We're already growing apart!
Q: Hi I am 27 years old and I live in Quebec (sorry for my English). I have a question for you, I think I know the answer, but I want to make sure I am not over reacting or over thinking this.
I am with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I got pregnant 2 months after we got together. We decided to keep the baby since we thought we had done everything by the book and because of our ages. I am very happy with our baby girl. The thing is in a matter of a short time we did a lot. Moving in together, knowing each other and the hardest thing ever dealing with money. Since I was on maternity leave I really did not make much. And that put a strain on our relationship. So since my boyfriend can’t sleep well he watches TV at night. But my problem is that he almost always sleeps on the couch. I really don’t like that. I now take it very personal. I say to myself I worry but I can still go to bed next to him. He says when the money problems are gone it will be ok. But I feel it is an excuse. And also I would like it if he would give me more affection. But he says he is not an affectionate person. What dose that mean???? Really!! Please give me answers and a way we could talk and get past this thing because I really am scared. I want this to work and I am willing to work at it.
A: It sounds like your boyfriend is overwhelmed with the recent flurry of activity in your relationship. He barely had a chance to get to know you before he learned he was going to be a father. So, you can either give him time and see if the situation improves once the finances aren’t so dire, or you can appreciate his sense of responsibility but accept that while he may be there for your child as a father, he may not be emotionally invested in your relationship to be there for you as a boyfriend. - Sergio
A: It sounds like money has become an excuse. Many couples go through difficult periods in their relationships after having their first child, it can be an incredible strain, but you need to be honest with each other and address the problems now rather than pushing them off with excuses. You also need to remember that as parents you have responsibilities not just to yourselves but to your daughter, and young kids are aware of far more than you would think. I would be honest about the problems you are having, and seek out solutions now. - Josh
A: There’s an imbalance in your relationship and you both need to address that if you’re going to make it work. That there’s a baby involved only makes it more crucial. See if he makes good on his promises to improve his behaviour, and if he doesn’t then it might be a good idea to see a couples counselor. - Chauncy