We have a new baby but my BF keeps cheating
Q: My boyfriend and I recently had a beautiful baby boy but for some reason just after our son turned one month old he cheated on me, he didn't have full blown sex but he did get oral from another girl. This isn't the first time he has cheated either, when we first found out I was pregnant he made out with another girl. He has treated me like crap ever since. I broke up with him after the second cheat but he keeps calling me, telling me he can change and he won't do it again. I want to believe him for our son's sake (I don't want him to be from a broken family) but I don't know if he can actually change. What do I do?
A: As someone who comes from a single mother and a cheating abusive father, I can honestly say that your home is already “broken.” If your guy can’t be faithful at a time when you’re supposed to be the closest, when introducing a new person to this world, then how is he going to ever change? When push comes to shove, when life is getting really tough, this dude will stray for sure, if not before. Be strong, have confidence in yourself that you deserve better, and that you can do this on your own. Your ex can still be a part of your son’s life, but he ruined his shot with you twice (that you know of). If he is the upstanding guy he’s claiming he can be, he’ll understand and do right towards you and your son as something other than your boyfriend. - Richard
A: So I’m assuming your son was an accident? And I’m also assuming when you told your boyfriend you were pregnant, he wasn’t pulling out his hair out of delight. First off, forget about your son for a second. He can do without the resentment you'll inevitably feel towards him for using him as the reason you stayed with your boyfriend. And, ultimately, your son will be better off in a happy single-parent home than a miserable nuclear family. Also, forget about the degree to which your boyfriend was unfaithful. Until the blow job becomes Canada’s official greeting (oh, what a world that would be!), it’s cheating. With these distractions out of the way, the answer should be simple. - Sergio
A: As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you that there is nothing worse than being around parents that are sticking together for the kids. While it is very noble of you to want to keep the relationship together for the sake of your son, you could be acting as a poor role model for how healthy relationships should work in the process. Your son is young enough that a single parent family will be the norm for him. Staying with him because you think it will make your son happy may not make sense in the long run. Do what you need to be happy, because if you’re happy and your home is a happy environment then that is what’s best for your son. - Josh
A: Teri, whether or not your boyfriend is capable of meaningful change is something that nobody can predict, but he treated you “like crap” during your pregnancy and cheated on you before and after your son was born. That’s a testament to his character (or lack thereof) and I think it reveals a lot about what you can expect from him in the future. Quoth Dr. Phillip Calvin McGraw, Ph.D., “The best way to predict future behaviour is past behaviour.” Will your son be any better off growing up in a house where his father disrespects his mother than he would in a loving single-parent home? - Chauncy