Survival Guide
 
 

First Year of Marriage

Be realistic and be happy

Your wedding was the ultimate dream day and the honeymoon was even better, but now your real marriage is beginning. As every newlywed knows, the struggles during the first few months of marriage bring their own set of challenges. Here are some helpful tips to keep you focused on important facets of your relationship, without sweating the small stuff.

Your New Home

Decorating your new home means compromises have to be made. Your husband wants a reclining chair with a built-in beer holder, while you’d prefer matching Barcelona chairs in this season’s trendiest colours. Instead of playing tug-of-war over household accessories, make a pact to buy your major pieces together. Sift through home decor magazines to compile a palette of colours and furniture you’d mutually enjoy, and source the pieces that suit your budget.

Finances

Discussing money matters with your spouse is likely the least romantic thing you’ll do. But it’s essential to establish open communication about finances to maintain a stable household. Start by outlining your monthly bills and make a budget (including phone, cable, hydro, car and home insurance and loan payments in your tally). Then add incidentals like groceries, savings, vacations and seasonal expenses like car maintenance or landscaping costs to round off your list. Make sure your budget is easily accessible, so you’ll routinely keep track of the balance without hassle.

Chores

It’s easy to overlook the growing piles of dirty dishes in your sink when you’re lost in love. But organizing your household maintenance chores early helps alleviate frustrations down the road. Start by making a list of regular household duties that need to be done – laundry, kitchens, bathrooms, mopping floors, recycling and garbage to name a few. Flip a coin to see who chooses first, and work your way through the list until everything is accounted for. Set aside a weekly night or afternoon for cleaning—After a few weeks of practice you may want to alter your routine to fit your new lifestyle.

Time Management

Scheduling together time is an important part of your weekly routine. Schedule date nights each week where you tune the TV out, and turn the romance up. Try a new restaurant or coffee shop, go for a long walk after dinner or find a weekly activity like cooking that you can do together. It’s as easy to book a work meeting as it is to schedule time with your loved one!

The In-Laws

Don’t fret about increasing time commitments with your new in-laws, they’re just eager to spend time with their new family addition. It’s important to establish traditions together and discuss with your spouse in realistic plans for holidays and birthday commitments with both families. Equally important is being as welcoming to your respective in-laws as they are to you. Once your home is ready, invite the family over to show them the new home and officially welcome them.

Written by: Melissa Jenkins-Gray

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Comments:

I have a boyfriend and me and him been talking from January 8th 2007 until this day. He always brings up getting married but both of us are not stable money wides. What should i do?

I also have a son from another relationship. But me and the other guy has never got married or anything.

I want to know what should i do?

My email address is rashad_mommie_little1@hotmail.com

Mellisa Dean Chambers
Thursday, 06 September 2007 06:48 AM EST

My husband and I are just about to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary. We got married having my 4 year old daughter and knowing I was due to have baby number 2 in May. We were never really good with money and things have just gone from bad to worse. Everytime I try to talk to him about finances he tells me not to worry it is beung taken cared of but I am still worried. What should I do about this?

Anna Denby
Tuesday, 18 September 2007 12:05 PM EST

Try creating on budget on the computer. Get a program for it and just say you want it to be something you guys figure out together since it is both your finances. I know some men(mine included) feel like as the man of the house its there job to take care of the budgeting but to be honest with 2 people working with each other on the budget helps with discipline and u land up saving more. Try it and hopefully he will share the reigns with you.

Jenni
Tuesday, 02 October 2007 22:35 PM EST

my boy friend and I have a daughter and i have a son from a relationship before,and we have been together for 2 1/2 yaers. We are suppose to get married june 2008. I we have been having little problem about who should and pay what,so i want to know if we should wait and work on the problem or do it.

keshia
Monday, 15 October 2007 19:59 PM EST

you people need to learn how to spell!!

me
Tuesday, 16 October 2007 11:19 AM EST

There are thousands of building blocks in a relationship that make it work.Each and everyone of those blocks are very important, no matter how small or big they are. I have been married once before and I have learned so much from that experience. One of the most important things to do from the start is to build a strong foundation so that your relationship will stand strong and hold together forever. Be open,honest,C***municate and have a plan for everything.For the guys out there,don't be stubborn! Give your all to her and treat her like a princess!

Tex Wisener
Tuesday, 16 October 2007 15:11 PM EST

Dear Anna,
I read your story about your finacial situation and I wanted to try and help If I may. Men can be very,very stubborn will all things under god's creation and then some. Try talking to him about finances when both of you are in a good mood and not when your both having a bad day etc. Be careful with your approach! Be soft and gentle and avoid being hateful, negative and controlling.Men definetly get defensive if your approach is all the above.Take baby steps with your finacial situation. Don't try to do too much at once and if at allpossible, make it fun!

Tex
Tuesday, 16 October 2007 15:22 PM EST

None of thia applies to a couple who lived together before the wedding. Not real helpful.

And to the first comment - don't put personal info on the web,money situations are never 'perfect' if you love each other try to make it work anyway.

laney
Tuesday, 30 October 2007 12:22 PM EST

Mellisa Dean Chambers you have a problem and hopefully I have the anwser. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and ask these questions: will you always be there when everything gets tough? Will you always be able to look deep into my eyes during a fight and know that everything is going to be alright?
If the answer to these questions are not all yes then you better hold off. But if it is yes then you need to acknowledge that yes everyting is going to be different when you get married. But if you trust this person to help you through this ratical change then don't worry about the money. If you spend wisely and don't buy a mansion right away you should be just swell. and my last bit of advice is you only get one life so live it!

an angels little helper
Saturday, 10 November 2007 19:41 PM EST

excuse me but whoever is this ME person if you have nothing better to do on this website other than critize other peoples spelling you can just go trash talk your friends on msn!

an angels little helper
Saturday, 10 November 2007 19:45 PM EST

For all those people with money situations, i like to call them that.. I just got married in November and we have been together for about 5 years and so our financial problems have somewhat always been there. But as long as you have communication skills then talking about your money shouldn't be that difficult. Just sit them down and talk out what you bith are wanting this year. Don't overspend and don't hide money form your spouse because they will find out!! Hope this helps :)

Leslie
Monday, 17 December 2007 10:56 AM EST

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