A few weeks ago we discussed what guys think you mean when you start with the double-talking jibber-jabber (that’s a technical term). As I admitted before, we happen to suck at this particular form of discourse, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. For example, when you ask us if you look fat in some pants, and we say, “No,” we really mean, “You’re freaking me out, and I’m scared to say anything.” Did someone just pull the clever lever? You just got your mind blown!
Now that you’re aware of our rudimentary grasp of sub-text, here are a few more fake-outs we like to throw around:
What we say: There’s only a minute left in the game.
What we mean: There’s 20 minutes left in the game.
This is because the final minute of a basketball or football game can take anywhere from a minute to a half-hour to play out. So, this statement is true, but intentionally misleading. Much like this one: “I love Paris Hilton’s movies.”
What we say: I like your new haircut.
What we mean: I noticed your new haircut.
The average dude isn’t confident enough in his understanding of women’s hairstyles to properly critique your new hairdo. If we observe any change, we compliment and leave it at that. Unless it looks really crazy, in which case we won’t bring it up.
What we say: I guess I’ll watch Top Model, if you want.
What we mean: I can’t wait to hear what Miss Jay has to say.
This goes for American Idol, Project Runway, Gossip Girl, or any other show that isn’t considered cool for guys to like. If we’re watching it, we want to watch it. If we didn’t want to watch it we would engage in some other activity like "reading a magazine" or "bothering you while you’re trying to watch Top Model."
What we say: I’ll call you tomorrow.
What we mean: N/A
Not only is this our old stand-by, but it can also mean absolutely anything from, “I will actually call tomorrow” to “I’m moving to a cave in China and you’ll never hear from me again.” In a way, this phrase has lost all meaning when uttered by guys, because there is no logical means of discerning which end of the spectrum it’s on. Guys don’t even know if they’ll call tomorrow.
What we say: I never do this kind of thing.
What we mean: I do this a lot, but don’t want you to think I’m a dirt-bag.
If we didn’t actually do this kind of thing, we wouldn’t be doing this kind of thing. And, for the record, I suppose you don’t do this kind of thing either, do you?
Written by: Marty Flanagan