Guinea Pig Experiment #28: Pole Dancing a la Re-Vamped

The Problem: I’ve discovered after a recent break up that I’ve lost my mojo in a major way. I am painfully aware that the thought of consuming two Hostess Cupcakes consecutively generates more excitement in me than Brad Pitt’s washboard abs in Thelma & Louise. In general, I feel pretty grody and even I wouldn’t want to sleep with me.

Guinea Pig Experiment #27: Argan Oil Scalp and Face Treatment

Problem: I’m tired of watching the real housewives of New York, Orange County, Atlanta and New Jersey get all the pampering. I need to spend a little quality time on myself, in beautiful surroundings, getting the star treatment.

Guinea Pig Experiment #26: Mocha Java Revamp

As with anyone who has ever been dumped, fired from a job, failed an exam, passed over for promotion or disappointed to the point of uncontrollable sobbing and self-flagellation might know, it is monumentally difficult to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Therefore, what is often called for in these situations is an attitude renaissance – a re-birth of your sense of self, if you will. Apart from indulging in mind and mood altering drugs, a safer way to go about this change might be to revamp the body and hope that your mind will follow.

Guinea Pig Experiment # 25: Nudist Camp

I need to get over myself. What I mean is, I need to face my body issues head on and deal with them. So, what’s a chub to do? I decided what better way to do this than getting naked in front of a lot of people. Yup, I decided to spend the weekend at a nudist camp! Fresh air, close to the city, and no packing required!

Guinea Pig Experiment #24: Bootcamp

Winter hibernation combined with holiday eat-a-thons from Thanksgiving through Easter have left our reporter feeling less than fit. Will a tour of duty in an exercise bootcamp motivate her to get results?

Guinea Pig Experiment #23: Therapeutic Waters

The Problem: I need a mini-vacation. I find myself staring wistfully at pictures of the Aegean or Caribbean, imagining wading into the warm turquoise waters and feeling refreshed and rejuvenated after a week away. Then, reality hits like a cement truck as it occurs to me that there is a complete lack of luxury and relaxation in my life. My days and nights are filled with dreary drudge: the morning rush, a day of work, evenings filled with tasks, extra-curricular activities, and chores.

Guinea Pig Experiment #22: Reiki

The Problem: “Problem” might not be the right word, but a general feeling of malaise or tension seems to fit the bill. Recent upheavals in my life have left me feeling a little out of sorts and the fact that I am a worry wart extraordinaire seems to be clearing the way for my speedy entry into what seems to be an increasingly populated land called Anxiety Disorder.

Guinea Pig Experiment #21: Hypnotherapy

The problem: The recent onset of insomnia and a 25-year-long fear of cats. The fear of cats is not interfering with my daily life (just impacting my ability to accept dinner invitations at homes where said critters roam), but the insomnia is.

Guinea Pig Experiment #20: Scuba

My boyfriend wanted to ogle me in a sexy swimsuit during the winter. Instead of giving me one of Bikini Bay’s finest thongs for Christmas, he decided to enroll me in a NAUI SCUBA diver course with the University of Toronto’s Hart House Underwater Club.

Guinea Pig Experiment #19: Cellulite Cream

With a fun-in-the-sun vacation planned in 10 days and no real desire to work out, my dimply thighs aren’t getting any thinner and those dimples seem keen to accompany me on my trip.

Guinea Pig Experiment # 18 - Airbrush Foundation

I want skin that looks flawless, photoshopped and, well, airbrushed.

Guinea Pig Experiment #17: Podfitness

There’s a gym in my building that I never use because I don’t really like working out on machines. I prefer classes because I’m told exactly what to do and don’t get bored. A personal trainer might force me to power through more than 10 minutes before going back upstairs and eating chocolate… but I can’t afford one.

Guinea Pig Experiment #16: Parasailing in the Bahamas

I’ve already tried to curb my fear of heights with rock climbing (I was still very, very afraid), so I’m pretty sure that although I’m scared, I won’t die. Parasailing is mostly for amusement, it’s not a sport like hang gliding or paragliding. Basically, you’re strapped to a parachute attached to a boat, which uses wind to get you airborne for a couple of minutes.

If You Build It, I Will Come

Guinea Pig Experiment #15: Habitat for Humanity Build

The Cleanse - Part 3

Day Ten: Sick of the cleanse I’ve only got two days left. I’m sick of bananas and strawberries and being hungry.

The Cleanse - Part 2

Day Six: Parties are less fun when you can’t eat the cupcakes At the risk of sounding like a whinefest, weekends are the least fun on the cleanse!

The Cleanse - Part 1

The problem: My unhealthy eating habits. Hypothesis: If my roommate and I do a cleanse, we’ll be healthier and understand what we’re putting in our bodies.

Working Out with the Stars

The Problem: I’m wondering if my low-end stripper-laden gym leaves something to be desired.

Situation Cuticle

The Problem: He Says: My loving wife refused to touch my feet due to heavy callus buildup and an overall buildup of rough and cracked skin. She suggested I get a pedicure.

Some Like It Hot

Guinea Pig Experiment #11: Hot Yoga The Problem: I need to add “limber” to my list of awesome skills.

Kayak It Like It’s Hot

If I take a kayaking lesson, I am closer to being able to MacGyver my way out of any situation. Such as a kayaking situation.

En Garde!

I thought fencing would be very cool. Most of what I knew about it came from my ownership of The Princess Bride DVD. I was all like, “My name is Nicolle Weeks. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Oh, I was ready all right. Who knew that it was an art and a science? Well, fencers and Wikipedia. But not me.

Kick It at Kickboxing

Hypothesis: If I learn to box, I’ll be hotter than Michelle Rodriguez in Girlfight. And perhaps I’ll be able to whoop people’s bums.

Rock the climbing

The problem: My bye-bye arms. Hypothesis: If I go rock climbing, then I can be “extreme” and survive if I ever fall down the side of a mountain.

Let Your Chakras Feel the Heat

The problem: My unbalanced chakra. (Chakra, according to Merriam-Webster, is “any of several points of physical or spiritual energy in the human body, according to yoga philosophy.”) Hypothesis: If I get a hot stone Reiki massage, I will be more relaxed and at ease with the world.

Be a Booty Girl

The problem: My flabby butt. Hypothesis: If I go to hip-hop class, then I can booty shake with the best of them while maintaining a “slammin” body (see Save the Last Dance for proper usage of the word “slammin”).

Feel Sexy and Work Yo' Belly

The problem: My un-Shakira-like dance floor shenanigans. Hypothesis: If I go to bellydance class, then I can learn to writhe and jiggle in a sexy manner while working several muscle groups.

Bend It Like Beckham with Pilates

The problem: Where to begin? Well, how about with my un-toned muscles and inability to touch my toes without bending my knees. Hypothesis: If I go to Pilates class, I will be relaxed, long, lean and will be able to wear yoga pants without a baggy t-shirt over top.

Go Sledding, Girl

The Problem: My inability to pull myself away from making sock puppets and watching movies on snowy weekends in the city. Hypothesis: If I go dog sledding, I will feel more in touch with our lovely Canadian winters and I will have a better story to tell at the next social function (anything is better than “I made a sock puppet Saturday night”).