The Real Housewives of Vancouver: Season 1 Episode 6

You know, when this show started I was SURE the main drama would be between Christina and Jody – weren’t you? I mean, there was Christina’s bullying flashbacks and Jody’s snide comments about her lifestyle. We were all set up for a series full of their showdowns. But, I was wrong, oh so very wrong. The main issue – of course – is between Ronnie and Mary.

Last week, the two exploded at a hotel soiree, which ended with Mary kicking Ronnie out and all the other ladies abandoning her. From this viewers’ perspective, it sort of looked like Ronnie caused the snafu, but it seems like everyone – or at least Team Ronnie – has a different take on what went down.
Aaaaanyway dear drama-loving friends, here’s a rundown of what happened this week:

A Lot of Talk About the Fight
Christina and Mary meet at the beach with their dogs to go over the Ronnie-Mary fight. The way they see it, it’s all Ronnie’s fault.

“She looked like a pit bull ready to snap and chew anything that’s in her way,” Christina says.

Mary gets a little over-the-top: “It’s just not worth the agony anymore. The risk is too high,” she says. Psst: Mary, do NOT hang out with her anymore. There. Problem solved.

Meanwhile, Ronnie flies into the city to meet Jody from her oceanfront home because, “It’s way faster than boating or driving and I don’t have to find parking.” That’s precisely how I feel, I fly to meet my friends downtown for cocktails all the time.

Jody thinks Mary is bananas and should apologize for the hotel meltdown. Ronnie gets all over-the-top. Apparently Ronnie spent a long time crying over the incident and, “I know where the tears are coming from now.”

THEN Christina and Reiko work out together (well, in this instance “work out” seems like a polite term for “get tortured”). Christina is hung over and almost vomits. When the agony is over, they have a coffee and Christina gets Reiko’s take on the Ronnie-Mary conflict. Not shockingly, Reiko is obviously Team Ronnie. In her world, Mary instigated the hotel fight and seemed to plan to kick Ronnie out from the get-go.

Wait, wait, there’s more Ronnie-Mary showdown talk. Reiko, Christina and Mary go bike riding in Stanley Park. During a bite to eat afterwards, Mary alleges Ronnie called her mother and sister to tell them she thinks Mary is unstable. Whaaaaaaaat? I want to hear more about this. Reiko tries to seem neutral because she’s, you know, nice. However, her allegiance to Ronnie shines through. She is gracious enough to invite Mary to her upcoming Super Luxury Car Show runway appearance.

Wine!
Ronnie owns property in Napa and wants to launch a wine called “Rehab.” She enlists her son Jhordan to help her get it off the ground. She also drinks red wine out of a straw. Why? Who knows for sure, but if I had to guess I’d say it could be to avoid getting the dreaded Red Wine Lips. Think I’m right?

So, Jhordan and Ronnie meet with an advertising agency for help designing the label. Ronnie doesn’t warm up to the whole creative brainstorm process. She just wants a pretty label. She also interrupts the meeting to check her Facebook and tell everyone that Mary’s sister also thinks Mary is unstable. Ronnie then tells the ad people she’s been to rehab. There are a lot of close-ups of the agency folks’ unimpressed faces. I do not know how this wine business is going to turn out. But, knowing agency types VERY WELL I am 99.9% certain when Ronnie and Jhordan left the meeting, the agency folks made fun of them behind their backs.

Date With A Guy I Don’t Like
Christina meets David – Mary’s friend – for a hot date. “I don’t know if David has what it takes to keep me interested, no one ever has,” Christina sighs.
However, she seems pretty into him over drinks and even asks him how many kids he wants to have. Wow, forward. Fun fact: Christina thinks her last boyfriend tried to “trap” her into staying with him by getting her pregnant.

You know, I want to like David because I sort of love Christina and I hope she meets a nice boy. But he ruins everything for me with this line: “In my future life I’d like to come back as a female bike seat.” Really David? Really? That’s the line you want broadcast on TV? Classy.

Fashion Show!
Reiko’s cars – worth $1.5 million – are starring in Vancouver’s Super Luxury Car Show and so is Reiko. She’s strutting her tall, very fit stuff down the runway at the event. She’s practiced walking and has primped and polished herself and now she’s ready to roll.

Reiko is gorgeous and her body is so taut and perfect that looking at her makes me want to cover myself in a bathrobe, but being up close and personal with a bunch of very young models makes her nervous.

Luckily, Reiko has great friends to support her at the show and who would never, ever make something all about them and would never, ever behave cattily at an event that obviously means so much to her (#ExtremeSarcasm).

Of course, because this is TV, Mary sits down in the front row at the fashion show right beside Ronnie even though Jody whispers, “Please don’t sit next to us,” under her breath (do we think Mary heard that, or was it just for Ronnie’s ears?).

Christina Wears a Fascinator and I Love It
Reiko hits the runway and looks fantastic. Even her uber-critical mom is proud of how her daughter sashays down the runway.

And the reaction from her friends? Christina and Mary seem into it, but at one point Jody hisses about being bored to Ronnie, who nods.

Also, do you think Reiko would be 100% Team Ronnie if she heard Ronnie and Jody sniping and making comments such as:

“I don’t think Reiko’s body is a natural model’s body. Her hips are too large… She did extremely well.” – Jody.

After the fashion show, the ladies wander around and look at cars. Then they all – with the exception of Mary who’s wandering around having misplaced everyone – head to the drinks tent. That’s where Jody cackles about wanting a “Bloody Mary” and fails to let the joke go. We get it Jody and it’s still not that funny.

Eventually, Mary makes her way to the drinks station and, in a super junior high move, Jody immediately ushers everyone out and they throw Mary a seriously cold shoulder. Christina stays behind in a show of support for Mary.

Mary is a bit shaken, but thrilled Christina stayed behind.

“It makes me feel confident to win this war,” she says. Oh Mary, I don’t mind you, but I feel as though your chances of facing off against Jody and Ronnie and surviving are, well, slim.

My Favourite Lines of the Night
“Christina just looks like she’s doing a tampon commercial or something,” Reiko describing Christina’s carefree and feminine bike riding style.

“We’re very fortunate, we own a few oceanfront properties, but the problem with having multiple properties? Is sometimes it’s hard to find your kids,” Ronnie as she wanders through her properties, searching for her son.

“I imagine hell to be skipping rope,” Christina describing her workout with Reiko.

Next week is Ronnie’s birthday. I predict things won’t go smoothly. See you then!

Written by Stephanie McGrath