shed by the skin at the base of the nail.” And it is easily pushed back with an orangewood stick.

Finally, keep your polish bottles fresh. “To extend the life of your nail strengtheners and polish, clean the top of the bottles with polish remover,” says Kennedy. “The extra product that collects around the rim causes thickening.”

Written by: Vanessa Grant

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The Emergency Beauty Guide

Scotch Mommy — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 18:31:00 GMT

For those days when you just don't have the time

You wake up hung over, slightly sweaty and about 20 minutes late for work. You were too busy partying last night to do laundry and you passed out without washing your hair. Now you have five minutes to primp and look professional. Here’s how to pull it off without looking like you’ve been living in a dumpster.

Hair

Your hair took on a whole new definition of bed head. Your locks have that lovely flat at the roots, frizzy at the ends look that even a ponytail can’t fix. If you have facial cleansing pads, once you’ve zapped the oil on your face, swipe the pad over your roots. The alcohol should combat the slick dampening your ’do.

If Oxy isn’t in your repertoire, a handi-wipe (or in desperate times, rubbing alcohol on tissue) will do the trick. Pop an extra pad or alcohol-soaked tissue in a plastic baggy and throw it in your purse for touch-ups.

Smooth a de-frizzing serum on the ends of your hair. If you’ve woken up somewhere that isn’t your place and your, ahem, friend doesn’t share your particular hair issues, a skin moisturizer will work. Start with a small amount, rubbing it between your palms before running your fingers through your hair.

Finally, grab a hair dryer, flip your head over and blow your hair from below, this will give it a bit more volume before you pull it into a loose ponytail. Still look like you just finished running a marathon without the adrenaline glow? A hair band avec bun always looks positively prima ballerina.

Skin

Remove the mascara and eyeliner that migrated to your cheeks and wash your face. If makeup remover is nowhere to be found, a gentle moisturizer on a cotton pad or tissue will work too, but something scented or thick will sting. Leave a little mascara on your lashes—there’s no time to reapply anyway.

Attack redness with concealer or foundation. Once you’ve peeled the dry contacts from your sockets, go for glasses. They make you look smarter and hide those shiner-like circles under your eyes.

Full makeup application isn’t an option, so dig the lipstick or gloss out of your booze-drenched handbag, apply it to your lips and give yourself the illusion of liveliness by blending it onto the apples of your cheeks. If you’re feeling ambitious, rub a little into the outer corners and crease of your lids for a monochromatic makeup look.

Scent

If you lift your arm and immediately become the “unsure” girl in the deodorant commercial, it’s time for a sponge bath. A body scrub is great for removing last night’s sticky antiperspirant. Follow with hand soap, rinse and reapply your deodorant. In a bind, rubbing hand soap into your armpits without rinsing will not only make you feel cleaner, it’ll have you smelling lemony, floral or antibacterially-fresh all day.

If your hair smells like wet dog, give it—and the rest of you—a spritz of hairspray, room spray or if you’re lucky enough to have it on hand, perfume. The alcohol will help combat oil.

Attire

Your ensemble for the day is in a heap on the floor and ironing is completely out the question. Who needs an iron when you’ve got a hairdryer? Get dressed so you fill and smooth out the places where you might have wasted time and hold your dryer about half an inch from the wrinkles. You can hold it right up to the fabric for short bursts but not longer than a few seconds, as it might overheat.

Once you’re reasonably wrinkle-free, choose shoes. If the thought of ever wearing heels again after last night’s brilliant interpretation of Flashdance makes you want to cry, throw on your sneakers and counteract your casual footwear with a tailored blazer, string of pearls, patent belt or that dream catcher pendant from 1994—anything to distract management from your high-tops.

Finally run (comfortably in your sneaks) to work and go directly to the ladies room. If your coworkers are shielding their eyes from the glare off your forehead it may be time to blot. A paper toilet seat cover—or if your office is too cheap for those, toilet paper—should absorb that extra oil. Dab your armpits with hand soap and stride confidently into the office. Grumble about public transit, an early breakfast meeting or doctor’s appointment. No one will be the wiser.

Written by: Vanessa Grant