I've tried some of these tips, and I've come to the conclusion that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. My boyfriend of 8+ years and I have had the talk, and I've told him he can have an easy out if he really doesn't want to get married, etc. - he just has to tell me. He tells me he wants to marry me, but because of numerous factors between both of us, it's hard to set a date. I don't think giving him an ultimatum is going to make him do something (if at all willingly); instead, I feel he will resent me down the road for not cutting him some slack. Many people have told me that I've cut him plenty of slack, but I know that we're committed to each other.

8 years is a long time. when is enough slack enough?

Haha, show no mercy and for your info, ultimadums rarely work. Kinda surprising when you give one and it backfires...lol...

6 years....6 years!!!!
waiting for the light bulb to go on over his head.......it finally went on for me when he ran into friends at the mall and didnt even introduce me......ignored me actually......realized then and there i deserve way more than this bs........i didnt say a word i walked out waited in the car......drove us to my place and i left him there as if he didnt even exist....i havnt seen or spoken to him since........

So you're still waiting, he is proscratinating and so you are also. Not a bad thing if you know you that both in the relationship are commited. My husband of 17 years we were engaged for 8 years, there were never a real time to get married. First I said I would find the church and venue, then I dropped it. Why you ask, I was not in any hurry. Then he would talk about it, finally 8 years and he decided it was the right time, we got married, he was 34 and I was 33.

I have been dating my now fiance for over 4 years and he proposed to me on New Years then about a month after Is tarted planning our wedding and he told me "I dunno, it's your wedding"
Um it's OURS, and I want some imput.
I bet he just asked me to stop me from nagging him.

If he's not emotionally available then he's not available, period. Don't kid yourself, you are so much more worthwhile than that.

Wow, I thought I was the only one... just broke up with Mr. Almost 7 years. Enough is enough, when they make promises but little signs like they don't introduce you to their family and we live in the same town. They put "single" on their "my space account", they tell you they want to keep the "single" image so it doesn't complicate our work life (we work in the same industry - different companies). Yeah - I admit it - I was slow getting it - but I finally got it and in the middle of a fight he hung up as usual and I never called him back.

Makes me feel not so alone reading all this. I've loved him for 5 years. We've dated on and off during this time. Were engaged but it was too much pressure for both of us, so we called it off. We were not ready for it. I can't seem to stop caring about him. He says he cares about me and I know he does. We always say that one day we'll end up together, but I don't know.

Holy crap ladies - get it together!!! If it hasn't happened within 1-2 years it isn't going to happen. Why do women wait around for a guy - get a life; call a friend, find new interests - a man does not make us who we are - they only enhance our lives!!!

I love your show- I lived 2,000 miles away from where I was getting married. I had 4 bridesmaids and told them I wanted a burgandy or red floor length dress (Dec. wedding) but for them to pick out the pattern,the material etc. I trusted their choice. Wow beautiful dresses and they wore them later at xmas party's.(I added white fur muffs and a red rose on the muff. Fantastic. This was 34 yrs ago. (Still married).

I've been with him for 5 1/2 years with 3 kids. He's still married but separated for more than 10 yers. His excuse is he has no money for the divorce (no kids or assets to fight over). Last year he gave me an engagement ring but only after I found him fooling around with a coworker's wife on MSN Messenger. I don't trust him & gave back the ring. I gave him a choice to see a counsellor or we separate. He hasn't responded yet as I told him to reply by email (I like to document his response as when we fight he will deny certain things). If we didn't have kids I would not have stayed so long but I got pregnant 4 months after we met. I was foolish by making excuses for him but when he fooled around like that I realized what a lazy and unambitious person he is.

Something most of us share is hope and optomism; I think that is what makes us wonderful people! Congrats to all who have left an unbudging situation! It is a hard thing to do, full of doubt, but you never know who is around the corner.

So I've been in a relationship for just over 2 1/2 years now and I'm just curious as to what you ladies think of my situation.
We are a young couple, both 21 and have talked about our wants and needs for the future. We know we both don't want to get married till our late 20's if not early 30's, wanna travel in our mid 20's and want kids in our mid 30's. We've never had a conversation about "Our Future" though. We've talked about how "one day" we'd like to move in together but know, at least for now, thats not a possibility for another year.
Sometimes I like to try to make plans for the future, like this summer he's told me he wants to go somewhere on vacation. So I ask him if he has plans with just his boys or if he'd wanna go somewhere with me. His response is " it's a long way off, we'll see". He's the type of guy who's always " living in the moment" and I'm always looking into the future.
He's not the most communicative man, and i do tend to be too sensitive towards things but this past month we've seemed to have drifted apart. We love each other a lot but have realized that we're in a rut. We're kind of bored and need some excitement. We need more fun and i need some advice to spark it up again.

Been with a man 12 years older for three years. On again , off again. Claims to be committed to me but no intention of marriage or looks like even living together. I have a 7 year old and I have this compartmentalized life. Time with boyfriend, time with son, time with family, time with friends.
Trying to live in the real world, but care about him. Have asked for more of a committment and usually is answer is, I dont have an answer for you!
Not sure whether I can live with such a seperate life. I am divorced four years and love my personal freedom. He is my best friend as well and wondering just what the heck to do and what I can live with.
Help!

If a guy hasn't committed after dating for a couple years, it's not likely to happen. Unless you are quite young and are waiting to finish school etc.

A guy usually knows by 6 months if you're the one he wants to marry. Don't be the one who stays with him while he's biding his time for the right one to come along.

I met my husband 10 months ago and got married after 3 months. I have realised in therapy that he unconsciously sabotages the relationship whenever he feels too close to me. I cannot get him to come to therapy and this is frustrating me no end. We have been separated for 2 months now. The frustrating part is that he absolutely will not talk to me about how he feels and so my hands are tied behind my back. Please help...

I empathise greatly with all you who have posted on this topic...after breaking up with father of my youngest child after 8 years of much of what has been discussed, and still another 2 years of dancing back and forth will we try again, wont we....all the while knowing that WE DON'T WORK. So, why is that attraction still there I ask myself.

Being a firm believer in the fact that every relationship, situation or circumstance we are faced with can either be a lesson or a blessing. Which if we learn from our lesson, also becomes a blessing too. So what does this relationship show me...well the fact that I am attracted to and have attracted emotionally unavailable men in the past and still do currently, showe me in some way or another I am not emotionally available to myself.

It is all too easy to point the finger, without taking any responsibility myself. But that approach won't benefit me much if I keep repeating the same patterns and thus not getting what I want. So only by looking for those aspects within myself that are bringing these situations, will I be able to move beyond them, stronger, wiser and more whole within myself!

I want to move on to a healthier relationship and that must start with a healthier relatonship with myself...from there all else follows!

Wishing you Love and Wholeness :^)
Sunnie.

I divorced 5 years ago,I left for a man who left his kids in the family with the xwife. I bought a home, he moved in. 8 years later the kids are 26 & 24 both working and he is still paying the mortgage and he is living in MY home. Relationship is great, he is amazing but, I cannot live like this no committment, no closure, still paying for xwifey. My Councellor tells me, DONT SETTLE FOR CRUMBS. I have told him for the last few years he cannot stay and he still has done nothing. What to do, stick it out or move on!!!! He wont even discuss it, when I ask he says it is coming but, after so long I dont believe him. I am 43 he is older. Kane