Take care of business with your less-than-awesome workmates
If Freaks and Geeks is another way of describing the people you work with, odds are you often wonder if you’re working in a corporate building or a nuthouse. If you’re living in a bad rip-off of The Office or you’ve memorized every line in Office Space, then it’s time to take action.
Sure, everyone likes a little gossip. How else do you kill time during the day? If you can avoid being the target, then you’re fine. If you keep finding your day interrupted by this inane individual, have a little fun. Start a juicy rumour about a completely fictional character down in Accounting that will send her spinning. Every time she comes by, add a bit more to the story. Have a personal chuckle as you hear all the Broken Telephone versions filtering through the company.
The Clingy Co-worker.
Could this person get a life? Seriously! There’s nothing more irritating than a co-worker buzzing around your desk, looking for attention or approval. Find another equally annoying co-worker for them to glom onto. If it doesn’t stick, make up various “diseases” that you’re suffering from that you don’t want them to catch.
The Creepy I.T. Guy.
Every company’s got one. He looks like he lives in a dark basement, stalks people on the Internet, and might pull out a rifle at any minute. Odds are he’s just socially repressed and harmless. Smile, be polite, then make sure you’ve got to run an errand whenever he’s working your system.
The Perky Princess.
Everyone is allowed to be grouchy and have a bad day. This person is the unearthly creature who seems to be pumped up on mood enhancers. It’s her personal mission to spread sunshine. Sometimes, sunshine is helpful. Too much sunshine leads to drought and barren landscapes. Not in the mood for The Perky Princess? Suggest to her that a specific person in your office (preferably one on your payback list) is depressed and could use some cheering up, thus killing two birds with one stone.
Almost as bad as The Perky Princess, the Eeyore makes you want to crawl into the bathroom, swallow a bottle of pills, and slit your wrists. How could someone possibly get up in the morning with such an attitude? Never offer to act as a sounding board for an Eeyore. Sick The Perky Princess on him. She’ll be thrilled.
The "I really would be nicer if I got laid" Critic.
These people are usually in higher positions than you. Even if you offer your first-born child to the company, you’re still not giving 110% in The Critic’s eyes. It is almost impossible to please this type of person, so stop trying. Instead, politely listen, smile when appropriate, don’t take it personally, and try to get her drunk at the next office party. If you’ve witnessed The Critic in a “less than perfect” moment, she’ll stay away from you.
The Sleazy Sales Guy.
He touches your arm. You want to shower immediately. As far as he’s concerned, personal space is a waste of space. Keep reminding him of your Black Belt boyfriend, your three illegitimate children in need of a father, or your STD of the month.
The Breakdown in the Making.
If you feel you’re always walking on eggshells around one of your co-workers for fear of their extreme reaction, you’ve got a Breakdown in the Making. Dealing with these people is like playing Jenga: all it takes is one wrong move and the whole thing comes crashing down. Be nice, be kind, keep a safe distance, and suggest to your friendly HR representative that they have a heart to heart with the individual before the nice men in white coats come a-calling.
How The Slacker got hired in the first place is a mystery to everyone. If you could smack this person silly, you would. A lawsuit, however, would be a gift for this idiot. If you must deal with this individual, keep feeding The Gossip those rumours of cutbacks or reorganization without severance packages and make sure to always include The Slacker’s name. Once he’s received the news, approach him with the work you need done. You should see better results.
The best way to handle stupid co-workers is to avoid them. If you can’t, let them be your amusement. Be as a cat with a mouse. If they are truly more annoying than amusing, find another job. Just remember, stupid co-workers are like clouds: every silver lining has them.
Written by: Robyn Burnett